Author hdnkorul Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 I guess despite all the crap he's putting me through, I think deep down he is a good guy. Ever since he moved here to marry me (and so he tells me he left everything to be here with me), it's been hard for him to get back on his feet. (jobwise, husbandwise, etc...) Everyone has always helped him one way or another before that. Now that he has to be his own man, here I am the only source of our income, having my family & friends back me up in every way and giving free advice while he's got nobody here for support or anyone to lean on. I think it has killed his ego and his pride for anything he's known. And thus this anger has sprouted on me and everyone around me because he's reached the edge of his rope. I'm not sympathetic to his behavior because I know he is wrong about me. And I don't deserve the way he treats me because I do so much for him and am also loyal, faithful and supportive. And that's why we are in counseling. I want him to know I and everyone around him love him and are here for support and no matter what we say it's not because we want to prove we are better, but to help him. But now I understand it's best to just leave him alone. Let him make his own decisions and learn how to talk and listen and not only try to satisfy his ego, but realize others are involved in this situation... It's a lot of work, but this is a marriage. I know a marriage takes work to make it. And I want to do as much as I can that I can handle. I have set a certain limit for him that if he passes it, i'm out, but as long as he doesn't pass that limit, I'll do the best I can to be there for him until he gets back on his feet and respects me all the while... Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 while he's got nobody here for support or anyone to lean on. Doesn't he have you to lean on? Wonder why he doesn't get that....? Seems like what you are describing he thinks of your M as more of a competition between you two than a team. Does that sound about right? How about you? Do you view it as a team or a competition? Is there anything you might have done to give him this feeling (that he is competing rather than working with you for a common goal)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hdnkorul Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 I don't think so. But I think he has a problem with me making more money than him. When we first met he seemed fine with that and even told me he didn't have a degree. Just that he took college courses here and there. He asked if that bothered me and I said no. I just cared that a guy would keep a job and be responsible. Not have a big salary. He even told me he had nothing to give me (no money whatsoever) exept his love. And I even excepted that. But everything changed after we got married. He started acting tense around people who were in our lives. They were very educated, rich and when they asked him about his job he would either mumble or change the subject or talk about Businesses he would be involved with. This business/entrepeneural mindset is what got us into trouble financially. Immediately he wanted me to take care of the finances while he would spend countlessly on the business without any concept of what was going on. When I would tell him we were losing money even printed the reports he ignored it... I never tried to make him feel inferior...I tried to teach him...but it was difficult for him to make the effort. Link to post Share on other sites
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