To break NC?!?

[frd150]

I don't mean to keep posting left and right on here, but another thing happened last night that kind of took me back a little. A friend of ours brought up the fact that it's probably going to take my ex sometime to realize what she's done, maybe 6 months. I don't know how she came up with that number, but she's been through a bitter divorce, one where her husband cheated on her left and right, and she still wanted to make it work, but he didn't. So she knows what hurt is and what should and shouldn't be said to those who have been hurt or heart broken. She also told me that I can't wait around, but I can leave the door open, that if she does decide that she made a mistake then good.

 

I'm also wondering why my ex asked our friend if she was mad at her for breaking up with me or for asking for space?

 

Another friend told the following in an email,

LET HER KNOW YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE-SHE WILL RESPECT THAT. BUT ALSO SAY TO HER--IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND, SHE SHOULD TELL YOU-LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND LOVE IS SO HARD TO FIND, IF SHE HAS A CHANGE OF HEART SHE SHOULDN'T HESITATE TO TELL YOU. TELL HER YOU MIGHT NOT BE THERE IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND, BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO MOVE ON.

 

I'm not so sure about this approach right now, what do you guys think? I think while I'm on my trip, it will give me a chance to trully get some space (no myspace, facebook, text of phone) and think about what has really happened and what I need to do for myself. But at the same time, I'll be thinking about her, as much as I don't want too......I am in a better place then I was a week ago.

 

 

Hey Heart,

 

Don't worry. As others have told me here "post all you want if it makes you feel better". This is why we are here. It's better than burdening those closest to you.

 

As for what your friend said...

 

Everyone has their theories about relationships. I do believe that human nature binds all of us to act in a similar way in certain situations.

 

I just hit 6 months and i am seeing a little more from her. Like i told you before she came over and stayed for a while. She was quite sentimental. I cannot take it as an olive branch. Not yet. The signs for us (you and me) now need to be concrete i believe. I did hear yesterday that she has been testing the waters and in fact she had been talking to one guy in particular. He ended up doing a couple of things that made her real upset so the word is that she ditched him. That is not concrete and it came thru someone else and you know how i feel about that kind of info.

 

I agree with your friend in that you need to move on. I am and have made it known in a subtle way that the door is open but fo how long who knows?

 

As far as the e-mail from your friend well, I would show her that you are moving on.Anything else is just lip service. Right now it sounds to me like you are back and fourth on moving on. I understand this all too well because i am still struggling with it myself. I would like nothing more than to make the same statement in my situation but i think it is and will be percieved as a big push. Do not give her this ultimatum.

 

You see the moment they see that you have your feet under you again they come around again. As someone said to me before " A nice place to come back to". No pressure just easy does it.

 

I thought about the things that my ex did the other day while at my place and i have concluded that it was a status check. What she came for did not require her to come into my house. She insisted. She did alot of looking around. She noticed some girl shampoo in one of the showers that belonged to my roomates girlfriend. She asked who's it was. She poked around and commented quite a bit.

 

 

So my advice, show it do not say it at least for now. Keep that gun holstered. If all else fails you can use it later. you need to be able to back it up.

 

I do not mean to give so many personal examples but i think because we share some simalarities they might help a bit.

 

Have a good trip:cool:

[heartoutside]

Well i'm here on vacation and thought I would be able to escape from the internet...but nope.....And it's funny because I travelled to location that my ex and I have always been talking about going too and we were saving up to go. Today I spent most of the day clothes shopping and all I could think about was how much she would liked doing this....and things I would have bought her. I'm actually thinking about buying her a little something, is that a bad idea? Like a necklace. I'm in south america, so it's not likely I'll be back that soon, and some of the local crafts are amazing. I've battled with the idea of just getting her a little something like a necklace, but then again.....

 

Another funny thing is again she changed her myspace song, to a song I and group I know she loves, Dr. Buzzard is the group and the song is I'll play the fool.....link

 

So again, I don't want to read into it but she keeps changing her song to songs that deal with love esp this one......

 

all for now

[frd150]

Well i'm here on vacation and thought I would be able to escape from the internet...but nope.....And it's funny because I travelled to location that my ex and I have always been talking about going too and we were saving up to go. Today I spent most of the day clothes shopping and all I could think about was how much she would liked doing this....and things I would have bought her. I'm actually thinking about buying her a little something, is that a bad idea? Like a necklace. I'm in south america, so it's not likely I'll be back that soon, and some of the local crafts are amazing. I've battled with the idea of just getting her a little something like a necklace, but then again.....

 

Another funny thing is again she changed her myspace song, to a song I and group I know she loves, Dr. Buzzard is the group and the song is I'll play the fool.....link

 

So again, I don't want to read into it but she keeps changing her song to songs that deal with love esp this one......

 

all for now

 

Dude,

 

Enjoy your trip. Put this out of your head while your down there.

 

Buy the necklace if it will make you feel better. Do not give it to her straight away. You need to make sure that you do not give it to her as a bribe to get her to come back to you. It needs to be given in the right context at the right time if at all.

 

Let me ask you......

Are you doing this for you or do you really think she will appreciate your gift?

 

Myspace????? It just keeps messing with you. a moth to a flame.

[Tirai]

Listen to your inner self. Every situation, every person and every relationship is different, nomatter how much u talk with other people - u are the one who knows the right answer to yourself.

 

I broke NC. It was good for me to take some time and space. But i held on NC for too long, it started turning against myself. There were some things i needed to talk with him and fighting to keep the "strategy of NC" was simply foolish in our case. We were both on that -so there was no way to clean the table unless one of us broke it. I did and he agreed to talk and i'm satisfied about it.

 

Our situation is different from yours, i dont want him back but still breaking NC and finally going through the things i needed to talk with him at "nothing to loose anymore" basis was very releaving and my healing really started after that. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart for having this talk, what ever we went through -this is something i value highly. This talk was a final closure to all open questions and things we needed to say. Now we can go in peace.

 

So u love your woman. What on earth for are you playing games? Sit down and talk. You know her, she knows u. U guys care for each other and want nothing but good for each other -right? So be the man for her, u dont need to start talking about if u are or not going to be together from now on. There is something bothering her and that u guys can atleast try to figure out. Be there, let her lean on you, push her even if she needs but throw away "strategies and games", go on and live your life -even if it's risky. Live it by being in the moment, dont turn yourself numb. I think THAT is the biggest mistake and waste we can do.

[heartoutside]

She knows how i feel, when we first broke up a month or so ago, that's all I told her, is how much I loved her that we could work it out beg'n basically....so i don't think that's an option as of right now.....But I'll enjoy my vacatoin and see what happens when I get back.

I'm thinking I will get her something, only because I know she'll like it, but I don't think I'll give it to her right away. We broke up about 2 weeks or so after our birthdays, her's is 3 days after mine. She bought me a little something on my birthday, nothing expensive but just a gift with meaning telling me she would buy me something else later that month. I (like a dick) didn't get her anything for her birthday, and I feel horrible about it, horrible.......I had no idea what to get her and I was dirt broke......I can't explain how bad I feel about that, and I'm kind of thinking it may have been the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Even though we weren't having any trouble, or fighting, this could have been part of it. So i thought about buying her alittle necklace while here.

It also has a little meaning, because before she and I were dating I came to south america. Before I left she asked if I could bring her back a stone. Instead I brought her back this little carving of an animal in stone, which she loves to this day, and when i brought it back she was shocked and told me that no one has brought something so special back from a trip like that.

Because I didn't buy her anything for her birthday, I thought maybe I should still her something.....and PLEASE don't tell me it was horrible that I didn't get her anything, not even flowers...I know....GOD do I know. I would do anything to go back and change that........

[sao2]

It is easy to say "She may want to come back, but she will be too scared of being rejected by me" It is very easy to say that. Here is the thing to counter that. In order for the relationship to be the relationship it can be, in order for it to reach its full potential she has to face that fear and conquer it.

 

Enough time needs to pass to where she gets scared that you will reject her, rather than let that keep her from trying that is the point at which she needs to overcome that fear and be willing to get hurt by you.

 

People need space for different reasons, one reason is that they are afraid of being hurt. If they are more afraid to be with you than they are of losing you then it will never be as good as it could be between you two.

 

As for the gift, buy something but keep it in safekeeping until well after you two have gotten back together. If you never get back together then just never give it to her.

[heartoutside]

She may had a fear of my rejecting her while we were a couple but we aren't a couple right now. My fear is that she won't come back because she thinks I won't take her back.......I really do think she asked for space because she is scared, a friend of mine who I just recently got in touch with said she is young and just needs the space right now and it could be good for both of us, and that I just need to remind her from time to time of my love.....I'm not too sure if I should do that or if I should?!? Everyone on here, with the exception of Tirai has said that I shouldn't talk to her. It will give me the space I need to heal and to give her the space she needs to figure things out and realize how much she misses me (which seems like a game to me). Although Tirai I think was in a different situation. I want to get back together with my ex, I'm just not sure what she wants, and I don't want to push her into anything she doesn't want, or push her away. If I do what Tirai suggested, I may loose it all.

 

She doesn't want to see anyone else, and has told everyone that. That it isn't about moving on, or finding someone else. but that also doesn't mean that she wants to get back into a relationship with me, at least not right now.

 

I may call her when I get back, even though I told her she can call me anytime she wanted....she hasn't. It's been almost 2 weeks since we last talked and I called her..

[Tirai]

That's what i meant, u know best what to do in your situation. If u choose to keep NC, go for it -but do it because u think it's the best for you, not because it worked on someone else.

 

Take care and have good time at your trip !

[heartoutside]

every situation is different, you're right. I just don't know what I should do? My ex, unlike frd150 or others doesn't seem to want to trully move on, just trully just wants to be single for sometime and find herself. But I don't know where that leaves me. I think I will call her when I get back, but I'm not sure if I'm calling her for the wrong reasons? Some of our mutual friends say I should just go on with my life, and if she realize what shes done then great. But she hasn't really talked to our mutual friends, with the exception of one, and how do I know what she is saying to him is what she feels? I know what she said to me the first few days of the "break" and I don't think she said that to our friend.

 

I keep saying that she doesn't intend on seeing anyone else, but she's been hanging around some guys that I dont' trust. But she's told everyone that she doesn't have any interest in seeing any of them. I'm just really lost, I've posted these thoughts on here several times. I've told her that she can call me whenever she wants to which she replied are you sure. She hasn't after she sent me text after text.

 

This was my first real long and meaningful relationship (esp living with someone) and I realize that I took it for granted after a while. I got comfortable and lazy with my love. And I realize now that if you love someone, you don't have to show it 24/7, but you do need to show it when it matters most. During the little things, and never take it for granted.

[upsetnhurt]

Quote: "My ex, unlike frd150 or others doesn't seem to want to trully move on, just trully just wants to be single for sometime and find herself."

 

How in the world do you know what your ex is thinking? You don't and you only can judge her by her actions. She left you and chose to be on her own rather than have you in her life. Sure she'd like a friendship with you where you will do everything with her without have one expectation of her in return.....yet that isnt what you want. Realize that she has not touched base with you because she realizes that you are not her end for all in terms of what she wants in a life partner and thus is letting you free......Please don't tell me she isnt interested in others! Trust me, people love companionship and if they are not seeking it in one place, they are definitely seeking it in another. Don't for a second believe she is sitting in her home crying over lost milk. She wanted this and although it may sting at times for her, she knows in her heart it is the best decision or she would not have done it this way. She is out meeting other men, regardless of dating them, as her leaving you is indicative that she thinks the grass is greener somewhere else. Won't you always feel like second best, even if you came back to her?

 

Why in the world would you buy her a gift while on vacation? It is so indicative of someone attempting to buy another's love. For yourself, let her go and heal your heart. Wait to meet someone who will never put you through this type of hurt. She does not deserve you.

[heartoutside]

Sure I don't trullly know how she feels, but she has told everyone that she dosen't want to see anyone else that's not the reason she did this. And sure I don't expect her to be at home crying over this, although she was the first week and even called me crying telling me she loved me and missed me. And sure I don't doubt she's looking for a male companion, there's not doubt about that.

And no, I won't feel like 2nd best if she decided to come back. She didn't leave me for someone else, she didn't leave for that matter. I told her to take the time and space she needs, and she's doing just that.

Again, I think every situation is different, and I really only come on here to vent, and maybe get some suggestions.

I can honestly say I don't think she is looking for greener grass (knock on wood).

Let me ask, how do you know what my ex is thinking? I don't mean to get defensive, but have you read my whole story?

[upsetnhurt]

I don't know your ex at all. Yet people tend to think that their situations are entirely different when they are not. Breakups happen because both people are not ready to commit themselves to one another wholeheartedly. Not sure why you can't accept that and realize that what you are going through is typical of others. She has spoken loud and clear and you obviously have noticed that by letting her have time to herself. Realize that it was a defensive move on your part as she was going to take the time regardless. I'm sorry if this hurts to hear, as I too was on a roller coaster ride with an ex who I reacted to the same way as you. And now i have wasted a year of thought hoping that she would return and tell me that she wants me. Don't wait......live your life and realize that if she is having any second thoughts....you should move on. DO you really think she would tell you or her friends that she wanted another man. That would make her look in the wrong...instead she says she is confused......confused about what? Cmon......read over your posts and realize you are making every excuse for her.

[upsetnhurt]

I know you are only trying to vent here and I think you should. I am not trying to be in anyway mean by saying these things yet you have to be open to all viewpoints, just not the ones that make you feel good. You are sitting there thinking about what you should be doing to make things right with your ex. You should be doing nothing as you have already did your best. Leave it be and focus on yourself as hard as that is. She has the obligation, regardless of how difficult it is for her, to come back to you if she wants that to happen. If you make her feel special in any way prior to that occurring, it will simply let her realize that she can have the milk without buying the cow....know what I mean. Stop trying to make things easy for her......did she make things easy for you?

[upsetnhurt]

Quote: "Sure I don't trullly know how she feels, but she has told everyone that she dosen't want to see anyone else that's not the reason she did this. And sure I don't expect her to be at home crying over this, although she was the first week and even called me crying telling me she loved me and missed me. And sure I don't doubt she's looking for a male companion, there's not doubt about that. And no, I won't feel like 2nd best if she decided to come back. She didn't leave me for someone else, she didn't leave for that matter."

 

Why did she do this? To make you feel good? No.....to get away from something that obviously did not make her feel content, for whatever reason.

 

Do you think that someone who was in love with someone would put them through what she is doing to you.....if you do, then you don't know what being in love is. Think about why she was crying that first week...it had nothing to do with love and everything to do with guilt and second thoughts in terms of what she may be passing up.....all selfish thoughts. It had nothing to do with how you were feeling about things.

 

You admit that she might be open to making male friends and more now.......and although it wasnt her primary objective to break up with you.....that doesnt make you feel second best knowing you gave her your heart and she still feels that she can be happier with someone else down the road. Think to yourself if you could truly handle that thought down the road or if you are simply discounting it because you are hurting and will do anything not to feel lonely at the current time.

 

I am sorry for sounding Jaded cause I am really not anymore. I realize that life is too short to spend it worrying about what someone is thinking. If they want to be with you they would and you have no control over it, regardless of any necklace you might buy her. Will you be happy when she is wearing that necklace while seeing another guy? I just don't want you to find yourself reeling after putting so much thought into her and her space while she is out there living life. It will build up so much resentment that if ever you two would have a chance, it will never work.

[frd150]

Heart,

 

I give you advice and opinoins based on what i am now going thru. I see alot of similarities in my situation. I think that Hurt has given you some of the best advice so far.

 

You say things like no more my space but yet you go back and torment yourself, you say that you were going to head out on your vacation and forget for a while but you are here and tormented with all the maybes and what ifs. I am not saying you are wrong for your feelings you are entitled to them as am I.

 

 

Hurt makes some very valid points. I was very clear with my ex on the fact that she owned my heart and still does but this was when i was in the throws of misery. I have backed off.

 

Below is a link to a very long thread that i started a while ago. Read my post from july 26th. You made a comment about your ex unlike mine dosn't seem to want to fully move on. My ex is very much in contact with me and yes I think she is confused but i realze that she does not fully at this time (or ever) appreciate my gift (my heart) and its no more less fair to me or in your case you.

 

There is nothing you can really do on your end she, they fired us for reasons they may never admit to us. They need to make the move to reconcile. Do not kid yourself as I did when it comes to their interest in seeing others. The sooner you realize this the easier it will be to accept when you find out because believe me you will find out. It's life i guess and i am in the middle of trying to accept it. Read the post from the 26th it is pretty interesting.

 

Really, try and enjoy your vacation. I went to Hawaii after this and just relaxed for a couple of days. It helped. Your brain and heart need a break.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=117696&page=6

[heartoutside]

I actually did read your post frd150. I know I should move on, or go on with my life. And I'm trying, honestly. My only point is though every situation is different, and I would like to think that my ex didn't lie to her mother (not just me and our friends, all of them at that!) when she looked her in the face and said this wasn't about moving or seeing other people.

I guess I'll have to stop thinking, the only trouble is just about all my friends are hers as well. I'm going to try. I've been trying.....it's just hard to walk away from something that was so right. Maybe I'm not walking away I guess.....I don't know.....

[frd150]

I actually did read your post frd150. I know I should move on, or go on with my life. And I'm trying, honestly. My only point is though every situation is different, and I would like to think that my ex didn't lie to her mother (not just me and our friends, all of them at that!) when she looked her in the face and said this wasn't about moving or seeing other people.

I guess I'll have to stop thinking, the only trouble is just about all my friends are hers as well. I'm going to try. I've been trying.....it's just hard to walk away from something that was so right. Maybe I'm not walking away I guess.....I don't know.....

 

Thanks for taking the time.

 

Yes, every situation is different. My ex told me it was not about other people but people need people even if it is not us.

 

I sincerely hope you are right. I want you to succeed but success can only be measured in the level of your happiness with or without her.

 

I know its hard. I am the poster boy for "its hard". If they only knew how much they could be loved by us. If she knew and believed it I think she would be back.

 

She needs to believe.

[heartoutside]

So before I left for my trip I asked our mutual friends if I should tell my ex that I'm leaving for south america for a week. They all said just leave. So I left, but I asked that they don't tell her, if she asked then they could tell her, but other wise just let it be. I've been in south america now for about 6 days. I tried my hardest not to log onto myspace, and I lasted maybe a day and half? But I logged on this evening because I needed to check my messages from my friend who is taking care of my fish, mail and newspaper etc etc. And i got a message from her saying she grab everything and that my ex had figured out I had left for south america.

So what do I do? I check her page out, and she's changed her mood from excited, to pissed off, and has taken me off her top 8. Switched me with our cat (way back when she made a page for our cat). I'm still a friend, and she still has all the pics of us from our birthday, and still has this little animation pet named after me. The funny thing is, if she really wanted to piss me off, or make it really hurt she should have switched me with the her new guy friend whos' been slowly creep'n up her list, and has held at 5 (which is something I pointed out to her the last time we talked).

 

There's no way of telling what pissed her off, but this is why every time she changes her song I know she's doing it to express herself, just like this. It's very immature, kind of funny actually. But that is why I didn't feel like I was being too insane by reading into her songs. I know its a poor way for her to handle the situation, but at least she's showing some sort of emotion. Because of her family history, I don't expect to her to be the most mature person when it comes to love or situations of the like, she's raised her self since she was 15, so in a sense I would assume she can react like shes' 15.

 

And I see this as a good thing actually, in 2 different ways. One: My actions pissed her off enough that she actually cares and is showing some kind of life and heart beat and may finally be what causes the water to boil over (if that makes any sense). Or 2: This will be the end of it.

 

 

I have no idea what caused her to feel this way so suddenly, and I'm not really sure how i should handle it? Any suggetions? I was just taking my space, and letting her have hers. Any suggestions? I can't check my voice mail because I'm in south america so I have no idea if she called or sent a text, and she never really writes emails......

 

I gues I'll have to wait and see until I get back on thursday.

 

The other thing is, our lease ends tomorrow. At least, for her it does. She's supposed to be moved out totally by tomorrow and wasn't when I left. I guess that's kind of why I didn't tell her I was leaving, hoping that she would leave her stuff until I got back and finally call me. I'm assuming now though, she's dropped the keys off and probably burnt my place down!

 

But I figure I should call her when I get back....and try to make things better.... (good idea or bad?)

[heartoutside]

So I found out what pissed my ex off. I guess one of our friends told her that I had asked her to hide the fact that I went to south america, which isn't the case.

 

My exs words were, "that was a sh**ty thing for you to do to ask (name) to hide it from me that you went to south america. I'll get my stuff weds and drop off the keys and get the stuff in the basement some other time."

 

I never asked anyone to lie or hide anything, so I wrote her a message telling her that, that I wouldn't do anything like, that she should know me, and that I still feel the same about us, and that I would never risk anything like that. And I told her that I would like to talk about it, if she's up to it.

 

I'm not sure how my friend handled all this. But my words exactly to her were don't hide or lie to (my ex). If she asks, or wonders where I am tell her, but don't lie to her.

 

I do have to fix this. I can't have her thinking that, cuz it isn't right. I'm not sure what really happened, but I'm going to give her a call when I get back to the states.

 

I figure though, if she were totally pissed off and as an end all be all, she would hvae just erased me from myspace, it would have been easier then switch'n me (she uses her cell phone to check myspace cuz she doesn't have a computer). This what she does, totally over reacts, she always did when we dated. I would then calm her down, and it would be all good a few days later....

 

Any ideas?

[frd150]

So I found out what pissed my ex off. I guess one of our friends told her that I had asked her to hide the fact that I went to south america, which isn't the case.

 

My exs words were, "that was a sh**ty thing for you to do to ask (name) to hide it from me that you went to south america. I'll get my stuff weds and drop off the keys and get the stuff in the basement some other time."

 

I never asked anyone to lie or hide anything, so I wrote her a message telling her that, that I wouldn't do anything like, that she should know me, and that I still feel the same about us, and that I would never risk anything like that. And I told her that I would like to talk about it, if she's up to it.

 

I'm not sure how my friend handled all this. But my words exactly to her were don't hide or lie to (my ex). If she asks, or wonders where I am tell her, but don't lie to her.

 

I do have to fix this. I can't have her thinking that, cuz it isn't right. I'm not sure what really happened, but I'm going to give her a call when I get back to the states.

 

I figure though, if she were totally pissed off and as an end all be all, she would hvae just erased me from myspace, it would have been easier then switch'n me (she uses her cell phone to check myspace cuz she doesn't have a computer). This what she does, totally over reacts, she always did when we dated. I would then calm her down, and it would be all good a few days later....

 

Any ideas?

 

You know all I can say is she obviously still cares on some level if she is still reacting this way. I have found that dumpers do not openly react to the positive as much as the negative. If she did not care she would have moved on and this would not have phased her.

 

I am not saying shes coming back im only saying you still have an effect on her.

[heartoutside]

My brother and I were talking and he said it best I think. In the message I wrote my ex, I explained to her that I care for her, and that I would never do anything to hurt her, or say anything to hurt her. And she knows me and I would never do something like that. If she wants to call and talk about it, I would really like to talk and explain myself. My brother said the letter is all I need to do. That there isn't anything I should apologize for (or even apologize), that I was just trying to keep my trip on the DL and not rub her nose in it by having all our friends tell her that I was gone. If anything she should be happy for me that I went. But she's now pissed off because she thinks I had our friends hide the fact that I went to south america. So basically the ball is in her court, if she wants to talk about what was said then she can call me.....

I'm not back in the states yet, so I have no way of knowing what went on or what was said. I have given some thought about calling her when I get back, should I? At least try and explain it over the phone rather then in a message. Somewhere something got messed up. I told my ex the last time we talked that I was most likely going to be in south america at the end of the month. (but I talk the talk and I don't always walk the walk...) So it's not like it was a hiden secret. She just didn't know I actually went, and we're not a couple so why should she know. She hasn't even called to talk to me, so why should she know...........

 

I'm lost once again.........and I need LS advice. I'm leaving my friends out of this. It's gotten to the point where no one can even handle something as simple as this.

 

 

The other thing that is funny is, in her note she said she would come by tomorrow and get her stuff and get out of the basement and leave the keys some other time. Why not just get all the crap now!? I won't be back until thursday, she's got tons of time. Why not leave the keys?

[heartoutside]

1. Myspace message from ex.

 

Heartoutside,

 

That was a ****ty thing you did! Telling (friends name) to not tell me your gone. You expect me to be cool with you and her after that. I'll be there Wednesday to pick up what's left. I'll pick up the stuff in the basement and drop off your keys another time.

 

Ex

 

2. My reply

 

Hi Ex

 

Just to make it clear, I never told her not to tell you, I don't know where that idea came from! Honestly, I wouldn't risk that or do that to you. I told her that I was leaving and that she could tell you, I never ever told her to hide anything or lie about anything. What she did with that information I have no idea, and if she decided to hide it from you, I'm trully sorry about that. But I never asked her to hide anything! You've got to believe me when I say that. I would never put our friends in the middle like that or do that to you, I care about you and you know that and you know me better then that. I'm not hiding anything from you, I would like to talk if we can when I get back. I'm sorry that you feel this way and you have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you esp like this.

If you up for talking when I get back I would like too.

 

heartoutside

 

3: Ex replies

 

why are you disappointed? (in response to my myspace mood)

 

4: my reply

 

This is basically one big misunderstanding and miscommunication. You know me better then anyone and you know I would never do something to hurt you or push you way. You know how I feel about you and nothing has changed.

What I'm disappointed in is how I handle this (I should have just told you), I'm disappointed in Friends name (i'm not mad at her) because she totally didn't hear a word I said. I never told her to not tell you when I was coming back, or when I left or anything. I just told her not to bring it up, or make it the topic of discussion, to just let it be.

But basically I just wanted to go on this trip with out making a big deal about. I think I told you I was thinking about going last time we talked on the phone, so I had nothing to hide. I didn't want to bug you again or make it seem like I was rubbing the trip in your nose so I didn't call to tell you I was leaving, and I really didn't think it mattered.

I get back tomorrow morning, so if you want to talk about this give me a call.

 

-heartoutside

 

 

5: Her reply

 

It's funny you told her not to bring this up and she couldn't wait to say something. I really don't give a rats ass about anything anymore. I have too much on my plate to worry about your trip. It was just dick that this was some kind of conspiracy. Whatever I hope you had fun and I hope your trip back is safe. I really don't feel like talking to you about this.....so let's not.

 

Ex

 

I haven't written anything back. Don't think I will. The mutual friend of ours sent me a message

 

I just got a message from Ex. I told her the fuse blew after she figured out you were gone. She just told me you said I was lying. I am not mad at either of you, but I will not be talking to either of you about this anymore.

 

If she was done talking about it, why did she text our friend that? And I never said she was a lier....never........

 

Don't know what to think of that.....I know I've got to let if be, but the tone of the note is full of so much hate or hurt.

You know the funny thing is her and her new roommate are having a party tomorrow night, which I know about but I didn't find out from her. I found it out from out mutual friends, (and her roommate acidently posted it for everyone to see on facebook, but took it down with in mins). It's the same thing as my trip....you know?

 

So where do I go from here? I guess more space....it's obivious she still has feelings about something, or she wouldn't have asked why i was dissapointed or even written back to any of this.

 

She does this a lot. Will blow things up, and then a few days later will be a different person......

 

so we'll see I guess.

[heartoutside]

Well I'm back from my trip. My head is much clearer, even though I couldn't stop thinking about her. Getting away helped.

 

But after she said she would be by yesterday to get the rest of her stuff except the stuff in the basement.....she didn't. I dont know if she couldn't get a ride or what. But the stuff the remained 2 weeks ago, or 3 now, is still here. The other thing I just noticed is her junk mail is torn up in the garbage can by my computer. All her pictures are on my computer, and she hasn't said a word about getting them. And I know how much they mean to her. It's probably every picture she's taken since we started dating.

 

Also, there were 3 liquor ice teas in the fridge that our mutual friend left behind for me when he came over with my ex to move the "rest" of her stuff. She drank 2 of them. Or the friend who house sitted for me did (which I highly doubt).

 

What gives? She's being very selfish and only thinking about herself, or at least it seems like it. It seems like it's almost a defense mechinism, her being selfish. She's trying to be the bitch (which she isn't) so I'll hate her and just be a dick right back. That's what she expected when she first sat me down, she expected me to call her names and be the dick.

 

So what do I do? I'm done talking to our mutual friends about it. So I'm turing to LS 100%. Do I tell her to get her stuff out now!? Do I trash all the pics (I don't look at them anyway). I"m going into serious NC unless we run into each other at a party or bar, then it's just a causal hello friendly kind of thing!

 

Any advice?

[heartoutside]

Well Frd150, you'll like this one. Tonight I went out with some friends, played some volleyball, and when everyone left except one of my friends I brought up the subject of my ex. And finally someone had the balls to tell me. My friend has been through a divorce where her ex cheated on her, so she knows what knowing the truth means.

 

Anyway, she (Sam we'll call her) told me that before I left for south america that she was at a bar where our friend is a bar tender and they invited my ex out. And I guess she brought along with her this guy (Bamby is what we'll call him) the same guy who has moved from 18 to 5 on her myspace page. Our friend asked how she was doing and my ex replied, "you're mad at me for breaking up with paul?" and my friend said no, I love both of you guys."

 

Later that night, my ex was talking to another friend of ours (Bill we'll call him). She had her arm around him, just being friendly and talking. During this, my friend sam was talking with bamby about politics and suddenly his attention drew to my ex. My friend sam asked, does that bother you? And he replied, wouldn't it bother you? She asked, well are you guys dating? And he said yeah, I think so...Our friend Sam confronted my ex about it. Asking her if she was dating this guy, Bamby.....her answer was no, I'm happy just being single and being by myself. Or something along those lines. i

 

So what do I do? I'm calling her tomorrow for sure and telling her that she needs to get her stuff out by tuesday (Which is when my new roommate will be here!). And I mean all of it....I'm done, she's walking all over me.....and i don't know why!??!??! She makes a big deal about me going to south america, even though it has nothing to do with her. She sends me text messages when I'm vacation no stop... she's play'n me! Big time........

 

I still love her, and I always will but I'm not going to stand for this ****.....everyone has asked her point blank if there is someone else, and she has said everytime, no that's not what this is about.......how can she lie to the people she loves.....and knows are her true friends?

 

How do I react when I see her? Should I be a dick?!? Should I just play it off? I don't want my friend to feel like she's caught in the middle of anything! I'm trully happy that she told what she did....she's a good friend. Even though she was the only one who knew about it (at least I think she was).....

[frd150]

I was headed to bed but saw this

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well Frd150, you'll like this one. Tonight I went out with some friends, played some volleyball, and when everyone left except one of my friends I brought up the subject of my ex. And finally someone had the balls to tell me. My friend has been through a divorce where her ex cheated on her, so she knows what knowing the truth means.

Its good to talk to people whove bee through some sh*t. Real stuff.

 

 

Anyway, she (Sam we'll call her) told me that before I left for south america that she was at a bar where our friend is a bar tender and they invited my ex out. And I guess she brought along with her this guy (Bamby is what we'll call him) the same guy who has moved from 18 to 5 on her myspace page. Our friend asked how she was doing and my ex replied, "you're mad at me for breaking up with paul?" and my friend said no, I love both of you guys."

Shes feeling a little guilty maybe or she is worried about what what your mutual friends think of her for what she did.

 

 

 

Later that night, my ex was talking to another friend of ours (Bill we'll call him). She had her arm around him, just being friendly and talking. During this, my friend sam was talking with bamby about politics and suddenly his attention drew to my ex. My friend sam asked, does that bother you? And he replied, wouldn't it bother you? She asked, well are you guys dating? And he said yeah, I think so...Our friend Sam confronted my ex about it. Asking her if she was dating this guy, Bamby.....her answer was no, I'm happy just being single and being by myself. Or something along those lines. i

Believe 80% of what you see and 20% of what she is saying here. She is obviously giving this guy reason to believe theres somthing. Youll just have to see how this plays out. If you confront her on it she will deny it,go off on you,and hold a grudge. You gota let her do what she gota do.You owe each other no explanations. Im dealing with the same cr*p. not much can be done but have a little fun yourself.

 

 

 

 

So what do I do? I'm calling her tomorrow for sure and telling her that she needs to get her stuff out by tuesday (Which is when my new roommate will be here!). And I mean all of it....I'm done, she's walking all over me.....and i don't know why!??!??! She makes a big deal about me going to south america, even though it has nothing to do with her. She sends me text messages when I'm vacation no stop... she's play'n me! Big time........

 

Naw, I do not think she is walking all over you . I think she is a dumper with some doubt. I dunno just. as i said somewhere before ...If they diddnt care then why do they make the effort.

 

 

I still love her, and I always will but I'm not going to stand for this ****.....everyone has asked her point blank if there is someone else, and she has said everytime, no that's not what this is about.......how can she lie to the people she loves.....and knows are her true friends?

One word.... GUILT.

 

How do I react when I see her? Should I be a dick?!? Should I just play it off? I don't want my friend to feel like she's caught in the middle of anything! I'm trully happy that she told what she did....she's a good friend. Even though she was the only one who knew about it (at least I think she was).....

 

Do not be the bad guy. So far you are doing good in your friends eyes. You at least want to keep them. Its good to have one logical person to bounce things off of. Just do not let it get outa control like before.

 

When she comes over be yourself, no games. do not be a di*k.

 

Be the better person.

 

Ok, must sleep

 

L8