I'm a girl with no female friends

[McFadden]

Agreed. Although I've been stabbed in the back by too many women to count, the sad fact is I have been back-stabbed by an equal number of men. So I suppose the question isn't "who are these women" - more like who are these PEOPLE.

 

 

Same here. Its getting kind of old. I don't know if there are just a lot of people like that my age around where I am, or what I'm doing to bring these them into my life.

 

in my expirence.. it's hard to find decent guys friends.. all they wanted was down my pants..

 

You must just look too good

[bouncingheart]

nah.. just the wrong men well.. I'm decent.. lol.

[veronica12]

I have had the same issues in my life.My experience has been that women are suspicious of each other and feel this crazy competition.Mine started with a critical mother.Now, I am equally to blame in my distrust.I really want to move beyond this.I miss having that close, "best friend" I had as a teenager.How do I lose my lifetime of insecurities?

[uniqueone]

I have to say, I TREASURE MY GIRL FRIENDS! Don't know what I would do without them! They are all time tested and true and not high maintenance at all, but they are friendships developed over years. They come from all walks of life and different situations but we CHOSE each other, none of them have ever been forced friendships.

 

That said, I'm in many situations with groups of very nice, intelligent women, but I choose to stay on the fringe or out of the loop as I call it, because these group dynamics are uncomfortable to me for TRUE friendships, but are fine for aquaintances and social gatherings here and there.

 

I don't look for friends, I hardly have time to water then ones I already have! But, every now and then I meet someone who I know right away that I click with. Met a woman at a friend's shower some months back and I knew the minute she walked into the room that I liked her. We exchanged numbers and have slowly started developing a very nice friendship. She's a keeper!

 

I love my guy friends, and yes they are easy, not petty, or trite, but they are also undependable! Trying to make group plans and including the guys is maddening for me because they don't plan!!!

 

I think the best way to make friends with other women is to start on an individual level and to be on the look out for someone who has the qualities that are important to you in a friendship.

 

I meet a group of women one night a week for dinner and it is absolutely the thing I most look forward to each week. We catch up, laugh together, make fun of each other and of ourselves, and its the best therapy I know. We actually met years ago through a mutual hobbie and anyone is invited to invite someone into the group dinner. Its gotten to the point that some of the other customers will sit at our table until all of the group arrives because there are a lot of regulars and we provide alot of the entertainment!

 

I have a sister though that has never had a REAL girlfriend in her life. I understand why actually, but it's always been weird to me. She had a few guy friends growing up, but no long term friends EVER. People tend to come in and out of her life like its a revolving door.

 

I've never "lost" a good girlfriend, though a few have moved FAR away.

 

 

I would love to know why there are people like you and why there are people like some others who've posted who have totally opposite experiences with female friends. I belong to the latter group but I've known those in your group and I've wondered what it is that makes the difference.

 

A few things that I think of are these possible traits in those who have plenty of female friends......

 

Other women don't find them a threat.

 

They blend in easily.

 

They're nurturing types.

 

They're emotionally mellow.

 

They're usually agreeable with whatever the group wants to do.

 

They're outgoing or sociable.

 

 

 

Just my thoughts on it anyway.....

[norajane]

I would love to know why there are people like you and why there are people like some others who've posted who have totally opposite experiences with female friends. I belong to the latter group but I've known those in your group and I've wondered what it is that makes the difference.

 

A few things that I think of are these possible traits in those who have plenty of female friends......

 

Other women don't find them a threat.

 

They blend in easily.

 

They're nurturing types.

 

They're emotionally mellow.

 

They're usually agreeable with whatever the group wants to do.

 

They're outgoing or sociable.

 

 

 

Just my thoughts on it anyway.....

 

It's really none of those things.

 

There are women who are secure and confident in themselves and take pleasure in their relationships with other women. They feel joy when their friends are happy and when good things happen to them, and their friends feel the same.

 

And then there are those who are insecure and see women as threats and competition. They are envious of other women whom they think have more than they do in some sense, and they tend to belittle others because it makes them feel better about themselves.

 

I wouldn't trade my girl friends for any guy, and my best friend is my sister, always has been. There's so much that a woman understands that man just can't, and there's so much that women add to each other's lives. It's a shame that some can't see past their insecurities to let other women in, and to give of themselves to their friends.

[Trialbyfire]

No matter who your friends are, gender wise, they will talk behind your back, whether in malice, regular conversation, or concern. If it's done in malice and you find out about it, you get rid of people like that. If it's the latter two, you have to live with it, if you want people around you. This includes family, friends and lovers.

 

Anything you tell anyone, be fully prepared that it might get out. If it doesn't, it's a bonus. If you have anything really, really sensitive to discuss, either look to a therapist or resolve it internally, if you're not prepared for people to find out.

[McFadden]

A few things that I think of are these possible traits in those who have plenty of female friends......

 

Other women don't find them a threat.

 

They blend in easily.

 

They're nurturing types.

 

They're emotionally mellow.

 

They're usually agreeable with whatever the group wants to do.

 

They're outgoing or sociable.

 

 

 

Just my thoughts on it anyway.....

 

Some of that is probably true. First of all there is usually the jealousy. Even when the girl is prettier than me, they find some minor thing about me to be jealous of and make comments about. They seem not to let me have any interactions with guys, even just guy friends, without getting in the middle and taking attention.

 

Also the last two girl friends I had, that I had a falling out with recently, always wanted to nurture the friendship. Which doesn't make sense- they're competitive, yet they want to nurture the friendship? If we didn't talk for a while, they would ask if I was mad or something when I wasn't even thinking about them. They couldn't take any sarcastic jokes without thinking I was really mad. And they would try to pick up on my mood and say 'are you ok?' and 'why are you upset?' and keep prying into it when it was stuff I didn't want to talk about with them.

 

This one girl also kept saying I didn't care about our friendship as much as she did. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking or doing things but it doesn't mean I'm not friends with people. I think a friendship should be like a disgusting old pair of gym shoes that you keep forever rather than a delicate flower that you have to water every day. I like people who are laid back and think of it that way. Which there are some girls and guys like that but the ones I know are mostly guys.

[McFadden]

And then there are those who are insecure and see women as threats and competition. They are envious of other women whom they think have more than they do in some sense, and they tend to belittle others because it makes them feel better about themselves.

 

I don't think that's the case of all women who don't have a lot of girlfriends. I am open to girlfriends but the ones I've had made jealousies and competition when there was no reason for it. I don't think I've ever had a girl friend (besides my mom) that genuinely seemed happy for me. I find that with the girlfriends I've had there's usually a backhanded insult included, even when congratulating a success. In fact I'm getting upset just remembering a few instances when that's happened, got to stop thinking about it lol.

 

 

There's so much that a woman understands that man just can't...

 

Besides the intricacies of the menstrual cycle what would that be?

[uniqueone]

I don't think that's the case of all women who don't have a lot of girlfriends. I am open to girlfriends but the ones I've had made jealousies and competition when there was no reason for it. I don't think I've ever had a girl friend (besides my mom) that genuinely seemed happy for me. I find that with the girlfriends I've had there's usually a backhanded insult included, even when congratulating a success. In fact I'm getting upset just remembering a few instances when that's happened, got to stop thinking about it lol.

 

 

 

 

I agree with you on this completely.

[norajane]

I don't think that's the case of all women who don't have a lot of girlfriends. I am open to girlfriends but the ones I've had made jealousies and competition when there was no reason for it. I don't think I've ever had a girl friend (besides my mom) that genuinely seemed happy for me. I find that with the girlfriends I've had there's usually a backhanded insult included, even when congratulating a success. In fact I'm getting upset just remembering a few instances when that's happened, got to stop thinking about it lol.

 

I wasn't saying that women who don't have a lot of girlfriends aren't secure and confident...I was trying to say those who don't have good girlfriends are probably surrounded by women who aren't secure and confident in themselves, and who don't give of themselves to a relationship.

 

Besides the intricacies of the menstrual cycle what would that be?

 

How it feels to have your heart broken by a man you loved? The struggles women face to succeed in fields dominated by men? The challenges of having children and juggling life as well? How to put on makeup so it highlights your cheekbones? When is the time for new shoes? The appeal of David Beckham and Henry Rollins? Understanding the underlying insecurity of walking down a dark street at night, or getting drunk in a bar where you can be taken advantage of? How it feels to have sex as a women and how your body feels?...

[Trialbyfire]

How it feels to have your heart broken by a man you loved? The struggles women face to succeed in fields dominated by men? The challenges of having children and juggling life as well? How to put on makeup so it highlights your cheekbones? When is the time for new shoes? The appeal of David Beckham and Henry Rollins? Understanding the underlying insecurity of walking down a dark street at night, or getting drunk in a bar where you can be taken advantage of? How it feels to have sex as a women and how your body feels?...

Those two questions make female friends well worthwhile.

 

I agree with nj. There are so many things that female friends can understand, where male friends will only give you the blank stare and start another topic about themselves.

 

Don't get me wrong, there's much to be said for male friends because your interactions with them are far less complex. None of the sensitivity dance, especially when you've recently connected with a female friend. Hang on, to be fair, there is one sensitivity dance you will experience with male friends and it surrounds ego.

[veronica12]

I hope I didn't come off as saying women can't be trusted.My closest relationships are with my 2 older sisters and my daughter.I think the world we live in today can isolate us.I find that I am starving for emotional connection on a platonic level.To me, this equals a "girlfriend".I am grateful for this website and the honesty of all of you.Your insight is so helpful.I hope I can give back in some way.

[blind_otter]

 

Besides the intricacies of the menstrual cycle what would that be?

 

The essence of being a woman, or just being female, is something that is beyond male comprehension. It's not a list of qualities that you can write out distinctly. Would that being a woman was like that. Then all we would have to do is check off out list. But just as there is something mysterious to me about all men, so shall it be for men and women. The phrase "men are from mars, women are from venus" is asinine, but it wouldn't exist if there weren't some essential and basic gender differences.

[McFadden]

I wasn't saying that women who don't have a lot of girlfriends aren't secure and confident...I was trying to say those who don't have good girlfriends are probably surrounded by women who aren't secure and confident in themselves, and who don't give of themselves to a relationship.

 

I understand, I just read the wrong thing into it. If I met a potential girl friend who seemed like a good friend I wouldn't hold my negative experiences against her. I am still acquiantances with my former girlfriends but I can't stand some things they do, for example saying something really mean and then "no offense, I just want to make sure you know" or "Its for your own good honey." What is the deal with comments like that. All the girlfriends I've had did it.

 

 

How it feels to have your heart broken by a man you loved? The struggles women face to succeed in fields dominated by men? The challenges of having children and juggling life as well? How to put on makeup so it highlights your cheekbones? When is the time for new shoes? The appeal of David Beckham and Henry Rollins? Understanding the underlying insecurity of walking down a dark street at night, or getting drunk in a bar where you can be taken advantage of? How it feels to have sex as a women and how your body feels?...

 

I see why people would want someone to relate to things like that. But, some of its stuff I don't want to be reminded of. A lot of people my age still act like they're in high school and are obsessed with being cool. If I do something wrong (like not wearing makeup or wearing the same jeans for 2 days) they criticize me where as guys don't usually notice. I don't want to be nit-picked! I know it sounds like I have negativity but I had 2 very bad experiences with girls. I still think it is ideal to have a mixture of friends but I am waiting until I meet girls that I get along with.