How long does it take?

[Confused in Mn]

Hello, this is my 2nd post, my first one was a few months back, anyhow, Me and my girl were together 4 years, the first 2 years were good and the last 2 not so good, the last 2 years we must of broke up 10 times, mainly over religion. politics and not having enough in common, (I am 43, she is 45 and never married and very independent, I think I may have been a threat to her world) but we did have many good times together, and for a while considered marraige, we had become the best of friends, well last spring she said she felt we should part ways, she said she loved me but was not in love with me even tho she wanted to be, she did not think us staying together would have a happy ending, she said then she would like to be friends, but she felt it would take some time and we should make new friends first before trying to be friends, she said she liked doing things with me but did not want to be selfish about it, well I talked her into staying together then, but during the summer we were pretty much on and off all summer long, me being the one comming to her to fix things, in auguest things had really cooled down, no physical stuff or anything like that. the last time I was with her was in late September when she picked me up from the airport when I had been out of town for work, we went to my parents for dinner then back to my place, while watching a movie she was sitting next to me caressing my arm, at the time I am thinking maybe she is comming around again, well a week later she tells me we should stop seeing eatch other, I ask to see her and she lets me come over and she says she is between being friends and not ever seeing me again, we had a long talk, and then decided to go out for dinner and had a really nice time, I took her home and then left not thinking I would not ever see her again, a week later she sent me a e-mail, her exact words were "I think we need some time to back off on our relationship, it's hard to be friends if we can't be more dont You think? I am still working through all that", and that's all she said, so I dont think it was a goodbye forever, I called and left her a message but she never called me back, I think she really still wants to be friends but feels maybe it would be to hard for me at this time because my feelings are stronger than her's, well it's been 5 months now, I have not contacted her at all and I have not heard a word from her, I am getting over not having her as a girlfriend, but what I miss most now is not having her as a friend, my gut feeling says I will hear from her again someday, but I dont think I should make contact seeing she is the one who backed off, Have any of You ever had a ex come back into Your life over a period of time and became friends? or even more? do You think 5 months is all that long not to hear from her? am I doing the right thing by leaving her alone? I feel if in the end if I dont hear from her it means I was not even good enough to be a friend, and if thats the case I guess I will get my answer, but I feel the only way to find out is not to prompt her by contacting her, So what do You all think. Thank You all.

[bhug82]

Why don't you just call her and get your worrying over with. Don't let the voice mail or answering machine do the talking, make sure it's you live. Talk with her, ask her to dinner or shopping. (Women love to shop and could be surprised that you would even ask.) Whatever you do, while doing it, talk with her and just get to know her as a friend all over again. That's key. If you push for the relationship thing again, might scare her off. If you can build a positive friendship with her, then maybe you have a chance at going to yard sales, having dinner, working on things together, etc. Don't let her see you down, but don't go ape when your with her either. Unless she goes ape first.

[Just A Girl2]

Dear Confused,

 

I very much remember your first post from long ago.......I remember quite a few of the details, too, because I was so appalled at how badly she'd been treating you back then, and my heart went out to you for being such a good person and being so strong.

 

If I recall correctly, she's the one who put you down because your religious beliefs weren't as strong as hers, she belittled your interest and collection of antique cars, the list goes on. I remember feeling that she seemed very snooty, and that she was really playing games with you.

 

If it's been 5 months and she's made no attempt to contact her, I'd say let sleeping dogs lie. She truly doesn't sound like a very loving, caring, decent human being. I don't like the way she'd reel you in, then toss you back, so many times. That's hard on the heart, as I'm sure you know.

 

You deserve a good woman, and a good friend. Someone who has things in common, who can appreciate and respect your individuality and differing interests and hobbies. I got the impression that she belittled you a lot.

 

You are more than free to make contact with her again, but I think you would be better off in the long run if you remain having no contact. I just don't think she's worth it, you deserve to be treated so much better, with so much more decency and respect and friendship.

[Confused in Mn]

Thank You just a girl 2, You are very kind, finding the right one is so hard, I do not plan on contacting her, I don't think I should have to prompt her, don't You think?