Author lookingforhappiness Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 I am so sorry for you....it sounds like he only got back with you so you could help him deal with his mess.....it's amazing to me how quick your husband is to low-rate the woman he was sleeping with now that she's pregnant and he doesn't want another baby...if she was as bad as he says, then what does that say about him if he was having sex with her....it says a lot....didn't you say that the reason you left was because he was cheating on you??...I hate to say this, but your husband sounds just awlful...how could you even consider getting back with him??? You and your children deserve so much more!! I've wondered that too, if he only wanted me back so desperately because he was in a desperate situation himself and wanted the security of family. I'll never know. Part of the reason I left was because I was suspicious of him cheating, I had heard rumours. (Rumours which were confirmed after I left.) Also because he was just not a good husband and father at that time, ie. partied too much, NEVER home, disrespectful, dishonest. He made a great turnaround since we've been back together as far as being a dad and a husband, but really - in his situation would he be anything other than perfect to me right now? I decided to get back together with him because I wanted my baby to know his dad and have the family he deserved. And because I truly beleived he had changed his ways and I'd have the man I fell in love with back. The woman that 'allegedly' had his baby, had it a couple months ago. We're waiting on the DNA results to come any day now. I too hate that he can talk down about his potential baby's mother the way he has. It bothers me alot because I wonder if that's how he'd talk about me when we were seperated. We're moving this weekend and won't have internet right away at the new place so I won't be on here for a while, I want to thank you all for your input, encouragement and support. It helps me not feel so crazy with anger to be able to 'talk' about this. Thanks Again
Lynna Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I've wondered that too, if he only wanted me back so desperately because he was in a desperate situation himself and wanted the security of family. I'll never know. Part of the reason I left was because I was suspicious of him cheating, I had heard rumours. (Rumours which were confirmed after I left.) Also because he was just not a good husband and father at that time, ie. partied too much, NEVER home, disrespectful, dishonest. He made a great turnaround since we've been back together as far as being a dad and a husband, but really - in his situation would he be anything other than perfect to me right now? I decided to get back together with him because I wanted my baby to know his dad and have the family he deserved. And because I truly beleived he had changed his ways and I'd have the man I fell in love with back. You left for good reasons, and if you came back partly because you TRULY believe that he had changed his ways, then he must have given you some pretty good evidence that he had changed. That should definitely count for something, don't discount that too quickly. But he may also still need to do some more changing and growing. Change does not happen quickly. You also came back for your son to be able to know his father. That is incredibly important. If you do choose to leave again you should think of ways that the father can still be involved in your children's life, especially since your son is just now starting to get to know him. To take that away abruptly would be traumatic. However, I am NOT saying to stay in the relationship just for the sake of the marriage, that is not right either. I am just saying to keep him involved with the kids in the future, even though that will be difficult due to the large distance involved, it is still important. The woman that 'allegedly' had his baby, had it a couple months ago. We're waiting on the DNA results to come any day now. I too hate that he can talk down about his potential baby's mother the way he has. It bothers me alot because I wonder if that's how he'd talk about me when we were seperated. The baby happened while you were apart and not intending to get back together. So the baby and his relationship with the mother can't be a betrayal of you. Now, the way he talks about the mother may be his immature way of TRYING to show you that he really cares about you and NOT her. What he MAY be trying to say is that he made a mistake in ever getting together with her. He MAY be trying to say that he was not thinking straight when he was with her. Obviously IF that is what he is trying to say he is NOT doing it in the right way. I would suggest that you guys go to marriage counseling. A counselor would help him learn how to communicate what he really means in the right way. It would also help you learn why he never told you about this in the first place. And it would help you decide whether you really want to be with him or not, whether this is something you can deal with or not. We're moving this weekend and won't have internet right away at the new place so I won't be on here for a while, I want to thank you all for your input, encouragement and support. It helps me not feel so crazy with anger to be able to 'talk' about this. Thanks Again Good luck with the move. Don't worry, you are not crazy!!! Or if you are then we all must be so in that case you are in good company!!! The feelings and questions you are experiencing are perfectly natural and logical. This is a difficult situation. I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what to do!
InLimbo2 Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 Can't speak for all states, but that's true where I am. this is how it works - say hubby makes $50,000/year to make it easy Child Support Filer #1 - gets child support based on $50k salary, is awarded $10k/year Child Support Filer #2 - gets child support based on $40k salary, his salary minus existing child support orders. Does not matter which child(ren) are born first, or which are from a marriage and which is not - it's strictly a matter of who gets to the courthouse first. Are you freaking kidding me? If I were to file for child support if i left my H after she filed SHE would get more for her ONE child than my soon to be TWO children? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I've decided not to make ANY decisions until the DNA results are in. BUt when they come in if the other baby is his, I need to go home and get my life on track for my kids.
InLimbo2 Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 Usually resuming cohabitation and marital relations nullify any agreements of that type. Tho - she could claim fraud on his part. She needs a lawyer - FAST. we were LEGALLY seperated last year, but the child support I recieved at the time was not court ordered. It was a verbal agreement that we made when I left him. After he renegged on it I did get a lawyer to pursue court ordered custody and support. However nothing official ever happened because we ended up back together. And I did change my marital status back to MARRIED when we filed our income tax. So it looks like that won't help me if I leave. You should check the laws where you live. In the US changing your marital status on a income tax return doesn't change an unfinished legal separation agreement. Your attorney may be able to continue the case from where it left off.
nittygritty Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Usually resuming cohabitation and marital relations nullify any agreements of that type. Tho - she could claim fraud on his part. She needs a lawyer - FAST. I have known people who have begun divorce proceedings, changed their minds briefly and attempted reconciliation only to separate again and pick up divorce proceedings where they left off. I am not sure if a legal separation works differently than just filing for a divorce and getting temporary child support orders. I have also heard of people who refuse to leave the marital home during separation until it is court ordered, for fear of losing their chance of being awarded the home. So I don't think that resuming cohabitation and marital relations would nullify a legal separation that was not filed in court to dismiss. I really don't know but an attorney in her area would. She needs to check the laws where she lives. She can probably do that online without an attorney. Even if she did want to divorce him she may not legally be able to get divorced until after her baby is born.
enoughisenough Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 It takes an amount of good time to release ones true IMPERfect self which is only usually exposed after marriage. You know this man's true character. He's the cheating sleazebag who parties too much.Of course he is on his best behavior... he risks losing you and he KNOWS you will leave when you want cause you've done it before. And he is in a very scary and weak emotional state because of this OW and needs your support.Honestly, it's only an AMOUNT OF TIME before he slacks off this FACADE and starts treating you like Shi+ again.Don't wait when it is TOO LATE!Hunny, some kids are better off not knowing their fathers. Who knows what traits this kid will pick up from such a sleaze. Once the situation is settled that this is indeed his kid and he visits his child etc, how do you know he won't be screwing the "crazy slu+" again? ?? He's just a loose cannon waiting to blow up.I don't buy his PERFECT HUSBAND act for a second. It only makes me sick. You KNOW he really hasn't changed. WHY? Because he's still lying to you. Lying is a major part of cheating. A good cheater is usually also a very good liar. He never told you about this woman until a whole MONTH after you moving back in with him. Not only that, but he lied about protection being used. This lonely dope did ANYTHING to get you back in his life. If he found someone else who treated him as well as you did, he wouldn't even have wasted the time to call you. DON'T TREAT A DIRTBAG LIKE A KING.. apparently not even his "slu+" on the side gave him that much credit.
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