allina Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 this thread is in part a rant and in part an attempt to see if anyone out there feels the same way, or if I'm just nuts As I've mentioned in a few threads i have an issue with weight/being fat. The heaviest I've ever been was around 135lbs a few months back, I wore a size 6/7. I know that some people don't think a size 6/7 is fat but to me it was, I felt huge and like a large tub pf lard. I lost some weight recently but I'm still not happy, I won't be happy till I'm in a size 0/1 again, I have a pretty petite frame so I'm not stick thin even at a size zero. But size isn't the main issue here, what goes on in my head related to weight is. I don't know if anyone thinks about stuff like this but I do, also please keep in mind that I'm not trying to disrespect overweight people, this is about my crazyness and I don't want to put anyone down. For example I have a friend who is pretty overweight, my hight and at least 50lbs heavier than me. She's beautiful and really in to clothes and dressing up. She often posts pictures of herself on myspace with captions saying "looking sexy" and so on. I always wonder is she thinks she is 100% beautiful or if she is self conscious about weight. Which makes me wonder, are there overweight women out there who are okay with their appearance or do all fat women desire to be thin. Another area where I have issues is when I meet people, especially my bf's co-workers or family, I really worry about if they will think I'm too fat. Yesterday we went to his company 4th of July bbq and I was so concerned about looking thin, I didn't want him to be the guy with the fat gf. I'm now a size 4/5 and I KNOW I'm not overweight but I couldn't shake that fear, it's something I can't explain. So do other women that think they're overweight worry about stuff like this? Would they worry that their bf's friends/family will be like "oh we met so and so's gf, she's nice but fat" I know it sounds insane but I go through periods where this stuff is on my mind a lot, at times I'm fine but that obsessive feeling always returns. It's weird because I consider myself pretty attractive but I can't shake that feeling of "the thinner the better"
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I'm just as nutty as you about weight, if not more so. My whole thing is I want to be PERFECT and every day that I am not, I'm not entirely happy. I focus on what is wrong instead of what is right and I'm extremely irked that I can't get this one part of my body to be the way I want. I don't think anyone thinks I'm fat, nor do I worry about it really, but I guess I want people to perceive me as perfect, but I know I'm not. I wore a bikini top to the BBQ I went to yesterday, and after I ate I felt like my stomach wasn't flat anymore and that I looked "fat" and should put a top on. I know that is mostly me being hypercritical and I need to relax a bit. I evaluate pretty much everyone who passes my line of sight for relative fatness/thinness and I'm a harsh judge. I pretty much label everyone who isn't thin as fat (even myself at times), though of course this is just in my head and I would not come out and say as much. But yes, I have the thinner is better mentality, and I can't shake it. I negatively judge people that I think are fat (and these days, that's most people). I assume they have no discipline and don't care about how they look; I frown at their poor food choices when I'm behind them in line at food places or the supermarket. Yesterday I saw many people shirtless/wearing bathing suits when they were less than in shape and I tsked tsked in my head and felt superior. But then I guess I also felt mildly envious of those who were in better shape than me. It's really more about my own insecurity/self-esteem problems, I realize. I'm thinner than a lot of people so it's the one thing I can see/gauge and feel smug about. Other things like smarts or success or wealth are harder for me to make comparisons about, and a lot of the time, I'm not going to win, but I can generally fall back on the weight thing. My mother and grandmother are hypercritical of fat people and always have been and have borderline eating disorders, which is where all this nonsense came from. From an early age, I recall my mother making sarcastic comments about fat people being "so thin" in her native tongue when we were in earshot of them but of course they couldn't understand. I know she would think poorly of me if I were fat, so I've always been careful never to become that way, even though I actually like eating, and eating a lot for my size. I go between almost starving myself on weekdays to bingeing on most weekends. I know it's not very healthy. In my culture, people often come out and tell you you're fat to your face and may even laugh. I guess it's not seen as that insulting because it's not a common thing, or hasn't been historically. I was a little bit plump as a child and then again during adolescence due to meds I was taking and recall them all commenting on my weight and calling me things like Miss Piggy or Moonface. My parents even told me they adopted me and that this fat couple (family friends) were my real parents. So, yeah, it's no surprise I'm so weird about my weight, is it? Where do you think your issues come from, Allina?
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Allina, we're the same height, and I'm a size 6 or an 8. Now I feel fat. I haven't been a size 0/1 since I was 18, when people asked me if I had an eating disorder... (I just really liked to run back then, I ate like a cow!)
alphamale Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 your self image is all in your head ALLINA. I've seen women who are 100lbs overweight who are comfortable with themselves and their weight (although this is usually not the case with heavy women). I've also seen pretty and skinny size 2 women who are just nasty and mean and angry at the world and have extremely low self-esteem. your self image is made up of how you were brought up, how you look now and how your brain/body chemistry works. there are also many societal issues at work too. its all very complex
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Re: societal issues, I hate all the magazines at the supermarket checkout, but I can't stop myself from looking at them. All of them focus on weight or food. From things you can cook that are low in fat to which celebs are fat and looking bad to which are scarily thin to which have managed to lose weight on the newest Hollywood diet. It's hard to not let that stuff mess with your mind. That and all portions at almost any restaurant are far too big, and even food items at the supermarket tend to be sold in larger quantities that are too much for me to eat alone. It's like all the food suppliers want everyone to be fat, then we're constantly hearing about this country's obesity epidemic.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Yesterday I saw many people shirtless/wearing bathing suits when they were less than in shape and I tsked tsked in my head and felt superior. My mother and grandmother are hypercritical of fat people and always have been and have borderline eating disorders..... I know she would think poorly of me if I were fat Yesterday I also saw many people in bathing suits, many in much worse physical shape than me, but i didn't feel superior I felt jealous. I don't want to be fat but in a way I envy fat women who can wear a bathing suit, have fun and not care about how they look. I saw overweight people flaunting their bodies and i wondered if they worried about how they looked or if it wasn't a big deal. I'm European where fat is less accepted than here in the US. I also have an anorexic mother (she was hospitalized a few times in her early teen years, she's 'okay-ish' now but has never been over 100lbs. When I lived at home I was super thin, I gained all the weight that got me to 135 when I moved away to college, in part because I was free to eat anything I wanted and as much as i wanted. My parents called me fat and urged me to lose weight. I remember being home one day and my mom pointed to my senior pictures and said "look at how pretty you used to be" it seriously crushed me. Allina, we're the same height, and I'm a size 6 or an 8. Now I feel fat. I haven't been a size 0/1 since I was 18, when people asked me if I had an eating disorder... (I just really liked to run back then, I ate like a cow!) I've seen pictures of you SG and you look so much thinner than me, I think that my problem is that I'm round everywhere. Many women that are a size 12 are actually thinner than me, it's sad.
Trialbyfire Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 What matters the most in situations like this are self-image. If you allow society to dictate its concept of beauty, you will never be happy with your body. Having said that, you also need to take care of your body so that it's healthy, thus helping with your mental and emotional state. As you know, stress is reduced through physical activity. Genetics plays a big role in this. Your DNA will dictate the size your body should be. If you reduce junk food to moderation and burn what you intake daily, your body will naturally become the size it was intended to be. Fighting natural body size has got to be the most frustrating exercise in futility.
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I've seen pictures of you SG and you look so much thinner than me, I think that my problem is that I'm round everywhere. Many women that are a size 12 are actually thinner than me, it's sad. And duh, I've seen pickies of you too, and you do NOT look "round everywhere." You're gorgeous! I'm built like an apple - THAT is "round everywhere"!!
norajane Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Yesterday I saw many people shirtless/wearing bathing suits when they were less than in shape and I tsked tsked in my head and felt superior. But then I guess I also felt mildly envious of those who were in better shape than me. It's really more about my own insecurity/self-esteem problems, I realize. I'm thinner than a lot of people so it's the one thing I can see/gauge and feel smug about. What a sad way to go throughout your day, comparing your looks to everyone else, your happiness based on whether you look better or worse than they do. Did it ever occur to you to envy those fat shirtless/bathing suit wearing people because they were HAVING FUN and ENJOYING the weather and LIVING LIFE instead of worrying about how they looked to passers by?
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Yesterday I also saw many people in bathing suits, many in much worse physical shape than me, but i didn't feel superior I felt jealous. I don't want to be fat but in a way I envy fat women who can wear a bathing suit, have fun and not care about how they look. I saw overweight people flaunting their bodies and i wondered if they worried about how they looked or if it wasn't a big deal. I'm European where fat is less accepted than here in the US. I also have an anorexic mother (she was hospitalized a few times in her early teen years, she's 'okay-ish' now but has never been over 100lbs. When I lived at home I was super thin, I gained all the weight that got me to 135 when I moved away to college, in part because I was free to eat anything I wanted and as much as i wanted. My parents called me fat and urged me to lose weight. I remember being home one day and my mom pointed to my senior pictures and said "look at how pretty you used to be" it seriously crushed me. It sounds like we have quite a few things in common! Yes, when I was in Europe, I heard an earful over and over again how fat (and stupid) all (yes, ALL) Americans are. It was pretty ridiculous. They do eat less than we do here, though, portionwise. I found myself barely satisfied after most meals, and given that I'm smaller than most, I wondered how a person larger than me could be full. I don't envy people who are, in my warped mind, delusional about how they look. What I do envy is TBF for being so consistently levelheaded on pretty much everything. I wish I had that kind of self-assuredness. I want that even more than I want a perfect body.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 What a sad way to go throughout your day, comparing your looks to everyone else, your happiness based on whether you look better or worse than they do. Did it ever occur to you to envy those fat shirtless/bathing suit wearing people because they were HAVING FUN and ENJOYING the weather and LIVING LIFE instead of worrying about how they looked to passers by? I'm well aware that it's not a good thing. I just can't really control it. I've been programmed to think this way from a very early age, and people I've been around have always ridiculed fat people. And men have always commented they find it unappealing. I know that I take it to extreme lengths. I am working on accepting myself, and others, more but it's a process. That said, I did actually enjoy myself very much yesterday and I ate a ton.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 And duh, I've seen pickies of you too, and you do NOT look "round everywhere." You're gorgeous! I'm built like an apple - THAT is "round everywhere"!! an apple?! How is a person even shaped like an apple? Thank you for the compliment, I'm feeling a bit icky today (as you can tell from this post heh) Did it ever occur to you to envy those fat shirtless/bathing suit wearing people because they were HAVING FUN and ENJOYING the weather and LIVING LIFE instead of worrying about how they looked to passers by? IS this to me? I posted exactly that, that i envy overweight people who arent consumed by their bodies, and I was asking if there really were people out there who can be fat but still think they looked good.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I realize things I'm saying may sound terrible but I'm just trying to be honest. It's not like I think my outlook is healthy and I am trying to change it.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 an apple?! How is a person even shaped like an apple? Thank you for the compliment, I'm feeling a bit icky today (as you can tell from this post heh) IS this to me? I posted exactly that, that i envy overweight people who arent consumed by their bodies, and I was asking if there really were people out there who can be fat but still think they looked good. She meant it to me. Yes, I have on occasion met people who were large and felt just fine with how they looked. Chris Rock has a bit about why he loves big, black women: because they like themselves the way they are, even though it looks like bread is baking in their shoes, but they're like, "there's some good p*ssy under this gut!" It's a nice sentiment, but I'm sure his wife isn't one of these big women.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Chris Rock has a bit about why he loves big, black women: because they like themselves the way they are, even though it looks like bread is baking in their shoes, but they're like, "there's some good p*ssy under this gut!" It's a nice sentiment, but I'm sure his wife isn't one of these big women. It's not a nice statement, I think it's pretty crude and degrading. I don't know if I've ever met a fat woman who was HONESTLY happy with her looks, I often want to ask women the questions I posted about in my original post but that would be rude.
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 an apple?! How is a person even shaped like an apple? Thank you for the compliment, I'm feeling a bit icky today (as you can tell from this post heh) Yes, an apple. Some women are pear-shaped. My body has chosen to model itself after a different fruit: the apple. Round in the middle, with thin limbs. Luckily with the current state of fashion with empire waist tops and babydoll dresses I'm able to hide it well.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 It's not a nice statement, I think it's pretty crude and degrading. I don't know if I've ever met a fat woman who was HONESTLY happy with her looks, I often want to ask women the questions I posted about in my original post but that would be rude. SENTIMENT, like the feeling behind the statement, not the statement itself, which, yes, is sort of crude. But the feeling behind it is that he admires these women for being proud of how they look and liking themselves the way they are, as from his point of view, that's a rare thing nowadays.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Yes, an apple. Some women are pear-shaped. My body has chosen to model itself after a different fruit: the apple. Round in the middle, with thin limbs. Luckily with the current state of fashion with empire waist tops and babydoll dresses I'm able to hide it well. Well you don't look apple-like to me, my limbs are chubby And I'm not just saying that. Now you've got me thinking about what fruit I am.
norajane Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I'm well aware that it's not a good thing. I just can't really control it. I've been programmed to think this way from a very early age, and people I've been around have always ridiculed fat people. And men have always commented they find it unappealing. I know that I take it to extreme lengths. I am working on accepting myself, and others, more but it's a process. When you find yourself with those destructive thoughts, try to replace them with something else. You can deprogram yourself, but it does take a lot of self-awareness and being conscious of when the negative stuff creeps in. IS this to me? I posted exactly that, that i envy overweight people who arent consumed by their bodies, and I was asking if there really were people out there who can be fat but still think they looked good. No, it wasn't to you - I saw your post after I responded to doiask... I think there are people who are quite confident in themselves regardless of what others may perceive as a flaw. Considering what your definition of fat is - based on your size/weight pereceptions - I'd say there are a whole lot of people who feel great about themselves and think they look good, though you would consider it fat if you had their body. Not everyone is as introspective about their looks - they view life from the perspective of what they do, what they have, what interesting things are going on and are focusing on living rather than thinking. Some people aren't so self-loathing. People in love feel beautiful, especially if their SO is all over them and tells them they're hot. And people's standards of fat and beauty also differ - what is perfect in your opinion could be considered too skinny in someone else's opinion, so they don't even think they're fat although you would think so.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 SENTIMENT, like the feeling behind the statement, not the statement itself, which, yes, is sort of crude. But the feeling behind it is that he admires these women for being proud of how they look and liking themselves the way they are, as from his point of view, that's a rare thing nowadays. Sorry, I read that wrong But I wonder if he is being truthful about admiring them or if it was just a part of his act.
alphamale Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Now you've got me thinking about what fruit I am. as long as its not pear you're ok
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Now you've got me thinking about what fruit I am. You're like a miniature banana.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Not everyone is as introspective about their looks - they view life from the perspective of what they do, what they have, what interesting things are going on and are focusing on living rather than thinking. Some people aren't so self-loathing. People in love feel beautiful, especially if their SO is all over them and tells them they're hot. I'm not sure if you're understanding what I'm trying to say. I don't think it's all about looks, I do focus on the other things as well and my wonderful SO makes me feel hot. However, no matter what I'm always overly aware of fat and my body. I'm not some self loathing woman, and I'm not trying to whine about my weight, I'm trying to understand why I'm like this, how overweight women can look past their weight and feel beautiful, why my mothers statement about my weight crushed me so much that I can't let go of it to this day.
Author allina Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 as long as its not pear you're ok Nah, I'm not but I thought some men like that. You're like a miniature banana. Are you saying I'm curved/hunched over??
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Allina, I think he's being truthful, but at the same time, I am sure his wife is not one of these women, so his admiration doesn't translate into attraction. Unfortunately, it seems men can also be attracted to women they don't admire as people, since they are so "visual." Sigh. It's really hard to let go of my hangups when these are the messages I get. For example, two men at the bbq yesterday hit on me, and both were making reference to my body in doing so. And even though I had no interest in either, it made me feel good. I hate that the opinions of others have such an effect on me, but they do. Norajane, I'm trying. I think talking about it on LS and even seeing what I've written helps me realize just how out of whack I am, the self-awareness you're talking about. I want to be a better and happier person, I really do. Not that I'm so unhappy right now, but you're right, I'm up and down somewhat based on things going on around me that I can't control rather than because I'm happy with myself.
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