Sometimes I believe you..........

[quankanne]

I vote "C" – he's a flaming 'tard (turd?) with the mentality of a preschooler – A is his mommy figure, and he alternately wants to love her and be her favorite boy, and he wants to assert his independence to a point where HE is always right (or betrayed or hurt, etc) and she's the meanie because she's often in control of the things she's involved in.

 

in other words, it sounds like he's expecting A to fulfill some role-playing figure and must cope with whatever male role he chooses to take on. Like the fact that he refuses to be responsible for not running out of gas when she's stated that the tank is low, or not paying bills on time and making her face the consequences of his behavior. He's being a bratty little kid; that he let the livestock escape the corral while she's working on an important deal – an act that benefits him – is a great example of how he's going to get back at her or "make her pay" for his feelings of inadequacy.

 

which leads up to your original question: why doesn't he believe you when you tell him things, especially about your interpersonal relationship? Because it's really all about him, and his needs. Not the needs of the marriage, and most especially, not about YOU.

[a4a]

Well it should not be about me- it should be us.

 

However I did slap the snot child out of him last night.

 

- just as my movie is coming on I ask him to answer some quick questions about the contract.

 

he states he is hungry and is going to pass out if he doesn't eat.

 

I state "you will not pass out, it will take three minutes to deal with this, so just do it you big whiny baby"

 

had enough of his crap....... then the horses are out running once I get on the phone. :lmao:

 

guess he showed me.

 

So what do I do spank him?

 

selfish needs were not met because his own mother died when he was a preteen. - that is my guess.

 

He is a fine piece of work.

[a4a]

Oh.

 

I thought maybe he just has a really big schl0ng.

 

 

well there is that too.

[Storyrider]

Was he like this when you were dating?

 

Also, I wonder, does he have any of his own interests that he is passionate about? Often when you describe him, it sounds like he is at loose ends with no pursuits of his own and little direction. It sounds like he is just going through the motions. I agree that he is passive aggressive because he reminds me of myself.

 

In my marriage H. is the more responsible one. So he would listen if I told him about the gas guage. He pays all the bills and he pays them on time. I let the laundry pile up and am late for stuff, etc.

 

I do have to remind him to send a Father's Day card to his dad, to get a haircut before he looks like a hippie (he starts out looking military, so he isn't going for the hippie look, it is just his hair sort of waxes and wanes like the moon), not to let his eyebrows get two inches long so he looks like Andy Rooney, stuff like that.

 

But he does tell me I'm wrong about my own feelings. He says that whenever we talk about our M. See, he remembers everything I've ever said and can see patterns based on my behavior over the years and even based on things I've told him about my past that he wasn't there to witness. Clearly this is a different dynamic than yours, though.

 

But maybe it is a male thing to tell a woman she doesn't feel what she feels. Maybe they see us as using our feelings as a weapon, so they strike at the heart, so to speak.

[a4a]

Date time he was active, ambitious, and paid attention...... of course because he was busy reeling me in. 2 months post marriage it went to crap.

Like night and day.

 

He didn't even want to work... no goals...... nothing.

 

His passion seems to be whatever makes him look good for the moment..... one day he likes building furniture - the next landscape- the next drinking beer. how many times can I ask and offer my support.

 

BUT

 

I don't care what he feels passionate about or what he wants to do with his life any more.... never has he asked me once 'what I might want" since we have been married..... and all the things he promised before M - BS lies.

 

I sent him up on the hill/mountain with a weedwhacker to clear a fence line.... big storm rolling in...... lightening headed this way.

 

I did not say a word about the cell phone...... nor did he. Interesting... we will just pretend nothing happened and then in reality it didn't.

 

I told him he is getting the reaction he deserves and it will continue until he straightens up or we part ways. I don't hide any of this from him.

 

i think he is really nuts.