FEEDTHEID Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Ok, I met an amazing woman about three months ago. Yes our relationship has moved fast. Neither one of us thought we would hit it off so well, but our relationship is great. We spend a lot of time together and usually spend the night together at one of our houses. We both have kids and watch eachother's children as a baby sitting service swap. everyone gets along great. We are both hard working professionals, but she is having $ difficulties. It would make sense because we spend the night on an almost nightly basis to move in together and this would solve her $ issues and I would be able to improve my financial standings. But the main issue I am having is I don't want this to be a decision based on money. We really love eachother and I am sure we will move in together in the future but is it too soon? Should we wait and continue to pay separate mortgages for the sake of "going slow" this could put her in a bad $ state which I don't want for her. PS we have not discussed this. She is adamantly proud about not taking money from me. I wanted to hear some opinions before I broach the subject
Requiem Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I believe it is too soon to go on and move in if its for the money. You both are apparently buying houses. And you would be asking her to leave her house. Wouldnt she still be paying her morgage? You could talk with her and tell her you wana help somehow. But i think that if you two move in it should because you both love eachother and want such and not because of money. Think of it like this, your gona be takeing her in because you pitty her and feel sorry for her not being able to do well with her money... thats no reason to do that... if it keeps on going and going you might end up being unhappy later and realizeing that you just did it because you felt sorry for her.
BlueEyedSarah Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Ok, I met an amazing woman about three months ago. Yes our relationship has moved fast. Neither one of us thought we would hit it off so well, but our relationship is great. We spend a lot of time together and usually spend the night together at one of our houses. We both have kids and watch eachother's children as a baby sitting service swap. everyone gets along great. We are both hard working professionals, but she is having $ difficulties. It would make sense because we spend the night on an almost nightly basis to move in together and this would solve her $ issues and I would be able to improve my financial standings. But the main issue I am having is I don't want this to be a decision based on money. We really love eachother and I am sure we will move in together in the future but is it too soon? Should we wait and continue to pay separate mortgages for the sake of "going slow" this could put her in a bad $ state which I don't want for her. PS we have not discussed this. She is adamantly proud about not taking money from me. I wanted to hear some opinions before I broach the subject In my opinion its too soon to be moving in together.
Keara Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Will her mortgage disappear because she moved in with you? Maybe you could help her out by surprising her with groceries on occasion, and stocking her shelves. Maybe filling up her gas tank when the two of you are out. Not that you couldn't ask her her thoughts on living with you in the future, and how she see's it.... Does she even want to leave her house? Or would you sell your house and move in with her?
roxy_1980 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 How many times to do I have to say this on this forums? You can't fall in love in just 3 months and money is the worst reason in the world to live together! Living together is very different than sleeping over and babysitting. You both have children that may get along, but how would they deal with permanently living together? And right now, you are both in charge of your respective households and manage them as such, moving in togather changes that dynamic and is vastly different that simply staying the night. What do you know about this woman's values? Is she religious, spiritual or neither? How does she view money and is that compatible with your money style? Are your expectations of your partner's role in the relationship compatible with hers and vice-versa? Division of labour around the house? Would there be an expectation of marriage after a certain amount of time? Other children expected from a long term relationship? Have you discussed any of these things? Have you came even close? Since you say that you haven't talked to her about moving in, I'd guess probably not. I agree with other posters, help her out if you feel inclined, but get to know her better before even thinking about moving in. And find the answer to these important questions.
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