gr33ncat Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 I guess ive just been looking for someone or something to talk to about this situation. Ive been dealing with this on and off for about 7 or 8yrs. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and I dont know how much longer I can cope with it. I am 8mths pregnant and I cant deal with much more added stress into my life. We have a 6yr old son together as well. We dont live together. He lives and works in DC and I live in Wv which, makes it even more difficult.. He makes promise after promise and at the same time refuses to do anything about his situation. he doesnt feel like its that big of a deal and I should just keep my mouth shut and deal with it. Im not going to do that anymore. He has no idea how this effects me and the burden of this secret on my shoulders is overbearing.... He is blowing most of our money up his arm and that in itself is very frustrating..I was working up until the beginning of this month...Ive been having problems with the pregnancy probably due to all the stress im under. I dont want to wait around for him to lose his job or screw up really badly and then be stuck in the same situation we were in yrs ago when he messed up really bad and lost his job in florida due to his habits.... I love him dearly but, I need to think about my kids and myself as well. He cries to me and tells me how much he wants to get off of it and etc etc and I sincerely believe him sometimes and other times it like Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. There is so much more I would love to share but, maybe another time. does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do at this point.. Link to post Share on other sites
justpassingthrough Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 The responsibility you have for your children is far larger than the responsibility you have to your boyfriend. It doesn't have to be a secret; you can safely tell a counselor or therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gr33ncat Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 I know... Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 You know, call me a heartless bastard but I think you should just leave him. You are not married. And if you were you should still leave. Drug abuses/addicts are nothing but trouble. Help him get help, but get out of the relationship. You deserve better. Unless you want to be looking over your shoulder every minute, watching your bank account/belongings, worried about drug paraphanlia that he might have left in the car your driving, etc. Get him help. Get out. Run, don't walk. Enjoy your life with someone you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 He cries to me and tells me how much he wants to get off of it and etc etc and I sincerely believe him sometimes and other times it like Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. After all this time, he's not going to get off this highly addictive drug all by himself through willpower. It's not just a physical addiction; it's also a lifestyle, a habit, his method of escaping life and his problems. He needs to learn to cope without it. Has he done anything to get help? Most insurance companies will pay for substance treatment programs, at least to some degree. If he has a job, then he's got insurance. If he's serious about getting off heroin, he will find out what his insurance covers, and then will find a place to go for treatment to at least get him off the heroin and some time with actually helping him try to change the habit. IF he can change the habit and learn new coping skills. You can help to the point of investigating his insurance and finding a program. He has to do the rest. You don't have to stay with him. That's your choice. If you don't want to be a part of his heroin habit, you don't have to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gr33ncat Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 Its getting to that point...I cant deal with it much longer...Its really killing our relationship...weve been together for about 10 yrs now....It has just become a real issue witth me. There are so many things that we need to do and we cant do them because of his habit. He refuses to go to a methadone clinic says he can kick it on his own..right...he promised that he would be off of it before the baby is born..Its just one thing after the other and of course he tries to shift all of our problems onto me instead of actually being a man an admitting he has a problem and dealing with it....ARGH! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gr33ncat Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 you know i never brought up the insurance with him. maybe I can suggest it but I higIhly doubt he will actually look into it..He has really good insurance I do know that. I think with that his excuse would be that his work would find out or something of that nature..... I told him the other night for someone who wants to get off of it so badly your really not taking the steps to do so...Its just gotten to the point where I am so angry and bitter towards him... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do at this point.. yes...you need to leave him permanently. if this has been going on for 8 years and you've been putting up with it then I would guess you are one of his major enablers. he will never get help until he his rock bottom. thats just the nature of any addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 you know i never brought up the insurance with him. maybe I can suggest it but I higIhly doubt he will actually look into it..He has really good insurance I do know that. I think with that his excuse would be that his work would find out or something of that nature..... I told him the other night for someone who wants to get off of it so badly your really not taking the steps to do so...Its just gotten to the point where I am so angry and bitter towards him... Work is not going to find out from the place he goes to for treatment, nor from his insurance company. But, you're sure he'll have an excuse ready. I think that tells you all you need to know - as you said, he's taken no steps so far, and will have an excuse for why he can't try any suggestion you might have. Time to walk away. This is not going to get better if you stay. You already know that after years of experience with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 You love him so you are staying with him. However, he loves heroin more than you if he is not quitting. Why put him before your children? Would you like it if your mother raised you with a heroin addict around just because she loved him? Or would you feel angry that she should've put her feelings aside for your own wellbeing? Nothing good is going to come out of keeping him around. You have a few more weeks before you give birth. Maybe you rely on his income and help around the house so it is difficult to get him out of your life, but before you give birth, make a clean start without him. This will be good for him too since there will be a chance he might then get help otherwise knowing that you will keep him, he has no intentions to get help other than telling you that whenever he feels that you need to hear it to keep you stringing along. Link to post Share on other sites
dragonsbreath Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Just keep in mind it IS a physical addiction. If he quits cold turkey he has a high chance of death. He needs to ween off of it slowly. Or get on Methadone, which is just a way for the govt to make money of heroin addicts since it is almost equally addictive... Methadone costs less, the only downside is they will keep increasing and increasing then get really high doses, then ween you off slowly.. I think that if you guys got on methadone for a while then YOU AND HIM ween him off slowly and take the extra dose and keep it for emergencies or pour it down the drain you have a chance of not only strengthening your bond with him, but ridding him of his addiction... Either way, it will be hard. I wish you best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Here’s what your facing ... There is a very low probability that he will admit himself into a treatment center. Even if you were lucky enough to browbeat him into it, it’s unlikely he’ll stay for the full term. As a legal adult, they cannot force him to stay if he wants to leave. And many, many do before they complete treatment. The only way to insure he stays in a treatment facility full term is by a “court order.” And that will only happen in the event he is charged with a crime and a judge mandates treatment as part of his sentence. Employers can request that an employee attend treatment as an ultimatum for keeping their job. But that requires that an employer actually “care” enough about the individual to take personal interest in their well-being. In the real world, this rarely happens since it’s easier for an employer to just terminate a problem worker and replace them with someone more productive. It saves them from having to pay higher insurance premiums... and from losing money to a position left vacant during a leave of absence while employee is away for treatment. I’m not sure how employment laws differ from state to state, BUT ... there is a possibility that if your boyfriend admits himself --- BEFORE he is fired and loses insurance coverage --- that his employer may not be able to legally terminate his position while he’s on medical leave. You may want to check into that one and only option you might have. Meanwhile, let’s just hope your boyfriend’s addiction doesn’t cost him his job or good relationship with his boss before that last door closes on him. Also, if your boyfriend were to move back into your home for any reason, this could seriously jeopardize the most innocent casualties of his addiction. Should any illegal substance be found in your home, or in your vehicle, social services could step in and remove your children from your home and place them in foster care. PLEASE ... as someone else already mentioned, make sure your children remain first and foremost on your list of priorities. You’re the only one who can. Your boyfriend’s first love right now is Heroine, and he is not in the right head space to act in behalf of you or the kids. Until he is a good year or two into his recovery, he may never be. And unless he is among the lucky few who manage to beat the statistics, that could be a looooong way off ... Good luck, and don’t hesitate to do whatever it is you need to do to take care of YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
knaveman Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 So, I'm going to share some personal stuff here, that I don't usually share with anyone. I know how you feel, my father is a meth addict and was a cocaine addict most of my life. He cleaned up for many years, but when his marriage with my whore of a stepmother fell apart he graduated to meth. I went three years with out speaking to him and have only recently seen him. He just got out of jail and claimed he didn't need the stuff anymore. I don't believe him, but I can't care about his life anymore. I have my own life to live. Bottom line is your bf won't quit unless he wants to and if he does he has to do it all on his own. Leave him and don't look back, take care of yourself and your kids and do it despite him if you need a reason. And I hate to say it but never trust an addict, ex-addict or otherwise. They all have a weakness of character otherwise they never would have been an addict to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
mommie-dearest Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 You really need to get out of that relationship, I know you probably love him dearly but that is no way for children to grow up. I hope you can find the strength to leave. I will keep you in my prayers.Good luck I guess ive just been looking for someone or something to talk to about this situation. Ive been dealing with this on and off for about 7 or 8yrs. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and I dont know how much longer I can cope with it. I am 8mths pregnant and I cant deal with much more added stress into my life. We have a 6yr old son together as well. We dont live together. He lives and works in DC and I live in Wv which, makes it even more difficult.. He makes promise after promise and at the same time refuses to do anything about his situation. he doesnt feel like its that big of a deal and I should just keep my mouth shut and deal with it. Im not going to do that anymore. He has no idea how this effects me and the burden of this secret on my shoulders is overbearing.... He is blowing most of our money up his arm and that in itself is very frustrating..I was working up until the beginning of this month...Ive been having problems with the pregnancy probably due to all the stress im under. I dont want to wait around for him to lose his job or screw up really badly and then be stuck in the same situation we were in yrs ago when he messed up really bad and lost his job in florida due to his habits.... I love him dearly but, I need to think about my kids and myself as well. He cries to me and tells me how much he wants to get off of it and etc etc and I sincerely believe him sometimes and other times it like Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. There is so much more I would love to share but, maybe another time. does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do at this point.. Link to post Share on other sites
extra-ordinary_guy Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Any ex-heroin users I know, only stopped when there was nothing and no one left in their life. As long as he has you he has some semblance of normality in his world of denial. Why should he quit - things aint so bad - he still has you doesn't he? You would be doing the right thing for everybody concerned here if you left him ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
nobody Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I guess ive just been looking for someone or something to talk to about this situation. Ive been dealing with this on and off for about 7 or 8yrs. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and I dont know how much longer I can cope with it. I am 8mths pregnant and I cant deal with much more added stress into my life. We have a 6yr old son together as well. We dont live together. He lives and works in DC and I live in Wv which, makes it even more difficult.. He makes promise after promise and at the same time refuses to do anything about his situation. he doesnt feel like its that big of a deal and I should just keep my mouth shut and deal with it. Im not going to do that anymore. He has no idea how this effects me and the burden of this secret on my shoulders is overbearing.... He is blowing most of our money up his arm and that in itself is very frustrating..I was working up until the beginning of this month...Ive been having problems with the pregnancy probably due to all the stress im under. I dont want to wait around for him to lose his job or screw up really badly and then be stuck in the same situation we were in yrs ago when he messed up really bad and lost his job in florida due to his habits.... I love him dearly but, I need to think about my kids and myself as well. He cries to me and tells me how much he wants to get off of it and etc etc and I sincerely believe him sometimes and other times it like Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. There is so much more I would love to share but, maybe another time. does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do at this point.. look, this sucks for the both of you i'm sure (that is if he REALLY wants to quit). I mean i used to to be a junky myself and know that i have tortured a couple of women out there by them having to deal with me....but you have a kid and another on the way.. Listen....TRY THIS...: Have him go to any Dr. that prescribes SUBOXONE (if he doesn't even try...dump him....or at least til he does) If he does...let him know this... it may be hard to find a doctor that uses this because there are not many out there that do...i dont know why...the risks are minimal and there are studies out there that compare it to methadone and there is more success with suboxone...(and therapy wouldn't hurt either)... at first, it comes in ampules (viles) and you shoot them into your muscle/fat....this is buprinex (buprenorphine)....(this is the most important part because you do this at the time you'd normally be going through withdrawals or would be kicking horribly...so he/you would need to keep an eye on him/self at this time.... buprenorphine...yes, sounds like morphine...cause it is only a molecule or two off....but...it also has something called naloxone that blocks the parts of your brain that normally are responsible for "feeling" high...(look it up..its an opiate agonist...or is it antagonist?..****, i forget...again, look it up...) after these ampules are done he should be clean from dope for 3-4 days...and tell him that he can do it and not to have an emergency stash of dope somewhere just in case it doesn't work....it will work...trust me. then he goes back and sees the same Dr....gets some pills..called SUBOXONE.....they come in 2, 4, or 8Mg pills...if he is a serious junky, he should get the 8 Mgs.... then he dissolves it under his tongue and he's fine until the next one.. so he would take these probably for about 3-6months....all the while the actual heroin or pain killers or whatever opiate is exiting his system...its a trip because i really expected to be feeling dopesick while on these but i wasnt...its actually kind of amazing... BUT........ only one catch.... they are expensive.....they are kind of new (from England, I think) and there is not a generic version of it yet....the 8mg pills (for 30) cost about 240 dollars or about 8-10 bucks per pill...thats per month...if he could afford a heroin habit, this is nothing...... check it out online...the actual drug thats doing the work is called BUPRENORPHINE (BUPRINEX is what its called in the ampule form.) the pills are either SUBOXONE (orange, hexagonal) that have buprenorphine plus nalaxone or there's another by the same manufacturer called subutex....i did not take it so i wont say anything about it... goof luck...it worked for me and for my ex-girlfriend....it took about 8 months for me....longer for my ex..it ook longer for her cause she was a pill-popper and doing it that way takes a lot longer to exit your system completely...it has to go through your guts and stomach, then into your blood stream very slowly rather than just you blood stream via IV, lungs from skoking it, or blood stream via the nose.... this is not gonna be easy for him....or you... right now you and your children are what come first....this guy with a dope habit is not your boyfriend.......... he'll only be they guy you knew, or maybe never knew when he's clean...and clean for at least 6 months....even longer, actually.... its wierd thinking back to that part of my life right now.....i thought there was no way to quit....i didn't want to quit...but did.... for my own reasons.. but i'll tell you this..without any kind of mental health help, there is almost no use...he would have to at least talk with someone about it....hopefully the doctor who prescribes it will offer services or suggest something besides AA or NA meetings....but if thats all thats available, he should do it... -good luck Link to post Share on other sites
nobody Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I guess ive just been looking for someone or something to talk to about this situation. Ive been dealing with this on and off for about 7 or 8yrs. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and I dont know how much longer I can cope with it. I am 8mths pregnant and I cant deal with much more added stress into my life. We have a 6yr old son together as well. We dont live together. He lives and works in DC and I live in Wv which, makes it even more difficult.. He makes promise after promise and at the same time refuses to do anything about his situation. he doesnt feel like its that big of a deal and I should just keep my mouth shut and deal with it. Im not going to do that anymore. He has no idea how this effects me and the burden of this secret on my shoulders is overbearing.... He is blowing most of our money up his arm and that in itself is very frustrating..I was working up until the beginning of this month...Ive been having problems with the pregnancy probably due to all the stress im under. I dont want to wait around for him to lose his job or screw up really badly and then be stuck in the same situation we were in yrs ago when he messed up really bad and lost his job in florida due to his habits.... I love him dearly but, I need to think about my kids and myself as well. He cries to me and tells me how much he wants to get off of it and etc etc and I sincerely believe him sometimes and other times it like Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. There is so much more I would love to share but, maybe another time. does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do at this point.. look, this sucks for the both of you i'm sure (that is if he REALLY wants to quit). I mean i used to to be a junky myself and know that i have tortured a couple of women out there by them having to deal with me....but you have a kid and another on the way.. Listen....TRY THIS...: Have him go to any Dr. that prescribes SUBOXONE (if he doesn't even try...dump him....or at least til he does) If he does...let him know this... it may be hard to find a doctor that uses this because there are not many out there that do...i dont know why...the risks are minimal and there are studies out there that compare it to methadone and there is more success with suboxone...(and therapy wouldn't hurt either)... at first, it comes in ampules (viles) and you shoot them into your muscle/fat....this is buprinex (buprenorphine)....(this is the most important part because you do this at the time you'd normally be going through withdrawals or would be kicking horribly...so he/you would need to keep an eye on him/self at this time.... buprenorphine...yes, sounds like morphine...cause it is only a molecule or two off....but...it also has something called naloxone that blocks the parts of your brain that normally are responsible for "feeling" high...(look it up..its an opiate agonist...or is it antagonist?..****, i forget...again, look it up...) after these ampules are done he should be clean from dope for 3-4 days...and tell him that he can do it and not to have an emergency stash of dope somewhere just in case it doesn't work....it will work...trust me. then he goes back and sees the same Dr....gets some pills..called SUBOXONE.....they come in 2, 4, or 8Mg pills...if he is a serious junky, he should get the 8 Mgs.... then he dissolves it under his tongue and he's fine until the next one.. so he would take these probably for about 3-6months....all the while the actual heroin or pain killers or whatever opiate is exiting his system...its a trip because i really expected to be feeling dopesick while on these but i wasnt...its actually kind of amazing... BUT........ only one catch.... they are expensive.....they are kind of new (from England, I think) and there is not a generic version of it yet....the 8mg pills (for 30) cost about 240 dollars or about 8-10 bucks per pill...thats per month...if he could afford a heroin habit, this is nothing...... check it out online...the actual drug thats doing the work is called BUPRENORPHINE (BUPRINEX is what its called in the ampule form.) the pills are either SUBOXONE (orange, hexagonal) that have buprenorphine plus nalaxone or there's another by the same manufacturer called subutex....i did not take it so i wont say anything about it... goof luck...it worked for me and for my ex-girlfriend....it took about 8 months for me....longer for my ex..it ook longer for her cause she was a pill-popper and doing it that way takes a lot longer to exit your system completely...it has to go through your guts and stomach, then into your blood stream very slowly rather than just you blood stream via IV, lungs from skoking it, or blood stream via the nose.... this is not gonna be easy for him....or you... right now you and your children are what come first....this guy with a dope habit is not your boyfriend.......... he'll only be they guy you knew, or maybe never knew when he's clean...and clean for at least 6 months....even longer, actually.... its wierd thinking back to that part of my life right now.....i thought there was no way to quit....i didn't want to quit...but did.... for my own reasons.. but i'll tell you this..without any kind of mental health help, there is almost no use...he would have to at least talk with someone about it....hopefully the doctor who prescribes it will offer services or suggest something besides AA or NA meetings....but if thats all thats available, he should do it... -good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Run away as fast as you can,Im an addict too,and all I care about is my next fix. Like you said all you have to think about is you and your children.. RUN FORSET RUN!!! Before you get in trouble with the law or some other messed up deal that,that **** brings on. If he goes inpatient then mabey give him another chance.But make sure he is in patient for at least six months. Its an evil drug,and methadone is NOT the answer,Being clean IS! the answer. Sorry you and your babys have to go thru this Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 In mu opinnion suboxone,methadone,buprenorhine,subutex,and all that other stuff is just another opiate,best deal is to jump and stay off and go threw the WDs,or go into rehab,and do your best,and be a winner when you get out. There is no easy way out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 gr33 Im not trying to be a meany hunny but this is serious,you have a child,and tose baies do not need to be ariund this stuf at all. There is very lil helo doing thid=s on hid own,and why sweutch from one ipiate addiction to another? he is just going to have to jump off f the stuff and cold turkey it,and hopefully he will be lucky enuff to have you but his side. Or go inpatient,Thats what im planning on doing,im on methadone right now and its worse than the H, Bless you both your in my prayers Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Sorry ffor the misspelling in this last post,not much of an education I had, But i do want to wish you both the best. Its a sad cituation. Link to post Share on other sites
justice Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Sorry ffor the misspelling in this last post,not much of an education I had, But i do want to wish you both the best. Its a sad cituation. Your spelling is just fine. It's good to have someone who encourages here rather than tearing down. Link to post Share on other sites
trublu70 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 It is terrible to have been through this as a child but DON'T lump all recovering addicts together. That is direspectful and you are also discounting 3/4 of the population HELLLOOOOOO!!! Link to post Share on other sites
coolio217 Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 its so sad to be addicted to heroin.those poeple don't get t be old...they always die Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Tell him he goes in the strictest treatment facility he can find and he cleans up for good or it is over for good. This should be his last chance and if he blows it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
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