AriaIncognito Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 So I was wondering... I know this guy. In curiousity, I googled one of his online aliases, only to find some threads on a forum basically about his having paid for "services" if you know what I mean. The times he posted this stuff, he was in the middle of a relationship with someone he lived with, in fact moved cross country for her. So anyway, he apparently went to massage parlors in the city that well, did more than massage. He said he did this about a dozen times. How would you feel about dating someone that practiced this type of behavior at all, let alone practiced it while in a relationship? For the record, I do not know if she knew about it or not, so that point could be moot, maybe she knew and encouraged it. Just wondering what peoples thoughts are on that. What drives a man to seek a stranger to give him a BJ or HJ or whatever? Any thoughts?
amaysngrace Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 What drives a man to seek a stranger to give him a BJ or HJ or whatever? I think it would be a lack of sexual satisfaction with the partner they're with but they like them in all other areas. Which I think is weird because I try to get sex out of the way as soon as possible to see if there's compatibility. Because I think sex is very important. So I wouldn't get to really like a person too much if we didn't connect physically. But don't go by me...I'm a rare breed.
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Yeah I do know that they did eventually break up. I don't know if that was one of the reasons LOL. He never mentioned anything bad between them in that arena but I dont know that i ever specifically asked either. As far as I know, the majority of that behavior was towards the end of their relationship, if not right after it stopped. It just seems weird to me. Do it yourself until you find another person to date lol. Why shell out 40 bucks LOL. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm trying to understand him (he's my ex, fyi LOL) and why I fell so hard for someone who was so not worth my time and affection. Anyway, I'm still curious as to how men feel going into situations like that. Seems so awkward to me. Dating is hard enough, let alone having some stranger do things like that to you..I don't know. Seems so, impersonal. But maybe that's a man/woman thing.
amaysngrace Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I think you're going to have a hard time getting an answer from men who pay for it. Seems to me it wouldn't be something that they'd readily admit. Oh, but I forgot, we're on LoveShack. We bear our souls on LoveShack.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 To respond to your question about trusting a man who indulges regularly with hookers, no way. There would be multiple concerns associated to that, including health and perspective on life. Truly ariawoman, you can do far better than this guy. He doesn't appear to appreciate much of anything.
underpants Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I would not want a relationship, or really even a close friendship with someone who felt the need, and even the entitlement (a dozen times) to engage with other women while in a relationship. It is just disrespectful to the person that he was involved with. Off putting would be my feeling for such a character. Who knows why. The taboo of it, depression, maybe it started off as a genuine massage and he eventually went there, then decided he liked it. After a dozen or so times I think he has a taste for it. Not someone I would give my heart to, no way. Not for me. I guess I could understand the curiosity of it and if you are single do what you like. However, he wasn't really taking his partner into consideration at the time, so ...eventually....no happy ending for him. Ahhh sooo, Unders
allina Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 (he's my ex, fyi LOL) and why I fell so hard for someone who was so not worth my time and affection. Why are you googling him? See, reason number 4645896748967934865984769847698 why he's bad.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 If I knew that it had only been once then yeah, maybe that would be understandable and that would also be OUTSIDE of a commited R. If he paid for it 12 or more times then its something of a hobby to him and something he enjoys. He obviously finds it no more out of the ordinary than you might paying $40 for a manicure. I would be very happy to have this information now. As many great points as someone may have, one particular flaw can override or make moot the perfect "fit" we see in them. It can be very hard to accept when everything else seems sooo perfect. It can make you want to believe and ignore something that would otherwise be a complete deal breaker. Kind of like finding the PERFECT evening dress one size too small. Its easy to stand infront of the mirror suck in and decide it might do after all when you know in your head that you will be miserable all evening long and never wear it again. What was the tone of the posts you found by him? How did he feel about the experience?
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 The tone of the posts was happy. He wasn't ashamed of it. He was on a forum where it was openly discussed. He had told me that he was into like dom/sub and whatnot when i had first met him, but being in a relationship with him for a year I never really saw much evidence of that (and I suppose I was open). Allina, it's funny, I had commented to my friend that since he's been away I've not been thinking about him, but that made me think about him, so I googled the name haha. These posts were dating back to 5 years ago. Had I found them while we were seeing eachother, I would have asked him about it to get the supposed full story. To be honest, I think I am collecting reasons that it's best that we didn't work out. He was here a few days before he left for the other coast, and he actually made me so angry that I've not been having a hard time at all accepting that we were no longer. Anyone that disregards my feelings that much, deserves my anger. I'm getting there, I really am. I couldn't say this about myself a few months ago. All I saw was kittens and flowers when it came to him. Now, I'm starting to focus on the negatives, and why I deserve better.... It's just when I found this, I was like wtf, and had to ask about it here lol.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 So I was wondering... I know this guy. In curiousity, I googled one of his online aliases, only to find some threads on a forum basically about his having paid for "services" if you know what I mean. The times he posted this stuff, he was in the middle of a relationship with someone he lived with, in fact moved cross country for her. So anyway, he apparently went to massage parlors in the city that well, did more than massage. He said he did this about a dozen times. How would you feel about dating someone that practiced this type of behavior at all, let alone practiced it while in a relationship? For the record, I do not know if she knew about it or not, so that point could be moot, maybe she knew and encouraged it. Just wondering what peoples thoughts are on that. What drives a man to seek a stranger to give him a BJ or HJ or whatever? Any thoughts? I don't trust any guy, whether he did go to a massage parlour, went with prost., they have different reasons for that. MOST men cheat so it doesn't really make a difference. For some men, massage with happy endings or paying for services is not cheating... they don't have the feeling they have a 'mistress'...
allina Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It's just when I found this, I was like wtf, and had to ask about it here lol. I would definitely have the "wtf" feeling, I'd be grossed out too. A man that regularly takes part in this sort of stuff, especially when in a R, then goes to brag about it online is damaged and diseased goods in my book.
Teacher's Pet Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 OMG... We need to talk... lol lol -tp about a lot of things.
norajane Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Aria, c'mon - this is just not right. Totally agree. Aria, that's just icky. And to boast about it is even ickier. I don't think paying for 'massages' is anything to boast about. Quite the opposite.
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 I agree, it isn't anything to "boast" about. I don't really know what he was doing, but it definitely was gross. Especially considering I assume he was "cheating" on his ex by going to these places. I realize it's not necessarily emotional cheating, but it's definitely physical cheating. Presuming they had no pact to be able to "swing" or whatever, which I highly doubt. I know it's reason 3249283409248209348 to run away fast. Luckily for me, he's moved onto his next victim and hopefully I can keep going in the direction I've been going lately....
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 Truly ariawoman, you can do far better than this guy. He doesn't appear to appreciate much of anything. Someday, I'm going to realize this... It's interesting how we create the image of them being "perfect" for us and then whammo. It really makes me wonder how anyone is married ever, if all men are like the ones I had the pleasure of not being proposed to by. lol
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