mpo26 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Hi everyone this is my first post but I wanted some opinions because I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. A couple of months ago a girl messaged me online out of the blue. I wasn't looking for anything at the time. We exchanged messages, started long chats on MSN and the spoke on the phone every day for hours. You could tell she was really interested in me and we were starting to really like each other. She was at uni about 4 hours away from where I live, but knowing her actual home address was near to where I live, I figured it would be well worth going up to her uni address to visit. She was delighted that someone would put in the effort to go and see her because of the distance involved. And it was well worth it. You could tell she was really upset when I had to go home the first time. We had some great fun and time flew. The second and third times I visited her we slept in the same bed but kissed and cuddled, held hands and stuff, nothing more. However, you could tell that we were heading towards being together and we were both happy. However, for some reason gradually the contact from her side totally dried up. It started to happen just before the second time I saw her I'd say. I even phoned her to ask why this was the case because it was such a change from normal and she said she wasn't sure what she wanted and she had other worries. I offered to vanish from her life but she begged me not to and said she really liked me, and that one day I'm the kind of man she'd love to spend the rest of her life with. I thought that chat may have improved things but the contact is still sparse. She's living back near me now and has been home for a week but I still haven't seen her because she's been busy. However, we have agreed to meet on Saturday. I just don't get what happened to cause such a change. It was all so good. I know she likes me. I've done nothing to upset her and I've been nothing but good to her. It all makes no sense, and I know there is no one else involved because she is very shy and not like that at all. For some reason she seems totally against the idea of us being together and yet that wasn't the case initially. I'd say fair enough if she didn't like me but she obviously does, or she wouldn't have begged me to stay around. I get the impression I'm banging my head against a brick wall. I'm not gonna rush her into something she doesn't want, but at the same time I don't want to invest my time and feelings into a lost cause. Can anyone offer me any advice? Thanks for reading my post.
Krytellan Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I get the impression I'm banging my head against a brick wall. I'm not gonna rush her into something she doesn't want, but at the same time I don't want to invest my time and feelings into a lost cause. Can anyone offer me any advice? Thanks for reading my post. I know you want to know all the details about what's going on with her in the situation, but trying to get all the answers will likely be very frustrating. I think that you do have enough information to go on though, and it's not telling you what you want to hear. For whatever reason, she's pulling away from you. You'd do well to listen to that. If she's been home a week and you haven't seen her yet, there's nothing to hang onto here. This is just one of those situation where the longer you let yourself get muddled up in her uncertainties, the more you'll regret it in the end. My opinion is to just walk away from the situation and keep yourself from getting into a dysfunctional dynamic with her. Good luck.
Author mpo26 Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Thanks for your advice. I was edging towards walking away anyway but I need to be sure because it seems a massive waste if it's the wrong decision. Do you feel it isn't worth meeting her Saturday then or shall I see how that goes and then decide?
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 At this point in my life I've vowed to never again try and 'convince' someone they want to be with me... I think this is good advice for any of us to follow. Beyond the initial few meetings, you deserve to have someone who's totally into spending time with you and getting to know you better. If that's not the case then to me it could mean that you're 'close to what they're looking for but not quite' ie. the best option at the moment, or they have some real issues they need to work on ie. fear of committment, etc. When stuff like this crops up at the beginning of a relationship and they're not willing to have an open dialogue about what's going on, you can count yourself lucky that it's easy to walk away at this point. If time away from you is what she needs to sort out her issues, then that's what you should give her - for both of your sakes. And I mean honestly, not you waiting in the wings but you moving on. If she calls you up in a month or two and tells you what she was going through and how she solved it and would like to try again, hey - you have the option at that point to decide if you're willing to make yourself available to her again. There's nothing wrong with meeting up with her on Saturday, but keep this in mind and use the first hour or so to gauge whether you're going to continue seeing her. If she seems distant, it might be the perfect opportunity to talk to her at the end of the date and let her know what you've decided. If she calls to cancel for Saturday then THAT is the perfect opportunity to bring it up also.
Author mpo26 Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 Just to let you know I thought I'd let her initiate contact about meeting Saturday as I'm always the one to do so. It would prove whether she really wanted to see me or not. Well I haven't heard from her at all since I posted the original thread so at least I know now. It may make no sense to me but it's definitely over.
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