Dumped again...

[budweiser]

I met my ex about 10 years ago. We saw eachother maybe once a year for the first 7 years as friends and occasionally as lovers. About 3 years ago I called him after breaking up with my cheating fiance of 4 years.

 

We dated for 1 1/2 years and we live about 1/2 hr apart. I am at home with my parents, and we never discussed living together. He too lives at home, however, he has an apartment and a sick father. My parents are old-fashioned. No boys in the bedroom.

 

In the past 3 years I have travelled to his apt every weekend to visit. Mutually agreed that it was more condusive to "chill". We rarely hung out during the week due to work etc. Weekends were ours (even though he worked each weekend during the day. I would wait for his return).

 

After 1 1/2 years it was just over one day. We only faught twice in this time together. He just stopped calling me and eventually never returned my calls. I didn't imagine this relationship. There was no closure even after my repeated attemps to contact him.

 

We were apart for 5 months before he returned my calls. We never spoke about what happened in the past, except for him placing blame on me for not meeting my parents.

 

We moved forward together again. This lasted for 3 months. One day he left for work and said goodbye. I went home for the week and didn't hear from him for 3 months. I never contacted him this time.

 

HE called me 3 months later. We started hanging out again until 2 weeks ago (about 3 months together). I spent the day in the hospital with my father and was going to be late to his place for our usual hang out night.

 

After two calls to him and no return I was upset. I wanted to speak with him and I couldn't understand why he as delayed in calling me after getting home from work to make sure I was on my way. This is the usual procedure.

 

When he did call 3 hours late he asked what I was doing and I said "i guess nothing with you". I admit it was sarcastic, but I feel I had I right to be mad.

 

He yelled and screamed (kicked a few things from what I heard), told me I was making him feel guilty when he did nothing, told me he didn't want to see me or talk to me and hung up. I haven't heard from him since.

 

These are some factors:

He does not have a happy home life.

He is occasionally romantic. Given me flowers twice.

It is hard to communicate with him about big issues as he either shuts up or gets angry.

We speak every day, he calls me and we chat for an hour or so. We don't really go out on the weekends.

He knows one friend of mine. I know two of his.

I feel he drinks too much. 5/7 days a week.

He works hard and I would describe him as crafty.

He talks to his ex - but once said he would never get back with her. He doeasn't know that I know he speaking with her.

He has many girl aquaintances but I have no proof of cheating.

 

I haven't called him since he hung up and I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop thinking about him every second. Deep down I know I'm waiting for him to call but I'd rather not admit it.

 

I think he has committment issues or another girl on the side.

[lilac]

Budweiser,

I absolutely know what you are going through right now and it sucks. But you have to look at this realistically and not through rose-colored glasses. If this guy really, truly wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. I know this sounds brash, but you know in your head that it's the truth.

 

You say you're waiting for him to call. For what? So he can come back to you when it's convenient for him. Will you be satisfied forever being his convenient girlfriend? I hope not. Will you be happy is this on-again, off-again stuff is still going on a year from now?

 

My ex did this to me several times and left me 5 months ago for some tramp. I was devastated at first, but now that I have had time to reflect, I realize I deserve better than anything he could ever give me...which is nothing. Right now, you have nothing.

 

I know it's hard, but try to keep yourself busy with friends. Go to the bookstore and read some self-help books. That helped me tremendously. This guy is not the only person on the planet and he does not deserve you!!!

[budweiser]

Thank you for your response. Your are right and I hear and know what you said is true. It's just hard.

 

I'm the type of person who doesn't throw relationships away. I work at them when they go wrong, friendships or lovers.

 

My ex has been around for a long time. I realize that life did exist before him, but I can't remember who I was then. I know she was stonger than the person I am today.

 

I'm glad you understand how this relationship seems to be convenient for him. I truely feel that he is seeing other people, but I have no proof.

 

I don't want to confuse my jaded feelings of an ex-fiance cheating on me with what this guy is doing. However, it would be so much easier to never look back if I knew that he was with another girl. This would be concrete evidence that I could not deny, nor would I ever accept or forgive.

 

This guy is smooth. I wouldn't say a player, but manipulative enough. I just can't understand why I'm so hung-up on this guy? I've been in long-term relationships, short-term relationships, one night stands etc...none of them have ever been this hard to let go of.

 

It's been 2 weeks today since we've spoken and 3 weeks since we've seen eachother. My bestfriend lives 2 mins from his house and it's hard for me to go there. I'm tempted to spy. I want to catch him with someone else to ease my mind.

 

I'm sooooooooo scared that at 28 years old I will never find someone to love. It used to be so easy to go out and party and meet someone. I don't do that anymore and I'm not going to church to meet someone. I don't want to jinx myself so I'm waiting for Mr. Right to find me, but this wait is foreverlong.

 

I suppose he might phone again. It would be nice to hear an apology, but I'm not counting on it. He would never admit that he was wrong let alone say he's sorry. This is my fault according to him. Now I feel like a huge ****-up. I can't make this relationship work on any level.

 

Thanks for being there Lilac. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

[budweiser]

Well... he phoned. I'm not sure if anyone is reading this or not, but here goes.

 

I didn't phone him at all the past 2 weeks. I've been moving on. I was so frozen when he called last night that I couln't even answer the phone. I called him back this afternoon...no answer. It's been a few hours now and I'm regretting that I called at all. I'm so confused. I'm sure I just took 10 steps back.

 

Help! What should I do? Is he playing games with me? Why tell me that you don't want to talk to me or see me, and maybe you'll phone me then don't call for two weeks...then call!? I figured after he hung up on me 2 weeks ago it was over. Is he calling to say good-bye?

 

I hate this.

[mighty bop]

I couldn't handle that much stress......

[ThisGirlNameKD]

You said that you're not the kind of person who throws relationships away and like to work on them. Well, what good would it be to decorate a house that was on fire? If that sounds illogical, think about what you're doing. Somethings are not worth saving, and some things can't be saved. This guy has serious problems that are beyond you and it doesn't look at all that he want to change. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. You've named a lot of things like drinking and not having a happy home life that would make a red flag go up, and yet you're still over looking them. For what? You're not a bit happy at all and obviously, neither is he. He goes off and neglects to contact you. That's not a healthy relationship at all. So you need to ask yourself are you just settling for anything so that you're not lonely? And if not, you need to move on. Don't worry about him calling. Of course it's going to hurt. Most break ups do. But this doesn't sound healthy.