dragonsbreath Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Recently I have gotten myself into a relationship with a girl I really like. Its been about a month and a half since we were 'officially' together, but before that we were dating for about a month. We are either at my house or her house, every night. We sleep in the same bed and stuff and we even look at the same porn! But one thing, for some reason, she wont have sex with me... I know it might be a lot to ask to some people, especially in new relationships... But it plays down like this. When we first started out together it was great! About 2 weeks in she would start teasing me pretty heavy, obviously turning me on and playing with me for a minute. Then stop. I would be wanting to go forward and she would get mad at me.. This went on for a while even after I asked her not to tease me if she didn't plan on doing anything (I hope this wasn't too selfish). We went camping and she started full force, then stopped. So I just left, she was in tears (I don't know why, I have told her many times not to do this), and I had a nervous breakdown that night because of all the other **** going on in my life being multiplied by how sexually frustrated I was. She told me that she doesn't know why, she just "can't" do it. She said that she "really really wants to, but just can't" and she always says she doesn't know why. It isn't me, its her (at least thats what im told...) Well now its even worse. I can't talk to her about it, she gives me the same answers all the time. When I think things are going in that direction, she will just let me play with her, then when I think we are both ready to go ahead she will stop. Not stop me, but say she doesn't want to, and when I ask why she does that to me she will tell me that she did not do anything to make me get off. But wont think twice about watching porn for 4 hours with me and then want to go straight to sleep.. Or let me give her oral or use my hand to make her orgasm. I don't know if its me being selfish and self-centered or what... Also another thing is that the only way we do have sex is when she is drunk.. It seems that she only will have sex with me when she is drunk. Then she will make comments like "I need some alcohol to do that" then get mad at me when I ask her why she has to drink to do anything with me. I just don't know what to do, im so sexually frustrated that I see myself day dreaming about any girl that walks around me, even when im with my girl... I don't want to, the last thing I want to do is cheat on my g/f, but its becoming increasingly hard when she tells me she is perfectly happy with not having sex in a relationship. Im just afraid im going to do the wrong thing, will somebody help me?
polywog Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Is she a virgin? If not, do you think it's possible that she has been sexually abused in the past & has "issues"? Has she ever given you a reason beyond what you said above?
Author dragonsbreath Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 She isn't a virgin. We had sex while we were a bit drunk one time and she said it was really fun...
che_jesse Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 You know I'm sure you can get to the bottom of this with lots of deep meaningful talks and gentle nudes to get her into therapy but do you really need this ****? Its one thing to have issues or whatever, who knows maybe someone did molest her, but shes just a selfish jerk on top of it. She knows dam well what shes doing, she enjoys seeing you get all hot then cutting you off, and she knows she wont reciprocate when you go down on her but she does it anyway. I say sever.
Enema Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Sounds like she's either had something traumatic (abuse?) happen in the past, or perhaps a very strict upbringing that may have led her to believe that what you're doing is wrong or dirty? Don't feel selfish, this is a problem she has and needs to put some effort into working through.
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Sounds like you're dating Tanbark's massage chick. Hmph. I don't get these women who cock tease...
polywog Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 She isn't a virgin. We had sex while we were a bit drunk one time and she said it was really fun... Well, what she's doing isn't fair to you. Maybe she doesn't intend to frustrate you, she sounds conflicted, but ultimately it's selfish behavior on her part. I realize I'm only hearing your side of the story, so I'm responding to that.
Author dragonsbreath Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Well, when we were drunk and had sex it was also with one of my friends (a guy). It really hurt me inside but I did it anyway because I wanted her to be happy... Now I wish I never would have, she spent about 2 hours with him while I kinda just sat on the bed and watched.. I guess now its ok that im not having sex. Even when I try to masturbate I cant get a very good erection.. But anyway I wrote this right before I was supposed to pick her up, but she ditched me to goto eat with her friend... Even tho I reserved some seats for this expensive ass restaurant I was going to take her to. I waited a hour and a half for her
polywog Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Well, when we were drunk and had sex it was also with one of my friends (a guy). It really hurt me inside but I did it anyway because I wanted her to be happy... Now I wish I never would have, she spent about 2 hours with him while I kinda just sat on the bed and watched.. I guess now its ok that im not having sex. Even when I try to masturbate I cant get a very good erection.. But anyway I wrote this right before I was supposed to pick her up, but she ditched me to goto eat with her friend... Even tho I reserved some seats for this expensive ass restaurant I was going to take her to. I waited a hour and a half for her I see more reasons to bow out, dragon. You deserved better, in every way.
socialight Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 you let some guy bone her for 2 hours, and you let her jerk you around for weeks, and now she stood you up. If you have even just an ounce of manhood you will not reach out to this girl again. No calls, visits, texts, email,s nothing. If you she calls you the only "date" you should propose is her naked at your house at a time of your choosing. Otherwise, it's NEXT. And don't ever tolerate that kind of behaviour again for 4 weeks. Shameful!
Author dragonsbreath Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 I fully understand how stupid it is for me to stay with this girl.. But im attached... I feel like I need her in a way. See, lately I've been very unstable. In the past years I have almost tried to commit suicide but I never can do it because I do not have the strength yet. She is how I stay emotionally balanced. I haft to feel love or some sort of affection... Yes, I grew up alone and worse watching my mom shoot up black tar heroin for 8 years.. Now its crack... I don't know how to handle something like this, this is the only relationship that I have had this kind of trouble with. I guess its because im too nice, I want to make my girl, whoever it be a queen. I want her to feel what I have not felt in my life, but I guess I expect atleast the same back and thats my problem... I want to break up with her. I have made that decision... But I do not know how to do it, I have never broken up with somebody... My past relationships ended mutually, so this is something that is new to me.. Anyone have any 'pointers'?
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