should I do that???

[guest01]

Hi Everyone,

 

I really need your guys' advices - please!

 

I recently date this guy and so far we have been dating four times and we are kinda close to each other, though (email to each other everyday, chat on the phone every second day and we even give each other nicks names)

 

On our fourth date we I came to his place, as he want me to try another of his home made cake - I actually overnight at his place(stupid of me) but seriously we did do anything AT ALL- We didn't even do any french kisses (the day after we drove me to the place where I suppose to meet my friends but I said that I have to make sure that we are serious in a relationship before I tell me friends about him and he said: I'd like to be in a long term relationship w/ you if its not to early for you).

 

So we are going out again this weekend and as well he invited me to come to his place to try his cake which I really don't want to. He is a nice guy though but I definitely want to wait w/ getting intimate w/ him. But I just feel like that since he have spent money on me, he wants something in return (am I wrong or that is the reality & its how the dating thing at these days are???) Or he is just lonely since that he is alone here in the CA (he's from the East Coast).

 

He is a young attorney (he's 27 & 'm 22) but its seem like in his apartment which have only the old stuff, my point is: does he have a high study payment. Actually he brought me to the nice restaurants -I pay once but he pay most of the time even though I ask him to split the bills but he said: thats ok or I got! But in the future I really want to spilt the bill so I don't feel guilty about not to go to his place. Since that I'm a poor student will not have afford to go to the fine dinner every weekend and I don't to get to heavy for him w/ the bills- what should I?

 

So what will you guys think I should do?????

 

Thank you for your time!

[Tony T]

The very best thing you can do is be honest with him and let him know you want to take things very slowly. Let him know you like to start things off by being good friends and sometimes splitting the bill at restaurants, movies or wherever.

 

Take the lead and move very slowly.

 

I don't think at this point it is any of your busines whether or not he has school loans to pay off. That's something you can ask if and when you have known him for a good while and are thinking about getting serious. The possibilities of debt are there but he could have also paid for his education entirely by working or with his parent's help.

 

If you want to take things more slowly, you should go to his place during the day and not stay overnight anymore until you feel this man is someone you want to be with for a long period of time. Don't put yourself in situations that may be difficult for you to deal with or uncomfortable with you.

 

This is a very sensitive situation and it's important for you to be forthright and honest with him...and kind at the same time. It's nice that he wants to get to know you better but perhaps a bit early to be thinking about a long term relationship.

[clia]

If he really likes you, he does not mind paying for you, even if he is up to his ears in student loans. Don't worry about his financial situation. Just let him pay most of the time, and then you pick up the bill every so often as this progresses. If he really likes you, he doesn't expect anything in return. Don't feel obligated to do anything, including going to his place if you don't want to.

 

Like Tony said, it's perfectly within your right to pace the relationship. It's fine to say that you don't feel comfortable going over to his place to "try his cake." Tell him to cut you a piece and bring it with him if he wants you to try it so badly.

[Ally Boo]

He asks you to come over so you can try some cake?? WHAT?!?