GreenEyedLady Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 statistacly 0% work out... open your eyes I am the HMA Does this make sense to anyone?
Author WebGirl Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Does this make sense to anyone? I've no idea what this person is talking about or why they are talking about it.
annabelle75 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Many thanks Annabelle. Truly. I know it was an imperfect beginning, but I hope to build something good from it. There's only so long you can berate yourself before you just tire of it and want to be happy. I'd rather be happy than give in to the belief that I'm awful/he's awful/this R is awful. Thank you for your support, you really have no idea how much it means. Some people may disagree but I don't think either of you are awful people. No body is perfect and I will be the last people to cast stones at anyone. I think people should be defined by more than just one choice in their life. You relationship may have not exactly started off the way it should have but I don't think that means you shouldn't be happy together. In fact I hope you both are. He obviously was in a marriage that did not work and is taking the steps to starting a new life. You have been down a long road with him the last three years and are about to find out if he is "the one." The next few months are going to be a bit scary and exciting. I hope it works out for you. You might want to read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=119541
Author WebGirl Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 You might want to read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=119541 I did in fact read this thread just last evening and took great comfort in it. Trust me, I do not take what anyone says to heart, I know in their own way, everyone is trying to help in the best way they know how. All I can worry about is myself and how I handle things in my life. I am doing the best I can.
Green Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I think statisticaly there is 0% chance of this working out. He probaby will go date some one else. Im not saying this because I think your a bad person, its just the fact that you described him having lots of options, and he's just getting out of a situation where he wasnt supposed to(but did) date or romanticaly see people other then his one. You havnt been a good person with this guy, and he hasnt been one with you. I would move on if I were you and just never get in a situation like this again. You sound smart, I have no idea while you call yourself web girl but in your case I find its more the spiders the world wide. youve seen all the angle so now its time for you to focus on one of them
Author WebGirl Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I think statisticaly there is 0% chance of this working out. There it is. You "think" statistically there is a 0% chance. Those two words - "think" and "statistic" do not belong in the same sentence. One is based on opinion and one is based on fact. I'm sure you can see which yours is based on. He probaby will go date some one else. Im not saying this because I think your a bad person, its just the fact that you described him having lots of options, and he's just getting out of a situation where he wasnt supposed to(but did) date or romanticaly see people other then his one. a) I'm not a bad person, thanks. b) Everyone has lots of options. I am well aware of this. I was not asking for confirmation of that fact. c) Yes, we all know he was a MM, also not what I was asking. It is not as cut and dry as you would think. You havnt been a good person with this guy, and he hasnt been one with you. I would move on if I were you and just never get in a situation like this again. d) Hmmm, this is in direct opposition to what you previously wrote about my character (see point a) - so which is it? Bad? Good? Wait, I don't actually care.) You sound smart, I have no idea while you call yourself web girl but in your case I find its more the spiders the world wide. e) WebGirl has nothing to do with spiders, not that it matters much at all, but I happen to be a web designer. youve seen all the angle so now its time for you to focus on one of them f) I believe I am focusing on one of them. In case you missed it in all these posts, it's to make a good relationship out of this.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Many thanks Annabelle. Truly. I know it was an imperfect beginning, but I hope to build something good from it. There's only so long you can berate yourself before you just tire of it and want to be happy. I'd rather be happy than give in to the belief that I'm awful/he's awful/this R is awful. Thank you for your support, you really have no idea how much it means. Webgirl, you sound really grounded and I think that is the best, if only, way that a OW can successfully move onto being a current partner. Granted - its hard work. Everything needs to be twice the hard work of a relationship that started "normally". But you know what? I really feel like I get twice the love from him, twice the understanding and twice the knowledge that I'm with the person I always dreamt of being with. We'll get there Webgirl!
Green Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Three posts before me included the topic and discussion of statistics the number 4% being thrown around it’s the only reason I even said the “I think 0%” thing so don’t read to deep into that. I made a point at stating that I don’t think you’re a bad person because this is a new board to you and I didn’t want you to think I was judging you in that dimension. Of course every one has lots of options but you specifically pointed out your aware of the fact he has lots of options and that you see the possibility of him taking them. I do not think the situation is cut and dry as life never is but eventually you have to make the decision that works for you. When I wrote you havn’t been good with this guy, it didn’t go in opposition to what I said because I was using it in the past tense as in everything you’ve done up until this point you yourself claim you wont be telling people who didn’t already know you’ve been in a relationship for the past 3 years. I was attempting to write a sarcastic tone when I stated not to know why you called yourself webgirl I knew you were some kind of web designer or web master, but you also do find yourself stuck in a web of sorts in the figurative sense. Well you’ve planted the perfect seeds for a great relationship, now you just need some more fertilizer and you’ll be set.
frannie Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 He works with a lot of women (I know because we used to work together,) and I know how they all flirt with him. I also know that the only thing keeping them at their distance is the knowledge that he is married. Once it is out that he is single, well, I can only imagine. Insecurity and jealousy runs rampant. Say what you will about "he did it to his wife, he'll do it to you" - sure, this a possibility, but once he is single, we are susceptible to the pitfalls that surround all couples. My question is, did any of you have this sort of insecurity descend on you once your MM became single? Hello WebGirl welcome to the forum. Just to answer this aspect of your post... hmm well, yes when I felt he was about to become single I did get scared and insecure. It wasn't about other women as such, but rather about the whole kaboodle... now it was about to become real, how was it going to be... did I really want him? Could I handle a man who had been so indecisive for three years..? And all sorts of questions and worries popped up. I really think that's just natural, and I think that the specific fears aren't necessarily relevant as such... it's just a whole omg here we go into the unknown!! thing as much as anything. For example, what you write here... about women in the office suddenly putting their claws in because they discover he's divorced..? How real is that..? And how likely is it that he's going to have his head turned by people who have been there all the time..! You don't say how it came about that he's divorcing after 3 years, so it's hard for me to say BUT... I'm imagining you've been developing a committed relationship in that time, spent quality time together and got to know and love each other deeply... You don't sound like someone naive and bubble-headed and likely to have misjudged the situation, so I'd say you're worrying over nothing. Or, rather you're fearful of the changes ahead and have landed on this particular worry to focus on... something like that..? Well, that would be me, anyway. My particular worries were different, but I think nonetheless irrelevant or should I say just a focus for my abstract fear about being properly involved with him. Just my thoughts anyway, and once again welcome. (also, it's just about impossible here not to get into wrangles and debates about your relationship... but I admire you for trying, and keep up the good work I could use a few tips!)
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