does the fairytale ever come true?

Yes. I know there are alot of people that prefer not to acknowledge that some times extra martital lead to lond lasting relationships. Is it the norm? No.

I thought it would be benficial to share the story of my aunt and uncle. They both got married when they were very young to their highschool sweethearts. My uncle had two kids early on in his marriage and was generally unhappy. So was my aunt. Although she did not feel ready to have children yet, her husband constantly pressured her to get pregnant and quit her job to stay home as a house wife.

They both worked for the same company and spent alot fo time together. What initially started off as a friendship became more as time went on. They both eventually confessed their infidelity and left their spouses. They have now been married 32 years and have a 19 year old daughter.

Now, I have had some very candid discussions with them about there choices. They are both very forthright about the fact that what they did was wrong. There is never an excuse for an extra-marital affair. But at the same time neither of them regrets ending their marriages. They were both very unhappy and although they should have simply left instead of having an affair, they have no regrets about choosing the life they now live.

Both of their previous spouses are also in long lasting marriages, but sadly my uncle has had to deal with alot of pain from him ex-wife. Being that he knows he was inittially in the wrong he let her treat him badly and put up with her trying to turn their kids against them for far too long. It has been more than 30 years and she has been re-married for 25, and she still can't let go of the bitterness. It makes things very hard for their now grown children.

In their situation, yes they did end up happy and other than dealing with problems with the ex-wife they have maintained a healthy family life and good relations with his children. I'm not telling everyone this story to condone what they did or to support extra-marital affairs but to make a point that every situation is different. Sometimes it isn't just about sex and so giving the blanket reply that, "he's liar, he's a cheater....he'll cheat on you too.." isn't always true.

No having said that, if either one of them ever told me that they did the right thing by having an affair I would lose a lot for respect for them. What they did was wrong and they accept that and are greatful that their relationship has flourished despite its dishonest beginnings. I still believe they are good people.

Uhm..not to be rude or anything but what's the point of this thread?

Uhm..not to be rude or anything but what's the point of this thread?

just sharing a story that is relevant to the subject of this forum and may be of interest to those in similar situations

just sharing a story that is relevant to the subject of this forum and may be of interest to those in similar situations

Oh.

........................

I have a friend where the "fairytale" did come true. She met a man who was in a horrible marriage, which also involved an infant. The wife would not spend any time with her husband. They argued a lot and in general it was just not a good marriage. He met my friend and after time they realized they loved each other. He had some difficulty leaving the marriage due to their small daughter though. He did a few hurtful things that she (my friend) ended up forgiving him for. I remember her telling me at one point that he was really torn between my friend and staying in the marriage for the sake of the daughter. I give my friend a lot of credit because in that moment she put it all out there and made him choose. He chose her and he ended up getting a divorce. His ex-wife made things difficult for a time but apparently a year or so later she ended up telling him that she was much happier. My friend got married to him and they had two girls of their own. There are still issues with his daughter from the first marriage though due to different parenting styles, etc. However, all the girls seem to be doing great. I will say this much, my friend and her husband do have a good marriage and are very happy together. You can see it in the way they look at each other and how they act with one another. I must admit that her story gave me hope for my own. Mine doesn't seem to be going that well though. I like your post though because it shows that sometimes something really good comes out of a bad situation. It's not that people are out to destroy marriages. Sometimes I guess people don't know how to get out of bad marriages. So yes, sometimes the fairytale does come true but for far too few of us I suppose. At least your story shows that sometimes there are happy ever afters......

I like this post too. To be honest, I have quite a few happy ever afters that I know of.

First one is my Best friends parents. Her father had an affiar with her mothers best friend. Not pretty, when you put it down on paper, and by all accounts, they displayed pretty poor emotional respect to her mother. However, the M was broken already and now that they have been married for over thirty years, it sort of says that it was meant to be for them. They're one of the only older couples I know that still sit on the sofa holding hands. They have two sons and seem happy. My friends mother has let go of the bitterness toward her H, but not toward her best friend. I can see why, after such a betrayal. However, this couple still are insulted by others about a betrayal thirty years ago - I think thats pretty sad too.

Second one is my boss. Met her husband while working with him. His M was on the rocks, they got together eventually and after five years they're getting married in a months time. His ex-W is friendly with them both now, and both the H and W realised that they both were ust treading water in a lifeless marriage. His ex-W understands why he had an affair and she has since remarried.

There's lots of other relationships I know of like these. I dont know whether it's different in the UK, but it seems sometimes less of a big deal that a marriage is ending. It was on the news the other day that most couples dont even enter into marriage here anymore, and prefer to cohabit together instead.

I hope mine is a happy ending. It's hard work, but after a year and a half, he has been separated for nearly 9 months. It's been a real rocky road but he's filed and has bought a place to live. In no way will I ever justify my actions. I knew it was wrong from the start. My MM was married, and married young and has two children. But also it would be the ruination of my relationship with him if I constantly thought "It's my fault his marriage has ended, I must be the best partner I can". His M ended because it was no longer working, and both W and H didnt put the effort in to make it work. He saw the type of R he wanted with me, something he did not know when he was 18. God, I didnt know what my favourite colour was when I was 18, never mind the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

But as with all relationships, what is a happy ending anyway? I know I feel as close to it as I have ever felt when I'm with him.

I have a friend where the "fairytale" did come true. She met a man who was in a horrible marriage, which also involved an infant. The wife would not spend any time with her husband. They argued a lot and in general it was just not a good marriage. He met my friend and after time they realized they loved each other. He had some difficulty leaving the marriage due to their small daughter though. He did a few hurtful things that she (my friend) ended up forgiving him for. I remember her telling me at one point that he was really torn between my friend and staying in the marriage for the sake of the daughter. I give my friend a lot of credit because in that moment she put it all out there and made him choose. He chose her and he ended up getting a divorce. His ex-wife made things difficult for a time but apparently a year or so later she ended up telling him that she was much happier. My friend got married to him and they had two girls of their own. There are still issues with his daughter from the first marriage though due to different parenting styles, etc. However, all the girls seem to be doing great. I will say this much, my friend and her husband do have a good marriage and are very happy together. You can see it in the way they look at each other and how they act with one another. I must admit that her story gave me hope for my own. Mine doesn't seem to be going that well though. I like your post though because it shows that sometimes something really good comes out of a bad situation. It's not that people are out to destroy marriages. Sometimes I guess people don't know how to get out of bad marriages. So yes, sometimes the fairytale does come true but for far too few of us I suppose. At least your story shows that sometimes there are happy ever afters......

I'm sorry to hear you are not seeing your happily ever after in the future .... It can be hard to hear stories of people making it work and wondering why it isn't working for you. You really have to look at each individual story and dissect the reasons it worked for them. In my aunt and uncle's case I think the fact that they were both ready to leave their marriages even before the affair began is a major factor. There was no hesitation from either of them.

If one person in the affair is still unsure as to wether they wish to end their marriage it often means they never will. The only long term relationships that I have seen come from affairs have been when the marriages were essentially dead and one or both partners was looking for a way out. If they are not looking for a way out, then the affair is more times than not just a disstraction.

In my aunt and uncle's case I think the fact that they were both ready to leave their marriages even before the affair began is a major factor. There was no hesitation from either of them.

If that was the case, do you know why they didn't leave their marriages before they had even met? Why did they wait to end their marriages until after they were in the midst of their affair?

If that was the case, do you know why they didn't leave their marriages before they had even met? Why did they wait to end their marriages until after they were in the midst of their affair?

They were both very Catholic and did not believe divorce was an option. It was not easy for them to finally make the choice to end their marriages but it was obvious to them that they were doing more harm by staying.

Many times OWs/OMs are the catalyst for change.

Many times OWs/OMs are the catalyst for change.

Very true. Often times by the time a spouse choses to have an affair they have already disconnected from the marriage and are looking for a reason to leave.

my xmm's mother had an affair when xmm and siblings were teenagers she divorced their father and married the affair partner.

mms father eventually remarried also and he seems to think that his parents are both happy in their second marriages but he feels that his mother regrets it and they, the teenagers, were split up which upset mm greatly he doesn't want his own children to feel how he did so i don't know why he decided to cheat himself.

my mother would never have had an affair on my father (he's in heaven) and i would never have an affair on my husband (if i had one)

does history really just repeat itself?

\

If one person in the affair is still unsure as to wether they wish to end their marriage it often means they never will. The only long term relationships that I have seen come from affairs have been when the marriages were essentially dead and one or both partners was looking for a way out. If they are not looking for a way out, then the affair is more times than not just a disstraction.

Thanks for your response. It's funny because with my situation, the marriage was dead but the MM's wife didn't want it to end because she felt her security was threatened. He truly hated being apart from his kids. It's funny because you read hundreds of stories like this. They are all different. Some MM are sincere and some aren't. While I think they all need to learn to make the hard decisions (as we all do) I think some of them truly are torn between kids and the OW. I think that sometimes it is a distraction for them because their adult personal lives are so devoid of companionship that it is human nature to want that. I guess some people go about it the wrong way. I am not saying affairs are right or that what I have done is right. It's not like we all plan to fall in love with MM. I should have done the right thing a while ago and told him that when he fixed his life and decided what he wanted that he should let me know. I guess I was weak as well and should have been strong. Circumstances in my life....lots of sadness and loss.....I suppose lessened my resolve. I accept responsibility for my wrongdoings and weakness.

It is nice to read about happy ever afters. I think its wonderful for any R last 30 years these days regardless of how it began.

Sometimes marriages are dead long before the divorce papers are signed. My marriage was over for years before I found the strength to leave. It's not easy to let go. It just isn't. So sometimes affairs do start while the marriage is legally intact, but emotionally gone for ages. In those situations, I know of several "happy ever afters."

My parents were both married to others when they met each other. My mom's marriage was abusive. My dad's marriage was loveless and his exW was controlling. Finding each other gave them the strength to make the necessary changes in their lives. They just celebrated their 36th anniversary.

My sister and her husband were both married when they met. While my sister was separated, her then boyfriend was not. It took them 3 years to get out of their marriages due to some very contentious divorces, but they have now been together for 11 years, married for 8 and they still look at each other with that look of love that makes me melt when I see it.

One of my best friends found the strength to leave her abusive marriage after a year long affair with a man who is now her husband (and has been for 8 years).

While I totally agree that it is "better" to end a marriage before starting another, sometimes the escape is easier with a partner by your side supporting you. It is not the norm, but it does happen.

Someone is bound to come along soon and spill this line, so I thought I'd beat them to the punch .

I have been married to my OW for many MANY years. While I am not proud of the fact that I allowed myself to fall in love whilst married to another, it is what it is, I have made peace with all those that I needed to make peace with.

We have lived a long and happy life together, and I thank the Good Lord everyday that I have the privilege of calling this amazing woman "my wife".

And no, I have never cheated on her, I would never hurt her like that.

Does the fairytale ever come true? I do think there are those who do end up together. However I don't believe it's common.

Not sure if I'd use the word fairytale maybe sucky fairytale but not fairytale. Someone's going to get screwed.

I know...maybe fairytale is the wrong word to use. More like "long scary journey for someone you believe in" is more like it in my case.

But if fairytale means that the heartbreak is over for those who are hurting (including BS's) and those who have fell in love can be in love openly, maybe it is a fairytale.

Who's to judge a M ® anyway? Many marriages that started as two single people together are sucky...

That's why some people choose to divorce...

When I think of my xMM (well, he had a long term R, not M), he reminds me more of that scary fable of the evil troll that lives under a bridge, than any fairy tale...!:D

I would say that there is no perfect relationship.

_____________

Dwane

2007 Chrysler Sebring Sedan by Chrysler USA

y wife".

 

And no, I have never cheated on her, I would never hurt her like that.

Yet you had no problem hurting your first wife. Did she somehow deserve to be hurt and this one doesn't? Interesting, and I think it says more about you than it does either of your wives...

Yet you had no problem hurting your first wife. Did she somehow deserve to be hurt and this one doesn't? Interesting, and I think it says more about you than it does either of your wives...

Do you keep up with people's stories or do you just like to dish? Maybe you should go back and read HAL's posts that explain his story before you spew! Geez!!!!!!!!!!

Do you keep up with people's stories or do you just like to dish? Maybe you should go back and read HAL's posts that explain his story before you spew! Geez!!!!!!!!!!

Oh I think quite a few posts on LS are all about reacting in the moment rather than taking a long look at particular situations or relationships.

Sometimes that can be really useful... fresh eye and all that.

Sometimes, like here, it's just like reading the same mantra over and over. I'm sure those posting in this way believe what they're saying... but ignoring the wider in favour of popular sound-bites just devalues anything the poster has to say.

jmho.

Glad to see this post.

Thank you

Someone is bound to come along soon and spill this line, so I thought I'd beat them to the punch .

 

I have been married to my OW for many MANY years. While I am not proud of the fact that I allowed myself to fall in love whilst married to another, it is what it is, I have made peace with all those that I needed to make peace with.

 

We have lived a long and happy life together, and I thank the Good Lord everyday that I have the privilege of calling this amazing woman "my wife".

 

And no, I have never cheated on her, I would never hurt her like that.