Gender Differences

[directx]

How about "older" guys? Meaning, middle age and up (no offense to anyone...)

 

I think (other than Tanbark, of course) that the majority of "younger" guys (early middle age and younger) might be unable to be "just friends" with females (the "I want to f*ck you" always getting in the way) but how about those with a few more years under their belts? Do they still feel that most (if not all) relationships with women should lead to the bedroom eventually?

 

Yeah, maybe I am getting older. I can easily be 'just friends' with a female, especially if it someone I am attracted to and never push for the bedroom.

In fact, I have at least one friendship with a woman and would even welcome a couple more where i think i would rather have an ongoing emotional affair and where sex would ruin it and thus i do not want it.

But I think it only applies to attractive women that are good masturbatory material.

Im a few under 40 so i think I qualify

[directx]

I've been operating on the over-simplified theory that man/woman friendships don't really exist. It of course depends how you define "friendship". Someone to kid around with at the office could be defined as a friend, but I'm not talking about that kind. I'm talking about the kind where you talk all the time, spend personal time together, become close and start telling each other deep, private things. Those are not friendships. They are surrogate-relationships, and they tend to be founded on one or the other or both people's feelings of wanting more.

 

And when those feelings surface, you find out it wasn't a friendship at all. It was either a step toward a love relationship, or it was a bridge over loneliness. And then the "friendship" ceases to exist, to be replaced by love or nothing.

 

Damn, you just described a 'friendship' I had with a woman all last year. We chatted over the phone, spent time together via lunches and late lunches and slowly started to share private things that started to get deep.

Its been NC with her for over a month. Maybe she got sick of me never making a move because I always treated it as a friendship?

Women are confusing.

[jennesis2]

Then maybe I am the one freak of nature straight female out there . . .

I am completely wired for sex, and display many of the processes that you have described as being "male oriented" when it comes to my male friends.

 

I have many male friends. But how I get them may come as a surprise to some. My male friends are essentially men that for whatever reason I had considered dating at one point, and then found out we were incompatible for whatever reason. However, I still like and respect them (and have an underlying attraction for them) but would never put pressure on them for anything more serious than a friendship.

 

I can honestly say that I have slept (at one time) with ALL of my close male friends, and have the option of doing so whenever I like if we choose to and are both single. We are still great friends that do many things together and enjoy spending our time together (mostly non-sexual). In fact, I don't think I would want a male friend that I hadn't slept with at least once, because in the back of my mind, I'd always wonder, and that's the killer!

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I don't think this is true. I've developed feelings for women I didn't think were all that physically attractive. I don't think I'm much different from most men there, so I don't understand the generalizations.

 

There's no doubt in my mind that women are much more picky, but they seem to be in more demand, so the balls always in their court.

 

Not always, B4R. Men can play that around just as much as women can. I think I'd agree with Johan's post on this one. The male-female friendship, beyond a point, is mostly a need to form a relationship with the opposite sex. Even if one of them appears "less interested" than the other, the basic premise of the relationship rests on the need for the company of a "potential mate".

 

Of course, there are friendships because it's fun spending some time with the person. Those are the true "just friends", i.e., you don't think about them when you go home after meeting them, or when you're at work, or alone at home. Just like you don't think about a guy friend after you've finished your conversation with him.

 

If you do think about the person beyond that time-frame - you're in it for more than you think you are.

 

In most of the cases, I've seen that it's always one person who emotionally invests more into the relationship, and therefore expects more out of it. This kind of imbalanced relationship is really tricky....as always, the one who loves (or feels) the least, controls the relationship.

 

B4R, this is what I'd suggest: Get into a relationship where the feelings are equal. If it feels like a one-way street, there just isn't enough emotional room to create a two-way flow of traffic. It's nobody's fault, it's just how the dynamics are between the two in question.

[Trialbyfire]

In most of the cases, I've seen that it's always one person who emotionally invests more into the relationship, and therefore expects more out of it. This kind of imbalanced relationship is really tricky....as always, the one who loves (or feels) the least, controls the relationship.

Well said TTSP.

 

It's a learning process of how much to give in a healthy way and how much to expect to take, in return. While people say that love knows no bounds and should be given freely and unconditionally, relationships require balance. No balance, the scale topples and no amount of one-way love will repair the damage.