blindsided

[michael's_pain]

Gunny,

 

YESSIR! Seriously, thanks for the wake-up anvil to the frontal lobes. Yes, you and many others are singing the same song to me...I won't bother to use CO2 on excuses, but I thought that good men do for their women what they do for their country -- sacrifice. Of course, my woman gave nothing back, so that logic falls on its "azz" as you say.

 

My attorney chews nails and spits lightning bolts. She's ready to WOMAN up for me, and I'm loving it.

 

In the meantime, the MRS has the cujones to tell me she wants spousal support because of the lifestyle she has developed!!!!!!!!! Can anyone explain to me what color the sky is in her world?

[Gunny376]

I wouldn't sweat the alimony business ~ at best she'll only get "rehabilitative for three or four years, if that! Your attorney should know this already, but just have her college transcripts, proof of graduation, and her pay records from her former jobs subpoenaed [sIZE=2](The ones before she took the 75% pay cut.) Get witnesses and proof of her infidelity. No judge is going to give a WW alimony, not when she’s fully capable of supporting herself in the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to.

 

 

She's been hooked into and listening to other women, GF's telling her what she can get and is entitled to ~ they don't know spit.

 

Yes sir! Its going to be one hell of a show! Mr. "R" (Reality) in the alley on the side of the court house with his Louville Slugger saying, "Come on up in here, I've got a little something for your little azz!"

 

I've heard of being lost in a fog, but this little princess is walking around lost, dazed and freaking confused!

 

Naw, I seriously doubt any judge is going to give her alimony. Without any children involved ~ he's just going to split the martial assets down the middle. You might have to buy her out of the house, etc. But that should be about it.

 

The XW tried that crap on me, said she wanted half of my military retirement (she wasn't entitled to it under Alabama law (then) anyway. Not a problem ~ I'll just do my twenty and get out. What?! That's right, there's nothing that says I have to retire, I can just take my Honorable discharge and walk. I know a couple of guys that did that, mostly Warrant Officers.

 

Anyway she's just talking out her azz! Worse case scenario? Go to France and join the French Forgein Legion, change your name, serve six years, and you'll get French Citizenship!

 

Be grateful the Pincess has shown her true colors.

 

BTW, you're right good men do scarficie for their good wives and their children.

[/sIZE]

[Darth Vader]

RecordProducer, your words are very kind and inspiring. And your point about her running is echoed by friends and family...even her family. She's an Olympic sprinter from all of life's responsibilities.

 

Jane, I made the list and the column of needs SHE fulfills is ... blank. Not sparse, but COMPLETELY blank. What an eye opener...I feel a little silly but was like a horse with blinders on pulling a plow...I just did not realize that the ground I was trying to till was now asphalt. No wonder my horse feet hurt!!!

 

ILMW, I hear you. I'm planning to start practicing golf again, and I'm going to reconnect with friends and people that I've chosen to let fall by the wayside rather than battle with my WW about their utility. Once she's gone and the papers are final, I see an HDTV and MANY sports parties in my future. maybe some hot babe out there will love the fact that I can host a sports party, know all the games...AND CATER IT MY F-ING SELF CAUSE I'M A GREAT F-ING COOK!!!

 

Whoo, that felt good.

 

Vader, the WW-OM sex is meaningless to me. Emotionally, she'd been cheating on me for a LOOOONG time. She can be somebody else's steaming pile of drama from now on.

 

 

I would get rid of that bed, just in case EWWWW!

[michael's_pain]

So it appears WW is now realizing the bleakness of her situation and is wondering how she will live her life without my $$$ support. She's dragging her feet in getting out of our house and it's creating a terrible living environment. On Saturday, I was wondering if we could save this, but today I just want her gone and she's in no rush. HELP!

[hardcase]

Honestly...it sounds as if she has made up her mind. I think you should continue with your attorney because it sounds as if she wants to get a divorce.

 

You supported her in her career choices and she says that she doesn't want to give up her stuff for your M? Uh...ok...whatever.

 

I know you are hurting..but since the ball is already rolling as far as divorce is concerned...keep it going.

 

And here is something else to consider...she cannot have children...you stood by her. Even though she cannot give you a child...you still loved her and didn't think about leaving her for someone that could give you one.

And rightfully so...I wouldn't have left my wife if she was infertile...thats not love.

 

But here you are, standing beside her and she spreads em for someone else? Oh hell no dude. she is already making all sorts of excuses to divorce...then you find out its because she screwed another guy.

 

You are already on your way to leaving her...I'd say since the ball is rolling...do not stop it. She sounds pretty damn selfish to treat you this way after you stood by her knowing she is infertile.

[sumdude]

What hurts about divorces is that you love somebody and they betrayed you in some way. You hear you made mistakes, but they don't admit their own mistakes. You want to work things out, but they don't. You're angry that they let you down; yet you want them back. Every time we face an oncoming divorce, it sounds like a bad joke. For some reason, it's usually the one who didn't want to involve any effort in the relationship that wants you out of their life. That happens for a reason: people who abandon marriages pretty early are those who don't have the capacity to work on the relationship. They want everything to be their way or the highway.

 

We always see the relationship as ours, but it's not - it's mine and his, yours and hers. She sees it differently from you. She knows what's inside her and you only know what's inside you. You feel love, understanding, and a lot of potential to improve the marriage, to endure the pain, to find solutions... But she doesn't feel any of it. She only feels stuck and wants out. This is not about you. This is about her. No one will convince me that any marriage is doomed before we try to fix it. There are a lot of options that people can engage in to make this complex institution function. But they are lazy, they don't want to work on themselves. And you think you will teach them how to become more responsible and reasonable. She takes the line of least resistence with her career, house chores, infidelity, maternity (she backed off about the adoption, right?) and nothing you say or do will make her put effort. She is not running away from you, she is running away from herself - from the things that she can't deal with. There are no problems that can't be dealt with - there are only people who can't deal with them.

 

When you think that you have some control over things, you suffer, because you have the urge to change something. Understand that you have no control over this and you can only accept the reality, no matter how cruel it is. The reality is: you will get over her. It will take some time, but you WILL be happy again. You'll re-marry and have a child with somebody else. And years from now, you will be thinking "Thank God she left me."

 

Right now, your problem is that you suffer emotionally facing a divorce and your goal should be to endure the pain, keep the faith, and keep in mind that your suffering will come to an end some day, sooner than you think. Good luck and keep your chin up!

 

 

This post should be enshrined on the front page of this board. Outside of cases involving abuse it really says it all.

[hardcase]

Pardon my ignorance' date=' but what are the steps to divorcing and moving on? I'm so new to all of this that I can't begin to think about what to do first...[/quote']

 

First of all...if you are talking to an attorney, and getting ready to file for divorce, NEVER clue her in as to what you are doing. Don't let her know you are filing for divorce much less talking to an attorney...and don't talk about it with friends and co-workers with a chance of it getting back to her.

 

Second...tell your attorney EVERYTHING. Tell him about the infidelity..etc..etc. Since you don't have kids...you might be able to get an anullment. But keep your attorney in the loop on everything, and I mean everything. Even tell him that you supported her choice in taking a 75% paycut to pursue her passion and that you supported her in whatever she did.

 

good luck my man.

[hardcase]

what if I lack the assets to get her an apartment?

 

She can pay for her own damn apartment.

[Gunny376]

If she doesn't have the means to support herself, then that sounds like a personal problem to me ~ it wouldn't be mine! And, she could forget that alimony business, I'd quit my job, sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and eat road kill before I ever pay her a dime!

 

As for her? I'd tell her, "Root hog or die! Times done got hard, and there's no scrap for you from the table!"

[quiet1one1]

What hurts about divorces is that you love somebody and they betrayed you in some way. You hear you made mistakes, but they don't admit their own mistakes. You want to work things out, but they don't. You're angry that they let you down; yet you want them back. Every time we face an oncoming divorce, it sounds like a bad joke. For some reason, it's usually the one who didn't want to involve any effort in the relationship that wants you out of their life. That happens for a reason: people who abandon marriages pretty early are those who don't have the capacity to work on the relationship. They want everything to be their way or the highway.

 

We always see the relationship as ours, but it's not - it's mine and his, yours and hers. She sees it differently from you. She knows what's inside her and you only know what's inside you. You feel love, understanding, and a lot of potential to improve the marriage, to endure the pain, to find solutions... But she doesn't feel any of it. She only feels stuck and wants out. This is not about you. This is about her. No one will convince me that any marriage is doomed before we try to fix it. There are a lot of options that people can engage in to make this complex institution function. But they are lazy, they don't want to work on themselves. And you think you will teach them how to become more responsible and reasonable. She takes the line of least resistence with her career, house chores, infidelity, maternity (she backed off about the adoption, right?) and nothing you say or do will make her put effort. She is not running away from you, she is running away from herself - from the things that she can't deal with. There are no problems that can't be dealt with - there are only people who can't deal with them.

 

When you think that you have some control over things, you suffer, because you have the urge to change something. Understand that you have no control over this and you can only accept the reality, no matter how cruel it is. The reality is: you will get over her. It will take some time, but you WILL be happy again. You'll re-marry and have a child with somebody else. And years from now, you will be thinking "Thank God she left me."

 

Right now, your problem is that you suffer emotionally facing a divorce and your goal should be to endure the pain, keep the faith, and keep in mind that your suffering will come to an end some day, sooner than you think. Good luck and keep your chin up!

 

Awesome post!!!

[azianpride143]

Hey it seems like your STBXW and mine are clones. Like what everyone says here. Man up and go. You don't deserve a woman like this in your life.

[Gunny376]

Phillipinnes! Korea! Japan! Thaiwain! Thailand! China! England! Scotland! Ireland! Germany!

 

 

Man up!

[ilmw]

Phillipinnes! Korea! Japan! Thaiwain! Thailand! China! England! Scotland! Ireland! Germany!

 

 

Man up!

 

Hey!... you didn't mention CANADA.... I thought we are your best buds...

[michael's_pain]

My STBXW just asked me if she and I could sit down and review any separation agreement. Yet she still walks around thinking that she's entitled to support going forward, even though she was unfaithful.

 

I'm thinking I should release the hounds -- refuse to talk to her about any of this, let her and my attorney duke it out, and drop the A*Bomb on this marriage to get the stink out of my nostrils.

 

She knows I've never been able to say no to her, and now she's manipulating that. Gunny, can I rent you out for a one week tour of duty to provide security in this crazy-azz-house of mine, which my spouse won't leave from because, as ashe says, she's perfectly comfortable?

 

WHEN DID SHE GO THIS CRAZY? And, am I an idiot that I never saw this before?

 

I'm totally frustrated...

[Darth Vader]

My STBXW just asked me if she and I could sit down and review any separation agreement. Yet she still walks around thinking that she's entitled to support going forward, even though she was unfaithful.

 

I'm thinking I should release the hounds -- refuse to talk to her about any of this, let her and my attorney duke it out, and drop the A*Bomb on this marriage to get the stink out of my nostrils.

 

She knows I've never been able to say no to her, and now she's manipulating that. Gunny, can I rent you out for a one week tour of duty to provide security in this crazy-azz-house of mine, which my spouse won't leave from because, as ashe says, she's perfectly comfortable?

 

WHEN DID SHE GO THIS CRAZY? And, am I an idiot that I never saw this before?

 

I'm totally frustrated...

 

 

Do exactly what you have stated, that's correct action. Whatever you do, DON'T sign anything without approval from your lawyer. If she thinks she's still getting support from you, let her think that, don't say that she is gonna get support, like I said, don't put in writing that you will do anything for her, the laws look at this as a contract.

 

By the way, I'll have some of what she's Smokin!

[azianpride143]

Do what I did. I told her if you don't leave the home I will. I will buy or rent another home just like the one we live in and will no longer make the house payments.

 

Sometimes you have to set those boundaries eventhough its too late. You need to take control back from the situation. Your STBXW is just like mine. All in control. You have to show them your strong, firm, and in control. Never lose your cool. Just be calm about everything and stick to your guns.

[michael's_pain]

Do what I did. I told her if you don't leave the home I will. I will buy or rent another home just like the one we live in and will no longer make the house payments.

 

Sometimes you have to set those boundaries eventhough its too late. You need to take control back from the situation. Your STBXW is just like mine. All in control. You have to show them your strong, firm, and in control. Never lose your cool. Just be calm about everything and stick to your guns.

 

Azianpride, I need some clarification from you. The mortgage is entirely in my name but the deed is in both of our names. If I stop paying the mortgage, I'm screwing her, yes, but aren't I also myself in the long run?? My attorney mentioned some sort of motion to remove her from the home, and I may just go ahead with that.

[notspiritual]

WHEN DID SHE GO THIS CRAZY? And, am I an idiot that I never saw this before?

You are not an idiot, you were in love. When in love, every defect of personnality is seen as “cute”. Every defects is seen as inoffensive. But these defects are the roots of your future doom. Love makes you blind as the French say. Like me, you had no experience when you started dating and fell easily into a woman’s traps. After all this crap is gone, you will gain a new skill my friend. You will have a sixth sense to detect a women’BS a thousand miles away.

 

Now stand up bro, protect your finance and show this bitch what kind of man you really are. Show her your bloody wolf teeth. She won’t mess up with you anymore. You won’t take her BS anymore.

 

She’s comfortable and won’t leave? Invite home your most vile and dirty buddies, let them sleep in the living room for days, treat them for food, let them celebrate with you. Because, yes my friend, it is not a time to cry or be frustrated, it is a time to celebrate outrageously. Celebrate the end of your doom and embrace your new freedom.

[azianpride143]

Yes that was my idea. I didn't care about my credit at that point. The house is under both our names and so is the loan. I could easily purchase or rent before the home get forclosed on. I wouldn't recommend that if you do care about your credit. Which I don't and I just want out. Obviously it was a gamble I was willing to make or a bluff and she bit the bullet and left. In your case since your attorney has suggested some other measures listen to him. I tend to go for the extreme measures since I don't care about myself as much.

[Gunny376]

DO NOT~ I REPEAT ~ DO NOT JEPORDIZE YOUR CREDIT ~ IF YOU'VE GOT GOOD CREDIT ~ PROTECT IT AT ALL COSTS!

 

AP I'VE GOT A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU, AND I APPRECIATE YOUR SIT-REP, and there are a lot of things that I would do in this sit-rep that I wouldn't suggest to others. But, hey? I know I'm an AH, and a crazy SOB! Don't go messin' with a guy that's both an AH and a crazy SOB!

 

Screwing up with your credit is a short term answer to a short term problem with long term consequences.

 

MP, your sit-rep (Marine Corps lingo for "situation report") is the very reason I will never shack up again. If you move in with her? Sooner or later she's going to tell you, "This is my house, and its my way or the highway!" and if she moves in with you, you're going to be sitting around trying to think of a way to get her out of your house!

 

Now getting back to what I would do? I'd pack her trash and change the locks to everything. I'd empty out the accounts, and get control of all the assets. I'd walk down to my attorney's office with a Louiville Slugger and beat on his $5000 desk telling him ~ "Damit I'm paying your azz good money to solve my problems ~ and you're not doing your freaking job! Either do your job I'm paying your azz good money for ~ or I'll find someone that can and will. And don't think I won't be bad-mouthing you to others and filing a complaint with the state Bar Association!

 

Me thinks I could have her out of there in nothing flat. I never laid a hand on a woman, but when I was going through this crap, and my wife was cheating on me and I had the "goods" on her, I had her backed up in the corner, behind the drapes crying and afraid. I went pure, Parris Island, M.C.R.D. DI on her azz!

 

( Out here in "civilian la~la land, most men find me intimidating ~ LOL! I went off on the store manager at the local WalMart in front of God and everyone else! But to this day you can swipe your debit card, and bet the cashier won't close the drawer without handing you ~ your cash back and having to wait 20-30 minutes for a CSM to come punch in codes!

 

And some of the foremen at work have complained about me ~ and I've had to learn how mellow out a bit! I've also have gone "postal" at the Post Office when they mis-handled a sensitive piece of mail through a third party ~ they allowed my then land-lady to sign for a registerd letter from the IRS ~ problems stemming from my divorce)

 

 

BTW ~ the local PO, dosen't do that anymore~! If you're not at home to sign for it, it doesn't get delivered!

[Darth Vader]

Well Gunny, if you can just solve the waitin at Walmart for 20-30 Min, prob, then we're all set! I hate it when there's just one person to serve all the people in Walmart, drives me nuts! I have to whip out the old Saber to get things a moving, sometimes I lend a hand if you know whadda mean!

[Ladyjane14]

Well Gunny, if you can just solve the waitin at Walmart for 20-30 Min, prob, then we're all set!

 

Don't shop at Walmart. .... Problem solved.

[Darth Vader]

Don't shop at Walmart. .... Problem solved.

 

 

Yeah right! And waste your money on overpriced stuff at Food Lion, or Krogers, or something. Come people! Work with me here, OK?

[Ladyjane14]

The world spins on the almighty buck, babe. Make sure you know who's getting yours.

;)

[Darth Vader]

The world spins on the almighty buck, babe. Make sure you know who's getting yours.

;)

 

 

If I can help it, ME!:lmao: But then again, the way things have a trickle dow-, er, um, I mean trickle up effect, we all may be supporting terrorists no matter where we go!