Best revenge on a cheating spouse...

[Jinxx]

I never said working out was solving my problems...its something I am doing for myself. I've done everything for her and my kids....now its time to look after me a little bit.

 

Uh... I believe the title of your thread is "the best revenge...."!

 

You're not looking out for yourself -- just suffering and prolonging an impending divorce. Both you and your wife deserve better..... so do your children.

[Jinxx]

And if I divorce...I won't be the one leaving the house...she wouldn't be able to afford it. I would have to live in it until I could sell it.

 

That won't be your decision. The judge will decide that one.

[michelangelo]

First off...I will be only required to pay child support...which I would gladly do and then some.

 

And if I divorce...I won't be the one leaving the house...she wouldn't be able to afford it. I would have to live in it until I could sell it.

 

However...I just started saving for their future and college....all of that will be gone. Don't even get me started on student loan BS either...I never wanted to burden them with paying $100K loan...might as well forget college and work at a factory.

 

Bottom line...I didn't bring my children into this world so I could tell them, "tough luck buddies...you're on your own now".

 

As someone else just pointed out, you should not be so sure you get the house and that you will only have to pay child support.

 

If you are in a long-term marriage you could be on the hook for spousal support forever (California as an example).

 

You may be ordered to keep the house, pay for her to live there.

[hardcase]

Uh... I believe the title of your thread is "the best revenge...."!

 

And I told someone else in here, that was revenge she made all herself. She picked a fight out of nowhere with me about it.

Revenge was an unintended outcome of it...that was the point.

 

You're not looking out for yourself

 

I'm not?...who am I looking out for by working out?

 

Both you and your wife deserve better..... so do your children.

 

Me and my children do...that is for sure. Why does my wife deserve better though?...oh..i forgot...you're a cheater too...you sympathize with them.

[hardcase]

That won't be your decision. The judge will decide that one.

 

She wouldn't want the house because she wouldn't be able to afford it. that and she'd have to pay me half of the equity in the house.

 

Whereas I wouldn't require that of her if I had the house so the best interest of our kids would be taken into account.

[Art_Critic]

Me and my children do...that is for sure. Why does my wife deserve better though?...oh..i forgot...you're a cheater too...you sympathize with them.

 

You need counseling..

Of course your wife deserves better too..Because she cheated on you before you were married isn't a reason that she should be denied happiness in a marriage with you..

 

Get into therapy...

[Art_Critic]

Whereas I wouldn't require that of her if I had the house so the best interest of our kids would be taken into account.

 

You would be required to pay her the half of the equity that is hers in order to keep the house.. if you can't then the judge would order that the house be sold and the equity split.

[hardcase]

As someone else just pointed out, you should not be so sure you get the house and that you will only have to pay child support.

 

If you are in a long-term marriage you could be on the hook for spousal support forever (California as an example).

 

You may be ordered to keep the house, pay for her to live there.

 

Spousal support is pretty much dead in my state. And I paid for her college....so she wouldn't get support because she has her own means.

 

When I say she wouldn't be able to afford the house, it isn't because she doesn't have the skills to go out and get a good paying job...she doesn't want to work in her field. I paid for her college...and she only wants to work where there is no responsibility....hence...minimum wage.

 

Besides...all of this is irrelevant anyway. Lets say she does get spousal support and the house...well then I'll have to file for bankruptcy if thats the case...no way I can pay to support myself, her and the kids.

I have no problem her making her own way, me making mine, and I pay for my kids.

 

But there is another issue....I would spend every last cent I had to get custody of them. I shouldn't have to be without them because of what she did. And if I did get custody...then I can still provide for their future.

But if I don't....then I will feel like I let them down, even though this is her doing.

[michelangelo]

She wouldn't want the house because she wouldn't be able to afford it. that and she'd have to pay me half of the equity in the house.

 

Whereas I wouldn't require that of her if I had the house so the best interest of our kids would be taken into account.

 

She could take the house, rent out rooms and get by.

 

A judge just may not agree with you that you deserve that half equity in the house.

 

all you have to do is google how men get stiffed in divorce even if they are not the one who cheated.

[Jinxx]

Ok Ms. Phd in Psychology...if I am not staying for my kids...then why do you think?

 

I think you stay because you enjoy holding this information over your wife's head and torturing her with it. I think you're looking for your proof that she cheated on you while married. I think you will enjoy kicking her to the curb when you get your proof.

 

I also think she might shock the hell out of you and kick YOU to the curb.

[hardcase]

You need counseling..

Of course your wife deserves better too..Because she cheated on you before you were married isn't a reason that she should be denied happiness in a marriage with you..

 

You haven't been reading everything. She has cheated during marriage too, I'm quite sure of it....going out with girlfriends...staying out til 4am when the clubs close at 1 and 2....her friends lying about their whereabouts and not a one of them can get there stories straight about where my wife was after hours.

 

I even offered to have my wife prove to me that she wasn't lying about cheating while married. she refused to take a polygraph...I have a bud that works for the state police and he has been trained with it...offered to bring it over, even though he said he'd feel uncomfortable asking her the question.

[hardcase]

I think you stay because you enjoy holding this information over your wife's head and torturing her with it. I think you're looking for your proof that she cheated on you while married. I think you will enjoy kicking her to the curb when you get your proof.

 

The fact she refused a polygraph and all the clubbing til 4am is proof enough for me.

 

I also think she might shock the hell out of you and kick YOU to the curb.

 

And that would just please you wouldn't it....a fellow cheater doing the kicking.

[Tomcat33]

First --

You are suffering tremendously. Get help..... from a marriage counselor. Going to the gym and *looking good* is not going to solve your problems. That is also an excuse.

 

I think you stay because you enjoy holding this information over your wife's head and torturing her with it. I think you're looking for your proof that she cheated on you while married. I think you will enjoy kicking her to the curb when you get your proof.

 

 

 

I could not agree more!! And as to the second quote I'll say it once I'll say it a million more times, damn right he gets pleasure from torturing his W, he's transparent.

 

Seriously SC we are only trying to help you, all negativity aside and personal issues re. how you treat people here..you do need help and looking good is fine but that's not going to take care of the inside.

 

 

Also excellent post by Art_critic:

 

Kids are sponges for negative energy.. Kids are always more aware of what is going on and they are affected in ways we don't understand.

 

A child when faced with parents that are in conflict don't have the tools to cope.. they are emotionally too immature to deal with adult problems but they have the ability to detect and absorb all the negative energy..

 

Then they do something that we don't expect them to do.. they carry the burden of their parents fighting.. They believe they are the cause of it.. and because they don't know how to handle it they internalize it..

 

Remember HC..Kids are sponges for negative energy.. your kids are being affected in a negative manner right now today as we speak by what is happening to you and your wife..

and they blame themselves...

 

Get yourself and your wife in MC.. your anger has to be seething into your children's lives..

 

 

Please make not of that HC/SC

[Jinxx]

The fact she refused a polygraph and all the clubbing til 4am is proof enough for me.

 

And that would just please you wouldn't it....a fellow cheater doing the kicking.

 

Ok -- you have your proof then don't you?! Kick her sorry ass to the curb and be done with it.

 

And no, you are wrong -- it wouldn't please me. I find your situation very sad.

[hardcase]

She could take the house, rent out rooms and get by.

 

A judge just may not agree with you that you deserve that half equity in the house.

 

all you have to do is google how men get stiffed in divorce even if they are not the one who cheated.

 

Well if that was the case, then the judge wouldn't give a crap about the well being of my children anymore more than a few others do.

[Great Gazoo]

Kids are sponges for negative energy.. Kids are always more aware of what is going on and they are affected in ways we don't understand.

 

A child when faced with parents that are in conflict don't have the tools to cope.. they are emotionally too immature to deal with adult problems but they have the ability to detect and absorb all the negative energy..

 

Then they do something that we don't expect them to do.. they carry the burden of their parents fighting.. They believe they are the cause of it.. and because they don't know how to handle it they internalize it..

 

Remember HC..Kids are sponges for negative energy.. your kids are being affected in a negative manner right now today as we speak by what is happening to you and your wife..

and they blame themselves...

 

Get yourself and your wife in MC.. your anger has to be seething into your children's lives..

 

I agree with this, I had just read about how children learn more by watching parents actions and picking up on any kind of energy than what any parent tells them, as they say actions speak louder than words.

 

My 2 cents are do your self a favor and make a decision, get some outside help if you want to continue with your marriage or get a divorce. I have seen within almost a week a 19 year old girl die in terrible car accident, a 40 year old father of 3 young kids die from a massive heart attack and a guy who just had his last cancer treatment only to be told they didn't work and that there is nothing more they can do. Life is too short for this, do what you have to but help yourself out.

[hardcase]

Seriously SC we are only trying to help you, all negativity aside and personal issues re. how you treat people here..you do need help and looking good is fine but that's not going to take care of the inside.

 

Then why did you call it abuse?...don't lie...you said it and you meant it.

Like I said...She was the one that picked the fight with me over it. I didn't ask for it. So which was the abuse part...me actually working out...or me standing up for myself?

[Tomcat33]

Well if that was the case, then the judge wouldn't give a crap about the well being of my children anymore more than a few others do.

 

If you don't mind me asking, you keep mentioning how the futures of your children would be destroyed are you really financially strapped and need to have the dual income in order to provide a decent life for your kids? Or could you not do it seperately? Because on an emotional note you can still very much be the father you always wanted to be for your children. Who knows maybe some time apart will do you both a lot of good.

[hardcase]

If you don't mind me asking, you keep mentioning how the futures of your children would be destroyed are you really financially strapped and need to have the dual income in order to provide a decent life for your kids?

 

No..she doesn't work...she had a couple of jobs here and there...but within the 7 years we have been married...she has worked maybe a total of 1 year.

 

And no, I am not financially strapped...but I am not rich enough to go through a divorce...pay support(assuming she gets the kids) and save for their future.

 

Because on an emotional note you can still very much be the father you always wanted to be for your children. Who knows maybe some time apart will do you both a lot of good.

 

Like I could look at them knowing that their life won't be what it could because I had to divorce their mother. I can't say if we will divorce or not...it definitely isn't out of the question...but if/when the day comes...I'll feel like I failed them even though this was her doing.

[Tomcat33]

Then why did you call it abuse?...don't lie...you said it and you meant it.

Like I said...She was the one that picked the fight with me over it. I didn't ask for it. So which was the abuse part...me actually working out...or me standing up for myself?

 

 

What's "abusive", and I will own up to that comment 100% (for the record I never put anything down here on LS that I am not willing to back up) is your constant agression (be it passive agression or full on resentment that turns into anger) towards you W, this idea that you are hanging on with dear life to the anger and you are unwilling to forgive, is abusive. You cannot have a healthy rel. DESPITE what happened I know she asked for it blah blah blah...but you chose to stay with her, you cannot have a healthy rel. if you don't let go and put to rest some of that anger. And that is abuse.

[hardcase]

No..she doesn't work...she had a couple of jobs here and there...but within the 7 years we have been married...she has worked maybe a total of 1 year.

 

And that isn't because she doesn't have an education or can't work...she's just plain lazy. Thats not meant to be mean...its just the truth. She doesn't want to work.

[Art_Critic]

I agree with this, I had just read about how children learn more by watching parents actions and picking up on any kind of energy than what any parent tells them, as they say actions speak louder than words.

 

I learned this from 2.5 years of child/family therapy that I went to with my step daughter ( at the time I was married she was 4 ) that was being affected by her parents ill will toward each other..

 

HC.. you never answer the part of my posts that mention therapy.. you seem to only answer the parts that you can revert to a slam back at your wife with..

 

How about telling me your thoughts on you seeking therapy to help you deal with this.. from this side you don't seem to be dealing real well...

[hardcase]

What's "abusive", and I will own up to that comment 100% (for the record I never put anything down here on LS that I am not willing to back up) is your constant agression (be it passive agression or full on resentment that turns into anger) towards you W, this idea that you are hanging on with dear life to the anger and you are unwilling to forgive, is abusive. You cannot have a healthy rel. DESPITE what happened I know she asked for it blah blah blah.

 

Nice to see that someone betraying someone else is blah blah blah to you.

[whichwayisup]

How is that abuse when he doesn't vent it at her? How is it abuse that he comes on here and vents how he feels about her cheating on him? Give an example of him being abusive IN REAL LIFE towards his wife. Not how he is ON here, venting. If he is home and holding it all in, how is that abusive towards his wife?

[hardcase]

I learned this from 2.5 years of child/family therapy that I went to with my step daughter ( at the time I was married she was 4 ) that was being affected by her parents ill will toward each other..

 

HC.. you never answer the part of my posts that mention therapy.. you seem to only answer the parts that you can revert to a slam back at your wife with..

 

How about telling me your thoughts on you seeking therapy to help you deal with this.. from this side you don't seem to be dealing real well...

 

Reason I never comment is because I don't believe in therapy...especially as evidenced by what people say.

I mean what are they gonna tell me?...That I have to understand WHY she messed around?..I don't care why she did it. I can see if I was some uncaring jerk who controlled her, beat her...things like that...but it was none of that.

 

Or are they going to tell me that it was my fault.

 

I can just see therapy making me angrier.

 

So have you ever been in therapy? If so...highlight for me some of the things discussed so I can respond to them.