Author mammax3 Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 Hi everyone! I'm back at home~finally! I had a perfect little girl and my other two absolutely adore her. I'm fine, a bit bruised and sore, but I'm so glad to be home and with my kids. There is nothing much to report on H and I. We did fine together in the hospital, and seem to be working together fine for the kids. We have discussed very little about our lives and where things are going. Which is fine by me, my motto right now is One thing at a Time and I'm sticking to it! I have had some terrific conversations with others about my sitch, and my H, and I'm feeling quite strong (although I am crying occasionally, hormones, I imagine - and maybe stress too, actually) about the continued decision that he's not the man for me and my kids. I need an AlphaMale (or an aspiring one) and all the delicious extras that goes with one. Whether I ever find him is almost irrelevant, because I couldn't settle with less, now that I see and understand that there's more out there. And now that I think I could identify one. Anyway, that's all another day thoughts. Right now me and the kids are working a new rhythm together and that's all the focus I need. I just feel good knowing that the new arrival hasn't made me question my decision regarding H. He SO doesn't understand what he's leaving. My kids are so great.
mum2three Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 What are you doing online already? :)o Get some sleep and feed that baby. They are so precious. You sound great. Remember to lean on your family and friends. Surround yourself with love. Best wishes to you.
azianpride143 Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Congrats on your new baby! I'm glad your doing well and the kids. Take good care of yourself. The right guy will come at the right time.
Sheba Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Congratulations, mamma! Isn't wonderful to finally meet your baby?
PWSX3 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Congrats!!! I bit the new baby looks just like mom; A CUTIE That is one stressful situation down, just another nine hundred & ninety nine million more to go....:D:D just to make our life more interesting. Good to hear things went well & you are back on your feet again.
Author mammax3 Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 :lmao: Ya, nine hundred and ninety nine million more to go! Oh man, that made me laugh! Thanks everyone. She *IS* a cutie, really. Just a little peanut of a girl.
dgiirl Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Congratulations Mammax3 Keep being present in the present!
GreenEyedLady Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what Mammax's little girl is made of! CONGRATULATIONS! Eat well and keep hydrated...and take care of you and your little ones...
sumdude Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 Congratulations, so happy to hear all went well and everyone is healthy! Cause that's what's really important. You amaze me every time you post. Keep strong momma!
Ladyjane14 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :bunny::bunny: Sorry to be late with my good wishes. I've had ALOT to do lately and I'm still trying to get caught up. Wow... a new baby girl. I love babies. It's only sheer luck I didn't end up with 12 of the little critters! And oh, what fun.. shopping and dressing little girl-babies. Boys are a blast too, don't get me wrong, but they don't tend to appreciate all the little fru-fru outfits. I hope you're getting enough rest. Recovery after a C-section, breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and trying to manage two other little people makes my current whirlwind schedule look like a day at the beach. Make sure you're getting whatever help you need. Tap friends and family when they're willing. And don't hesitate to get some professional help if you need it, housekeeping, home nursing, grocery delivery, nanny services. Let Numbnuts pay the bill. It's the least he can do, and Lord knows that's his forte... doing the LEAST that he can do. It's just astounding to me that he hung around there for four days and had nothing to say for himself, btw. You'd think he'd have some kind of pathetic excuse to explain his sorry self... but apparently he doesn't even have THAT much on the ball. Ah well, difficult as it is... I think maybe you're better off. If this is all the game that boy has, he's worth next to nothing for the long haul. Anyway, get better. Concentrate on you and your babies for now. There will be time later to deal with all the rest of it. You can't eat a bear but one bite at a time, right?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 LOL! Who would have thought a thread like "We're all done" could have such a happy part!!! I'm so very happy for you and your family! Wow, a little girl! I haven't even held one in too long to remember. Enjoy your time with her and the other two. Its great that they adore her and I'm sure they will be a big help as diaper getters and phone bringers! A freind who had hers fairly close together woke up to find a hot dog weiner in the newborns cradle, her three year old finally fessed up that she put it there in case the baby got hungry. Mom explained that babies cannot eat hotdogs and the three year old replied,"I know that, that's why I didn't put ketchup on it!" ??? I never got the logic but I laughed about it for months!
ilmw Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 LOL! Who would have thought a thread like "We're all done" could have such a happy part!!! I'm so very happy for you and your family! Wow, a little girl! I haven't even held one in too long to remember. Enjoy your time with her and the other two. Its great that they adore her and I'm sure they will be a big help as diaper getters and phone bringers! A freind who had hers fairly close together woke up to find a hot dog weiner in the newborns cradle, her three year old finally fessed up that she put it there in case the baby got hungry. Mom explained that babies cannot eat hotdogs and the three year old replied,"I know that, that's why I didn't put ketchup on it!" ??? I never got the logic but I laughed about it for months! :lmao::lmao:... now that was a cute story...
Gunny376 Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 CONGRATS ON THE NEW ADDITTION TO THE FAMILY~!!!! OOOOORAAAHHHHH ~FREAKING "A"! You can bet that's one little gal that will know an Alpha Man when she comes across one! By God! That's the thing though ~ you've got to go threw a couple of "losers" before you get a good "N" pretty picture in your head about not only what your looking for ~ but what your not looking for! Now that you've got that picture in your brain housing group ~ you'll find him. Unitil God decides in His own good time to put him in front of your face ~ learn how to tell the rest ~ "Sorry, Mother-Trucker! Your azz is out of gaz!"
Author mammax3 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 You guys rock! The full happy feeling you all give me... Is this why bunnies are given? Thanks for all the congrats, and I'm healing way better than the other two. I'll be a new woman soon! I hear ya LJ, on the whole him not saying anything. We've spoke briefly and he aknowledges that he's being selfish, but 'that's the way things have to be right now'. Mhmm. I pointed out that if I were as selfish as him right now, things would be a disaster, so maybe he could try to see the kids as 'first' in this, instead of himself?? He couldn't see what he could do, since he doesn't want to move back to our area (he doesn't want to see anyone here who may show him reality). I suggested CALLING sometimes! Write them a letter with some pics of his city and where he's living. Sheesh, anything to stay in touch, at least. And if he's not prepared to move back, then come for a visit more than once a month. We spoke a bit, he didn't want to, but I wanted to. He said that he's feeling 'ok', and I asked how is that possible? After a bit of verbal banter (he's really not connected to himself) he said that he just tells himself that until he'll feel it (that's a total garbage bag stuffing mentality). "Fake it 'til you make it" I can get, but only if you're still being honest to yourself inside, otherwise you'll never "make it", it'll always be fake. But! Seeing him here made me think of your comment, Gunny, I'll know when I see a man that's man enough for me, and I'll know what I'm not looking for, too. We were young when we started, and he didn't want to try and grow into more of a man and a couple - I need someone who'll grow with me. (That song from The Wedding Singer just popped into my head-the one that Adam Sandler's character wrote, and he sung it to her on the plane... Ahh... so sweet! ) I'm cool with it all, right now. One bear bite at a time. And the relief of one stressor (baby's birth) is now under the bridge, so I can focus on the next ones, soonish... Right now the focus is on getting better and my kids.
ilmw Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 You guys rock! The full happy feeling you all give me... Is this why bunnies are given? Thanks for all the congrats, and I'm healing way better than the other two. I'll be a new woman soon! I hear ya LJ, on the whole him not saying anything. We've spoke briefly and he aknowledges that he's being selfish, but 'that's the way things have to be right now'. Mhmm. I pointed out that if I were as selfish as him right now, things would be a disaster, so maybe he could try to see the kids as 'first' in this, instead of himself?? He couldn't see what he could do, since he doesn't want to move back to our area (he doesn't want to see anyone here who may show him reality). I suggested CALLING sometimes! Write them a letter with some pics of his city and where he's living. Sheesh, anything to stay in touch, at least. And if he's not prepared to move back, then come for a visit more than once a month. We spoke a bit, he didn't want to, but I wanted to. He said that he's feeling 'ok', and I asked how is that possible? After a bit of verbal banter (he's really not connected to himself) he said that he just tells himself that until he'll feel it (that's a total garbage bag stuffing mentality). "Fake it 'til you make it" I can get, but only if you're still being honest to yourself inside, otherwise you'll never "make it", it'll always be fake. But! Seeing him here made me think of your comment, Gunny, I'll know when I see a man that's man enough for me, and I'll know what I'm not looking for, too. We were young when we started, and he didn't want to try and grow into more of a man and a couple - I need someone who'll grow with me. (That song from The Wedding Singer just popped into my head-the one that Adam Sandler's character wrote, and he sung it to her on the plane... Ahh... so sweet! ) I'm cool with it all, right now. One bear bite at a time. And the relief of one stressor (baby's birth) is now under the bridge, so I can focus on the next ones, soonish... Right now the focus is on getting better and my kids. Just for you mammax3:D I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad Carry you around when your arthritis is bad All I wanna do is grow old with you. I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches build you a fire if the furnace breaks Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you. I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold. Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink. Oh I could be the man to grow old with you. I wanna grow old with you. (Adam Sandler)
Author mammax3 Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 That's the one, ilmw. Thanks! I'm so cheesy, but I love that movie!
Gunny376 Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 "I will not be lied to, cheated, nor laid a hand upon! I don't do these things to other people, and I won't have them done unto me!" ~ John Wayne Those are damned "good" words!
Author mammax3 Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 He has called to talk to the children! We had spoken a little while ago, and I told him that he needs to keep the children in the forefront, not himself (he keeps acknowleging his selfishness, but isn't doing anything about it-almost like he deserves this time to himself??) and keep in contact with them. It doesn't matter how, letters, phone calls whatever, just to let them know he's still out there and loves them. I think he needs direction on how to be a dad. I read in a divorce with kids book that kids feel they are part of dad and part of mum and if mum doesn't like dad, then maybe she doesn't like part of the kid. Wow, I had no idea. And since kids need both parents to feel whole - cuz they recognize they have both parents 'in' them - if they miss out on one parent kids will often feel they are missing part of themselves. Interesting. Small steps... but good ones. I hope this continues. I did a lot of musing tonight, which I shouldn't have, but I came away with the realization that although I miss H the man that he was, (or the man I thought he was) it's the future I was expecting that I'm feeling the most insecure about. Silly things like not being able to go get a pint of ice cream at 10pm because I can't leave the kids alone. Or having a partner at the dinner table with me and the kids, sharing and enjoying each other and the events of the day. The 'normal' things that I looked forward to in a marriage... my idea of marriage and family life has changed and I'm sad about that. I didn't want to be a single parent. I will be, obviously, and I'm waaaay better off without him as a male role model for my kids (and I really believe that, it's not just something I'm saying)... but it's still saddening and confusing to have to realign my ideas of parenting. Maybe it'll come together with time... I'm just feeling a little off tonight, is all. But I'm lovin' my baby! She's so cute and my other two are adorable with her. It's all about them, I'm looking forward to H realizing that.
Gunny376 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Part of marriage and getting married is of not just hopes and dreams ~ but "the dream" of life and what life will be with the one we are marrying. With divorce ~ that dies. And, its one of the hardest things to let go of, as well as one of the last. If it were me, I'd give the old boy a "talking to" about his obligations and rsponsiblities. All too many men belief that their parenting tasks end with conception ~ it doesn't. You might have to break it down to him. And, make constant reminders, even do it for him if necessary. Not for his sake ~ but for thier sake. They're so very young and impressionable and these are some of their most formiable years in the development of "self" and their individual selfs and personalities. One of my greatest regrets was in not postponing my own life for however many years was necessary and playing a more active role in my children. That would have meant that I got out of the dating and mating business ~ but so be it. When I was going through it ~ seventeen years ago there wasn't an internet nor a LS, and about the only bookstores you could find was Walldenbooks ~ which IMHO is about worthless when it comes to these matters. You've got to understand that even now days ~ unless the Father takes an active role in searching out answers to the questions and solutions to the problems he's not going to find them. "How to be a better Father" isn't a monthly topic in "Field and Stream" nor "Hot Rod" Magazine. In my own particular case I didn't have the best of role models when it came to a Father and a Husband. My idea of marriage was based more or less on my Grandparents, which is at least 100 years old, and just doesn't cut it in the day to day world of today. Granted, in many ways we've got it much easier than our grandparents and great grandparents did, what with all the modern conviences ~ but we're moving at a faster past and doing more ~ that in itself is part of the problem. As a soon to be single parent ~ you've got to adapt, improvise, and over-come. You've got to re-orientate your thinking. You've got to come up with new and better ways of thinking, organizing, evaluating. Each one of my children got exactally one "whipping" from me their entire lives. (Aside from pats on their diapers when they were little ~ LOL!) Both of them were serious "integrity" violations. Lying and crueltity to an animal. When they were little ~ we never put up the "what-nots" and such. They got picked up and moved and scolded and told "NO" a million and one times! And, a pat on the diaper. They were taught from day one ~ self discipline and self control. I never picked up after them ~ but I would follow them around and make them pick up after themselves. "Pick this up and put it over there, pick that up and put it over there." I'd stand in the doorway of their room and make them clean it ~ telling them what to do. Sure, it would have been easier for me to just do it myself. But, they soon learned that it was easier on them if they did it themselves ~ rather than do it by the numbers. The clothes they were to wear the next day were out and hanging on hangers before they went to bed. There was a "routine" to the household. They knew ~ Homework first ~ play later. They also knew that I would check their homework, and if it wasn't right ~ it would be harder on them and not me. I would also personally sign my name to each piece of homework to let the teacher know that I had personally gone over it for correctness and neatness. I didn't run my house like "Bootcamp" ~ but there was a routine and expectations. There was a rythmn and a harmony. My children knew that I was forgiving in so long as their was integrity, honesty, honor in what they did and that they truly gave their true personal best. Neither of my children are Rhodes scholars, etc. But, they are good honest, moral, honorable, mature and responsible. I'm very proud of them. I use to have a book, and I would assume there are other titles on the subject, (I gave mine to a fellow Marine) about how to be a long distance parent. Things you can do. Hell, just sending a "Hangman" or a "TicTacTo back and forth through the mail, etc. Get creative and innovative. The key is to engage the mind!
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