Her socializing is uncomfortable for me.

[12many]

Just got a text message from her. Her tone is really stern, not warm or "love u's" like there usually is in her texts to me. She said she's barely going home, she's gonna stop and do some shopping and maybe gamble a little more at the state line and if she has time, she'll give me a call. Whoop dee doo..... She's seems kinda of irked because I texted her last night while she was in Vegas since she hadn't texted or called since the night before. She wrote me back a stern sounding message last night too, saying that she hadn't texted me because she was having a "great time" and that was all she wrote. I assume she didn't want to be bothered while she was partying with her friends.

 

I notice when she's with her friends, she's really cool towards me on the phone via voice or text, the way a guy typically is when he's hanging with his buds and his girl calls him up. He doesn't want to look like a punk in front of his "boys" but when she's with me she's very lovey dovey or wants me to shower her with attention.

 

God, I'm sounding like a girl! No offense women but I am a man and should not be so "feely".

 

All I know is I really feel pissed after this last text. It's not what she said, it's what she didn't say and the cold tone and that added to the way I was already feeling just made things way worse.

 

I'm going to handle this.

[Bryanp]

I think it is time for you to clearly open your eyes. Everything is on her terms. If the roles were reversed she would not be putting up with such disrespect and bull**** from you. I think you would be a fool to be serious with a person like this. She wants to act like a single woman with her friends and be rowdy and have a boyfriend who is the fallback guy. She won't even go dancing with you. It is bad enough she has so little respect for you but if you do not have respect for yourself then who will? Surely you do not need to settle for someone who treats you and your relationship with such distain. Enough is enough.

[2sunny]

dump her - fast - and find a gal that is willing to respect, appreciate and love you.

 

she's just acting so inconsiderate, rude, unappreciative and hold you as a VERY low priority... totally disregarding your feelings... Is this what you want in a woman? I think not!

 

i hate it when women think that they have a right to treat nice men like trash... don't put up with it.

[12many]

I won't dump her immediately but I am going to ask her what she wants from this relationship. Depending on her answer and what's discussed, I'll either stay or leave. I already asked her before if in her opinion, does she believe that a serious relationship should be 50% committed and 50% foot loose and fancy free? She said was no, but that she believes in "balance". I think "balance" is fine too. I don't agree with being joined at the hip but her socializing is not cool. Her definition of balance is basically what I'm calling being out "foot loose and fancy free". Let's see what we can or can't hash out but this is b.s.

[cn283]

12many, I had a similiar situation but in reverse. I had a g/f that initially said she was "okay" with certain behaviors of mine (i.e. looking at porn, drawing naked women--I'm an artist btw), but that later became issues. In that situation I became frustrated and pissed off, because I felt like she was trying to alter my behavior and the rules of the relationship. Now, for a time I tried to go along with it, but it became more and more frustrating as she added things to the pile. So eventually I said, "f**k it" and we broke up.

 

The fact, you are part to blame because you enabled her in this. By not standing up for yourself early on, you condoned it. I don't blame her for getting angry in that instance. And it's true that her behavior isn't entirely respectful either and definitely shows where her priorities are.

 

Really, you two just aren't compatible.

 

Couldn't have said it better.

[chaos40]

Birds of a feather flock together

 

Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are

[mental_traveller]

sb129

You're right. I don't want to control her and she would not let that happen. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't, let's say it, "cheat" on me. Like I said earlier, I just don't see the point of her socializing with all the guys at the clubs. I don't like that.

 

Funny thing is she'll go out with her friends during the middle of the week but when I ask her to go out during the middle of the week she says "but I have to get up early in the morning, I don't want to go out". WTF?!!! What is this magical difference between how much pull her friends have compared to the man that she says she loves? I purposely asked her to go to one of their main hangouts (bar/club) and she kept putting me off and putting me off on going there. Finally, she said half jokingly "you just want to go to see were I fly and who knows me and who I know don't you? I'm no dummy, you think I don't know what you're up to". "Noooooooooooo", I replied ultra innocently. We wound up going on a Wednesday evening and they wound up being closed. As we walked up she said kind of sarcastically "ah shucks, guess we're out of luck" and chuckled a sarcastic little chuckle. She apparently wants to keep part of her life a secret from me and fights me on finding out about that part of her life. Extremely frustrating!

 

Yes, I can stay and deal with it or take off and try to find someone more to my liking. Sad it HAS to be one or the other.

 

It's obvious she is cheating on you.

[chaos40]

Maybe she's attending bible studies or helping starving children in 3rd world countries.

[Topper]

It would be nice to get an up date from 12 many.

[Roadster Man]

It's obvious she is cheating on you.

 

That went through my mind too.

 

She doesn't even want you at the LOCATIONS she goes to... like she's afraid that someone will say "You're with a new guy every time you come in here! Are you going to make out with him on the bar too?"

 

Maybe as far as those friends of hers know, she *IS* single -- and she allegedly broke things off with you log ago.

 

Sorry to be the bearer of bad ideas, but something is very not kosher here, and I'm talking far beyond her being rude to you.

 

I dated a girl years ago who was like this. I was NOT to go out with her and her crowd -- her reason? "What are you, f'in psycho stalker? These are *MY* friends -- go get your own." What I found interesting was that we had mutual friends, but she "got custody" of them.

 

(This was when I was in a needy phase and incapable of growing a pair of my own, besides even if I had, she would have made me turn them over anyway.)

 

This lasted until one of the mutual friends said something about her, and I said something like "Yeah, she's been like that ever since we started dating x months ago" and the blood drained out of her head and she slowly said "She.... she told us all that you were just some guy she used to work with... She's been going home with a different guy every night..."

 

When I confronted her with this, of course her response was "What, are you checking up on me? I knew you were a f'in stalker. I could never trust you at all, of course you coudn't trust me. I'm SO Out of here."

 

riiiiiight.

[leeharvey]

My advice buddy! GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!!!

 

I spent 3 years with a girl that was a party girl, im a very trusting guy that doesn't get jealous so i let her be with her nights out with the girls getting really drunk to the early hours and socialising with guys. As soon as we hit a rocky patch in our relationship she decided to take a guys number one night that had showed interest in her and started an affair which went on for 5 months before i found out about it. I will never trust a party girl ever again as they are in easy reach of guys that are gagging to show her a good time as soon as she feels a bit low in the realationship.

 

I will never trust a extroverted party girl ever again.

 

Man im bitter!!

[daisydo]

I went through a situation that was eerily similar to this only with a guy. He definitely wanted to have the best of both worlds - the nightlife, the flirting with random girls, possibly some cheating in there.. and then to come home to me.. his good little girlfriend that cleaned the apartment, paid many of the bills and cooked him dinner.

 

i will never be treated like that ever again. he is a jerk and he took advantage of me. some people have a harder time standing up for themselves than others.. this invites being walked all over and that is exactly what happened to me. i will never tolerate that sh** ever again.

 

he never wanted me to come out with him.. he would stay out late drinking at bars with his friends and had ZERO interest in doing this with me. the one night i stopped by randomly he broke up with me and said i invaded his "sanctuary". what? his sanctuary for being a total sleeze ball and hitting on girls? probably.

 

just thinking about it makes me upset. you will look back at this situation in a few months and laugh at her pathetic behavior. you will know that if she keeps up this attitude she will never find herself in any committed and stable relationship. but maybe that is not what she is after.. but if she is trying to have it both ways - i say to her "GOOD LUCK!" and call me in 10 years when you are single and miserable so I can laugh at you and your crappy attitude.

 

what pisses me off most is that my ex never made it clear that this was his number one priority until about 6 months into our relationship. then it was a huge point of contention.. for the first 6 months he was a homebody and we did a lot of things together, went out together etc.. afterwards he was hardly ever home and was outright hostile when i wanted to spend any time with him. i felt deceived to be honest.. then i tried to deal with it.. then i gave up and left.

 

he has since been calling me again - for god knows what reason.. maybe an ego boost or something. just don't keep falling into their traps.. they freaking sociopaths. stay away!

 

an update on your situation would be great too.