, What the? Do I do no contact?

[dierks]

My gf has stopped putting forth effort. She wants to be around me when she wants to. I believe she could care less if she sees me or not. Been together 2 years. We talk everyday, she calls me or text me 5/6 times a day. Says she don't want to break up, but she don't know what she wants. I ask her if she needed space. She said no that I must be the one needing space since I ask her. This is not the case. I just want everything to be good again. It seems like every five or six months we go through this. She says it's me but she just seems uninterested but we are still dating. Any insite?

[Icantletgo]

my ex and I were inseparable. When he started spending less time w/ me and choosing to spend more time with his friends...I let it pass. I was thinking let me be a more giving gf and let him have some free time w/ his buddies. he still loves me. dont worry.

 

 

we broke up shortly after that.

 

When a person chooses not to see you as much anymore. or if a person can't make time to see you....there is a problem.

 

You can either talk to each other and work through it now or wait and wait until one of you leaves.

[frd150]

I know what this is like.

 

I went ahead and had a talk with her. It did not clear everything up but at least i got some answers and a direction in which to proceed.

 

Confront it or it will just fester. Take it from me, i am going thru it.

[Davis]

Hey Dierks. I think she lost interest in you. Do you stop being a challenge? Have you turned into a wuss? I wouldn't be so available. I wouldn't answer her 6 texts everday. But mostly, I would never let any woman treat me this way!

 

Not to be negative, but I think this relationship is doomed. Ok, here's the conventional dating wisdom and it takes big balls if you like her: break up with her first! Never let a woman treat you like this and always be the one to dump them. Ever noticed how women are always hung-up on the guy that dumped them??

 

You can continue to get treated like a doormat or show her you're a man. If you're going to be a man, I would simply tell her: "You know, I'm not getting what I want out of this relationship and this isn't working for me. I think it's best that we stop seeing each other". Then this IS NOT the point to discuss the relationship. DO NOT tell her what's wrong. Leave. Tell her you have to go, you have something to do. Let her fester.

 

One of two things will happen: she will not see you (which would have happened anyway and this will make it much, much easier on you because you were the dumper) or she will start contacting you like crazy. If the later happens, then you have to stay in control, not be available, not be a wuss and so on. Good luck!

[dierks]

She says she loves me and don't want to break up but she don't know what she wants. What does that me? Anyone

[baden]

She says she loves me and don't want to break up but she don't know what she wants. What does that me? Anyone

 

For you it means exactly what Davis just said above. Don't waste your time with people like this because 9 times out of 10 they won't want you in the end. If you continue to be around she will continue to play this immature game with you.

[Icantletgo]

my ex said he loved me...TILL HE FOUND SOMEONE ELSE.

 

i'm sure she cares about you but if she really loved you she wouldn't have doubts about being w/ you.

 

she wants you around till the next option comes.

 

tell her to be w/ you or leave you alone. seriously.

[SweetOlive]

She says she loves me and don't want to break up but she don't know what she wants. What does that me? Anyone

 

Like other people have said here, let her go. She will continue to do what she wants with you if you allow her to. She doesnt know what she wants?... That means she doesn't want you but when she finds someone else she will let you know.

One thing is to say you love someone and the other to show it... Does she show you?

It would be very smart to go ahead and talk to her and if she keeps on telling you "I dont know what I want"... Dump her as David said.

[2ndIINone]

yeppers.... beat her to the punch... WALK! Her head will spin....

 

communication is suppose to work.... but in this case.... it never does. You'll just push her away anyway.... then posting back on here wondering why she left. Sounds like she's not totally interested and is obviously confused... sad as it is... so give her some space... regardless of what she says SHE wants.

[dierks]

Give her space does that mean no calls and stay away from her. Do I answer her phone calls or reply to them at all. I have noticed the more I try to talk to her (about it) the more she pulls away. So what usually happens when you leave them alone and how long does it take till they know you are serious?

[NorCalDave]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE!!! LISTEN TO WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU. THEY KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE!!!!

 

And I do too!

My ex and I reconnected back in September after taking 7 months NC. It started out great, we were back in our novelty stage, but come December, all of a sudden she was unsure if she wanted to be in a committed relationship.

I played the nice guy doormat and gave her space, but before I knew it, she wasn't staying the night anymore, wasn't even staying at my house past 9. And we weren't even touching each other anymore, just kissing.

We were a "quasi-couple."

Straight up, I asked her a couple times, "Are you breaking up with me?"

And she said, "No, I don't know what I want."

A week later she would start to say things like "You need to be with a younger girl",(she is 48, I am 28) and so I asked her straight up again, "Do you WANT me to go find a younger girl, because I will."

She said, "I don't know."

Instead of fleeing and dumping her ass, I stayed around and waited for her to do it. And it hurt like hell when it happened, but I can't say I didn't see it coming.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have dumped her ass the second she told me she was questioning whether she wanted a commitment or not.

It would have showed that I have respect for myself, and she probably would have been wanting me back.

But instead, I was weak, I got dumped, and was heartbroken.

BUT I STILL DIDN'T WISE UP.

I let her play with my emotions for the next few months, kissing her, hanging with her, BUT EVERYTHING WAS ON HER TIME AND I WAS WAYYYY TOOOOOO AVAILABLE.

And now she's going back to her ex.

 

So, please, do what everyone is saying, for your own good, TRUST ME!!!!!

WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY!! Grow some nuts and walk away from her.

Let her indecisive ass choose what she wants ON HER OWN.

She'll respect you, miss you, and probably want you back.

BUT, IT IS A HUGE RED FLAG THAT SHE IS WAVERING ON HER COMMITMENT WITH YOU.

IF YOU DON'T DUMP HER SOON, SHE WILL DUMP YOU.

BET ON THAT.

[agnf666]

The best is to walk away. I just got out a situation just like this one. With my ex bf telling me how he wanted to be with me, he loved me, blah blah blah... and then he was not showing anymore effort at all. So, I told him that we were done. It was hard to do but In all honesty it is better then sticking around and letting things get worse.

 

Sounds like she wants to be done and wants you to do it because she is too scared to do it...

[SweetOlive]

Give her space does that mean no calls and stay away from her. Do I answer her phone calls or reply to them at all. I have noticed the more I try to talk to her (about it) the more she pulls away. So what usually happens when you leave them alone and how long does it take till they know you are serious?

 

 

Yes space means NO CONTACT what so ever in your part. Let this girl be. If she really wants the relationship to work she will find a way to show you. Youve answered your own question in a way "she pulls back" when you try to talk to her about it. Come on she is telling something-- She doesnt want this.

When you leave your SO alone some realize the mistake they made and really want to make their relationship work. Others wont give a damn and move on with their life. It depends all on that person. Stop trying to figure this girl out, it will only do you more damage.

Listen to what others say they know what youre going through.

[2ndIINone]

I have noticed the more I try to talk to her (about it) the more she pulls away.

 

Big surprise! You and the rest of the newbies here on LS tend to follow their first instincts and tell their SO's just "How much they mean to them..."

 

blah! Worst thing you can do during 'this' stage.

 

I have noticed the more I try to talk to her (about it) the more she pulls away.

 

Hmmmm.. if this obviously hasn't worked the way you wanted it too... then why continue trying something that doesn't work?

 

I have noticed the more I try to talk to her (about it) the more she pulls away.

 

Do the complete opposite.

[dierks]

O.K> I walked away. No goodbye just got off the phone ant went N.C. It has been over a week with no contact. Her clothes and dogs are still at my house. Want should I do with them> I do not want to contact her about it. She can keep my things. She myspaced my sister and asked how she is doing and said she missed her? I know I have to leave it alone but will she contact me? I have been going out with friends and talking to another female.

[New Hope]

Guy, I would give my opinion but im gonna say everything everyone else is saying..Listen, Listen..its time to end that relationship..2ndIInone, especially Davis said some truth facts and many others on this post said it better for me..Time to end that relationship or start pulling away without telling her,,stop answering everything learn to become busy,Grow BALLS..Dont worry about her meeting other people, if she truly loves u she'll be back...just give it time...