Facing Fear or Coping?

[Patientguy]

I am looking for some advice, mostly on how to cope I think.

 

I posted a thread on this site last Fall/Winter when this all began. In a nutshell this is the story to date (I hope it's not too long):

 

I met the OW, prior to her marriage. We began working together after her marriage, less than a month into her marriage, and within a week were becoming very close. We began going out to talk and that quickly turned into a passionate emotional affair. We pushed things to the limit but were both in great conflict about the arrangement. We tried numerous time to call things off but we would always come full circle and find ourselves unable to stop having feelings for each other. We pushed things even further and found ourselves making risking decisions to find time together. This ended in my W and her H finding out at the same time and they confronted us. I initially denied things but because my marriage was already falling apart prior to this I decided I should tell the truth. That really didn't help much, but I think that was best. My W and I are now legally separated and I think that is best. The OW, told her H part of the truth and remain together. There are strong family connections, friends she has with her H, and other things, like the brief time she has been married, that I know make it more difficult for her to call things off. I understand that and I feel she may be better off without me but I can't stop loving her. I am depressed, and I'm sure she is too. Recently, we found ourselves at the same party and slow danced together. It was a wonderful time, but has changed my attitude from painful coping to wanting to push harder. She is always sending mixed signals, but most of the time she seems to want me to, to a limit. I'm fearful though where it may lead me, and her, if I do. She has told me she loves me and her H, however I know she treats him poorly and me very kindly...another mixed signal. I want to pursue this but I worry that I might not be right for her. I really don't want to be the reason why she leaves her H. I don't want those expectations in a relationship. I think he is a better guy in that he will not hurt her as much as I might if things don't work out as magical as they have for the past 6 or 7 months. I have been hurt by loss (death) of a loved one more than once in my life so I fear getting too close. Feelings or immense sorry mixed with immense happyness plague and consume my life. I am weak from all of this and something, one way or the other needs to give, or I will go crazy.

 

Should I accept the loss and stay away or should I push forward?