a4a, I need your d--n fork

[a4a]

:lmao: :lmao:

 

Passive Aggressive as all hell!

 

Yep sounds worse than my H.... then again I would not tolerate such comments. Mine might think such things but would not dare utter a word.

 

Just laugh when he says such things. Say "oh I love that man"..... and walk away.

 

Don't buy food for him either only things you like. He knows where the store is if he wants his own food.

[Woggle]

No offense a4a but I would have been out the door a long time ago. It sounds like you treat him like a child that you have little to no respect for and nothing that he does can make you happy. If my wife ever gave me a list of chores and barked orders at me I would tell her where she could stick it. She is not my mother and I will not let her act like it.

[a4a]

No offense a4a but I would have been out the door a long time ago. It sounds like you treat him like a child that you have little to no respect for and nothing that he does can make you happy. If my wife ever gave me a list of chores and barked orders at me I would tell her where she could stick it. She is not my mother and I will not let her act like it.

 

I wish he would go out the door. Unfortunate- that I cannot at the moment. He won't even move into the guest room. He is in love with me and does not want a divorce and claims he is a complete ass and doesn't treat me well and doesn't know why he cannot simply take action. (victim)

 

Yes he acts like a child. I do everything because I am forced to. I lost respect for him because he lies. I do not want to be his parent, I deserve a partner. I have told him this as well.

 

He could make me happy if he would simply do what he says he is going to do.

 

Obviously my H must like things like they are, as his shrink says some people like being told what to do, makes their life easier.

 

He has it made with me. He is the one using me, lies to me, puts the pressure and responsibility all on me. If you look at it from a non biased point of view - I am the one that was being treated like crap, now the tables have turned and I will not put up with it any longer. Nor will he destroy me financially. I used to warm his towel in the dryer while he showered, offer BJ's, cook for him, bring him a cold beer,pack his lunch, buy him gifts..... no more. His lies caught up with him and I ran out of patience waiting for him to make good on his promises.

 

Interesting choice of words in bold above. hummmmm?

 

BTW it was not a list of chores he has in his wallet....... it was simple suggestions that he asked for to make us happy..... like date nights, initiate sex,........ things of that nature (love that phrase).. but I guess they are chores :lmao: :lmao:

 

And Woggle even the shrink threw the towel in on him. A MALE SHRINK. Shrinky says he has some issues and refuses to deal with them.

 

As my dear friend says : "guess he is gettin' his come uppin's"

[Woggle]

If my wife wanted a divorce I would pack her bags and say see ya. The only thing is that if she walks out that door it is closed permanently. I don't play the back and forth game. Also him dissing himself and groveling is just pathetic. I can admit if I am wrong but I would never degrade myself like that. I don't know you personally but you do come across as a very hard person to live with. You just give off a vibe of a woman that can never be satisifed.

[a4a]

If my wife wanted a divorce I would pack her bags and say see ya. The only thing is that if she walks out that door it is closed permanently. I don't play the back and forth game. Also him dissing himself and groveling is just pathetic. I can admit if I am wrong but I would never degrade myself like that. I don't know you personally but you do come across as a very hard person to live with. You just give off a vibe of a woman that can never be satisifed.

 

Woggle you don't know me, you don't live here and he doesn't grovel.

 

He actually treats me like crap and I beat myself up for over a year thinking I was too fat 120 lb, too ugly, too stupid,too smart, too nice, too mean, too short, too tall........ you name it I blamed myself for him not getting me a gift on holidays, for him ignoring my pleading to go out to eat dinner, my asking for his help on a project that was important to me.

 

He is selfish and inconsiderate. Has zero empathy.

 

He also claims he is head over heels in love with me and never ever wants to lose me.

 

And no I don't expect him to make me happy...... that is my job. I do expect to live with a person that I can trust to pay the damn electric bill, do his own taxes, be a little responsible for his choices and not say "it's just my luck" - no you created the problem because you chose to ignore it.

 

You have no idea. Fine example was me doing HIS TAXES.... come to find out he still owes on 2005...... neato! So that irresponsibility takes money out of my pocket. My business, effects my life.

 

The power steering is whining on his truck... he has not ordered the part, has not tried to do so, just adds more fluid....... so when it explodes (the seal is already shot) he then will take my truck...... effects me. I am out of a farm truck and screws up my life.

 

See his BS effects me and I can no longer tolerate it.

 

I just looked at his bank acct..... over $300 in overdraft fees for the last 6-8 months. $300 I earned as well...... not just him.

 

Your right I am just a big mean witchy woman. :lmao:

[justanothermother]

He actually treats me like crap and I beat myself up for over a year thinking I was too fat 120 lb, too ugly, too stupid,too smart, too nice, too mean, too short, too tall........ you name it I blamed myself for him not getting me a gift on holidays, for him ignoring my pleading to go out to eat dinner, my asking for his help on a project that was important to me.

 

He is selfish and inconsiderate. Has zero empathy.

 

I think we must be sharing the same husband...

[ilmw]

If my wife wanted a divorce I would pack her bags and say see ya. The only thing is that if she walks out that door it is closed permanently. I don't play the back and forth game. Also him dissing himself and groveling is just pathetic. I can admit if I am wrong but I would never degrade myself like that. I don't know you personally but you do come across as a very hard person to live with. You just give off a vibe of a woman that can never be satisifed.

 

Hey Woggle,

 

Just remember...you are not a4a's H... if he were more like you... maybe she wouldn't have to be on LS venting...

 

I know if he were more like me... she would be bragging.......

 

Regards....ilmw

[My Fair Katie]

I don't know you personally but you do come across as a very hard person to live with. You just give off a vibe of a woman that can never be satisifed.

 

It's very difficult living with someone who you start feeling responsible for more as a mother than a partner. It's lonely and isolating. VERY lonely. When you get married you're supposed to have a partner, not someone who needs constant attention and supervision.

 

I have no doubt that it's probably hard to live with a4a right now. When a man becomes accustomed to being pampered and taken care of he will miss it when it's gone. Thing is, spouses shouldn't become accustomed to being "pampered" they should appreciate their spouse for putting effort into the marriage and reciprocate. That's what is missing. And yes, it can cause very bitter feelings.

[a4a]

Hey Woggle,

 

Just remember...you are not a4a's H... if he were more like you... maybe she wouldn't have to be on LS venting...

 

I know if he were more like me... she would be bragging.......

 

Regards....ilmw

 

Honey if you can wipe your own ass without me having to remind you I sure would be bragging about you!!! :D

[Touche]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this, A. But I'm curious about something. I know that your H is a discerning man. He never went from woman to woman and in fact was on his own a lot. How did he manage then? Who took care of the bills and his taxes, etc.?

[ilmw]

Honey if you can wipe your own ass without me having to remind you I sure would be bragging about you!!! :D

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:...a4a...your priceless ..

[a4a]

It's very difficult living with someone who you start feeling responsible for more as a mother than a partner. It's lonely and isolating. VERY lonely. When you get married you're supposed to have a partner, not someone who needs constant attention and supervision.

 

I have no doubt that it's probably hard to live with a4a right now. When a man becomes accustomed to being pampered and taken care of he will miss it when it's gone. Thing is, spouses shouldn't become accustomed to being "pampered" they should appreciate their spouse for putting effort into the marriage and reciprocate. That's what is missing. And yes, it can cause very bitter feelings.

 

 

and eventually one does finally have enough and snaps.

 

He created this...... months of me trying harder, being nicer, wanting to please him........ he took and took, lied and lied,...... he created this monster...... not like he was not warned bluntly and in man speak.

 

 

 

and I never asked for big things...... don't expect it. I work just as hard as he does plus have the mental pressure put on me. I work right with him... I am on roofs, hanging off 2x4s, and running the front end of our business along with a non profit...... includes hands on work.

 

I just wanted him to show me that he cared in a way that I needed him to. He chooses not to. So now I choose to show him how hurt I am...... my choice.

 

If I have to bark orders at him to get him to take on part of the responsibility..... then that is what I have to do. He has his assignments for the day......... keep in mind he yells at me if I do not remind him of things... like it is my fault he forgot to pay a bill because I did not remind him. My fault he forgot to buy something at Lowes....... my fault........neat.

[Woggle]

I am sorry if I am misjudging anybody's situation but I just know how some women are impossible to please and no matter what a man does he is wrong and she resents him. I know friends in those situations and I was in that situation with my ex. I have the day off today and I am cooking my wife a nice dinner and planning a romantic evening because she is worth it. I know she would do the same for me and I know she will appreciate it while many other women would not and would bitch about every small thing he did wrong. With some women a man can't win no matter what and I hope that is not the case with the women in this thread.

[SydneyHeart]

I am interested in the conversation that was had about all of these events!

 

Do you just say nothing and stew quietly?

 

Do you tell him how annoying he is being? Did you tell him you were pissed to be getting a phone message like weeks late?

 

Or does he just think you are sitting there happily being his slave?

 

I'm also interested in how 'keeping the peace' if that is what you are doing will save you from tipping yourself on your head (is that what you said?) Does he have some kind of hold over you that you have to tiptoe around him?

 

Will he be shocked when you tell him you are leaving? Do you want him to be?

 

Obviously there is a lot of history I am not up on, as I am pretty new, so apologies. But I would let him know right now he is being an ass and that you are not happy, and start making plans one way or another to get happy

[a4a]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this, A. But I'm curious about something. I know that your H is a discerning man. He never went from woman to woman and in fact was on his own a lot. How did he manage then? Who took care of the bills and his taxes, etc.?

 

:lmao:

 

well obviously he just put everything on credit cards and that is why he is $40,000 in the hole. :lmao:

 

Come to find out apprently he had one chicky that did such things for him. 15 years ago or so...... all the previous chickies dumped him.

 

Keep in mind he inherited his money..... was not "earned". He lived in his childhood home until recently..... never had a worry.

 

But that was not the campaign speech I got or still get from time to time.

I have always paid my bills, had perfect credit.... blah blah blah....... ok bucko why are you an ass about it now? I have asked. The evil leperchauns did it! :lmao:

 

But business is now thriving, it is kinda cut throat at the moment. I am doing a bang up job of getting this thing off the ground -finally!!! Shrinky told him to follow my lead as I am more of a planner, positive, and tenacious (sp?) I have taken the reins...... what I say now goes.

 

Shrinky says H is a fly by the seat of the pants kinda guy- thus the 11th hour action.

[dropdeadlegs]

I wont quote nor address this to anyone, but desperate times often call for desperate measures.

 

Communication only works when each party is listening and making attempts to make appropriate changes within the relationship. When each party is contributing 50/50, all is well. When the scales start tipping, 60/40, 70/30, on up to 90/10, one party gets desperate to see something, anything, worth salvaging the relationship. When being nice doesn't work, it's hard not to become bitter and nasty in retaliation. Is it in any way healthy? NO! But I don't see either a4a or MyFairKatie denying that their situations have become ridiculous and both seem resigned to the "marital death march."

 

Would everyone deal the way they have? No, but they are doing what they have to do in order to achieve closure and move on in THEIR circumstances.

 

I've been a mother to two husbands. I'm not always a quick study. Many men do not require nor do they want a mother. Unfortunately some not only want one, they need one.

 

Ladies, I'm so sorry that life has become what it has, but I'm certain that you will both find someone who can be a more equal partner. You don't seem to enjoy your situations and I'm glad that you can vent here. My empathy is with you both.

[My Fair Katie]

Do you just say nothing and stew quietly?

 

I tell him when he's a d!ck. As of late I just don't get that loud about it. My biggest pet peeve is repeating myslef.

 

Do you tell him how annoying he is being? Did you tell him you were pissed to be getting a phone message like weeks late?

 

Oh yes. Most certainly. I often feel like a nag doing it. Sometimes I bite my tongue because the ensuing argument just isn't gonna be worth it. Honestly, I'm very tired and beaten down.

 

Or does he just think you are sitting there happily being his slave?

 

I won't even pretend to know what he is thinking.

 

I'm also interested in how 'keeping the peace' if that is what you are doing will save you from tipping yourself on your head (is that what you said?) Does he have some kind of hold over you that you have to tiptoe around him?

 

Tipping my hand. It's a poker term no? As in, I don't want him to know I want to leave until I am financially prepared to do so. I have no other family and I really want to be able to take my 65 pound dog. That necesitates being able to afford an apartment that allows dogs and most only allow up to the 30 pounds. I also need to save for a car (we're a one car family and I certainly can't afford the car payment we have).

 

Will he be shocked when you tell him you are leaving? Do you want him to be?

 

I don't know. I don't think he should be. I don't think he wants to be married either.

 

Obviously there is a lot of history I am not up on, as I am pretty new, so apologies. But I would let him know right now he is being an ass and that you are not happy, and start making plans one way or another to get happy.

 

I'm happy. But, my marriage is dead. Am I happy my marriage is dead? No, that's quite sad, but I don't internalize it. It is what it is.

 

No need for apologies. I don't mind explaining. It's cathartic to vent.

[dropdeadlegs]

I am sorry if I am misjudging anybody's situation but I just know how some women are impossible to please and no matter what a man does he is wrong and she resents him. I know friends in those situations and I was in that situation with my ex. I have the day off today and I am cooking my wife a nice dinner and planning a romantic evening because she is worth it. I know she would do the same for me and I know she will appreciate it while many other women would not and would bitch about every small thing he did wrong. With some women a man can't win no matter what and I hope that is not the case with the women in this thread.

Woggle, I'm proud of how you worded this post. I think we can agree that while this is true of some women, it is equally true of some men.

[a4a]

I am sorry if I am misjudging anybody's situation but I just know how some women are impossible to please and no matter what a man does he is wrong and she resents him. I know friends in those situations and I was in that situation with my ex. I have the day off today and I am cooking my wife a nice dinner and planning a romantic evening because she is worth it. I know she would do the same for me and I know she will appreciate it while many other women would not and would bitch about every small thing he did wrong. With some women a man can't win no matter what and I hope that is not the case with the women in this thread.

 

Woggle if my H did that for me I would poop my pants with delight!

 

planning something means the world to me..... the effort you are putting into a nice dinner, the planning it takes, the actually action of it..... I don't care if it was burnt fish sticks... by candlelight I would be thrilled beyond belief.

 

Granted he will cook for me when he cooks for himself... but never has he put effort into such planning.

[My Fair Katie]

Ladies, I'm so sorry that life has become what it has, but I'm certain that you will both find someone who can be a more equal partner. You don't seem to enjoy your situations and I'm glad that you can vent here. My empathy is with you both.

 

Thanks DDL. I figure if things get really bad I'll move in with a4a and be a farm hand if she'll take me. I know f*** all about farming but I have a degree in Poltiical Science which is really the same thing as shoveling sh**.

[a4a]

Ladies, I'm so sorry that life has become what it has, but I'm certain that you will both find someone who can be a more equal partner. You don't seem to enjoy your situations and I'm glad that you can vent here. My empathy is with you both.

 

 

I am so not interested in finding anyone. I think I will like living alone and just poke a few (guys) when the urge hits.

 

Katie you can come live here with your big ass dog...... hell I have 14 here now what is one more

 

We can make my H cook and clean for us and pick up dog poo!

 

Tell him his cabbage rolls suck.......

[dropdeadlegs]

Thanks DDL. I figure if things get really bad I'll move in with a4a and be a farm hand if she'll take me. I know f*** all about farming but I have a degree in Poltiical Science which is really the same thing as shoveling sh**.

:lmao: Politics = sh**. Gotta love that analogy!

[Woggle]

She is having a stressful week at work and I thought it would be a nice surprise for her to come home to that. I am making shrimp scampi and breaking out the good wine. Maybe I am a bit biased because of what I saw my father go through and what I went through in my first marriage.

[a4a]

Thanks DDL. I figure if things get really bad I'll move in with a4a and be a farm hand if she'll take me. I know f*** all about farming but I have a degree in Poltiical Science which is really the same thing as shoveling sh**.

 

we posted at the same time.....

 

I can see it now

 

me " katie is moving in with her dog"

H "who?"

me "none of your business who, just know you will have some extra cooking and cleaning to do"

 

"now go get me a glass of water"

 

I could use a political science major...... we work quite a bit with legislation.

 

I rather have poo between my toes than deal with that end of things at times.

[dropdeadlegs]

I am so not interested in finding anyone. I think I will like living alone and just poke a few (guys) when the urge hits.

Maybe an adept business minded guy who lives in his own place would work for you. A real go-getter in success and the sack that keeps any baggage in his very own closet.

 

Living alone has it's perks, that's for sure.