Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 Reached an agreement on the house...IT'S MINE!!! I'm so happy. I basically got her to agree to pay all daycare costs for our son (instead of half each like we agreed) for a little over two years, which amounts to almost 5k. Then I got her buyout payment down too. She walks away with that, I refinance and keep the house. It will be tough at first to handle all the bills myself, but I think I'll do fine. There will be half as many people living here, so I think that will help keep the utility bills down. It should work out, and in the long run I get to keep all the equity in the house, so if I sell it when the market picks up in 5 years, it's all mine:D And my son and his brother get to have this place that they've known as their home, with all their friends and the same school! My brother also has a friend that has a mortgage house, and he got me a sweet deal--agreed to waive all the normal fees and basically set it all up for me for free. I couldn't be happier right now! Just wanted to share some good news for a change.
Gunny376 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Reached an agreement on the house...IT'S MINE!!! I'm so happy. I basically got her to agree to pay all daycare costs for our son (instead of half each like we agreed) for a little over two years, which amounts to almost 5k. Then I got her buyout payment down too. She walks away with that, I refinance and keep the house. It will be tough at first to handle all the bills myself, but I think I'll do fine. There will be half as many people living here, so I think that will help keep the utility bills down. It should work out, and in the long run I get to keep all the equity in the house, so if I sell it when the market picks up in 5 years, it's all mine:D And my son and his brother get to have this place that they've known as their home, with all their friends and the same school! My brother also has a friend that has a mortgage house, and he got me a sweet deal--agreed to waive all the normal fees and basically set it all up for me for free. I couldn't be happier right now! Just wanted to share some good news for a change. Excuse me? Oooooooraaaaahhh!! Semperfi~ Do or die! Get some! FREAKIN' A!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 That's nice to hear that you got the house. Now you can hand it down to your children when you pass from the earth, They can live there for as long as they want. Which is great. Your a good man, hurting. Dont let no one tell you different.
El-Producto Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Reached an agreement on the house...IT'S MINE!!! I'm so happy. I basically got her to agree to pay all daycare costs for our son (instead of half each like we agreed) for a little over two years, which amounts to almost 5k. Then I got her buyout payment down too. She walks away with that, I refinance and keep the house. It will be tough at first to handle all the bills myself, but I think I'll do fine. There will be half as many people living here, so I think that will help keep the utility bills down. It should work out, and in the long run I get to keep all the equity in the house, so if I sell it when the market picks up in 5 years, it's all mine:D And my son and his brother get to have this place that they've known as their home, with all their friends and the same school! My brother also has a friend that has a mortgage house, and he got me a sweet deal--agreed to waive all the normal fees and basically set it all up for me for free. I couldn't be happier right now! Just wanted to share some good news for a change. Congrats.. my wife and I came to an agreement as well, and I'm keeping the house, in exchange for assumption of her share of the debts. I'm so excited, I love this house... and so do my kids. Like you, it's gonna be tough for a while.. but I know I can do it.. especially without my STBXW's "liberal" spending habits. Karma's comin' back for us.
azianpride143 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I'm glad you guys are doing well as am I. We will all get through this together. I know there will be ups and downs. Lots of bumpy roads. But at least now your on the driver seat and no more back seat driver (STBX) telling you what to do and confusing the hell out of you.
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 I did something stupid today... I woke up thinking it would be a good idea to mind-f**k her the way she's done to me. So I wrote an email and said that the OM's STBXW had told me when I saw her at that class that she had also learned that my STBXW was one of two OW's that the OM had, and that he was seeing them both unbeknowst to either one. I am jealous, and I don't want to see them succeed, so I figured injecting a little more doubt and potential deceit into what they have would be an evil little plan. Then I realized that it's not fair to drag the OM's STBXW into this by saying that she said something she didn't. That's not fair, and quite honestly once I came to my senses I realized that this is all beneath me now anyway...I can at least come through this having made some mistakes but having my dignity in tact (for the most part). So I called her, and she was still sleeping, and I asked her to get up and delete it without reading it. I told her it was just something stupid that I did, and that I wasn't proud of it, and that I wouldn't bother her again like this. She said she deleted without reading, but who knows. Either way she knows I owned up to it and it wasn't something I'm proud of.
Darth Vader Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Way to go on the house! By the way, is everything being documented on these agreements? You don't want any 180's done on ya in court.
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Thanks Darth. So far we've managed to stick to the DIY divorce, despite me wanting to ruin her life for what she's done. So all we have to do is change/reprint a page or two from the paperwork and it's all ready to file. I'm happy I get to keep this house...I really am, however it is sad now to realize that she'll never be in it again:( I know that she's done the most horrible thing anyone's ever done to me, but I just can't seem to let it go so easily, even though everything and everybody tells me I should. This just isn't what I wanted for my life, and for my kids' lives...I'm ready to see what the "new beginning" side of this will be for me.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I did something stupid today... I woke up thinking it would be a good idea to mind-f**k her the way she's done to me. So I wrote an email and said that the OM's STBXW had told me when I saw her at that class that she had also learned that my STBXW was one of two OW's that the OM had, and that he was seeing them both unbeknowst to either one. I am jealous, and I don't want to see them succeed, so I figured injecting a little more doubt and potential deceit into what they have would be an evil little plan. Then I realized that it's not fair to drag the OM's STBXW into this by saying that she said something she didn't. That's not fair, and quite honestly once I came to my senses I realized that this is all beneath me now anyway...I can at least come through this having made some mistakes but having my dignity in tact (for the most part). So I called her, and she was still sleeping, and I asked her to get up and delete it without reading it. I told her it was just something stupid that I did, and that I wasn't proud of it, and that I wouldn't bother her again like this. She said she deleted without reading, but who knows. Either way she knows I owned up to it and it wasn't something I'm proud of. Okay... I recognize that you are ALREADY aware that it was a stupid thing to do... but, let me just give you a good solid whack upside your head with my cyber 2x4 anyway. IF YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS... THEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU. Seriously, you need to get a handle on the amount of time you allow for wallowing. You've got something like 40 new songs to learn, isn't that right? You've got a parenting plan to develop. You've got NO TIME for over-indulgence in negative energy. There. Rant over. I feel better. How 'bout you???
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Okay... I recognize that you are ALREADY aware that it was a stupid thing to do... but, let me just give you a good solid whack upside your head with my cyber 2x4 anyway. IF YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS... THEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU. Seriously, you need to get a handle on the amount of time you allow for wallowing. You've got something like 40 new songs to learn, isn't that right? You've got a parenting plan to develop. You've got NO TIME for over-indulgence in negative energy. There. Rant over. I feel better. How 'bout you??? Yes, I do feel better actually. NO MORE WALLOWING....at least not for very long. I'm heading to the gym right now...I let myself slack this week after three weeks of doing great. I am learning how to temporarily tap into the anger to get me through when the sadness gets to be too much. You're right though, there is a s**tload of stuff to get done, both personally and professionally, and I am feeling good today about getting the focus back on ME and my son.
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Well, since there's no need for any of her stuff to be here anymore, I went through the house today and put it in boxes (not organized or anything), and sent her an email saying simply "there are a bunch of your things on the curb in front of the house." I know she's at her brother's this weekend 3 hours away, introducing the OM no doubt, so let her have that little taste of reality to come home to after her fun-filled fantasy weekend.
El-Producto Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Well, since there's no need for any of her stuff to be here anymore, I went through the house today and put it in boxes (not organized or anything), and sent her an email saying simply "there are a bunch of your things on the curb in front of the house." I know she's at her brother's this weekend 3 hours away, introducing the OM no doubt, so let her have that little taste of reality to come home to after her fun-filled fantasy weekend. What a great idea. I should do the same thing. My wife is away on a "romantic" weekend with the OM at his remote cabin in the wilderness, while I'm here working my ass off doing 12 hours shifts. Maybe when she gets back, there will be an email saying that the rest of her belongings are on the front porch, and she can come get them any time.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 C'mon guys. You've both got to know that should your STBX have her belongings lost or vandalized while they're in your possession that she could sue you for damages. You don't have to be a lawyer for that. This kind of stuff is on ALL those TV "Judge Judy" type shows daily. The last thing you want to do is to have to buy all new stuff for your ex, and better quality than what you've been left with. Try to take the high road. This time next year you'll be glad you did, I promise.
PWSX3 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 C'mon guys. You've both got to know that should your STBX have her belongings lost or vandalized while they're in your possession that she could sue you for damages. You don't have to be a lawyer for that. This kind of stuff is on ALL those TV "Judge Judy" type shows daily. The last thing you want to do is to have to buy all new stuff for your ex, and better quality than what you've been left with. Try to take the high road. This time next year you'll be glad you did, I promise. Plus its just more stress you are putting on yourself that you don't need to be doing. Think less of ways to hurt the STBX & more on making yourself better then they are. Just like that one song says; what goes around will come around & they will get what is coming to them. It might not be this relationship, it might not even be the one they are in with OW/OM, but it will come. Sometimes people just never learn & they just bounce from one to another relationship. You guys are learning, you guys are bettering yourself & understanding who you are, what you can do & can't do. Yes it is O.K. to pack there stuff up, make your place "your" place & keep moving forward. If you want to make her feel bad, paint a room a color you know she wouldn't like... Then everytime you walk in and see that color you can say; I did that because "I" wanted to...... Just like LJ said; take the high road, it will pay off in the end......
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Well I don't see a problem with it personally. We live in a decent neighborhood where nobody is going to mess with the stuff, and plus, I did put a tarp over all of it;)
Gunny376 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 You don't know me from Adam. but under common English law ~ the defacto law in 49 of the 50 states ~ if my property is under your control you have a certain limited obligation to secure and protect it. (And as a consequence ~ liability for) In the long term this works against you ~ not for you. Your just putting more bullets in the STBXW's hoster. It works against you in the courts, it works against you in the negotions with the STBXW's ~ its just bad ju~ju all around. I run across small and simple minds all the time, ~ not to bragg ~but I'm smarter, quicker, faster, better educated, etc than the average guy, and daily I have to choose to rise above the pettiness and small minded(es) of most of the people that I come across ~ to be the better man. the bigger person. Its not so much the act that I object to as much as it is the "thinking" that goes behind it! Its petty and beneath you! "Man-up!" Do the right thing! Just do the right thing! You know what the right thing is ~ so just do it!
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 What's the right thing though? Keep her stuff in my house, reminding me of her constantly, or making her own up to her actions and realize that she's no longer welcome in this house, and neither is her stuff? And honestly guys, when I say it's on the curb, I live in a cul de sac and the curb is literally 15 ft. from the front door. We have agreed that when she drops off my son, she will say goodbye to him at said curb, and then watch him come in the house. So I don't see a problem with putting her stuff there so she can pick it up, and not have to come inside and be going through my things as well. She is respecting the no contact, so I really don't think she'll have a problem with it.
El-Producto Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I know it's not the smart thing to do.. an I really have no intention to do it. But I'm getting really sick of "taking the high road" only to have her continue to treat me like ****.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 ... or making her own up to her actions This is the part that you're still having trouble with. You are NEVER going to "make" her do ANYTHING... let alone "live up to her actions". You absolutely, positively HAVE to let that mindset go. For your own sake. You can't control anybody but yourself, and THAT is the most important thing. Because.... Gunny is RIGHT. You're giving her ammo to use against you. I'm going to be frank with you. If you were dealing with ME instead of your STBX... I'd own your ASS by now. It'd be hanging over my fireplace like a moose head. And I'll tell you why I'd win and you'd lose.... It's not because I'm smarter, and it's not because I don't have a temper. It's because I've got self-control and I'm willing to use it. If it serves me better to keep my temper in check... I keep it in check. ... I'm getting really sick of "taking the high road" only to have her continue to treat me like ****. I know you guys are tired. But it's gonna pass. Divorce sucks. There's no way around that. But this time next year you're going to be in a better place in your lives... IF you take a proactive stance and SEEK that "better place" out. Optimism doesn't cost a dime, fellas.
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 I know I can't make her own up to her actions...I guess I just wanted to inject a little reality into the fantasy world she's living in. And that reality is that I don't want her stuff here anymore, and she knows this. Keep in mind that every situation is different, and that we make judgement calls based on what each of us is going through, and who are spouse is/was. If I thought doing this would make her rescind her offer on the house, or reconsider the custody agreement, I wouldn't have done it. But she has shown that she is trying to understand why I feel the way I do, and I really don't think this will make her stance change on these things.
El-Producto Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I know I can't make her own up to her actions...I guess I just wanted to inject a little reality into the fantasy world she's living in. And that reality is that I don't want her stuff here anymore, and she knows this. Keep in mind that every situation is different, and that we make judgement calls based on what each of us is going through, and who are spouse is/was. If I thought doing this would make her rescind her offer on the house, or reconsider the custody agreement, I wouldn't have done it. But she has shown that she is trying to understand why I feel the way I do, and I really don't think this will make her stance change on these things. Just be careful, because everytime I make the mistake of trusting my STBXW, she surprises me with more dirty, underhanded things that come out of nowhere. I'm learning that I can't trust ANYTHING she says.
Darth Vader Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Listen you two, if you guys want her stuff out of sight out of mind then rent a storage unit, drop the stuff off, give HER the key and inform her of the time limit on the unit! If she doesn't get it by then TOO BAD! Don't pay for anymore time on the unit either. I told you she left stuff there to keep you two seeing each other and dragging this thing on. She knows what she's doing. That goes for BOTH of you guys! As far as painting goes, you can paint over what color/s she had wanted/liked with colors that you know she will hate, one's that you may like. This way you're doing things legally, peacefully, and you're MOV'IN ON BABY!!!!! :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:
Ladyjane14 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 ...I guess I just wanted to inject a little reality into the fantasy world she's living in. And that reality is that I don't want her stuff here anymore, and she knows this... I'm going to call you on a little bullsh*t here, HN. You're calling it "injecting reality"... but if you're honest with yourself, I think you'll admit that what you REALLY want is vengeance for the hurt you're feeling. I think it's a great thing to pop holes in the fantasy bubble. Don't get me wrong. But if all you're trying to do is to interject some reality, it's not going to be while your STBX is three hours away and you KNOW it's inconvenient for her to collect her belongings. Reality is an every day event. If this was a HUGE issue for you, I think it's reasonable that you would have made that clear before she left town.
Author hurting_in_nw Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 I hear you LJ, believe me. I think the whole business of her being three hours away though was mostly a timing issue--this was the first weekend since I had known I would be keeping the house, and the only time I'll have for a while to pack up her stuff. I don't know, I'll be honest, when I did it I thought of Gunny and saw it as a "manning up" kinda thing. It took a lot for me to go through the photo albums and pick out what I wanted to keep (none of her, of course), and get the rest of her stuff out so I could start making this my place. Do I want it to hurt her? Is it vengeance? Not really, because it's the reality of the situation. I'm certainly not in the position financially to rent a storage unit for her, and besides, f**k her anyway. Her s**t deserves to be on the curb like the trash that it is. I had a friend who threw his X's stuff in the complex swimming pool...now that I could see as being vengeful..this was more like "you knew this was coming, well, here it is." Honestly the fact that she was three hours away played little into my decision...it was only after the fact that I remembered she was out of town.
Gunny376 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Whoa Bro ~ this isn't "manning up" this is being a vindictive jerk. I've served with enough Brothers in the Marines from NY, and the NE United States to know how some of you guys can be. I could give a rat's azz how this all turns out ~ I don't have a dog in this fight. But, you came here looking for answers to questions, solutions to problems, opinions and such. She just told you could have the house ~ but the ink isn't even down on paper yet, let alone dried. Your upping the ante' here, and in doing so, your alligator mouth is talking "smack" your Jaybird azz may not be able to tote the note on. I'm all for packing her trash up, and getting same out of sight and out of mind. And if you can't tote the note on a storage unit, take it over to her place, or to one of her friends, or her parents ~ whatever. Plus putting it to the curb may make you feel better, its the equivalent of airing your dirty laundry in public ~ about all you're going to accomplish with this is 1. PO the STBXW, and 2. Give the neighbors something to talk about. Bottom line? Its not about her and her trash ~ its about you're making short term decisions with long term consequences. I'm telling you! This is going to come back and bite you in the azz! And, I'm not saying you've got to coddle her, and I'm not saying you've got to be nice with her, and I'm not saying you've got to put up with her BS and not "man-up". I'm just saying ~ do what you did ~ but text her and tell her, "Your trash is in the garage ~ not the curb!"
Recommended Posts