Gunny376 Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 To be honest? I'd just like someone to cuddle with on the front portch-swing, drink sweet ice tea with, and cuddle with after mowing the grass!
Author marlena Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks Gunny for replying!! I'm not sure I quite understood your post... I'm sorry about the wife leaving you for such a lame cause unless of course you were not giving her the attention she needed because of your busy schedule. It's hard to juggle all parts of our lives at once without dropping a few. I wonder if she has any regrets. Do you? You say sex is an important part of your life and yet further on you say you would be quite satisfied with just drinking iced tea and cuddling! An bit of an oxymoron or not? I understand what you are saying however... the just feeling that soft glow with someone you are emotionally and not just sexually intimate and comfortable with. I think the main reason this last relationship didn't work out was the lack of both! Couple that with the lies and well it was just too much to bear! And though I don't like being alone I don't like being with someone who really isn't there for me... I need to feel I can plan and look ahead with someone ..whether it be a weekend excursion or a trip tothe supermarket. This man would make absolutely no plans with me! I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say that you actually you screwed up and did something right though I have some inkling! Actually, that sentence could describe my divorce to the letter!!! And I'm sure you were the BEST!!! It shows!!!!
Author marlena Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 You don't think that life is almost all about what happens to you, because of what you do and how you do it? I think so anyway. You often hear people say: "oh you're so lucky". But I think luck has little to do with real life. Lucky might be winning the lottery, but you're never going to stand a chance winning it if you don't buy that ticket Hi Sweetie, How are you today? Yes, I do agree with you that a lot of what happens to us in our lifetime is a result of what and how we deal with situations that we are forced to confront. We do have a choice (that proverbial fork in the road, or is it forks?)that will ultimately determine the outcome of things that shape our lives. Now whether we choose to use that option depends on a number of factors such as character and environmental condtioning. Some just give in and go with the undertow!!! Others, stuggle with the undercurrents!! That said, I also believe that there is such a thing as fate and that some circumstances are simply out of our control...i.e. illness, tragic loss of loved ones etc....Still, even then, some show great fortitude of spirit while others can not dind the spirit to deal with the blows! So I guess I agree with both you and Gunny. I don't think it is a question of percentages however ... it just is and at various times in our lives the pendulum can swing either way!!! We all have our strong and weak moments!!! I still have your previous posts in mind. Wherever did you derive such strength?
justagirlforever Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Hi Sweetie, How are you today? ... I still have your previous posts in mind. Wherever did you derive such strength? Hi Marlena As it's Friday, I'm very well looking forward to a chilled out day tomorrow and an exciting day on Sunday! I have no idea where I get my strength from. But guess, once you hit rock bottom (and was there for quite a few years) and life just seems to pass by in a merry-go-round blur, while desperately trying to jump on but just can't: I figured I have the choice - either forever standing on the sidelines, or taking that leap. Trust myself and just go and live life the best & fullest way I can. Because to the best of my knowledge, this is the one chance we have to do that in this lifetime. Though actually - I think I need to give my mother the some credit I realise more and more what an amazing person she is. So strong, dedicated, loving and utterly selfless. And as a child, couldn't even begin to appreciate what all that took to raise 2 little girls as a single mother while having a full time job and studying herself - only to give a better life for us. Sorry for wandering off the original questions. But even though I cannot answer with the experience of age - I can try and do so from my current perspective & experience: Do you feel despair at yet another relationship gone wrong? Are you desperate to be in a relationship? Do you settle for less because of this insecurity? 1) Yes - I felt this way in August last year. And couldn't help but wonder how yet again I've failed and what I've done wrong for a relationship not to work. And beat myself up about it (mentally) for many a night. But deep down I knew that it honestly wasn't my fault and I couldn't possibly have done anything any other way to make it succeed. It was never destined to last (from the start) - sadly. 2) No - I've never been 3) But yes, I once settled for a relationship that was wrong for a multitude of reasons. But this was a rebound when I was at a real low - so chose someone even lower than myself to love and care for and fix his problems. Huge huge mistake and it took me over a year to try and free myself from the emotional abuse I received. But we live and learn don't we? Hope you enjoy your weekend too
Author marlena Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 one, two, three Marleenas.... as in one potato, two potaotoes. three potatoes four
alphamale Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 as in one potato, two potaotoes. three potatoes four no, its from a song
Author marlena Posted March 23, 2007 Author Posted March 23, 2007 as in one potato, two potaotoes. three potatoes four Hi Sweetie, Yes, TGIF!!!! Yes, I know about hitting rock bottom. Sometimes it's the only way to go up again and come out stronger and a tad wiser in the process. I am sure your mother was a sustaining influence and one that played a major role in shaping the lovely adult you have become!! I know how hard it must have been for her (and wondeful too!) for a too raised my daughter by myself and held down a job, commuting long disatnces just to earn our daily bread. I had a lot of women friends and being around them so much did indeed make her a very mature and wise young lady and more importantly a happy one. She didn't have to put up with her parents' dysfunctional marriage. She was surrounded by love and gaeity most of the time. She often says what you do,"I owe it to my mother!" Those were some of the I think the best years of my adult life. Today she is a lawyer and is in a very happy relationship with a wonderful young man from Spain. Huge huge mistake and it took me over a year to try and free myself from the emotional abuse I received. But we live and learn don't we? Not a mistake after all since you did learn from it. It is through hardship and misfortune that we learn the most important lessons in life... and these lessons can cause frightful pain ...but then again the most significant lessons are the ones that are hardest to learn .... Hope you enjoy your weekend, justagirlforever ... as I am sure you will always be even as your hair greys and those bones start to ache...and that is an accomplishment for few manage to combine innocence and wisdom.
Pyro Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 as in one potato, two potaotoes. three potatoes four Those are lyrics from a song called "Three Marlenas", by the Wallflowers. Its a good song.
GoldPenny Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Considering I'm not the type to be in committed relationships or have never seen myself to be in them or will ever, no I'm not afraid to be "alone" in my late forties or fifties or sixties or seventies (and not sure if I want to live in my eighties). I see myself dating, in a flingy fashion, twenty-somethings and late teens all the way to my age in my forties and in my fifties, I'll still be a cougar, cougar, cougar.
Gunny376 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Marraige and fidelity are not natural human traits ~ for men nor women. The number of women that are cheating on thier husbands ~ SO is fast approaching that of men ~ at 50%. The "mating cycle" as studied in 60 different cultures is about four years. Being so-called "in-love" is actually a tempoary influx of bio-chemicals in the brain housing group. Brain scans of people that are so called "in love" are almost identical to those of people who suffer from obssessive-complusive dis-order. (Source Feb 2006 edition of National Geographic magazine) and last again three to four years. Just the length of time to conceive a child and to teach same to be marginally proficient, (that is to say, potty trained, speak, walk, feed themselves) after which it wears off. As I've stated earlier, things flip from back in the day in HS and college, from women having all the supply and men having all the demand. Most men, having had their azzes handed to them and having gotten azz-raped in divorce court ~ wise up. Pain is one Hell of a teacher. The first time you stick you finger into fire ~ you learn not to do that again for example. Ditto with divorce. The simple fact of the matter is that, I can't keep affording to buy and furnish some woman a house every ten years. I see people that have been married four or five times ~ and I think ~ what is your problem. ______________________________________________________________ If you go back and re-read my post ~ I didn't say that sex was that important to me, Marlena (That's not coming out right ~ it is, but..........). I said its a part of me. To me, sex is 10% of a relationship. But, to neglect it ~ it can become 90% of the problem. It can be a nice way to start out the day ~ or to end the day ~ but its not the end all. You can have great sex ~ everyday ~ but its not enough to substain a LTR. What are you going to do and say to each other the other 23 hours? (For some the other, 23 hours, fifty-five minutes) of each day. But, be you a man or woman ~ the ansewrs lie within yourself. The keys to your happiness is not with another ~ but in finding happiness within yourself!
Author marlena Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 Marraige and fidelity are not natural human traits ~ for men nor women. The number of women that are cheating on thier husbands QUOTE] I couldn't agree with this more. After all man in his most primitive phase of evolution was not monogamous and the institution of marriage did not exist. Marriage is a social construct. It is no wonder that so many marriages fail and others just limp along for any number of reasons. It is man rebelling against what comes natural for him. Being so-called "in-love" is actually a tempoary influx of bio-chemicals in the brain housing group. Brain scans of people that are so called "in love" are almost identical to those of people who suffer from obssessive-complusive dis-order. (Source Feb 2006 edition of National Geographic magazine) and last again three to four years. This too I am in total agreement with with the exception of the time reference. Even four years sounds like to long a span. I's say at the very best two years before the reverse process begins. It doesn't surprise me that "in love" can be equated to an obssessive-compulsive disorder. I think it was Freud who said, "The closest we will ever come to insanity is being in love". As for the importance of good sex in a relationship, I too believe it is not the quintessential component but that it is a necessary part for all the rest to work! And by good sex I mean loving sex and intimacy and not just the mecahanics of it. Lack of it can lead to frustration and resentment. I have found that some good ol' loving can go a long way to solving mounting dissatisfation in a relationship. Touching is the most effective tool to communication! It's in this context I speak of sex. After all, touching is one of man's most primitive needs. And it seems the older I get the more I need that comforting touch from a committed companion. When I think that I will never have this again I get depressed and feel only half a woman. How do I get over this obssessive fear? Thanks Gunny!
alphamale Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 And it seems the older I get the more I need that comforting touch from a committed companion. I'm the reverse....the older I get the less I need that "touch"
Author marlena Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 It is man rebelling against what comes unnatural for him. Error rectification!!!
Author marlena Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 I'm the reverse....the older I get the less I need that "touch" Alpha Male, Why is this so? Can you explain? What do you attribute it to? Hope I'm not being indiscreet by asking?
Gunny376 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 As for the importance of good sex in a relationship, I too believe it is not the quintessential component but that it is a necessary part for all the rest to work! And by good sex I mean loving sex and intimacy and not just the mecahanics of it. Lack of it can lead to frustration and resentment. I have found that some good ol' loving can go a long way to solving mounting dissatisfation in a relationship. Touching is the most effective tool to communication! It's in this context I speak of sex. After all, touching is one of man's most primitive needs. Yes, I agree, "making love" outside of the bedroom (that is to say, I'm not referring to the actual physical mechanics of sex) is one of the primary reasons I believe for sexless marriage. Too many men and women fail to grasp the concept that it doesn't come that easy ~ to have passionate sex you've got to get it the old fashion way ~ you've got to work for it. How do I get over this obssessive fear? I, regadless of how hard or difficult, embrassed my fears, made them my own, turned them from negatives into positives. Adapted, improvised and overcame ~ of course a 20 year long course in mental and emotional discipline courtsey of the United States Marine Corps didn't hurt either ~ still I, like all ~ have my moments of weakness. One must always be viligent ~ but with time and experience ~ it gets easier. As in all human endevoars, in the beginning a great deal of effort must be invested with very little result. (E=r), but with time, patinece, practice, expeience, a little effort yields a tremendous amount of result, (e=R). For most of people it takes about three years to become good at something, about ten years to master it. Most Westerners don't have the paitence to even become good at something ~ before they throw their hands up in frustration. A by-product of our instant gradification society ~ no doubt. IMHO, the reason so many marriages fail ~ is that so many people fail to master themselves, their lives, the art of living, before entering into something like marriage. How can you give love, admiration, repesct to someone else ~ when you can't even give it to yourself?
Author marlena Posted March 25, 2007 Author Posted March 25, 2007 Yes, I agree, "making love" outside of the bedroom (that is to say, I'm not referring to the actual physical mechanics of sex) is one of the primary reasons I believe for sexless marriage. Too many men and women fail to grasp the concept that it doesn't come that easy ~ to have passionate sex you've got to get it the old fashion way ~ you've got to work for it. Now I am not at all sure I am following your train of thought! Do you mean you advocate sexless marriages!!! Now I'm really beginning to lay a guilt trip on myself for expecting it so much from my 55 year old now ex boyfriend! If you read my previous posts you'll that amongst other things that was also an important factor for me!! Was I wrong here? Gunny what exactly do you mean "to have passionate sex you've got to fet it the old - fashioned way'? I, regadless of how hard or difficult, embrassed my fears, made them my own, turned them from negatives into positives. Adapted, improvised and overcame ~ How did you embarass your fears and convert them from negative to postive? Now, you really have me befuddled to no end. And how does this apply to the fear of loneliness and being unloved by someone? Gunny, can you explain for I'm afraid I have missed what you are trying to say totally! And I do want to understand.. I agree you can't give love if you don't love yourself but in my experience a lot of nice, mentally healthy people with a self-esteem and loving hearts just never getthe same in return. On the contrary i know a lot of cruel,selfish, disrespecful people who wind up with partners who absolutely adore them!!! Who is to say? A confusing not to mention senseless world we live in. Gunny, please explain what you mean.
Gunny376 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Now I am not at all sure I am following your train of thought! Do you mean you advocate sexless marriages!!! Now I'm really beginning to lay a guilt trip on myself for expecting it so much from my 55 year old now ex boyfriend! If you read my previous posts you'll that amongst other things that was also an important factor for me!! Was I wrong here? Gunny what exactly do you mean "to have passionate sex you've got to fet it the old - fashioned way'? First I apolgize, I sometimes forget that others haven't been where I've been and lived where I lived, nor lived the life that I have. Now, that can be said about just anyone. But, most people don't enlist in the military, and of those that do, most don't enlist into the Marine Corps, and of those that do, most don't make a carrer of it. Most don't live in Japan for four years, and most people that go there even for a year don't study the culture, the literature, the philosophy, religion etc. I've also studie marital arts. In addition my favorite passtime is reading. My XW and last LTR GF use to cringe everytime we walked pass or drove pass a bookstore ~ and I consider myself to be a scholar in the true sense of the word ~ the pursuit of knowledge just for the sake of it. My place has a good many books ~ the vast majority of them are not fiction ~ and I would be hard pressed to find one right off hand. What fiction I do have ~ is classical literature. In keeping with the vien ~ most men wouldn't be caught dead in the relationship, women's studies, love section of a book store, let alone read a book on the subject(s) I have two shelves dedicated to the subject ~ and I'm by far an expert. The more I read, the more I realize how much I've still to learn. With that said, (as a basis for further your understanding of where I'm coming from) What I meant when I said ~ when it comes to sex, you got to get it the old fashion way ~ you've got to work for it was summed up in the post in the Marraige fourmn: The biggest killer of sexual intimacy is mediocrity, many men are under the impression that in so long as they’re not yelling at their wives, beating them or cheating on them, providing for them, leaving messes around the house that they are good husbands. All that means is that aren’t bad husbands ~ their average husbands. Instead of not just yelling at their wives, husbands should make an effort to say lots of wonderful things to their wives. Instead of not just beating his wife, a husband should make certain he often lovingly touches her: stroking her hair, lightly kissing her neck, gently massaging her shoulders, kindly rubbing her feet, and giving her light kisses on her cheek, nose, ears, forehead, and of course, lips. A man should only not cheat on his wife, he should passionately seduce her. Not being a total slob isn't bad, but helping your wife with the chores is even better. Giving her a whole day or week off from her usual chores and you doing them for her is best. Men should never settle for being average. If your relationship has been in neutral, its time for you to move into first gear. If you find that you have fallen into the mediocrity trap, then you probably shouldn't be too surprised that your sex life has suffered as a result. Some ways to avoid mediocrity and rise to the top. One great way to avoid mediocrity and keep sex spicy hot is to learn how to make love outside of the bedroom. No, I"m not talking about making love on the kitchen counter or dining room table. I"m talking about making love with your woman in a non-sexual way. If she regularly prepares supper, do you ever ask her if she needs help? If she is the one that normally does the dishes, do you regularly do them instead? Do you help her around the house? Do you touch her in non-sexual ways? Do you ever kiss her outside the bedroom? I promise you, the better you learn to make love to her outside of the bedroom, the better she will make love with you inside the bedroom. If she is resentful for the things you do (or don't do) outside the bedroom, how can she give herself to you fully and excitedly in the bedroom? Something to think about! Do you ever touch her outside the bedroom? One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to only touch you lady when you want sex. She will pick up on this and likely start to resent you for it. Instead, be sure to touch her often in a non-sexual way. For instance, while she is cooking or brushing her teeth in the mirror, go up behind her and give her a big hug. Or, if she is working on the computer or reading a book, go up behind her and give her a small kiss on the neck or a backrub. Pay attention. There are many opportunities throughout your day together to do this for her. She will feel appreciated and she will love you for it. Do you ever kiss her - REALLY kiss her? I say anything under 10 seconds doesn't even qualify as a kiss. Sure, there will be times when you have to dash off to the store before it closes and a peck will have to do, but try to make those times the exception rather than the rule Do you spend time together? Make a conscious effort to make quality time for your partner every day - even if its only ten minutes of snuggling before going to sleep. Most women need to make a connection everyday. Take a walk together after dinner. Have a laugh at the supermarket. Clean or wash the car together. Have fun doing whatever you do together. Take a class. Join a club. Support a candidate. Plan a getaway. Tickle. Be Goofy. Just make sure you spend quality time with your lady - everyday. She will love you for it. Create rituals that involve sharing time. No matter how busy you are, make the time. Have one night a week set aside to watch videos in bed. Go for a special brunch every Sunday. Read the Sunday paper together in bed. Make her breakfast every Saturday morning. You get the idea. Rituals are an important part of a relationship. They provide fun, anticipation, security, and mostly intimacy Do you talk to her? Do you listen to her - REALLY listen? Ask her about her day and then listen to her. Don't try to solve all of her problems. Just sympathize with her, tell her you love her, and let her know that you are her biggest fan. Do you compliment her? Do you build her up and brag on her in front of others? Do you help her out with chores, the kids, and housework? Does she feel overburdened? When is the last time you called her just to say, "I love you"? When is the last time the two of you went somewhere romantic Take her away for the weekend. Don't expect sex. Don't ask for it. Just work on rediscovering what it was about each other that made you fall in love in the first place. The sex will likely follow! One of the things that Dr. Hellen Kreidmen's recommends is spending the first thirty minutes when to two you first get home is just re-connecting from the day. No TV, no radio, no going through the mail, reading the paper ~ just concentrating on each other ~ she says even no children to the extent possible. That is to say if a man wants sex, with it being a 10% component part of the over-all relationship, he needs to giving 90% non-sexual love making outside of the bedroom. This can be and is summed up with the book, "Why Men Don't Get Enough Sex, and Women Don't Get Enough Love" If men will give women the love, affection, (emotional) that women need ~ they will get the sex (physical and emotional) that they need. For some reason ~ men aren't making the connection between the two. How did you embarass your fears and convert them from negative to postive? Now, you really have me befuddled to no end. And how does this apply to the fear of loneliness and being unloved by someone? Gunny, can you explain for I'm afraid I have missed what you are trying to say totally! And I do want to understand.. I agree you can't give love if you don't love yourself but in my experience a lot of nice, mentally healthy people with a self-esteem and loving hearts just never getthe same in return. On the contrary i know a lot of cruel,selfish, disrespecful people who wind up with partners who absolutely adore them!!! Who is to say? A confusing not to mention senseless world we live in. Gunny, please explain what you mean. This hinges a little on my military indoctrination, a little on my study of Far East philosophy, culture, thinking etc. I was married for 12 years, and with another (shack-up deal) for six and half. After the last GF and I broke (mutual ~ because of distance, family obligations, responsiblites split between North Carolina and Alabama, etc) I sat down and had a talk with myself. This was at the birthing of the internet, etc. I sat down with a Elvis decanter of Jim Beam, and a Fled Flintsone Jelly glass, put some George Jones on ~ and four of us had a talk ~ so to speak. What I got out of the experience was that I needed to quit being a fool and get back into school. There was something here that I wasn't quite getting? WTF? Understanding the principle of being "fluid" and "flexable", along with adapting, improvising and over-coming ~ I embraced my loneliness, my singleness, and much more than that ~ my aloneless ~ I made my mind up to be single and alone ~ and to turn it into a positive. I adapted and overcame the culturally and socially conditioned idea that I just had to have someone, that I just had to be in a relationship, that I just had to have someone in my life. I regeted that notion completely and in its entirty. That's not something that easily done by most people ~ but because of my life experiences was something that I could do. I was abandoned by Mother when I was age six. Left to a father that was more interested in chasing skirt, than in spending time with me, and was dumped by my eldery grandparents who were too worn out, too old, too give out after having raised seven children through the Great Depression, and having sent four sons off to fight WWII and the Korean War. They're main concern was that I didn't damage anything, to include myself. We lived so far back in the pine thickets on a nine mile dirt road, the only playmates I had were two dogs, Buster and Brownie! :love: :love: Thus my unique personality and outlook on life. So I guess you could say I was raised by wolfes! If it helps, my last LTR GF, a NCU graduate described me as " a very complex person"
Author marlena Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 In keeping with the vien ~ most men wouldn't be caught dead in the relationship, women's studies, love section of a book store, let alone read a book on the subject(s) I have two shelves dedicated to the subject ~ and I'm by far an expert. The more I read, the more I realize how much I've still to learn. This dear Gunny of course is to your honour ....I adore men who are not caught up and hindered by stereotype gender roles...I myself am always seeking a man's viewpoint on the sensitive subject of relationships between the sexes for only by doing this can I truly gain insight to the a man's thoughts and needs and as a result hopefully apply this knowledge to my relationships. But alas I always seem to fail!!! Why is that I don't know! I suspect it has to do with my rebellious and uncomprimising nature!!! I CANNOT submit to someone's will if I deem it is selfish and unjust. I can not remain silent in the face of injustice (or what I ascertain to be injustice!) This independent streak perhaps scares men off!!!! Now I know what you mean by goo ol'fashioned loving, the kind that leads up to good, fulfilling sex! It is what all women crave I suppose, that sort of loving intimacy that assures us of a man's love and being there for us! This I have been unable to find!!! This is what I seek and long for and feel miserable for not having!!! I sat down with a Elvis decanter of Jim Beam, and a Fled Flintsone Jelly glass, put some George Jones on ~ and four of us had a talk ~ so to speak. Oh, how many times have I done that and just got more confused plus a hangover to boot! I adapted and overcame the culturally and socially conditioned idea that I just had to have someone, that I just had to be in a relationship, that I just had to have someone in my life. I regeted that notion completely and in its entirty. Please believe I do not need to be with someone because of any cultural or social conditioning! I need to be because it is a need that I feel gnawing at my very core and at times sapping my enrgy...I need to give and receive love because without this I am not quite complete.. That is not to say I am needy for I have been alone for many years and though I have had many chances chances to start relationships I didn't because the men just didn't do it for me!!! And for a very long time I was Ok with that!!! To me a life of solitude is something I can enjoy for a period of time but then one day faint little sparks start to rekindle the fire within and I know my solitude once cherished is beginning to burden me. It's all those loving things you mentioned that are missing and the discontent starts to settle on my soul like dust! I too love bookstores and libraries and am inquisitive by nature. I too had to assimilate a different culture and language and philosophy and of course this has coloured who I am. So I think I understand you a little bit better now! I don't know if you read my posts but do you think I made a mistake in ending my realtionship with this man? Was I to quick to give up? Or was I right in listening to my gut instinct? You seem to know so much about women and their needs. You shouldn't be alone! Some lady is missing out on some good ol' fashioned loving from someone as admirable as you are.
Gunny376 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Side note ~ you might want to catch this show tonight on TLC ~ http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/one-week/one-week.html
princessa Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Here's my opinion on loneliness and how we're tied to relationships... from my other thread: I think most people are like this [placing friends and family at the center of their lives], whether they admit it or not. Of course there are the religious ones who look for meaning in God, as well as the philosophers who spend their time trying to figure out new schools of thought regarding the meaning of life... But in the end most of us strive to look for relationships, whether romantic or with friends and family. Married people live for their marriages, their children, their families. Single people create their own families through a network of close friends.. but friends can only be close to us to a certain extent.. I think that ultimately we all seek that one person with which we can merge our lives with, instead of having a network of people, each contributing to different small parts of our lives. I've seen people live like that, where their friends have become their family. I wonder if that's as fulfilling as having a single person in your life, and whether that really depends on the individual. I think my frustration is that it seems ridiculous that we cannot seem to stand on our own. We seem to devoid of meaning without all of these people and their love, and yet this love is so fragile that it can be taken away from us at any moment. Why then do we lie to ourselves and are told after a break up or before a relationship "you should be complete on your own, you do not need anybody else to complete you"? That's bull! We do need people around us, whether we are aware of it or not. Why do we lie to ourselves by thinking that by burrying ourselves in work and other activities we would be able to get over the breakup much more efficiently, when in fact we should be burrying ourselves in the remainder of that 'family' that we have built around us, even though one person is missing? It's almost as if, the moment we step out of the relationship realm, we are told to redefine our lives under a whole new category, that of material life goals, instead of being encouraged to look for new relationships and build additional human support to make up for the one that has been pulled away. Why is it so hard to admit that really what we're living for is other people and the happiness they bring us?
Author marlena Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 princessa, Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. The same words could have come out of my own mouth. I am the type of person who has a big network of friends but that just isn't enough. They can only fulfill cetain needs and not others. They are marvelous but they can't take the place of that someone special with whom, like you said, I would like to merge my life with, the special someone who will bring a deeper happiness and fulfullment. Each and every break up is so painful , like a part of me had died. I feel so horrible right now that I am this close to breaking NC. Help friends!! Yes, why are we told time and time again to feel complete even when we are not mated? This I find unatural. I'm sorry.
Author marlena Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 Gunny, I dom't live in the USA. WIsh I did right now. Thanks anyway!
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