For all you Nice Guys Out there

[norajane]

I believe that.

 

I used to be something of that kind of nice guy. But I've learned since. And I've decided that I'm really not going to cater to women of any kind anymore. I will still be polite and such, but I'm not initiating or engaging in any form of non professional relation ship with any woman indefinitely. I'd rather find myself attaing knowledge, practicing my art & music skills, trading stocks, and making money. Then I'd still be more than happy to deliver a shy "nice guy" smile and turn down any woman who comes my way. Hows that for showing a woman what love is. My nice guy soloution is that I have goals for myself and am content with them.

 

So, basically, you've decided you never want to have a relationship?

 

So what does it matter, then if you are nice or not?

[IpAncA]

sweet...so I should become an as$$hole!! Maybe I'll have more fun that way!

 

That's just great. Just make sure when you trip her you apologize first.

 

BTW Balanced IS the way to go. Please don't be all one sided.

 

But I have to say I think some of you guys need a book on dating. After reading about this on another forum this is just nuts. Why can't some of you just be balanced and not always super nice or always the jerk 1/2?

[Pyro]

That's just great. Just make sure when you trip her you apologize first.

 

BTW Balanced IS the way to go. Please don't be all one sided.

 

But I have to say I think some of you guys need a book on dating. After reading about this on another forum this is just nuts. Why can't some of you just be balanced and not always super nice or always the jerk 1/2?

 

Believe it or not, it is difficult for lots of guys to be well balanced. It is a lot easier to be one extreme or the other, but to be somewhere in the middle takes time, trial and error, and maturity. Some guys are too stubborn to admit that they are one of the two extremes and they will never admit that a change may do them good.

[IpAncA]

Believe it or not, it is difficult for lots of guys to be well balanced. It is a lot easier to be one extreme or the other, but to be somewhere in the middle takes time, trial and error, and maturity. Some guys are too stubborn to admit that they are one of the two extremes and they will never admit that a change may do them good.

Yeah I know.

[goodbrother]

So, basically, you've decided you never want to have a relationship?

 

So what does it matter, then if you are nice or not?

 

I've decided I won't enter a relationship for an undecided amount of time. I guess that will be until I feel like something is missing from my life. The option will always be there. But me being the nice guy who is content with the goals in his world, I will not be dissappointed with non romantic friendships in the just friends zone because I'm honestly not looking for anything more. And the just friends zone is usually where nice guys don't want to be placed by women. I can play that part just fine.

 

I hope I didn't come across bitter, I'm really not.

[Pyro]

Yeah I know.

 

That is where patience and optimism comes into play. When you are dating, you can't expect to meet the one right away. For the majority of us, it will take years and dating many different people before that happens, but don't get discouraged.

[IpAncA]

That is where patience and optimism comes into play. When you are dating, you can't expect to meet the one right away. For the majority of us, it will take years and dating many different people before that happens, but don't get discouraged.

 

Don't get discouraged? I'm not dating you know.

[Pyro]

Don't get discouraged? I'm not dating you know.

 

I hope not.

 

It was a message directed toward those who are having difficulties keeping a positive attitude about dating.

[IpAncA]

I hope not.

 

It was a message directed toward those who are having difficulties keeping a positive attitude about dating.

 

I figured that but still had to say something.

[Salicious Crumb]

That's just great. Just make sure when you trip her you apologize first.

 

BTW Balanced IS the way to go. Please don't be all one sided.

 

But I have to say I think some of you guys need a book on dating. After reading about this on another forum this is just nuts. Why can't some of you just be balanced and not always super nice or always the jerk 1/2?

 

Because we are who we are...if we used a book, we wouldn't be genuine now would we.

 

And as far as balanced...you like a guy who is half nice and half a jerk....uh...ok....that 1/2 jerk side will be the side that breaks your heart when he cheats on you.

[What?]

I dated a guy like this. The compliments were so generic and overdone. For example, he would say I looked nice every time we went out, even if I was just lounging in my pj's. I loved it at first, thought it was fantastic, but soon I just ended up rolling my eyes, because it really lost it's meaning, and was just expected.

 

On the other hand, when I've gone for the bad boy types, who seem a lot more aloof about the relationship, but spontaneously do something really nice, or give me compliments sporatically, when I feel that I've earned it means a lot more and just melts my heart.

 

I appreciate the input, but I do NOT overdo the compliments, and they're NEVER generic. I am 32 years old and have NEVER used the same lines or did the same things to any girl, even though some of them were damn good! When a lady has captivated my attention, she HAS earned it, because it is not easy to get me to do so. They know this. Each girl is unique, and I intend on treating each one uniquely.

 

It would be easy to get with a lot more girls if I repeated my actions and words over and over again, but that just isn't me. I want each girl to feel special, and I would feel I was cheapening it if I did that. It's just sad that society has come to the point that complimenting someone has no meaning anymore and I have to be sporatic for me to reverse that.

 

If more people actually felt the way they said, this would be a non-issue. I think a girl SHOULD EXPECT their SO/b/f/love interest to say nice things to her. A girl should think there is a problem when the b/f DOESN'T say nice things to her. I have no problem stroking a woman's ego if I'm really into her. I completely understand your argument, but for the reasons stated above, I don't think I can change... Guess I'm screwed!

[IpAncA]

Because we are who we are...if we used a book, we wouldn't be genuine now would we.

 

And as far as balanced...you like a guy who is half nice and half a jerk....uh...ok....that 1/2 jerk side will be the side that breaks your heart when he cheats on you.

Oh SC your taking this the wrong way.

 

Yes I understand we are who we are. BUT if people are looking for reasons why they can't get dates or keep a gf then don't you think that's worth changing or understanding something so you can?

 

There are many threads about why "nice" guys finish last and not just on here.

 

Of course no one wants someone who cheats and does all that crap. Being a little bit of both doesn't mean your going to cheat or carry all that negative stuff.

[Mustang1984]

I've only had 1 relationship in my life that was over 5 years long. I did everything and anything for her. I treated her so good and made tons of career decsions so that I could be around her. A few months ago she dumped me for a high school drop out bad by druggie. I never even slept with her, becuase she told me she wanted to wait till marrige which i respected. After the break up she told me she was on the pill and so excited to have sex with her new bad boy. My heart is still in a million pieces 6 months later. I thought that by being super nice to her that she would love me and want to be with me. Unfortunatly, in the end I finished last.

 

Like IpAncA said you need to have a balence. I admit I am not balenced. I am super nice, but apparently lack that sexy bad boy appeal that gives the reltionship its spark. I for one dont intend on getting crushed like this agin so I do intend to make changes to myself.

 

If your super nice, you have great qulaites for a long term and faithful relationship. However you lack the sexiness and mystery involved with the bad boy appeal. Therefore you have a good chance of ending up like me. Long term relationship that ends in severe heartbreak.

 

Now the jerk has the qualites for that intense sex appeal and infatation. However he lacks the qualities for a long term relationship. Therefore his evenvitable end is a shorter reationship with lots of passion. True things end for the bad boy, but bad boys can attrat women far more easily than nice guys.

 

So if your super nice, not only will you finish last, but its harder for you to make a come back and you MAY face more extreme heart break. You truely do need a balence in order to keep things going. I know people say you shouldnt change yourself, but it doesnt meen we have to become total jerks.

 

Nive guys problems com from the fact that we arent see as masculine enough. Often we are seen as push overs i think who arent a challenge. We can still be nice, but we need to learn to stick up for our selves and not just act like a total wimpy slave.

 

Another thing I've noticed is that girls truely care way more about personality than looks. I am a pretty good looking guy, but im shy and a little quiet at first. This has caused me imense problmes.

[Salicious Crumb]

Oh SC your taking this the wrong way.

 

Yes I understand we are who we are. BUT if people are looking for reasons why they can't get dates or keep a gf then don't you think that's worth changing or understanding something so you can?

 

Sure...I think all nice guys need to add a little "as$$hole" to themselves and be a jerk once in a while to be well "balanced"

 

I mean if 1/2 an as$$hole seems to do better with women, then let all men add that 1/2 to their personality.

 

But then don't complain when you get what you think is "balanced".

[Salicious Crumb]

Like IpAncA said you need to have a balence. I admit I am not balenced. I am super nice, but apparently lack that sexy bad boy appeal that gives the reltionship its spark. I for one dont intend on getting crushed like this agin so I do intend to make changes to myself.

 

If your super nice, you have great qulaites for a long term and faithful relationship. However you lack the sexiness and mystery involved with the bad boy appeal.

 

I don't totally disagree, with the exception of the notion that a nice guy can't be sexy...they just aren't jerks.

 

I use to be a nice guy...until I was walked all over..by my own wife when she was my fiancee..although I didn't find out about it til years later after we had kids.

So ever since I found out, I am still a nice guy when it comes to family and my beloved children...but when it comes to my wife...if she wanted 1/2 a jerk, well now she has one....and if she doesn't like it...well tough sh!it...she made me this way. Like you, I refuse to be walked all over ever again.

 

But the point is, women say they want that bad boy quality, but then whine bitch and moan, and some will declare all men jerks when that "bad boy" ends up screwing them over.

 

So if women want to shun the nice guys out there....fine, but don't complain when you get what you asked for.

[Mustang1984]

Yeah your totally right on how women want that bad boy quality and then do nothing but complain that theres no nice guys out there. Theres plenty of nice guys out there, but girls turn them down all the time. What girls want is a total jerk who wil treat her like a princess and there isnt anyone out there like that. In fact that sentence what I just decribed is a total paradox. Basically girls are sayin that they want their cake, but they want to eat it too.

 

Now to any gils out there readig this please dont be offended. Please understand how frustrating it is for nice guys who have so much to offer to be cast aside and steped on constantly for jerks. No one will admit that they want a jerk who treats them bad yet a lot of girls do nothing but go for these guys. Women comlpain about men thinking with whats between their legs, but I think that its quite clear that a lot of women (not all) do the same thing otherwise there wouldnt be so many women dating jerks just becuase they have that bad boy jerk appeal.

 

I agree with SC that nice guys can also be sexy. The problem is that nice guys have trouble getting past the inital stages with women often becuase they arent given a chance.

 

Theres plenty of successful, good looking, nice guys out there who just keep getting rejection after rejection. Heres the facts girls. Nice guys generally have good jobs, make good dads, and great companions. They are there for you whenever you need them and would drop everything to help you out. Jerks generally have crummy jobs, they make lousy parents, and generally are sefish and only care about their needs. They generally make excuses to get out of doing things to help you out, becuase they are lazy. They dont want to put any work into a relationsip. They just want to do their thing and have someone to have sex with.

 

So give the nice guys a chance, becuase they have a lot more to offer than jerks.

[IpAncA]

But then don't complain when you get what you think is "balanced".

 

I wasn't complaining. I complain when I don't get the balance.

[IpAncA]

dating jerks just becuase they have that bad boy jerk appeal.

 

I agree with SC that nice guys can also be sexy. The problem is that nice guys have trouble getting past the inital stages with women often becuase they arent given a chance.

 

Theres plenty of successful, good looking, nice guys out there who just keep getting rejection after rejection. Heres the facts girls. Nice guys generally have good jobs, make good dads, and great companions. They are there for you whenever you need them and would drop everything to help you out. Jerks generally have crummy jobs, they make lousy parents, and generally are sefish and only care about their needs. They generally make excuses to get out of doing things to help you out, becuase they are lazy. They dont want to put any work into a relationsip. They just want to do their thing and have someone to have sex with.

 

So give the nice guys a chance, becuase they have a lot more to offer than jerks.

 

I agree too.

[Pyro]

I agree too.

 

I second that.

 

I don't understand why a great guy has to be a jerk/********* along with his good guy side in order to be balanced. To be balanced, you just need to be nice and know when people are trying to take advantage of you or walk all over you and you prevent that from happening. You don't have to be a jerk to be balanced.

[Salicious Crumb]

I second that.

 

I don't understand why a great guy has to be a jerk/********* along with his good guy side in order to be balanced. To be balanced, you just need to be nice and know when people are trying to take advantage of you or walk all over you and you prevent that from happening. You don't have to be a jerk to be balanced.

 

But that is not what really started all of this debate...it was that women like "bad boys" or at least a balance of nice and "bad boy"...last I checked, bad boys tend to be jerks.

 

There is no such thing as a nice "bad boy"....there may be a "bad boy" that, on the surface, appears to be nice to get what he wants....but behind your back, the "bad boy" can't be trusted.....thats why they are bad.

[amerikajin]

When I was growing up, it seemed like the messages I was getting was that women wanted sensitivity; that men weren't really all that different from men; that it was okay for men to cry; and that it was okay for women to play sports, and to go out and get jobs; that it was basically okay for women to show a masculine side and that men could open up and show some femininity. And while I have no problems with men being occasionally sensitive and women being career-oriented and such, I have come to the conclusion that I (and a lot of other men) were terribly misled by all of this psychobabble. I've had to essentially unlearn all that I've learned and re-think how I see the sexes.

 

First thing you've got to understand about women is that they are totally different from men. Evolution developed women to be different from us. They were engineered to be caretakers and to set up domestication, and occasionally to participate in things like making clothes for the children, cooking meals, and gathering materials needed to set up the home. As caretakers and mentors of their children, they also evolved to pick up on feelings and emotions. Men are engineered to select women who were most likely to be responsible, caring mothers who could be trusted to raise offspring.

 

Men were engineered to be the hunters and protectors of the clan. Men were engineered to be aggressive. Men were engineered to track down prey, and to kill it. Men were also engineered to establish dominance over other males through violence and also by spreading their seed. Men also evolved to use this violence to ward off potential human competitors. Women are naturally attracted to men who show traits of aggression.

 

Of course, times have changed since our hunter-gatherer days. We no longer roam from bush to bush; we have long-since settled in communities. Nevertheless, the aggressive genes which took millions of years to become a part of our genetic code are still very much inside of us. It's just that now, we have to modify that aggression so that it is compatible with the needs of modern societies. The kind of aggression that was essential to survival in nomadic pre-historic times is not compatible with an orderly society with millions of people living in close proximity to each other. It's not cool to attack your boss with a spear or your neighbor with a bow and arrow:laugh: But that same aggressive trait is what keeps us busy competing with business rivals. It's what drives guys like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. Male aggression. The essence of manhood...that's what women find attractive.

[Gunny376]

nice guy

A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive

female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch jock of a boyfriend

because no one else will listen or genuinely care.

 

Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation

of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach

bum’s. The nice guy would never capitalize on a vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl, he will go out of his

way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return but no matter how

intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting or loyal the nice guy is the female cohort will always

pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy and cold-heartedness from a man if he has

physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles and chiseled facial features.

 

The nice guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his

friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular

jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize that how viable he actually is will

spawn and incubate the nice guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views, dumb-down his

speech, take-up weight-lifting and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics

to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players

so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice guy.”

 

The nice guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend but will invariably

be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion

for the nice guy’s feelings or even realized that he’s interested in girls. After rejecting the nice guy, the

girl will downplay the supposed friendship to the point where they never speak again, which in turn will

make the nice guy depressed (ironically, he won’t have anyone to talk to) because he’s devoted so

much time and energy and has become so warped from being exposed to these kinds of people that he

will either live the rest of his life alone in a tiny apartment, jerking off to old Saved by the Bell episodes

or get drunk one night and impregnate a 300-pound, cross-eyed derelict who works at Wendy’s and

spend the rest of his life being treated like ****.

 

The whole ‘nice guy’ phenomenon really supports the idea that people primarily care about physical

appearances and that shrewdness, selfishness and narcissism will always triumph over compassion,

rapport and “inner beauty.”

 

"Jeez Patrick, I hope I can find a nice guy like you someday."

 

"Well, if you need me I'll be at home, crying myself to sleep while masturbating to the sound of my

70-year-old neighbors having sex...I might also play some ps2."

 

 

 

 

JerkThe kind of guy most girls ACTUALLY want when they say they want a Nice Guy .

 

Jerks are selfish, manipulative bastards who see women as little more then sexual conquests to brag

about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure. As to ensure the

post-sex breakup will be in their favor, Jerks often play the "sensative guy" early on so the girl will

make most of the moves on HIM, and after he's done with her and dumps her for some other girl just

like her, he can make it look like she's at fault for coming on too strong, and consequently she'll take

him back if he chooses to return for seconds.

 

Typically are/were Frat boys, Jocks, and Prep's in school.

 

"Yeah, Billy's a real Jerk the way he used Tricia like that. Can't believe she bought his crap though."

 

So......................the balance part is being a jerk without the manipulative, using, absuing, cheating

player with the hot, (femininie definition) ripped body, that knows how to walkl the walk, talk the talk,

make the right moves ~ without being a player, a user, and an abuser.

 

It means giving up your PS2, your obsession with un-manly things, getting off your deadazz and

getting in some exercise at the gym, learing how to dress, clean and groom yourself without being

a metrosexual ~ while displaying self control and self discipline and not being a weak minded SOB

that has no control over their basic instincts. All the while not being a jerk, and not being a doormat.

Knowing who you are, what you're about, having and knowing what your center of conscious is,

what your code is, and what you will stand for and what you want. Its not attitude, its not arrogrance

~ its confidence ~ that if some gal dumps you, you can find one or more in no time.

 

Its identifying, and over-coming your personal shortcomings and perpetually seeking self improvement.

 

Its knowing that the closest you can come to controlling a woman ~ is through knowing and understanding

her to the best of your ability and capactity. And knowing that changes daily. Its about being adaptable,

flexable, in your life.

 

Its being romantic in little things and in all things. Its about not being taking granted, and not taking your

woman for granted.

 

Its about giving respect, and not standing by and being dis-respect.

 

Its about actually getting off your azz and learning something about sex and women's bodies beside what

you learned in 9th grade gym class, and are still applying 20 years later.

 

Its about understanding that most women most of the time (but not all the time) have to be emotionally

engaged first before they're physically engaged sexually.

 

Its about understanding that if you want to have a vibrant, passionate love life in the bed room ~ you've

got to make love 90% of the time outside the bedroom (If you're don't know what I'm talking about ~

your totally freaking clueless)

 

Its understanding what I mean when I say, "Men don't get enough sex, because women aren't getting enough

love!" (And if you don't understand that one, you might want to quit being a fool and get back into school

on the subject)

 

[Pyro]

But that is not what really started all of this debate...it was that women like "bad boys" or at least a balance of nice and "bad boy"...last I checked, bad boys tend to be jerks.

 

There is no such thing as a nice "bad boy"....there may be a "bad boy" that, on the surface, appears to be nice to get what he wants....but behind your back, the "bad boy" can't be trusted.....thats why they are bad.

 

Thats not what I said or what I meant.

 

All that I said was that you don't have to have a jerk side in order to be a balanced guy.

[tanbark813]

It's not cool to attack your boss with a spear or your neighbor with a bow and arrow

 

Great. Now you tell me.

[Pyro]

Great. Now you tell me.

 

So what background shall we expect in your avatar next month?