Tormented Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Okay...so I've been through the toughest part of the breakup with my ex (almost 7 months ago) and have since thrown my hat in the "dating ring." Gotta tell ya - I'm NOT impressed with what's out there so far. Met one guy who acted as though he was God's gift to women and expects women to pursue him - NO THANX! Next... Met another one who presented himself as laid back, easy going. Uh-huh...until I told him I couldn't go out with him last weekend because I had plans and he immediately got pissy about it. Next... I recently met another who seemed nice enough, very polite to the point of humble. Things looked good with this one until he spilled the beans that he's been married twice - one of them for only 3 years, the other for only one year - and since then, has been in numerous relationships that only lasted for a few months. Um...is it me, or is this a major RED FLAG? When I asked him why his relationships don't last long, he said..."Well, they just don't seem to meet my standards." Ah geesh....I'm outta here!!! I tell ya, the whole dating scene sucks. It's SOOOO damn hard finding a suitable mate. Think I'll throw in the towel for awhile. Guess I'm just a little burned out on it all... ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 LOL T, Tell you wat though, at least you are going on dates, and think about it..... these guys are probably better then the crazy ex anyways. Don't worry just take it easy and give some people a chance, to behonest if I made plans with a girl and then she blows me off on the weekend I be a little pissy too. (refering to the second guy). Cheer up, no one is perfect, its how they treat you that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
What? Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hey Tormented, I'm with ya all the way. The dating scene just blows! I am impressed with your intuition, because every guy you mentioned definitely displays red flag qualities. You are right to have walked away from all of them. But that is a credit to you. Continue to use your insight the way you do. You will find the right guy for you. I know it's cliche, but when you least expect too. If you are open, you'll get there. Do not settle. When you see something you like and are convinced, go for it! There are good guys out there, I know one or two of them. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Cossette4 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Haha greeeeeat. I can't wait to get out there and find Mr. Right among all those stupid a**holes Link to post Share on other sites
PracticalShade Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 LOL at Cossette4's signiture!! Anyway yeah here's the blunt/realistic way that I look at it. A relationship is basically two people who have enough in common to where they put up with each others bulls**t in order to have companionship. Seems like after a breakup where the feelings linger for a while, most people find it impossible to find someone new because even though the ex is in the past it's like they're in competition with them. I guess I can say don't necessarily lower your standards, but at the same time remember that no one's perfect and that every person has their own baggage in one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Maybe you should buy a nice dress or something. Get new tits. Link to post Share on other sites
KarmaBytes Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hang in there T... They say that love hits you when you least expect it, when you are not looking for it... It's all about that Divine Connection...the Universe and it's infinite wisdom is all about that perfect timing... i know, i know, doing taxes is a helluva lot easier! Just don't give up... if anything, you go out, have fun! Okay...so I've been through the toughest part of the breakup with my ex (almost 7 months ago) and have since thrown my hat in the "dating ring." Gotta tell ya - I'm NOT impressed with what's out there so far. Met one guy who acted as though he was God's gift to women and expects women to pursue him - NO THANX! Next... Met another one who presented himself as laid back, easy going. Uh-huh...until I told him I couldn't go out with him last weekend because I had plans and he immediately got pissy about it. Next... I recently met another who seemed nice enough, very polite to the point of humble. Things looked good with this one until he spilled the beans that he's been married twice - one of them for only 3 years, the other for only one year - and since then, has been in numerous relationships that only lasted for a few months. Um...is it me, or is this a major RED FLAG? When I asked him why his relationships don't last long, he said..."Well, they just don't seem to meet my standards." Ah geesh....I'm outta here!!! I tell ya, the whole dating scene sucks. It's SOOOO damn hard finding a suitable mate. Think I'll throw in the towel for awhile. Guess I'm just a little burned out on it all... ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 At least you can pat yourself on the back and say, your eyes are open and you realized all the guys you mention above have issues and that you see the red flags and don't go there. I'm no where near getting ready to do the dating thing. Nope, nope, nope. I'm sure there are good guys (and girls) out there but I'm not even about to look. Keep looking and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 RE: Don't you use the 5 Minute Rule. The one where you can consciously laser scan everything about him upon first meeting. Take a break. Seriously. Let them come to you! Oh and veer away from the ones that live with their Puppets and Pet Plants. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I totally understand how you feel. Almost daily I feel like "the guy for me" just doesn't exist. There is always something, and usually it's several somethings that make them a loser. Guess we better go buy some cats and let them start procreating so we can be old cat ladies. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Don't even suggest that - you can always get cats and kittens from the Humane Society and always always always get them spayed or neutered. I did see a book the other day at my pet food/specially baked dog bisquit store that was entitled, Ditch him, marry the dog or something like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Ha, sorry....see in all my disgust at the males in the world, I forgot that I am a strong proponent of spaying/neutering. We should neuter more guys....haha only kidding, don't flame me, men. In fact, we have a ton of feral cats in my apartment complex if anyone wants to come trap some. =) Don't even suggest that - you can always get cats and kittens from the Humane Society and always always always get them spayed or neutered. I did see a book the other day at my pet food/specially baked dog bisquit store that was entitled, Ditch him, marry the dog or something like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Okay...so I've been through the toughest part of the breakup with my ex (almost 7 months ago) and have since thrown my hat in the "dating ring." Gotta tell ya - I'm NOT impressed with what's out there so far. Met one guy who acted as though he was God's gift to women and expects women to pursue him - NO THANX! Next... Met another one who presented himself as laid back, easy going. Uh-huh...until I told him I couldn't go out with him last weekend because I had plans and he immediately got pissy about it. Next... I recently met another who seemed nice enough, very polite to the point of humble. Things looked good with this one until he spilled the beans that he's been married twice - one of them for only 3 years, the other for only one year - and since then, has been in numerous relationships that only lasted for a few months. Um...is it me, or is this a major RED FLAG? When I asked him why his relationships don't last long, he said..."Well, they just don't seem to meet my standards." Ah geesh....I'm outta here!!! I tell ya, the whole dating scene sucks. It's SOOOO damn hard finding a suitable mate. Think I'll throw in the towel for awhile. Guess I'm just a little burned out on it all... ~T~ I actually took the advice of a few people and started dropping my standards a little lower. I've heard many people make the suggestion that American men and women have to too high of expectations from a partner, that's why relationships are so fly by night. I'm dating a much younger woman than I am and it seems to be going okay, although sometimes I find myself unable to engage in intelligent conversation. Take your time Tor, no need to push yourself into something you might regret later. BTW, I resent the comment about the being married twice, I have been married twice (though they were longer partnerships) and I'm not a basket case (at least last time I checked!). The comment he made "don't seem to meet my standards" is a really lame statement though, I would run the other way as well. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hang in there T... They say that love hits you when you least expect it, when you are not looking for it... It's all about that Divine Connection...the Universe and it's infinite wisdom is all about that perfect timing... Perhaps then for the very same reason rebound relationships do not work out very often; it's a sort of forced "love". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Don't worry just take it easy and give some people a chance, to behonest if I made plans with a girl and then she blows me off on the weekend I be a little pissy too. (refering to the second guy). No, we didn't have plans yet, he was trying to make plans for that weekend but I had other stuff to do and suggested the following weekend. But he got a little pouty about it and I immediately lost interest. But I do know what you mean about people not being perfect...Lord knows I'm not! Maybe I'm just not ready for this dating-game yet? ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 I'm with ya all the way. The dating scene just blows! I am impressed with your intuition' date=' because every guy you mentioned definitely displays red flag qualities. You are right to have walked away from all of them. But that is a credit to you. Continue to use your insight the way you do. You will find the right guy for you. I know it's cliche, but when you least expect too. If you are open, you'll get there. Do not settle. When you see something you like and are convinced, go for it! There are good guys out there, I know one or two of them. Good luck![/quote'] Ugh! I HATE the dating scene. Just not up to kissing a lot of toads, ya know? Perhaps I'm being TOO cautious after what my ex put me through? I don't know...I guess I just can't stomach all the games right now. But I do know one thing for sure. I'd rather be alone than be in a bad relationship. I know eventually I'll find what I'm looking for...and so far, he hasn't shown up! And I refuse to settle for less. Ain't love grand? ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Haha greeeeeat. I can't wait to get out there and find Mr. Right among all those stupid a**holes Ugh...don't let my negative thoughts discourage you, Cossette. Some of it has to do with my attitude, no doubt. Like I said in another post...after the hell my ex put me through I can't help but be mega-cautious right now - perhaps a little TOO cautious??? There are good men out there, I know this, but I will say that they're hard to find! ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Seems like after a breakup where the feelings linger for a while, most people find it impossible to find someone new because even though the ex is in the past it's like they're in competition with them. In most cases, I'd agree with you. But not in this case! If anything, I want the complete OPPOSITE of my ex. If they show even a hint of his traits, this girl will tear the soles off her shoes in a dash for the door! But I understand what you're saying about everybody having baggage. If you've lived on this earth long enough, you WILL pick up some baggage along the way. ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
MagnoliaJane Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 ~Tor, I'd say: finding a mate is not a prerequisite for happiness. It is a cliche that we are only complete when we are together. Look and you will see said the blind man. I believe the challenge lies within challenging ourselves, not let ourselves be challenged by something else (aka a new relationship). You sound like a great, insightful woman. Now learn to be playful again - by and for yourself. Best of luck, Tor! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Maybe you should buy a nice dress or something. Get new tits. Cute! Of all the comedians out of work, we get stuck with this one! ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hang in there T... They say that love hits you when you least expect it, when you are not looking for it... It's all about that Divine Connection...the Universe and it's infinite wisdom is all about that perfect timing... i know, i know, doing taxes is a helluva lot easier! Just don't give up... if anything, you go out, have fun! Well, I AM going out - but I'm not so sure I'm having fun...yet. Maybe the universe hasn't got it's cards in order yet? The way I see it, dating is a numbers game. You date enough, eventually the "right" one will surface. So they say.... ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 I'm no where near getting ready to do the dating thing. Nope, nope, nope. Maybe I'm not either. Maybe THAT'S the problem. It's just that I've spent close to 7 months moping around about my breakup and I thought it was time for me to get out and over it. Thought dating would help get my mind off of the anger and pain and onto more positive things. Well, I am feeling better about the breakup, but I'm not so sure it was the dating that helped me. I think THAT came from within. Eventually, the right one will come along......eventually. ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 RE: Don't you use the 5 Minute Rule. The one where you can consciously laser scan everything about him upon first meeting. Take a break. Seriously. Let them come to you! Oh and veer away from the ones that live with their Puppets and Pet Plants. Sand&Water Five Minute Rule? Nope, can't say I'm in the know on this one. But hey - if it works, I'm game! Seriously though...the pickn's are bad out there. Oh, and the disturbing part? These men ARE coming to me. Very rarely do I seek one out...just not my way. I'm not giving up on love totally, but I think it's time for a break. ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Guess we better go buy some cats and let them start procreating so we can be old cat ladies. ;-) LOL! Yep, I hear ya. Might be a safer way to go, huh? ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tormented Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Take your time Tor, no need to push yourself into something you might regret later. BTW, I resent the comment about the being married twice, I have been married twice (though they were longer partnerships) and I'm not a basket case (at least last time I checked!). The comment he made "don't seem to meet my standards" is a really lame statement though, I would run the other way as well. Cheers! Hey Roost... Good to hear you met somebody. I certainly hope she treats you better than your psycho ex! Naw, I wasn't put off because he's been married twice, but more so the fact that this guy can't seem to stay with a mate for very long. In my world, that spells trouble. Either he has a serious personality flaw, or comittment phobic, or bores easily. In any case - NOT good. And when he offered the flaky excuse of "they just didn't meet my standards," I couldn't help but look at him and think... "Uh, dude...have you looked in the mirror lately. You ain't all that either!" Geesh.... ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
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