Sex too soon?

[JS17]

I was having a discussion with some friends about having sex too soon in a relationship based on a particular friend's situation. I don't think I've seen a thread on this here. She really likes this guy so my opinion was to wait for a while to have sex for a whole bunch of reasons......in general, what's your opinion, views and reasons on the timing of sex for the first time in each relationship?

[Art_Critic]

3 hours tops

 

Waiting is a good thing as long as it doesn't become an issue between the 2.

 

I don't think it really matters in the end.. I waited 3 months to have sex with my ex wife.. and some of my best relationships I've had sex within a week or so of dating.

 

To me is is a to each his own kinda thing..

[reader]

I've generally waited...

 

If I were single now, I would wait even longer, I think!

[JS17]

I'm talking about things like men running if they're not comfortable with the relationship. Preconceived judgemental notions of the person being "easy". Premature attachment. All of the things that have been noted as issues with sleeping together too soon.

[Art_Critic]

I have never really thought that because a woman sleeps with me early on that she is a sl*t or is easy..

and I would never run because of any notions because of it..

 

If a woman gets premature attachment she is going to get it without sex as well..

 

I've dated women that I have never had sex with that within a few dates they feel thay own you and get attached too quickly..

 

So it doesn't have to do with sex..

 

Providing the 2 people having sex are mature adults there shouldn't be any problems because of it being to early

[Outcast]

I don't trust sex. It's a drug. Proven biologically to affect some people by bonding them to the people they're having sex with. Worst of all, it works better on women than men. So I think having sex too soon clouds the issue and brings extra pressure to bond on two people who maybe aren't that good a match.

[JS17]

Sorry A_C, I'm just not buying it. I've even had guy friends tell me that if they're not 100% comfortable with the situation/relationship before they have sex then they will just bolt afterwards. I've also had them fully admit to me that they will treat a girl differently after they're sleeping together.

 

I think having sex too soon clouds the issue and brings extra pressure to bond on two people who maybe aren't that good a match.

I have to agree with you there Outcast.

[Art_Critic]

Sorry A_C, I'm just not buying it.

I am only speaking for me.. other guys need to chime in on here and maybe they will say what your guy friends have said..

[johan]

Interesting question.

 

Let me know when you find out the answer JS.

 

Just keep in mind, I won't wait forever..

[JS17]

I know you have some thoughts on this Johan. It's ok, you can let the secrets out.

[johan]

I have no secrets. I'm an open book.

[whichwayisup]

OK here's something then...If no sex is gonna happen (For the boys and girls who want to answer) HOW far are you willing to go. Just fooling around, heavy petting (I love saying that eh!) and possibly some oral? Or is oral slutty too...Just wondering.

[johan]

I have no idea. I've never had to wait like that. I suppose it could get annoying if it amounted to a lot of teasing.

 

I really can't even imagine it. I think it would have a LOT to do with how we related otherwise.

[TUDOR]

The wife and I talked about this very thing last night. She made me wait almost 3 months to give it up. She asked last night if I thought things would have turned out different had it happened right away. First repsonse was no but then after thinking about I changed my mind.

 

The chase is what made me stick around I think. Sure I would have loved to shagged her the first night. But the challenge and chase made me keep coming back. So I think there is something to be said for the chase side of it and doing away with that too soon kind of takes away from it. The aniticapation and build up is a big thing. Keep in mind this only applies to someone you are really interested in. If it is just a fun for now, why wait?

[johan]

The wife and I talked about this very thing last night. She made me wait almost 3 months to give it up. She asked last night if I thought things would have turned out different had it happened right away. First repsonse was no but then after thinking about I changed my mind.

 

The chase is what made me stick around I think. Sure I would have loved to shagged her the first night. But the challenge and chase made keep coming back. So I think there is something to be said for the chase side of it and doing away with that too soon kind of takes away from it. The aniticapation and build up is a big thing. Keep in mind this only applies to someone you are really interested in. If it is just a fun for now, why wait?

 

Ha ha. That's interesting, Tudor.. Your wife didn't make me wait at all!!

[johan]

Ha ha. Couldn't resist. Sorry.

 

She actually made me wait a long time.

[johan]

Ok, sorry. Don't know what got into me. That's my reaction every time someone says that...

[TUDOR]

Ok, sorry. Don't know what got into me. That's my reaction every time someone says that...

 

That's ok Johan, guess we know who was better in the sack since she married me.

[seachange]

I don't trust sex. It's a drug. Proven biologically to affect some people by bonding them to the people they're having sex with. Worst of all, it works better on women than men. So I think having sex too soon clouds the issue and brings extra pressure to bond on two people who maybe aren't that good a match.

 

Yeah, I tend to agree with this...I'm more worried about what having sex early on has done to my own judgment than to my guy's opinion of me. In the past, I've never had a timeline, just usually went with it if I felt swept away...but I think I'm going to try keeping my pantyhose on just a bit a bit longer in future.

 

Ha ha. That's interesting, Tudor.. Your wife didn't make me wait at all!!

 

Aw, snap!

 

That's ok Johan, guess we know who was better in the sack since she married me.

 

Aw, snap!!! :laugh:

[NYCmitch25]

I was having a discussion with some friends about having sex too soon in a relationship based on a particular friend's situation. I don't think I've seen a thread on this here. She really likes this guy so my opinion was to wait for a while to have sex for a whole bunch of reasons......in general, what's your opinion, views and reasons on the timing of sex for the first time in each relationship?

 

Ask her why she has a low opinion of herself and feels that having sex is a way to get the him to like her. I can't think of any other reason for rushing into it (except "society made me do it")..

[basscatcher]

I typically am pulled to express myself sexually towards a man I'm dating if I'm truly interested in him.

I have tried to control my urges early in a dating situation but if the guy is persistant how can i resist his desire for me.

 

Mr. L. held me off for 3 weeks and a day. The build up was amazing and I felt much more respect towards him. I felt he respected and still respects me more because he initated holding off and I respected his choice.

 

I do think there is a lot to be said about being in control of yourself, respecting that bonding process and building your mental and social connection before the physical connection.

 

Logically I agree with what I said but it is damn hard to follow through with my own beliefs sometimes...

[Jellostick]

The past couple of girls I have dated I wanted to not rush into sex right away but after a week, they wanted to hop in the sack a lot quicker than me.

 

I have had sex on the first date and I felt I jinxed myself by doing that so I tried something different w/ the past two but I guess I couldn't resist their charms.

Or is oral slutty too...Just wondering.

I must say that my last girlfriend wouldn't let me do that the first time we had sex because she said it was too intimate and wanted just to have sex. I didn't get that but I respected her wishes.

 

Cheers.

[alphamale]

......in general, what's your opinion, views and reasons on the timing of sex for the first time in each relationship?

I would say 4 to 6 dates or one month, whichever comes first. If you have five dates in a week (which i don't recommend) then go for it.

[johan]

...4 to 6 dates or one month, whichever comes first...

 

This sounds more like a bad drivetrain warrantee.

[JS17]

Ask her why she has a low opinion of herself and feels that having sex is a way to get the him to like her. I can't think of any other reason for rushing into it (except "society made me do it")..

I don't really know where you got that from but it started my wheels turning. She doesn't think that sex is a way to get him to like her at all. He clearly likes her more than she likes him and they have been out quite a few times already. The point was whether it's important to wait and why.

 

However, your response seems to indicate that you believe that if a woman has sex with a man very early on that she's only doing it so that he will like her. Thus your conclusion is low self esteem and you therefore don't have any respect for someone who has sex too early. You haven't taken into account that the woman might actually enjoy sex or that she just may be able to detach emotion from sex, the way that many men can and not as many women can.

 

This is more of the response that I was expecting to hear and along the lines of what I generally hear from my male friends.

 

IME, I do get attached, but never clingy, and that is something that I have to deal with. Knowing that once sex happens I will generally care more for the guy than he will for me. I think that there is a power struggle here.

 

I also expect that the guy will stop having sex with other women once we start having sex and I hardly think I'm alone in this. I believe that many women feel this way and I think that men know that. I think in some cases their emotional attachment and the thought of entering into exclusivity scares them.

 

Sex complicates things and it is a very tangled web.