Fedor Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 This is my ex's excuse for breaking it off. She's not in love with me right now? Is she just trying to make me wait around for her or what? I asked her if she was in love with me and she went from saying yes to being confused to this today. Feeling very hurt and I blew up on her. I dont want to hear from her again but I'm still in love with her. I dont understand why she cant just say "I'm not in love with you" rather than the thread title. Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 This is my ex's excuse for breaking it off. She's not in love with me right now? Is she just trying to make me wait around for her or what? I asked her if she was in love with me and she went from saying yes to being confused to this today. Feeling very hurt and I blew up on her. I dont want to hear from her again but I'm still in love with her. I dont understand why she cant just say "I'm not in love with you" rather than the thread title. This is the first time I've ever seen or heard of, "I'm not in love with you right now" - very interesting, but perhaps she's trying to let you down easy. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) This is my ex's excuse for breaking it off. She's not in love with me right now? A common brush-off line, used to releive guilt. Other common ones are: "I need space; "you'll always be special to me but..." (I'm screwing someone else); " I love you like my best friend" (but I'm scewing someone else); "can we be friends while I figure myself out?" (and be sure this new guy I'm screwing really likes me first) etc. Don't buy any of it. Turn away and don't look back. Edited May 21, 2011 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 There are a few different reasons that she phrased it that way. The most likely reason being to relieve guilt and to make you feel better about being unloved by her when she knew you loved her. Others reasons may be: -She sometimes gets those butterflies in her stomach when you're around and sometimes thought "I love him!" but realized later on that it wasn't love. -May feel that she has too much going on to love you just yet -May not feel that she knows what love is really -Could have feelings for someone else that she needs to work through -May not be ready yet for love Link to post Share on other sites
VJohnson32 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 A common brush-off line, used to releive guilt. Other common ones are: "I need space," "you'll always be special to me but..." (I'm screwing someone else); " I love you like my best friend" (but I'm scewing someone else); "can we be friends while I figure myself out?" (and be sure this new guy I'm screwing really likes me first) etc. Don't buy any of it. Turn away and don't look back. Well said but not necessarily screwing someone else, however I agree with you completely. Not in love with you has been used so much lately, its understandable and requires no explanation. Its basically the best way to justify themselves and telling you the relationship is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 Thanks for the replies. It is much appreciated! I'm in a really down place because I wanted to give this girl the world. I feel played. She texted me at 1am this morning.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 Sent me another text saying she loves me and her heart is telling her to be with me yet she feels she cant. I'm in no contact mode so I aint saying crap. What is up with this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Feeling the need to contact her but will post here instead. It sucks because I know she will try to reach out to me somewhere down the line so I keep asking myself when that will happen. And if it does, how will I handle it? Do I keep NC or do I give into the pressure of wanting her back. She still has feelings for me but she cant be with me. That makes me hate her in some screwed up way but yet I still love her. Link to post Share on other sites
skibum Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I feel for you man. Its tough to hear that and it may be true. I think its more of a way to relieve the guilt she feels. She may feel that she has no good reason and that is the one good excuse she thinks there may be no argument against since you cant force someone to love you. But then again, there is always the possibility that she just doesnt feel taht way anymore. My ex told me after 5.5 years that she thinks I may love her more than she loves me right out of the blue. Its hard to reply to that and Im still not sure how to take it but the only response I can think of is "well, if you dont love me then you wont mind me not in you life (NC) and then hope they realize how alone they are without you" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 I feel for you man. Its tough to hear that and it may be true. I think its more of a way to relieve the guilt she feels. She may feel that she has no good reason and that is the one good excuse she thinks there may be no argument against since you cant force someone to love you. But then again, there is always the possibility that she just doesnt feel taht way anymore. My ex told me after 5.5 years that she thinks I may love her more than she loves me right out of the blue. Its hard to reply to that and Im still not sure how to take it but the only response I can think of is "well, if you dont love me then you wont mind me not in you life (NC) and then hope they realize how alone they are without you" Maybe your right but I told her straight up that if you dont love me I dont want to be with you or talk to you again. After this happend, she texted me the next day that her heart is telling her to be with me but there is just to much difference or somthing like that right now. She went from, not be in love with me to theres to much differences right now. I feel like she wants me to keep hanging on but I cant do that emotionally. Hell, I'm buying a new car tomorrow and that wont even be enjoyable I'm just confused as to why she is doing this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 A common brush-off line, used to releive guilt. Other common ones are: "I need space; "you'll always be special to me but..." (I'm screwing someone else); " I love you like my best friend" (but I'm scewing someone else); "can we be friends while I figure myself out?" (and be sure this new guy I'm screwing really likes me first) etc. Don't buy any of it. Turn away and don't look back. HAHAHA Okay this should make me cry but its too funny. This is SO accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Just got back from the gym and had two texts from her saying she missed me so much. She needs to make up her mind! I want to respond but dont want to break NC. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Don't, the more you try the more it'll push her away when she realizes youre not "going anywhere" trust me, was just there. Tried like she said she wanted me too. Things only got worse. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 It's tough when your in love with her and then she tells you she doesn't want you know more. You feel so close and yet she doesn't. She wants to go out more and not with you. Now your in a situation you don't know what to do? Breaking off is so hard no one can every come to grips with. Once they say those words to you then don't love you anymore that's it! You can't pull things together if they're unhappy with you or just don't feel that magic anymore when they first met you. Times like this your best friend should be told what's going on. You need to talk to someone. Don't let it all stay inside you. Otherwise you go crazy thinking about what you did wrong and what you could do to fix it. I don't understand why women like to do this to the man they married or been with more than 10 years of your life. To fine someone else it going to be harder to even trust and feel like your being loved or not with the next person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Don't, the more you try the more it'll push her away when she realizes youre not "going anywhere" trust me, was just there. Tried like she said she wanted me too. Things only got worse. I have the same train of thought right now but I just got back from the bar and I recieved yet another text saying she F'd up and that she is truley in love with me. I dont get women at all. I want to contact her so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You're in a good spot dude. DO NOT REPLY until she begs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 She texted me again today saying how much she loved me and that I should listen to some song describing her feelings. I kept NC but wanted to respond. She knows she F'd up but I dont want to break her totally to the point that she may see that it is not worth it to pursue me. Decisions..decisions..Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 I'm breaking no contact tomorrow. Its probably playing fast and loose but I love this girl. I'm going to sleep on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Dont break it, she is just feeling rejected that you have ignored her, but she knows the reason she wasnt in love with you, but she refused to tell you. Also the other guy she might have been looking at isnt working out so well, which is why she is looking like she is coming around. Dont say anything until shes almost at the breaking point. Make her work for your affection again, you have the upper hand. Make her admit the real reason she broke it off. That has to be fixed before you even try to work on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Thank you Eddie. I slept on it and I am still indecisive on contacting her. I'm picking up my new car today so that is kind of taking my mind off her. I just dont know when enough time is enough. To be honest, I'm still hurt but I want to confront her with my feelings of anger to let her know that its not okay to do that to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Thank you Eddie. I slept on it and I am still indecisive on contacting her. I'm picking up my new car today so that is kind of taking my mind off her. I just dont know when enough time is enough. To be honest, I'm still hurt but I want to confront her with my feelings of anger to let her know that its not okay to do that to me. Its not about time, its about when shes ready to almost grovel. You Cant contact her, you have to wait for her to contact you, then you have to make her feel completely HORRIBLE for doing that to you. Do not forgive her, dont relieve any of her guilt. If she wants to try again, she will work for it. if she doesnt, she'll walk away, but you can leave her feeling completely guilty about it, because thats what she deserves....depending on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 If she wants to work it out with you, it better be offering you more than just typing text messages that only say she is f'd up and that she now loves you. You don't go from "I'm not in love with you right now" to suddenly being in love with you again. What type of yoyo situation is that and you want to break NC for petty words and text messages? If she is f'd up then she needs to go fix that and not keep you bouncing back and forth with her uncertainty. She's feeling rejected. She lost her security blanket. Now she's throwing out the bait hoping you will bite. Don't break NC. She has nothing more to offer you but the same crap she was dishing out when she told you she is not in love with you right now. From BaggageReclaim.com..."Unless they're outright saying "I want to get back together with you" don't assume that because they sent a text, called you, sent you a cake, took you out or even shagged you, that they want to get back together. Someone that *does* want to get back together won't be ambiguous about it and hooking up with them won't be a prerequisite of telling you." Link to post Share on other sites
IanR Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 fedor i hope i handle the sittuation as well as you have, 1 day of no contact so far and its hard but i wont break it, dont know how im going to handle it if she contacts me in the next week or so people keep telling me she will if i meant anything to her. bleh some women can be evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 @geegirl Thanks for the advice. Your words of wisdom may have just convinced me to not contact her. But, in the few text messages she sent me, she did say she wanted to work things out with me but idk. Luckily I read your post before I cleaned out my old car because I found a old piece of clothing in my trunk that he her scent. Almost did me in! @IanR I know what your going through. Keep strong, man! When and if she does contact you, it must be ignored. At least try not to bite the first time. I almost did but once I knew I could go without contacting her, I felt like a 1ton weight was just removed off my chest. Relief.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fedor Posted May 27, 2011 Author Share Posted May 27, 2011 Weak ! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts