My Journal... to getting my life back!!!

[fetish]

An esteemed member on here suggested i start a journal on LS on my journey to moving on with my life. I also have been keeping a personal journal, but it always helps to keep a journal where other's opinions and ideas can be shared. I will be updating this whether there's replies or not, but I really hope to hear them.

 

It's been 3 months since my breakup with the girl I was with for 8 years and had plans to marry. At first, it felt like all my life was sucked out of me especially when i saw her change her relationship status on fb.

 

When she moved out of the apartment, the pain in my chest spread all the way to my lower gut to where I couldn't really eat. My confidence and self worth just seemed to take a nosedive and couldn't find my meaning back. I literally felt like a fish on land.

 

I've stayed in the gym for the last 3 months, been seeing a counselor, reading self esteem and dating books, watching funny shows, getting started with songwriting and music again, just trying to regain my life back.

 

For a while i was doing real good. Saying F**k her, don't need her, I'm better off without that bloodsucking addict. I've been NC for about 2 weeks. Fasting forward to now, there's times i feel low and lifeless again, just like I did when we first broke up. Start feeling bad for me having had some doubts about us getting married when she was so excited about it. At the time, i was just fearful because she was bad with money, had no discipline or boundaries, and didn't think ahead, especially when gambling. I sometimes start to think that I may have been overly critical, but then again... maybe not.

 

The gym has definitely been my friend. Workout about an hour per day right after work, then i go home and nights are now very peaceful to me. It's funny because a few months ago I used to fear going home to my apartment (especially at night) just remembering she used to live there with me, and now its empty, lonely, and I just felt so left behind.

 

I'm trying to focus on my progress, but just yesterday, I was discouraged by a small relapse and got to missing her again. Actually got a little teary eyed.

[geegirl]

The gym has definitely been my friend. Workout about an hour per day right after work, then i go home and nights are now very peaceful to me. It's funny because a few months ago I used to fear going home to my apartment (especially at night) just remembering she used to live there with me, and now its empty, lonely, and I just felt so left behind.

 

I'm trying to focus on my progress, but just yesterday, I was discouraged by a small relapse and got to missing her again. Actually got a little teary eyed.

 

I remember when I broke up, I used to sit at work long enough into the night to just get home in time to sleep. My whole apartment made me sad and it didn't help he lived/lives just across the street. But now I feel at peace going home. It's these little things that are steps forward. Slow progress, but still progress.

 

There will be relapses. There will be triggers here and there. You will miss her. You will cry from your depths. Get mad sometimes. Don't care at times. Tear up for awhile. But as time goes by, they will become few and far between. You will fill and widen those gaps and before you know it, you'll realize you've hardly thought about her and even when you do, it won't hurt anymore.

 

Don't be discouraged. Only yesterday I cried like I never cried before. Is it a setback? No. It's been awhile since I cried. But sometimes it comes back and when it does, let it out. Keeping it in, allows for festering. Purging it from your system, allows you to release yourself from it.

[fetish]

thanks geegirl for replying.

 

was the cry you let out yesterday over your ex?

 

and plus, he still lives across the street from you? why would he even attempt that driveway scene?

[JasonRules]

@Fetish

 

 

You've only been NC for 2 weeks. I'm at 2 months NC tomorrow. You will have relapses from time to time and these are normal to experience. Just continue what you're doing with the gym etc. Do not sit at home alone because you will spiral into depression.

 

I've been working out non-stop almost every day for 2.5 hours. So much show I've become ripped. Soon enough I'll be able to grate cheese on my six pack stomach

[geegirl]

thanks geegirl for replying.

 

was the cry you let out yesterday over your ex?

 

and plus, he still lives across the street from you? why would he even attempt that driveway scene?

 

It was a cry I let out for my ex. All because I pulled out an old wedding invitation that was sitting in a pocketbook in my closet. On the wedding invitation was his name and my name. I looked at it for awhile. Ran my fingers across his name. Tore it up and threw it away. I started to tear up and soon cried from my gut for the disappointment and for the way he treated me. More so because I felt sadness for me and how he treated me rather than losing him from my life.

 

It was New Years eve. He said he was not feeling well and wanted to stay home. I decided to stay home in my apartment too. I can see the 4th floor of his townhome but the rest is covered by trees and other homes. At the last minute, my friends asked me out. We went out and at 1AM I was driving home on a route that would not take me past his home but something told me to drive by his place so I took a detour. He was drunk, in some woman's car, lights on, car running and both of them going at it in his driveway. When I confronted adn walked away, he never came after me. He soon took that woman into his home and did his thing. I guess he thought I would have been sitting at home, fast asleep.

[geegirl]

@Fetish

 

 

You've only been NC for 2 weeks. I'm at 2 months NC tomorrow. You will have relapses from time to time and these are normal to experience. Just continue what you're doing with the gym etc. Do not sit at home alone because you will spiral into depression.

 

I've been working out non-stop almost every day for 2.5 hours. So much show I've become ripped. Soon enough I'll be able to grate cheese on my six pack stomach

 

Everything is getting toned except my freaking abs. What have you been doing? Doesn't help I love me my rice!

[JasonRules]

Everything is getting toned except my freaking abs. What have you been doing? Doesn't help I love me my rice!

 

 

You need to limit your intake of sugars and carbohydrates (breads, rice etc). At night I just have a 50g protein shake. I eat carbs only in the morning and a little for lunch.

 

I've gone from 187lbs and 10% body fat to 195lbs and 7% body fat in 3 months. Cardio won't help you get toned. You need to build muscle which actually burn fat 24/7, even when you're sleeping.

[geegirl]

You need to limit your intake of sugars and carbohydrates (breads, rice etc). At night I just have a 50g protein shake. I eat carbs only in the morning and a little for lunch.

 

I've gone from 187lbs and 10% body fat to 195lbs and 7% body fat in 3 months. Cardio won't help you get toned. You need to build muscle which actually burn fat 24/7, even when you're sleeping.

 

I've cut down on a lot on carbs and sugars. One teeny bit of chocolate and rice in the afternoon. I do the shakes and all that good stuff. I'm 5'8" and 128lbs so everything is toned and lean which is what I like versus bulk...just can't get the flat toned abs. Plus it's a problem area for women hitting 40.

[JasonRules]

I've cut down on a lot on carbs and sugars. One teeny bit of chocolate and rice in the afternoon. I do the shakes and all that good stuff. I'm 5'8" and 128lbs so everything is toned and lean which is what I like versus bulk...just can't get the flat toned abs. Plus it's a problem area for women hitting 40.

 

 

Yes, I hear you. I just turned 40 recently, but I'm in great shape. If you eat chocolate make sure you eat dark chocolate 80-90% only. As the day goes on cut your sugar/carb intake gradually. At night you should be eating foods high in protein like chicken breast, tuna steak, salmon, or lean meat.

[fetish]

JasonRules is right.

 

If you want a flat toned stomach, you must and i repeat you must stay away from carbs (the white foods) and sugars. If you have to eat sugar, try fresh fruits. Things like chicken breasts and veggies, proteins (i.e.) fish and as suggested, tuna.

 

I'm trying to make it a rule to really cut down on processed foods, but with a busy schedule work, gym, and time for my hobbies, It's really hard to prepare everything I want to eat.

 

I used to be really into weightlifting in my early 20s. I used to weigh 225 lbs (muscle) and was trying to tone it up more. I had big arms and biceps. I actually found that cardio (treadmill) was toning me up very quickly and cutting down my fat content. Plus lowering blood pressure at the same time and i actually got that natural "high".

 

I got really ill about a year and 1/2 ago and developed colitis and lost about 50 lbs, so I'm at 195lbs now. I've been working out since January (even before me and my fiance broke up) and have noticed that i'm not gaining my weight back too quickly, which is actually forcing me take my time to develop more muscle tone. I actually like looking a little slimmer now because I can still look good in suits and have been told I look younger.

 

I also drink 50g protein shakes but do it twice a day.

 

Geegirl,

 

A real good exercise for abs is reverse sit ups and bicycles. Since lower abs is usually the most difficult part of the abs to tone, it really helps with the formation of that v-shape in that portion of the stomach.

[geegirl]

@ Fetish

 

Hmm...reverse sit ups. I'm going to try that. I've cut the carbs. Just brown rice now, small portion and my addiction which is chocolate. I have a shake in the morning and one at night and protein and maybe a little bitty brown rice for dinner...hehe! I was a big girl once. When I was married I was depressed and ballooned to 180lbs and it took me 6 months to get to my current 128lbs. My abs are flat, I just can't get them defined. And I'd love to have that v-shape in my lower abs. I made a promise that by August, my 40th birthday I'd look semi fitness model...hahaha! Damn stomach holding me back!

 

I like to hear you talking about yourself this way. For once we are talking about something other than. So you write music? What instruments do you play?

 

@ Jason

 

Yep, BIG 40 in two months. It helps that I still pass off for a 20 something (thanks Mom!) and my body is toned and lean...defining the abs is a problem. I guess I can't complain since I am fit as a fiddle otherwise.

[fetish]

Just an update,

 

She texted me tonight. "I miss you alot. Can i see you maybe sat or sun??"

 

I haven't replied. That's how i always got tripped up when i started NC before. I'm not really sure what to do. Part of me doesn't want her thinking i hate her so much i don't reply but part of me is like "What about me?" It hurts me to see her. I'm straddling the fence and find a way to let her down easy.

 

 

Geegirl, thanks alot for that. That actually encourages me to keep doing what you mentioned. I realize i talk about her alot and often find myself thinking about her too many times out of the day to the point of damn near obsession. Within the last 4 or 5 days, when i find myself rehashing the events of the breakup and trying to make sense of the situation, I remember, "I'm trying to fill up a bucket with water that has holes in it!"

 

BTW, 52 lbs weight loss in 6 months is really a major accomplishment. That's really good. You must have really been determined.

 

And i play drums and keyboard. I also write songs, song lyrics, and raps. My eventual goal is to get in the studio and start recording, maybe even start hook singing and rapping (a positive rap) of course. I've been dreaming about doing this since i was in my early teens.

 

I'm 30 now, and have to quit telling myself my time is running out, but age is just a number.

[geegirl]

If you know this is how you always got tripped up when you started NC, then the right thing to do would be to stop that pattern. You know it's never gotten you anywhere but pain and hurt.

 

Every fiber of your being should be concerned about you. Not about her. She decided what she needed to do for herself and she has to accept the consequences of not having you in her life. She can't have you as and when she pleases.

 

Yes, what about you? Where do you want to be in 3 months? Still doing this? Still going back and forth with your emotions? Still posting about your hurts and pains? If she has something to tell you that is of substance, she will tell you. If you don't answer, and she still wants to tell you something of substance, she'll tell you. She'll be begging and pleading to work it out, to give her a chance, admitting a horrible mistake, etc.

 

Put yourself first for once. Give yourself a chance. Do the opposite of what you've always been doing because what you've always been doing has not been working for you. Please don't worry about letting her down easy. Let her think and wonder about you. Let her miss you more. Just because she says she misses you, you're supposed to console her and make her discomfort go away. Where was she when you were down and out? She was gambling and drinking while you licked your wounds on this site. Don't be predictable. Don't straddle the fence. Pick a side. Pick you.

 

Yes, the more you keep talking about it, the more you feed your thoughts of her. Start feeding yourself thoughts of you. Replace your thoughts with you. We can sit and rehash and rehash, but at the end of the day, it's all done and it's not going to change the outcome. Might as well move forward and create a new outcome. Accept the bucket cannot hold water, the faster you move on. Anything other than that, you remain stagnant.

 

As for working out, I was running in the morning and evening and lots of weight/cardio dual workouts. I was determined to not let my ex-husband bring me down. Recently he saw me and nearly fell on his face! Came groveling back. Pathetic.

 

I've been learning to play the guitar. I'm an old school type of girl. Been wanting to try my hand at drums. I often daydream of being on stage with Iron Maiden! Haha!

 

You have so much going for you. Don't waste the pretty! Keep nurturing your talents and creativity. Life is too short to let someone else dictate how you live your life. It's never too late for anything you're passionate about. And when you are passionate about it, often times, you will succeed.

 

You're doing great. 2 weeks NC and I was living on my bed, surviving on water and tea and having a hard time showering and washing my hair !

Edited May 11, 2011 by geegirl

[fetish]

"Life is too short to let someone else dictate my life." That couldn't have been better said. I have to keep remember this as I've been struggling over the last 16 hours (well the 7 that i've been awake ) with some feelings of guilt for not texting her back. Since i really do miss her, some part of me wants her to know that, but the other part is thinking "Does she deserve to know that?" after how she just left. I wish i could identify why i have this guilt and obligation to her. Is it because of who she was?

 

Part of what i'm going through is that I feel the girl really can't help it, it may not even be her fault. I think she's bi-polar (undiagnosed) because she goes from feeling extremely good to extremely sad. Plus she told me that her mother was diagnosed. That may be hereditary. It seems that its growing more prevalent over time.

 

The fact of the matter is she became a totally different person over the last 2 months of our relationship and let her selfishness and addictions take over. A few days after she moved out, she was sending me breadcrumb texts trying to soften back up to me, but i was too wounded. She was still doing what she wanted like gambling and hanging out with her friends and stuff.

 

I warned her not to threaten me with breaking up and even told her as we were breaking up, "Once we do this, there's not going to be any going back and forth!" I guess she thought that i was meaning living together because she shouted "Oh don't worry! We will never live together again!"

 

 

 

hey geegirl thanks alot. so you're learning guitar? cool. You like country/western or what type of songs? Drums is fun. The most difficult part is learning the concept of hand and foot coordination, using all four limbs to play different rhythms at the same time. Once you get that down, its great!

 

How long has it been since you separated from your ex husband? See i'm worried that if i ever ran into my ex in the future, she'll be looking good and i'll be wishing her back. The difference with me though is, I didn't mistreat her, I just don't succumb to everything she wants and that makes her furious. She's the type who will try to get back at me for not doing what she wants.

[geegirl]

If it's any consolation to you, feeling guilt for not responding back is normal. I felt the same way too.

 

It's a struggle Fetish. It's a struggle to do the opposite of what you've always been used to doing. You want her to know you miss her because you hope that by doing so, she will still know that you're there, for her, caring for her and that hopefully in turn will change things around. She doesn't need to know you miss her. If she misses you, she will know that you feel it too because you are the one that wants her. And she knows that.

 

You have guilt and obligation because you still have love for her. If you didn't and were indifferent, would you even care what she thinks? No. You wouldn't even ponder two seconds on it. You'd either ignore her or you would tell her you're busy. You wouldn't care if she knew whether she missed you or not. You wouldn't care how she feels. It's your emotions. You still care. You still love. But that does not mean you react because reacting will benefit her, not you.

 

You may be able to diagnose or at least identify the issues that she has but that is all you can do. Analysing why she does what she does, doesn't help you at all. Nor does it help her. She needs to find her self-awareness and find help. It's not your job to do that. People change only when they want to. If labeling it helps you at least make sense of what happened, then I guess that is why you do it. Maybe it eases the blow. But, you can label her 20 different ways and you can pin point why she is the way she is, the bottom line is she has chosen to live a life that does not include you. She's made her choice, one that best fits her wants and needs. She needs to live with that and if that means losing you, she has to accept that. If she doesn't want to lose you, whether you reinforce you miss her or not, she will come back. Staying away and keeping silent reinforces that she is losing you. This will be the make or break. Stand your ground.

 

What choice are you going to make for yourself that would best fit your needs and wants right now? Ask yourself where you want to be in 3 months...stronger or weaker?

 

Yes, I am learning guitar. Noooo, no country and western. More classic rock, old school rap i.e. Grandmaster Flash, Afrika Bambaataa...not the crude stuff they have now, Motown, 80's stuff. Across the board but mainly old rock bands like Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, AC/DC, etc. I used to drum like 20 years ago when I was dating my ex who was a drummer in a band. It was pretty hard in the beginning with the coordination but I could pick it up so was thinking of going back. Gets the aggression out too!

 

It's been close to 5 years now. If you ran into your ex, I bet with all that you are doing for yourself, by then you'll be feeling and looking great. And by then your emotions would have lessened and you probably won't feel that attachment anymore. Plus if she is gambling and drinking herself away, at that point you will find that very unattractive and traits you don't want in someone who is going to be your partner.

 

"The difference with me though is, I didn't mistreat her, I just don't succumb to everything she wants and that makes her furious. She's the type who will try to get back at me for not doing what she wants."

 

In time, your brain will be able to grasp and believe those words and you will be able want and tell yourself that you don't deserve nor do you want someone who will manipulate you, abuse you emotionally and control you. Imagine living your life this way, with her full time. It would drain your soul. Now imagine living your life with someone who loves you, nurtures you, and supports you, gives you peace of mind and allows you to be who you want to be without any underlying motives because she accepts you just the way you are.

Edited May 11, 2011 by geegirl

[fetish]

I know this may be an elementary school question but how can i get to the point that i stop caring and loving? I mean she made the choice and regrets it, probably since the 1st week, but rather than admit to it, she's trying to manipulate and soften up like nothing ever happened. I don't ever see myself going back to her again because she's like cancer, but i still have this love remaining that i'm trying to shake.

 

Well update, I had to break NC today, our phone service (cell phone) service was interupted today because of a payment she made that got returned. I still have my cell phone under her verizon shared employee plan. I had to pay past due amount to restore it so i could have phone service. I texted her: "our phone service was suspended today. i paid the amount to get it back on. you have to call and see if they can waive the fees."

 

I feel bad for breaking NC even though it was business

Edited May 11, 2011 by fetish

[JasonRules]

I know this may be an elementary school question but how can i get to the point that i stop caring and loving? I mean she made the choice and regrets it, probably since the 1st week, but rather than admit to it, she's trying to manipulate and soften up like nothing ever happened. I don't ever see myself going back to her again because she's like cancer, but i still have this love remaining that i'm trying to shake.

 

Well update, I had to break NC today, our phone service (cell phone) service was interupted today because of a payment she made that got returned. I still have my cell phone under her verizon shared employee plan. I had to pay past due amount to restore it so i could have phone service. I texted her: "our phone service was suspended today. i paid the amount to get it back on. you have to call and see if they can waive the fees."

 

I feel bad for breaking NC even though it was business

 

 

You get over them by getting out there and dating other people. Eventually you'll meet someone who is great and you have great chemistry with. You'll forget about your ex in no time...

[fetish]

I've been trying that over the last couple of months. Going back to the clubs. Had 3 girls in a row slip me the wrong number and a couple of others i tried on wouldnt give me the time of day.

 

I know not to take it personal but kind of makes me feel a little shi%%y seeing i gotta put up with this bullcrap part of dating again.

 

That's when i said maybe i ought to hold off a min on trying to get out there just yet.

Edited May 11, 2011 by fetish

[JasonRules]

I've been trying that over the last couple of months. Going back to the clubs. Had 3 girls in a row slip me the wrong number and a couple of others i tried on wouldnt give me the time of day.

 

I know not to take it personal but kind of makes me feel a little shi%%y seeing i gotta put up with this bullcrap part of dating again.

 

That's when i said maybe i ought to hold off a min on trying to get out there just yet.

 

 

Ironically I've been doing great. Have a number of women very interested in dating me and the line just keeps getting longer. I'm almost back to my old happy self again. The working out has done wonders.

 

I wouldn't recommend hitting the clubs though. You're not going to find dating material in there. Try lounges, cafes, wine bars, Barnes and Noble etc. Or even in the super market or gas station. Believe it or not, I actually was dating a girl I met in the parking lot of a super market. I was putting my groceries in my trunk and she kept starring at me from far away pretty intensely. So what did I do?

 

I found a piece of cardboard on the ground, wrote my name and number and attached it to her windshield. She called me 10 minutes later. We ended up dating for 3 months.

[fetish]

That's cool. It's good you got it like that? Combined with the working out women probably go crazy over your accent. Didn't you mention in another thread you were from Europe or somewhere out the U.S.?

 

Pretty smooth with leaving the number on her windshield.

 

Anyway, I have to realize i'm not 23 anymore and have been out of the dating game for 8 years so maybe the club scene isn't my thing. It's okay to go and have a drink from time to time but not looking for dating material. I've seen some pretty hot women at the health food stores and things but i'm worry about scaring them off by approaching them. I don't want them thinking i'm a stalker or something because we're all on the go at the supermarket and healthfood store aisles just shopping trying to get home. I heard church girls are good too. Forgive me if i offend anyone, I love church but i hope that by getting a church girl i don't run into those types that think they're holier than thou and judgemental of everyone else. I guess that's a small prejudice i have.

 

I guess i haven't really been out but a couple of times and have been too emotionally wounded to really even want to talk to anyone. I've really twice within the last month and once in March.

 

And Jason, what kind of workouts do you do? Ijust started hitting back abs but to really build up, i do thinks like: Squats, leg press, and leg curls. I don't really fool with dead lifts because they really don't do nothing for me and they hurt my back. Lunges are cool but hard on my knees.

 

I train my upper body but you really bulk up from training the lower body.

[JasonRules]

Yes I'm originally from Europe, but live in the States.

 

For workout I do the following:

 

1. Monday - arms, chest, triceps

2. Tuesday - shoulders, upper back, lower back

3. Wednesday - Legs (quadraceps, gluts, hamstrings etc)

4. Thursday - Repeat Monday

5. Friday - Rest

6. Saturday - Repeat Tuesday

7. Sunday - Repeat Wednesday

 

Each workout takes about 1.5 hours. I finish it off with 30 minutes elliptical and 4 x 30 sets of situps, which I do by hanging from my arms and lifting my legs up to my chest.

 

I have a 50 gram protein shake at the end of each workout.

 

As for your approach, don't over think it. If you see someone you like approach them, just don't catch them by surprise. What does an army do before it attacks? It does reconnaissance and weighs the pros and cons.

 

For example, observe her. If she looks back at you for approximately 2 seconds chances are she finds you equally attractive. If a woman does not look at you then you do not approach her. A lot of men come up to a woman from behind and take them by surprise and woman hate that.

 

Also, make sure you dress nicely. For a hip, classic look you can check out GQ magazine. Also, be confident in yourself. Don't think "Oh my God, what if she rejects me". Just act relaxed around her and try to be a little funny. Use situational humor and tease her. You might be rusty, but sitting at home isn't going to "grease the gears either". You need to slowly start dating and your confidence will slowly start to increase.

 

Finally, man rule #20

 

Never ask a woman to write her phone number on a piece of paper. Just tell her to call your mobile right then and there. That way you know she isn't BS'ing you.

[geegirl]

As a woman, it really irks me when men stare and smile and then walk away. I wish there were more men who have the guts to approach. They look from afar, smile, give you the eye and run, even when you give the signs.

 

If there is one thing I love, it's a confident man. It's very attractive.

 

Yep, stay away from clubs. There are a lot of sites online offering events and gatherings for singles, whether it be doing activities that people find in common to dating events to travel groups to hobby groups. You'll meet all types of people. Volunteering is a good way to meet people/women.

 

You will get over the feelings by finding someone else or just letting your feelings fade overtime. I have not met anyone but I'm finding my feelings fading day by day and really don't need someone to fill that space in order for me to forget and heal. I'm doing it on my own.

[fetish]

Well today, i've still been kind of upset that I broke NC by sending her that message about the phone bill. I'm sure i'm going to have to do it again when it comes time for her to pay the carnote i cosigned for her a couple of years ago. I know it was a stupid decision i made but her previous car had just gone out on her and needed a way to get to her new job, had noone else to help her get a car (not even her family), we had already been together 6 years at the time, and plus we had just gotten engaged.

 

If i ever have to break NC again due to reasons such as these, is that a "no no" on NC? I'm so confused.

 

Jason,

 

It's good you have the time to workout like that. The most i do is 4 to 5 times a week of intense daily training for about an hour per day. In Chicago, it's kind of like a mini New York where everything is close in, so you probably don't have to waste time driving everywhere which probably makes it easier to devote that amount of time. That's good you can do that. Keep it up

 

geegirl,

 

I hear ya. That's good you see it that way

 

If there's one important lesson i hope to learn from what i'm going through right now, is not to depend on someone else to fill that void and make me happy. Although there are times when I regress and feel like i did from day 1.

 

Women like a confident men. I'm slowly working on building my self esteem back up. It took quite a toll when my girlfriend of 8 years chose to move out because the grass looked greener, and then later tries to keep me on a leash and still wants the benefits of being in a relaitonship.

 

geegirl, your advice in one of the posts was great. I've been telling myself that daily when i find myself feeling guilty for not responding. She has to suffer the consequences of the bold decision she made when she chose to move out. Whether she was bluffing or trying to make me beg her or not, she took a huge "gamble" on our entire relationship. Even though she still tried to keep contact after the breakup, I still felt like an old tossed pair of gym socks. I try not to hold grudges, but I can't give her another opportunity to make me feel like that again.

 

It was so important for her to be able to go to the gameroom/casinos, clubs, and be free with her friends at the time. Now it probably has hit her that a man like me is rare, and she may not get that again or at least for a long time.

[geegirl]

Don't feel bad. It's done. If you have to contact, no way around it, then strictly business. Don't get emotional and keep it to the point.

 

Yes, Fetish. Work on yourself. 8 years can take a toll on your self-esteem expecially in an unhealthy relationship. When you feel whole and complete, someone coming into your life will be a bonus. This person should not define you but enhance the already happy and content YOU. It's normal to regress because you are still attached and she was so much a part of your life.

 

Don't feel guilty for her feelings. Feel guilty for depriving yourself the chance to work on making yourself feel GREAT about YOU again and denying yourself a future with someone who will one day come into your life and reciprocate your loving and caring nature, that is if you let her into your life again.

[JasonRules]

I remember my ex telling me a long time ago that even if things didn't work out I would still want you in my life as a friend and I looked at her and said "If it doesn't work out, you'll never see me again". She said that I was being "selfish" because it was all or nothing with me. And I said "With me it will only be "all or nothing".

 

I don't do friendships with exes who ended it with me and made me go (and still going) through many months of pain and sadness.