Im not sure what i want..

[joshextreme]

My ex and have been LC for a few weeks now. Last night she told me who she was bringing to prom. Some scum bag that rejected her THREE times already. I went on to tell her how she had no self respect for taking him. She then stopped talking to me.

 

My ex and I LC is very little. Usually when we talk its just one of us trying to make the other feel guilty about something stupid we did.

 

What I've been thinking is that I talk to her about how were acting and see if we can have a little bit more contact. A week ago she got mad at me because I didn't want this but now idk. I've made so much progress since her and I broke up and I don't want to risk throwing it away. I told her I'd talk to her later but I'm not quite sure what ill say. I also informed her that SHE had to talk to me first.

 

In the back of my mind something tells me not to do this because she she doesn't deserve to have me in her life at all. Yet I do miss her. Any suggestions.?

Edited April 12, 2011 by joshextreme

[longterm]

How long was the relationship? You are young and will most likely go through a lot of relationships in life. I know I have. You have already learned a little and that is absolutely say nothing about any new guy. The more you talk smack about him, the further away you will get. It's best that you do NC if she is already out with another. When you talk you should show more on how well you are doing with your life. You seem to have already started to move on. You are absolutely correct, SHE has to come to you. Right now she is just going through her motions. Exploring what's out there etc. I bet that you are on her mind. That is really all it takes. To be on their mind. With that, there is no hope for anyone else. If you're not on her mind at all, then you best just forget about her until she shows you are.

 

Not good to just dig into each other when you talk. There is no point to that. Your chats should just be about the good things you have going on. Not about him or anyone else. He has nothing to do with this even if he was the cause of it. It's over until she says otherwise. Have fun with your life. You will continue to miss her but like you say, she doesn't deserve you right now.

[joshextreme]

How long was the relationship? You are young and will most likely go through a lot of relationships in life. I know I have. You have already learned a little and that is absolutely say nothing about any new guy. The more you talk smack about him, the further away you will get. It's best that you do NC if she is already out with another. When you talk you should show more on how well you are doing with your life. You seem to have already started to move on. You are absolutely correct, SHE has to come to you. Right now she is just going through her motions. Exploring what's out there etc. I bet that you are on her mind. That is really all it takes. To be on their mind. With that, there is no hope for anyone else. If you're not on her mind at all, then you best just forget about her until she shows you are.

 

Not good to just dig into each other when you talk. There is no point to that. Your chats should just be about the good things you have going on. Not about him or anyone else. He has nothing to do with this even if he was the cause of it. It's over until she says otherwise. Have fun with your life. You will continue to miss her but like you say, she doesn't deserve you right now.

i didn't really go into detail because i wrote it all on my phone. we were together for a year and have been broken up for almost 2 1/2 months. it was a mutual break up that ended up me wanting her back and doing all the things you're not suppose to do like begging and pleading etc etc.

 

if im to go to NC again should i just ignore the text that she'll probably send me later? i accidentally texted her this morning saying "im thinking of a way that we can both be happy, text me later." now shes gonna text me later wanting to hear this idea that im not sure i even want to do(which is the more LC).

 

while we were talking yesterday she also said she was sick of being nice to me when we talked because i was such a d-bag. i will admit i was being mean to her because of how hurt i have been from the break up.

 

this idea just came to me.. when she texts me to talk i could just be nice and talk and talk about good things, like you said. after this convo then i go complete NC. what do you think?

Edited April 12, 2011 by joshextreme

[joshextreme]

so my ex just texted me saying "tell me whatever it is now because i have to do hw later" i know she was with her friends when she sent this so i said back "im not an idiot. text me later when you arent with your friends" so she said "fine"

 

gahh i have no idea what im gonna do later when she text me lol

[longterm]

Josh,

You're making this tough. Not only did you not stick with NC but you made a conversation out of it. Whatever was on your mind before, I guess that you have to say it now. It's kind of dumb to just play a game. Even if she is with her friends so what? You're both going to dig again.

 

Do be civil though. Don't be some sort of d-bag where all that both of you get is hatred. Just chill. Whatever your plan was is probably not going to work anyway. She has to want you on her own. There is no magic pill here. She has to miss you, and if you're considered a d-bag then you're only prolonging the time it will take. WE all go through the groveling stage in the beginning. It's normal but here were have some good knowledge. Not sure what your plan was but now you're in a pickle.

[joshextreme]

Josh,

You're making this tough. Not only did you not stick with NC but you made a conversation out of it. Whatever was on your mind before, I guess that you have to say it now. It's kind of dumb to just play a game. Even if she is with her friends so what? You're both going to dig again.

 

Do be civil though. Don't be some sort of d-bag where all that both of you get is hatred. Just chill. Whatever your plan was is probably not going to work anyway. She has to want you on her own. There is no magic pill here. She has to miss you, and if you're considered a d-bag then you're only prolonging the time it will take. WE all go through the groveling stage in the beginning. It's normal but here were have some good knowledge. Not sure what your plan was but now you're in a pickle.

 

i am in a pickle :/. i didnt really have a plan. i guess ill tell her how i feel and go back to NC

[longterm]

Keep the NC afterward. I would just say that you were thinking of her this morning but you know it's up to her as to what she wants. Leave it at that and don't go into it. Keep the NC.

[joshextreme]

at the end of out conversation instead of deciding whether to go NC or be LC, i told her that we should just live our lives and whatever happens is going to happen. then she said "well does that make us friends?" i then said "thats a decision and i just said im not making decisions. i gotta go ill cya around" then signed off of facebook. i think i handled that well. obviously now i go NC.

[joshextreme]

no im having this regretting kinda feeling. this happens everytime i stop talking to her. like i want her to know exactly what im feeling and what my plans are. i know im gonna continue NC i just think its weird that this happens EVERYTIME i finish talking to her.

[geegirl]

Wise words from Beeotch...

 

Originally Posted by Beeotch

The truth is: doing the right thing always feels like regret....until it sinks in days/weeks or months later.

 

That's why people go back and forth so much...happened to me too...you don't want to be "mean", you still have "hope", you don't want to be the bad person, you don't want to "close the door forever" etc. So you drag out the back and forth, usually with you as the dumpee feeling used and abused as you're giving this other person everything they want while you're not getting anything you want. Then eventually they are the ones who stop it all together and you feel stupid like you should have cut it off earlier OR it naturally just falls apart OR you are the one who eventually has to cut it off after realizing it is taking a toll on you and you're not healing.

 

 

So yea....what you did was the right thing and eventually it will sink in.

[longterm]

Geegirl is totally awesome. She's always spot on. We will all learn lots from her.

[Memphis Raines]

My ex and have been LC for a few weeks now. Last night she told me who she was bringing to prom. Some scum bag that rejected her THREE times already. I went on to tell her how she had no self respect for taking him. She then stopped talking to me.

 

 

sounds like the kind of girl that will better deal you for the guy she can't have easily.

 

he'll reject her again, and then she'll expect you to be waiting on the back burner. move on, don't be 2nd fiddle dangled by a string. let her have her heartache when Mr. Rejection strikes again. She dissed you for this guy, so let her make her own bed, and you move on to greener pastures.

 

In the back of my mind something tells me not to do this because she she doesn't deserve to have me in her life at all.

 

she doesn't

 

Yet I do miss her.

 

when a girl better deals you for some bad boy jerk, and you still miss her, then that is your little head doing the thinking.

[joshextreme]

sounds like the kind of girl that will better deal you for the guy she can't have easily.

 

he'll reject her again, and then she'll expect you to be waiting on the back burner. move on, don't be 2nd fiddle dangled by a string. let her have her heartache when Mr. Rejection strikes again. She dissed you for this guy, so let her make her own bed, and you move on to greener pastures.

 

 

 

she doesn't

 

 

 

when a girl better deals you for some bad boy jerk, and you still miss her, then that is your little head doing the thinking.

Yeah thanks for this. Thank you everyone else. I'll just go back to full on ignoring her.

[geegirl]

Geegirl is totally awesome. She's always spot on. We will all learn lots from her.

 

Those were Beeotch's wise words Longterm. She was spot on! It defined those feelings of regret perfectly.

[joshextreme]

Wise words from Beeotch...

 

Originally Posted by Beeotch

The truth is: doing the right thing always feels like regret....until it sinks in days/weeks or months later.

 

That's why people go back and forth so much...happened to me too...you don't want to be "mean", you still have "hope", you don't want to be the bad person, you don't want to "close the door forever" etc. So you drag out the back and forth, usually with you as the dumpee feeling used and abused as you're giving this other person everything they want while you're not getting anything you want. Then eventually they are the ones who stop it all together and you feel stupid like you should have cut it off earlier OR it naturally just falls apart OR you are the one who eventually has to cut it off after realizing it is taking a toll on you and you're not healing.

 

 

So yea....what you did was the right thing and eventually it will sink in.

This is exactly me. I definitely know I need to just stop the dumb game they I keep playing.

[joshextreme]

UPDATE: my ex just texted me saying

 

"hey, i still think we left off on a bad note last time we talked and i really dont want that."

 

idk what to do. should i continue NC?

[joshextreme]

so i ended up not texting her and 20 minutes later she says "alright dont answer, bye"

 

gah idk what to do !! lol

 

ik this isnt her like reaching out to me or anything since we've had a very rocky break up