purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I have an all day date (and overnight if I want it) with this guy. I did think that I liked him before but realistically we have very little in common. He is shy and I am shy and during previous dates we had many silences and awkward moments (this is standard for me because I never know what to talk about and it never flows like it does for other people). He doesn't watch TV or movies so it's not like we can kill time that way. We will most be spending time hanging around his house. I am terrified of being stuck all day with nothing to talk about. This is not unreasonable fear, like I said it happened before and it's the worst. I think I want to cancel and be done with him and just go and find someone I have more in common with. I feel nothing but relief at the thought of canceling. Help!
SingVoice Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Is this the same guy you were confused out about before in another thread? Or a different guy?
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Is this the same guy you were confused out about before in another thread? Or a different guy? It's the same guy. I think I wanted him only when I thought that I couldn't have him. Also, given our history - if I cancel now I know that he isn't going to give me any more chances. I just don't want to put myself through stress of an uncomfortable day.
SingVoice Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 LMAO! Girrrrl you are crazy!!!! All of that worrying and now you don't even want to go? Well heres the thing...if you cancel...are you going to wait a couple of days and then when you don't hear from him...go after him again? If you plan on cancelling...then you have to be done with him for good. Otherwise...go and see what happens. Maybe all of this "drama" is making your judgement skewed...so maybe you should just go...spend the time with him...and THEN decide.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I do feel crazy! If I do cancel, this will be it. I won't go after him again. It would be a joke at this point so I am ready for that. I mean cancel and let that be it. Can you imagine the horribleness of being stuck with someone you have nothing to talk about with for 12 hours? I already moved up the meeting time so that it will be 10 instead of 12 hours but still...
Mrlonelyone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 @ Purple. You know people who are married or in LTR's don't talk to eachother all day every day. I once read that it's a good sign when a relationship reaches a level of comfort where every silence must be filled with chatter. You know eachother and know you like eachother. So instead of being fearful of the silence, go and see what it's like to be with him just hanging around the house. (Which is what people in LTR's and marriage do most of the time anyway.) If life with him would be that bad end it then. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
LittleTiger Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 How about going on the date and if the silences are too awkward, or you're not having fun, just say so and leave? You never know, there must be at least a small chance that you'll enjoy yourself or you wouldn't have considered going in the first place. I haven't read your other threads but I don't understand what the problem is - seems simple to me.
Cee Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Putting two people in a room for 12 hours with nothing to do would be horrible. I suggest that you bring games over to play. Boggle is a good one or Scrabble if you are both bookish people. You can also look at funny clips online as well. You can watch one hour tv programs via Netflix or stand up comedy routines. If he has a playstation, Xbox, or wii, you can do that as well. I think it's good when you have a common activity to do. If you have fun, you both might relax and maybe like each other. And then it won't be hard to pass the time.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 where every silence must be filled with chatter I meant dos not have to be filled with chatter.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I can't just go home. He lives 2 hours away. He wanted me to get to his place at 10am and spend the day together then stay over night (in a separate bed if I am not comfortable with the same bed) and then we can drive to work together in the morning. I told him that I can be at his place at 12pm and won't be staying the night. He already seemed a bit dissapointed by this. But WTF will we do all day? Sit on the couch and talk? If he at least liked movies we could have killed a few hours that way...
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I asked him to bring some pot because I thought things may be easier if we were high but he doesn't have any. He hasn't suggested a single activity to do, just said to come over. We are not having sex either so not like we can kill time that way. Other problem is that he intimidates me and I feel terribly shy around him and very uptight. I can never think of anything to say. I am thinking if things go badly, I can force myself to stay like 12pm-5pm and then make an excuse and say I have to drive home early.
Cee Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Cook a meal together Play a game of cards or board game Explore his apartment and ask him questions about himself Go on Facebook and look at each other's photos and tell stories Listen to music Play Xbox, PS, or wii Give him a tarot card reading Watch funny clips on YouTube Play twenty questions or I Spy Kiss Cuddle Ask for a back rub or give him one But if nothing sounds interesting or fun on this list, I say cancel. Because with someone you like, anything can be fun.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Why not have sex. Good sex is a big part of what bonds couples.
LittleTiger Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Other problem is that he intimidates me and I feel terribly shy around him and very uptight. I can never think of anything to say. I am thinking if things go badly, I can force myself to stay like 12pm-5pm and then make an excuse and say I have to drive home early. You can go home whenever you want to - even if it's after one hour - you don't have to force yourself to stay anywhere and you don't need an excuse other than 'I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work after all, so thanks for inviting me but I think should go now'. The problem I see now is that you won't feel able to say this because of the bit I've put in bold. Seriously - if this guy intimidates you, do you really think you should be driving two hours to spend time alone with him in his house?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Wow, purple_cloud, do you EVER sound familiar. You actually have a psychic twin (or 2) who used to use LoveShack as their own personal emotional playground, until they got permanently banned. However; I digress: Since you feel like you want to cancel ... THEN CANCEL!!! I don't even understand what the discussion point is. Here is my advice for you: If you have nothing better to do than put up many many posts relating to a person with whom you have NO relationship and very little interest in ... perhaps it's time to find something better to do. Or, better yet, seek some kind of support group or professional counseling so you will be able to decide whether or not to go on a date without seeking the input of thousands of strangers for every step of the way.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I feel like I really want to cancel. I mean this is keeping me awake at night. LT that's the problem. He intimidates me to the point where I am extremely uncomfortable around him. He intrigues me at the same time.... I have already canceled on him so many times. We have had a long conversation about not canceling under any circumstances this time. He was even called to work but said he can't come because he didn't want to cancel on me. I will feel terrible if I cancel, yet I don't want to go. I am thinking of just sending the final text "I will have to cancel today. Sorry" And just leave it at that. The end.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I haven't mentioned this before. I am Asian and he is white. All his exs are Asian so I feel like he may have a fetish. This is a turn off too.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 OceanGirl? SACWA? The Asian version. OP: CANCEL ALREADY. Next.
Author purple_cloud Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Ok, I am going to cancel. Thanks for your input.
SingVoice Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I feel like I really want to cancel. I mean this is keeping me awake at night. LT that's the problem. He intimidates me to the point where I am extremely uncomfortable around him. He intrigues me at the same time.... I have already canceled on him so many times. We have had a long conversation about not canceling under any circumstances this time. He was even called to work but said he can't come because he didn't want to cancel on me. I will feel terrible if I cancel, yet I don't want to go. I am thinking of just sending the final text "I will have to cancel today. Sorry" And just leave it at that. The end. No disrespect...but you are totally neurotic!!! Honestly...you are overthinking EVERYTHING. You made that big dramatic other post about this guy...and it all worked out...and now you are STILL overthinking. I mean this in the nicest way possible...but it seems like you aren't satisfied unless there is some kind of "drama." Have you thought about that? That it's all this drama that you find attractive??
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Manufacturing drama on a discussion board where there is not any IRL seems to be a fulfilling pastime for some of us.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 To the OP: I get the feeling that you are afraid that you will bore him and he will not want to date you anymore. That he will dump you....so you are going to cancel and ineffect dump him to avoid possibly maybe getting dumped. Well listen. love is a lottery or a card game. You have been dealt a good hand lately and you are about to throw the cards back thinking the next hand will be unbeatable. Play the hand your dealt and see what happens.
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I still think Purple_Cloud is a previous poster (and even likely not Asian). For one thing, your age keeps changing. Are you in your late 20s or are you 35: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265163/ (late 20s) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266652/ (35) A lot of things just don't ad up. . . consider this when responding to her posts.
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