lustans Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Today I was on the train with a friend. There was this guy reading a book near us. My friend thought I should talk to him. If guys don't talk to me I should try and talk to them. Nerds are thankful for the attention. Whatever. I had nothing to loose (yeah right...). So we decided I should try. I sat down in front of him and he just kept reading! Not even a hi! Then I just sat there feeling silly. So then I asked if this was the train to Knoxville. The jerk just said yes and continued reading! And there I was sitting and feeling silly again. I just gave up and went back to my friend. Am I so uninterseting that I am not even worthy of a hello??! I mean he must have known I wanted to talk to him. Why else would I have left my friend?!? Just so depressed and humiliated... Why are there no guys that like me...
Dirkus Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Maybe his dog just died. Maybe he lost his job. Maybe he has cancer. Maybe he just wanted to read his book. If a hot girl was reading and a guy came up to her to would be harassment but if a girl gets ignored the entire gender are jerks.
kashmir Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Just so depressed and humiliated... Why are there no guys that like me... I've been on your end many times. It sucks...for 5 minutes. One guy doesn't mean anything. I have my nose in books a lot, and while no girl has ever come up to me when I was reading, I would at least be friendly with her, whether I was attracted to her or not.
Woggle Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You don't see a woman getting the cold shoulder from a man like this too often.
Citizen Erased Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I'm not a guy but I when I'm reading I'm in my own little world, I wouldn't notice a two headed male/female combo walking past.
Peter_pan Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 i would love a girl to come onto me. that would be such a strange unexperienced experience for me. must have been a good book
bean1 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nerds are thankful for attention? The jerk continued reading? He must have known you wanted to talk to him? Yikes! That's quite an attitude!
39388 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 *One* guy was rude. That does not mean *all* guys are jerks. Try the same thing again and again and before you know it, some guy will be very happy.
MN randomguy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nerds are thankful for attention? The jerk continued reading? He must have known you wanted to talk to him? Yikes! That's quite an attitude! +1 How would you like being a guy? We are expected to take this rejection and bounce back. Are you entitled to him being into you because you asked him if he was going to Knoxville? What would you think if there was a guy who behaved that way. He expresses interest, you shoot him down and now all women are b*tches and stupid wh*res? Try this 20 more times and then we'll be more comforting. You have done something valuable today though. When you do find a guy that is interested in you you'll be better able to relate to him. There was this guy reading a book near us. ........ Nerds are thankful for the attention. BTW, are literate guys "Nerds":D
Woggle Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 This nerd is probably going places and is insulted by the fact that you think he should be thankful you ackowledged his presence.
mikesierra Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 what if you were riding the train the next day thinking all guys are jerks and the same thing that happened to the nerd happens to you? you might act the same way. If a girl sat down in front of me on the train I probably wouldn't give much of a thought to it. Then if that same girl asked information about the train, I'd give her the answer. Personally, I don't reallysee either of those as conversation starters. He probably thought you just went over there and talked to him because you had to know that information, so you used him. Maybe you should ask him about what he's reading or something. Yeah, you're putting yourself out there a little more, but the greater the risk, the greater the reward, right?
BobSacamento Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Did he even smile at you and nod? I mean if I'm totally nervous or something I'll at least do that. But not even some eye contact? This guy is clueless.
era Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Just so depressed and humiliated... Why are there no guys that like me... You are too attached to how the situation SHOULD have gone. Sounds like the guy was simply self-absorbed with his own life. Your self-worth cannot be verified by a complete stranger on the train...Don't depend on others for your value.
Author lustans Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Thank you for all responses. Considering the unexpected number, I actually feel bad about my original post. You see, I am the "jerk"---not the girl (and the events were in the late nineties). I was writing a rather larger post on the topic of women, signals, and how to interpret them (cf. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2079158#post2079158); and thought it would be a very interesting thought experiment to run one part of that post through you from a woman's point of view. (I apologize if this is considered trolling---I am just very curious. Also, I had counted on getting three or four responses.) Obviously, the girls emotional reactions were made up by me according to what I hope to be a worst case scenario. I see from the responses that I overdid it. Somehow, "she" came of as the jerk with most posters, which was not my intention. (In my defence, getting into the mind of an eighteen year old woman is very hard for a man, by now, almost twice her age.) A few remarks concerning some of your posts: 1. The statements about nerds being thankful, etc. were intended to be what the friend used to talk "her" into the approach. My deliberate attempts to lower the quality of the text obviously lead to ambiguities. 2. Literate guys need not be nerds, but I definitely was (still am, actually, it is just not immediately visible anymore). 3. Because I actually felt very badly about the situation, once I (about an hour later) realized that I had been extremely dense and rude, it is very comforting to see that most of your answer downplays it: One less weight on my heart. Then again, I have to make room for the guilt of misleading you... 4. BobSacamento has got it spot on: The guy was clueless. Again, my apologies for causing an unnecessarily large stir. (Possibly, the guy still is clueless---just in other regards?)
carhill Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nice bait. No bite.... No, it doesn't help to "jerk" the line
Enema Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 First test every woman should do is to check if the guy is gay. Pop out one of the twins that way you find out right from the start and you have a conversation starter.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Are you sure that you made it clear that you liked him? Maybe he didn't pick up on that. I don't think you should have felt humiliated - now you know how hard it sometimes is for men to approach women!
yongyong Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 well it depends on how cute you are, simple as that
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nice generalization about the whole gender based on one guy that just wanted to read his book. Guys get far worse treatment from girls and are expected to just take it. I'm starting to sympathize with the guys more.
serial muse Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nerds are thankful for attention? The jerk continued reading? He must have known you wanted to talk to him? Yikes! That's quite an attitude! My thoughts exactly. Too bad he wasn't grateful for the attention you so graciously bestowed upon him. It's not just that "all guys" aren't jerks...because this particular guy doesn't sound like a jerk either. He was reading a book and he wanted to keep doing it. Nothing wrong with that.
Taramere Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Thank you for all responses. Considering the unexpected number, I actually feel bad about my original post. You see, I am the "jerk"---not the girl (and the events were in the late nineties). I was writing a rather larger post on the topic of women, signals, and how to interpret them (cf. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2079158#post2079158); and thought it would be a very interesting thought experiment to run one part of that post through you from a woman's point of view. (I apologize if this is considered trolling---I am just very curious. Also, I had counted on getting three or four responses.) Obviously, the girls emotional reactions were made up by me according to what I hope to be a worst case scenario. I see from the responses that I overdid it. Somehow, "she" came of as the jerk with most posters, which was not my intention. (In my defence, getting into the mind of an eighteen year old woman is very hard for a man, by now, almost twice her age.) So you'd have been in your mid to late twenties at the time. Was it late at night? Had she been drinking? Being egged on by friends to talk to a stranger on a train (while friends were close enough to give me a sense of security) is the kind of thing I'd have done in my teens, after a few drinks. If he'd ignored me, I'd have guessed that I was coming across as an annoying twat. If I'd gone over to talk to him sober, because I liked the look of him (which, in reality, I'd have been far too shy to do) I'd have felt as though maybe what I'd done was a bit too weird/unusual for him to respond positively. That I'd embarrassed myself by being too forward. I'd also think he was shy and didn't know how to react to a teenage girl behaving in that kind of forward manner.
serial muse Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Thank you for all responses. Considering the unexpected number, I actually feel bad about my original post. You see, I am the "jerk"---not the girl (and the events were in the late nineties). I was writing a rather larger post on the topic of women, signals, and how to interpret them (cf. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2079158#post2079158); and thought it would be a very interesting thought experiment to run one part of that post through you from a woman's point of view. (I apologize if this is considered trolling---I am just very curious. Also, I had counted on getting three or four responses.) Obviously, the girls emotional reactions were made up by me according to what I hope to be a worst case scenario. I see from the responses that I overdid it. Somehow, "she" came of as the jerk with most posters, which was not my intention. (In my defence, getting into the mind of an eighteen year old woman is very hard for a man, by now, almost twice her age.) A few remarks concerning some of your posts: 1. The statements about nerds being thankful, etc. were intended to be what the friend used to talk "her" into the approach. My deliberate attempts to lower the quality of the text obviously lead to ambiguities. 2. Literate guys need not be nerds, but I definitely was (still am, actually, it is just not immediately visible anymore). 3. Because I actually felt very badly about the situation, once I (about an hour later) realized that I had been extremely dense and rude, it is very comforting to see that most of your answer downplays it: One less weight on my heart. Then again, I have to make room for the guilt of misleading you... 4. BobSacamento has got it spot on: The guy was clueless. Again, my apologies for causing an unnecessarily large stir. (Possibly, the guy still is clueless---just in other regards?) Whoa, somehow I missed this. I did think the girl sounded kind of "off" - but it makes sense now. The nerd thing is interesting, though - obviously it's what you think/thought about yourself, rather than what she necessarily thought of you...sounds like you're pretty harsh on yourself. Hopefully, in the ensuing years, you've let some of that go. Anyway, I don't think you were particularly rude; there are people who just don't want to be disturbed by strangers, and that's their prerogative, whether men or women. Of course, if you were open to having a conversation, I suppose it was a missed opportunity - but it sounds like you've learned from it. It's something women also need to appreciate. (I do hope you weren't trolling, and just hoping that people would take the sides of their respective genders. If so, experiment failed.) Anyway...time to move on. Why is this still troubling you, after all these years? Do you feel like it's continued to be an issue?
Author lustans Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 (Note: the below answer is also intended to cover the three post preceding serial muse's.) The nerd thing is interesting, though - obviously it's what you think/thought about yourself, rather than what she necessarily thought of you...sounds like you're pretty harsh on yourself. Hopefully, in the ensuing years, you've let some of that go. Partially true; partially false. I do think of myself as a nerd---but I also see nothing wrong with that. From my perspective, "nerd" is a description of a certain kind of (typically) man; not, however, a "bad name" or something to be ashamed of. (But I am aware that many others do not share this view.) OTOH, unrelated to my being a nerd, I did have a severe lack of self-confidence where women are concerned. The ensuing years have indeed changed a lot: After reaching some threshold of experience in my early twenties, I gained some amount of confidence, which turned into a virtuous circle of ever growing popularity and confidence. If anything, I err on the side of over-confidence today. (I was 21, or around that age, at the time of this incident---before the virtuous circle kicked in.) (I do hope you weren't trolling, and just hoping that people would take the sides of their respective genders. If so, experiment failed.) Anyway...time to move on. Why is this still troubling you, after all these years? Do you feel like it's continued to be an issue? No, my intentions were to find out how other people would experience this situation and how the situation looked from the woman's perspective. This, not because the incident still troubles me (although I did feel bad about it for a long time), but because I very deliberate strive to understand how I and my mind work, how other people work, how human relations work, etc. The analysis of past events is a very important tool for me in this enterprise. In this case, experiment succesful: I learned a lot---some of it in unexpected areas.
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