?? for the dumpers

Just a question for the dumpers... I use dumper for lack of a better term.

Say that you regreted your decision to dump your bf/gf and you wanted to reconcile. Would there be a level of awkwardness on your end that might slow things? Since you were the one who made the decision to break it off would you feel a conflict between sticking to your guns and giving in to what you really feel?

I ask this because i senced that first date awkwardness when we had lunch this week.

I am not obcessing. This is just one of those questions you think of in the shower.

Just a question for the dumpers... I use dumper for lack of a better term.

 

Say that you regreted your decision to dump your bf/gf and you wanted to reconcile. Would there be a level of awkwardness on your end that might slow things? Since you were the one who made the decision to break it off would you feel a conflict between sticking to your guns and giving in to what you really feel?

 

I ask this because i senced that first date awkwardness when we had lunch this week.

 

I am not obcessing. This is just one of those questions you think of in the shower.

The awkwardness could be guilt.

It could be the uncertainty of the decision to reconcile.

It could be someone's own insecurities.

It could simply just be nerves.

There's always going to be some awkwardness as you just can't jump into something and pick up where you left off. You should start all over from scratch.

Try not to put too much meaning towards it. It could be any number of things, including what CaliGuy mentioned.

Relax, keep up the positive attitude and confidence.

Hey Caliguy,

You might remember my previous threads.

well my head is in a better place right now but i still have my moments. It is amazing what time does.

I wrote the letter i told you about(if you remember) but i was told to hang onto it by her best friend. She said that it might create too much pressure on her. Her friend said that she knows how i feel and she is noticing how i have changed. Actions speak louder than words and the letter would be my last ditch effort if it came to that.

As far as my op i think at least three out of the four apply. Believe me if this works out i do not want to pick up where we left off. Where we left off is what caused all of this.

You just made me think of this episode

I started spending time with a lady I really liked. She kept telling me "I dont want a relationship" I would say nothing. Slowly I would do little things like hug her or kiss her on the cheek, a few times I did nothing and she came after me and said hey wheres my kiss.

And so eventually one night things got very hot and heavy, still quite pg rated. And what came out of her mouth between sighs and moans

"I dont want a relationship"

I had about enough of that so I said I have to tell you something, and I sat her down and my chair was facing hers

I basically said she was my dream girl etc etc.. I told her how incredible she was and by the end of my speech, she was kneeling on the floor in front of me holding my hands. Then things became more r-rated and she ended up as my girlfriend

So thats my take on saying things to them, however I think the words should concentrate on flattering them. Does that make any sense?

You just made me think of this episode

 

I started spending time with a lady I really liked. She kept telling me "I dont want a relationship" I would say nothing. Slowly I would do little things like hug her or kiss her on the cheek, a few times I did nothing and she came after me and said hey wheres my kiss.

 

And so eventually one night things got very hot and heavy, still quite pg rated. And what came out of her mouth between sighs and moans

"I dont want a relationship"

 

I had about enough of that so I said I have to tell you something, and I sat her down and my chair was facing hers

 

I basically said she was my dream girl etc etc.. I told her how incredible she was and by the end of my speech, she was kneeling on the floor in front of me holding my hands. Then things became more r-rated and she ended up as my girlfriend

 

So thats my take on saying things to them, however I think the words should concentrate on flattering them. Does that make any sense?

If they truly want to be with you, this will help a lot. If not then saying all these complimentary things will make you sound like a door mat.

The trick is to know how they feel about you. And unless they say "You're the one for me" then I would withhold spilling my guts unless I was totally sure they felt the say way.

You just made me think of this episode

 

I started spending time with a lady I really liked. She kept telling me "I dont want a relationship" I would say nothing. Slowly I would do little things like hug her or kiss her on the cheek, a few times I did nothing and she came after me and said hey wheres my kiss.

 

And so eventually one night things got very hot and heavy, still quite pg rated. And what came out of her mouth between sighs and moans

"I dont want a relationship"

 

I had about enough of that so I said I have to tell you something, and I sat her down and my chair was facing hers

 

I basically said she was my dream girl etc etc.. I told her how incredible she was and by the end of my speech, she was kneeling on the floor in front of me holding my hands. Then things became more r-rated and she ended up as my girlfriend

 

So thats my take on saying things to them, however I think the words should concentrate on flattering them. Does that make any sense?

Hey Doc,

Yeah it does. God i wish this was the answer for me right now.

When i read your post i have visions of me doing what you did and her running the other direction. i wish it was that easy. At some point i will need to grow some cahones (b*lls) and do it.

Try not to put too much meaning towards it. It could be any number of things, including what CaliGuy mentioned.

 

Relax, keep up the positive attitude and confidence.

Yeah i know but i tend to read into things too much. It is just the way i am wired and it sucks.

I am much more positive than a month ago and my confidence is coming back.

What if I quoted the whole thread just to be an ass? hmm

I dont know why people quote someones whole response, all you have to do is scroll up and wow there it is just like magic.

I love how you guys throw around stuff like wuss and "well I acted too needy"

now Im different.. ah no your still the same

I have more to say but I have to deal with a large bussiness transaction I been killing time on here waiting for some merch.

Hi FRD150

I have just posted about finally catching up with my ex soon. It sounds like you have gone through that stage. From the sounds of it, it was awkward and so on. So how best did you approach this and what should I do to make the best of my get together with her soon??

Anyways advice would be appreciated and see my recent post for the details..

Thanks

Andy

well andy,

I am still going thru the stage.As confident as i was the past week and a half today has sucked so far.

Iguess the only advice is to not seem needy do not beg. Try to be the person she fell in love with. Thats what i do when i am around her.

This week when we met she seemed sad today on the phone she seemed like a totally different person. A front maybe.

Have something to talk about. She seemed pretty interested in what i did last night.

Mabe i can be a better help when i am not so bummed out.

i BROKE up with my ex about 6 years ago. He was amazing. he was romantic he gave me everything and I knew he would love me forever and would expect nothing back from me.

I broke up with him cause I met someone else. Someone else that gave me that spark that something that my ex couldn't.

Fast forward 6 years later....2 exes who ended up cheating on me...and do I now regret my decision of breaking it off this perfect guy? Yes. I do. I've been through so much pain and heartache...I wonder what if I was with HIM...then I could be stable and happy.

But I would never go back to him. Cause it wouldn't be right on my part. He still texts me and calls me and I know he is still in love with me...but I can't be selfish and go back to him because he should find someone who wants to be with HIM and not go back to him because she wants stability now.

Icantletgo.....

If you realize now what you lost and are a smarter person for your past six years of experience, why not let him make the choice of being together. I am not so sure I understand your logic here. How did you break it off with him in the first place? Did you cheat?

I choose not to be with him cause I've been hurt by others that I don't want to hurt him.

what if i am regretting breaking up with him because I am lonely and hurt right now?? what if we tried it again, and realize that one spark that I love and want isn't there?? Then what?? i break his heart again?

I don't want to risk breaking his heart again. Maybe I've had my heart broken many times since breaking up with him because of karma. I seriously damaged this man and I dont want to play with his emotions or give him hope that I want him again cause i miss him. Cause the truth is..what if i miss the stability and his faithful love??

I broke up with him cause he was in the Navy and it was a long distance relationship. I had just started college and I wanted to be single and free cause I was so young.

I never cheated. I broke up with him when I realized that I wanted to be single and when I realized that yes, i might want to date again. so i broke it off with him before I got the opportunity to cheat. I ended up dating someone new one month after that.

Say that you regreted your decision to dump your bf/gf and you wanted to reconcile. Would there be a level of awkwardness on your end that might slow things? Since you were the one who made the decision to break it off would you feel a conflict between sticking to your guns and giving in to what you really feel?

To me -- there was never an awkwardness on my end. The awkwardness came from the other person. Whether they were willing to jump right back in or not caused awkwardness in how to proceed.

FYI if they jumped right back in - the second chance ended much faster because what had caused me to dump them in the first place presented itself much faster. Neediness and insecurity would drive me away again.

Looking back I know why the men were insecure - the fact that I would up and walk away would of course lead them to feel insecure that the same thing would happen again.

I think if they had not come back so completely and had gone slower (making it more my problem) perhaps things would have been different with a couple of them.

But at the same time, I was not fully invested anyway, so I guess it worked out the way it would have anyway.

To me -- there was never an awkwardness on my end. The awkwardness came from the other person. Whether they were willing to jump right back in or not caused awkwardness in how to proceed.

 

FYI if they jumped right back in - the second chance ended much faster because what had caused me to dump them in the first place presented itself much faster. Neediness and insecurity would drive me away again.

 

Looking back I know why the men were insecure - the fact that I would up and walk away would of course lead them to feel insecure that the same thing would happen again.

 

I think if they had not come back so completely and had gone slower (making it more my problem) perhaps things would have been different with a couple of them.

 

But at the same time, I was not fully invested anyway, so I guess it worked out the way it would have anyway.

Exactly. As I have said many times you can't pick up where you left off or you will most assuredly end up broken up again. You have to start over, from scratch.

And yes, neediness and insecurity are never attractive qualities.

Hey Island girl/ Caliguy,

Yes i agree. i know i need to start from scratch. I do not think she is convinced i can do that though. I do not know why. I have not shown any neediness just a willingness to work on the situation.

Where we left off is what got us in trouble.

Hey Island girl/ Caliguy,

 

Yes i agree. i know i need to start from scratch. I do not think she is convinced i can do that though. I do not know why. I have not shown any neediness just a willingness to work on the situation.

You were the dumper or dumpee?

quote=frd150;1167114] Where we left off is what got us in trouble.

You'd have to elaborate unless you didn't want comments about this part...

You were the dumper or dumpee?

 

quote=frd150;1167114] Where we left off is what got us in trouble.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114468/

Hey Island girl,

Here is my OP. My first post was under guest. This should shed some light.

I was the dumpee.

Thanks for the input.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114468/

 

Hey Island girl,

 

Here is my OP. My first post was under guest. This should shed some light.

 

I was the dumpee.

 

Thanks for the input.

So do you have your head on straight now -- have you regained your strength and sense of self?

So do you have your head on straight now -- have you regained your strength and sense of self?

It is a little crooked today . I woke up real sad for some reason. For the past two weeks i have been pretty ok. my perspective is is changing. The gym is a good place:) .

Since my OP there have ben some developements in a medical condition she has been dealing with for some time. I posted (Jacked) one of polywogs threads earlier today. I described it there and i included the link below. (Sorry again polywog) . It is post # 9. If you prefer i can explain it here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114468/

I have read some of your advice and it would be interesting to hear your take on this.

Many thanks

I have read some of your advice and it would be interesting to hear your take on this.

 

Many thanks

The link posted is your original. -- could you post the Polywog thread?

I'll be glad to give you my take if I can read through all the info...

crap sorry. I'm on it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117813/

Here it is.

I read through everything.

You said you are seeing each other now - right?

How long have you been in such constant contact?

And what does she say about getting back together? Does she bring it up to you?

I admire your dedication to winning her back and there has been positive actions from her. But you have been doing tremendously well.

I echo another poster who said you'd be a prize for any girl so if this one isn't smart enough to snatch you back up, there is going to be one lucky girl out there...

Please give me some answers to the questions I asked. I am pondering the problem at hand. It is a tough one.