What are younger guys really looking for?

I spend a bit of time on dating sites and I'm frequently messaged by younger guys, ages ranging from 18 to 35. I'm a woman in my 50s. I'm at a loss to understand what motivates them. They spout well-worn mantras: "mature women know what they want and don't play games", and "age is just a number". I think the lack of game-playing is probably an urban myth anyway as older women can be just as fickle as younger women, but where do they get this idea from? Is this something young guys are telling each other - go for the older woman, more reliable, possibly more available?

 

I'm no beauty but I couldn't say how guys really find me because I can't see myself from a guy's point of view. I know I get approached often enough in real life by guys who seem interested, but again, I have no idea whether they are physically attracted or just being friendly as mostly I don't flirt or encourage it, even if I'm attracted. I certainly can't see what attracts these young guys. Do they just want sex and so any woman will do? Is this really the case? Is this why young guys contact me from half way across the country? Please explain what possesses them? Should I brush them off and send them packing or should I assume that some might be genuine, if a bit unusual? Are some really are seeking a committed relationship with a woman twice their age?

Edited February 6, 2011 by spiderowl

I spend a bit of time on dating sites and I'm frequently messaged by younger guys, ages ranging from 18 to 35. I'm a woman in my 50s. I'm at a loss to understand what motivates them. They spout well-worn mantras: "mature women know what they want and don't play games", and "age is just a number". I think the lack of game-playing is probably an urban myth anyway as older women can be just as fickle as younger women, but where do they get this idea from? Is this something young guys are telling each other - go for the older woman, more reliable, possibly more available?

 

I'm no beauty but I couldn't say how guys really find me because I can't see myself from a guy's point of view. I know I get approached often enough in real life by guys who seem interested, but again, I have no idea whether they are physically attracted or just being friendly as mostly I don't flirt or encourage it, even if I'm attracted. I certainly can't see what attracts these young guys. Do they just want sex and so any woman will do? Is this really the case? Is this why young guys contact me from half way across the country? Please explain what possesses them? Should I brush them off and send them packing or should I assume that some might be genuine, if a bit unusual? Are some really are seeking a committed relationship with a woman twice their age?

 

You want a general answer, but I can't give you one, because each of those guys might have had their individual reason for contacting you.

There's a woman in my apartment complex that just turned 50. Shes astonishingly beautiful and could pass for mid 30's. I'm 29 myself. We went through about 2-3 weeks of flirting and while watching a movie on my sofa got close enough where I took that as a "go" and ended up with a little intimacy. We then had a talk. I made the points:

1. I'm very attracted to you.

2. I want something that will last a long time but you'll kick it about 20 years before I do and that would suck.

3. You're a lot of fun to be with and I would love to have fun with you in the now.

 

She said that she couldn't get over how young I was, having a son older than me. She wasn't interested in "fun" and that was fine for me. Coulda fooled me as she seemed to really enjoy the intimate contact. But.. shes a good friend now and we work out, shop, hang out, and eat together frequently. We still have flirty contact on occasion but I'm interested in someone else now.

Older women (forgive the term) are generally perceived as being less sexually inhibited than younger women.

 

So I'd say that most of the younger men contacting you, think they can get easier sex.

They just want sex, thats it. Older women are easier to deal with than younger women, thats it. if you dont want only a sexual relationship, then dont deal with the younger men.

Thanks for your comments. I know younger guys seem interested but it's what in that bothers me. From what you say, Bobdole, you weren't really interested in anything long term with her because she would die sooner, but you'd have been happy to have fun in the short term. This is what I feel young guys are doing, thinking in the now. I want it now, so let's go ahead. But I don't feel they are thinking beyond their penises (for want of a better phrase). This is not reassuring.

 

I do wonder if they think older women are easier. Do they think we lack sex or something and so would be desperate? Are less inhibited? None of these are true. Where are these myths coming from and who propagates them? I get the feeling these guys have chased younger women, not had much success, and so widened the age range they are considering. It's not really very flattering, is it?

Thanks for your comments. I know younger guys seem interested but it's what in that bothers me. From what you say, Bobdole, you weren't really interested in anything long term with her because she would die sooner, but you'd have been happy to have fun in the short term. This is what I feel young guys are doing, thinking in the now. I want it now, so let's go ahead. But I don't feel they are thinking beyond their penises (for want of a better phrase). This is not reassuring.

 

I do wonder if they think older women are easier. Do they think we lack sex or something and so would be desperate? Are less inhibited? None of these are true. Where are these myths coming from and who propagates them? I get the feeling these guys have chased younger women, not had much success, and so widened the age range they are considering. It's not really very flattering, is it?

 

MAYBE. Those are all possible ways to interpret it.

 

I think the general idea is that older women are perceived as knowing more. It might be wise to think this isn't true, but younger men aren't very wise themselves, right? So they want to be with someone not "easier," but more "sexually experienced." They may see that their lack of success with people their age is because of immaturity or fears that don't exist at older ages. And many younger guys have a right-now mentality in general.

 

Maybe none of it makes sense, but it's not necessarily negative. It could be aspirational and very flattering. Like Nexus One said, it really depends on the person.

I had a similar mindset when I was younger. It's just a grass is greener mentality. You want to believe that as women get older they let go of the idiotic notions they have at 20-30. Which I've found to be true for the most part, actually. Not that there aren't the older women that think like 20-somethings. But sometimes guys get sick of the bull**** younger women put them through and think older women are the answer.

 

As for whether or not they just want sex, that would vary from guy to guy. Obviously.

From what you say, Bobdole, you weren't really interested in anything long term with her because she would die sooner, but you'd have been happy to have fun in the short term.

Pretty much right. I don't think I could see myself in anything but something resembling a FWB relationship with her. I say resembling as I know I would care for her more than a typical FWB as I do/did(I'm not for sure myself) have very romantic feelings for her.

"I had a similar mindset when I was younger. It's just a grass is greener mentality. You want to believe that as women get older they let go of the idiotic notions they have at 20-30. Which I've found to be true for the most part, actually. Not that there aren't the older women that think like 20-somethings. But sometimes guys get sick of the bull**** younger women put them through and think older women are the answer."

 

Interesting points. What are these 'idiotic notions' and what is the 'bull****' that younger women are putting these guys through?

 

Also, why do younger guys think women will want a FWB relationship with them? Don't they have the respect to know we are people with feelings and hopes of our own? Is it anything other than self-centred to want a FWB relationship with an older woman?

 

Finally, why do they want a woman that is more sexually experienced? Surely that would be a scary prospect? Are they looking for a teacher? If so, what do they want to learn?

It's not really very flattering, is it?

 

It really depends on how you choose to look at it. One point of view is that you are still sexually appealing to these boys. As a woman in your 50's, is that not flattering? Sometimes you can feel that women become invisible after 30. To be in your 50's and still be noticed is a fine thing.

 

Take it as a compliment. You don't have to sleep with them, but I wouldn't be offended because they find you attractive. It just means you still got it.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not offended and in a way it is flattering, but at the same time I just think if all they want is sex and more or less any female would do, then how can that be flattering? Also, if they really believe older women are easier, then what is flattering about that?

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not offended and in a way it is flattering, but at the same time I just think if all they want is sex and more or less any female would do, then how can that be flattering? Also, if they really believe older women are easier, then what is flattering about that?

 

Not any woman would do. Any SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE woman will do.

"I had a similar mindset when I was younger. It's just a grass is greener mentality. You want to believe that as women get older they let go of the idiotic notions they have at 20-30. Which I've found to be true for the most part, actually. Not that there aren't the older women that think like 20-somethings. But sometimes guys get sick of the bull**** younger women put them through and think older women are the answer."

 

Interesting points. What are these 'idiotic notions' and what is the 'bull****' that younger women are putting these guys through?

 

Also, why do younger guys think women will want a FWB relationship with them? Don't they have the respect to know we are people with feelings and hopes of our own? Is it anything other than self-centred to want a FWB relationship with an older woman?

 

Finally, why do they want a woman that is more sexually experienced? Surely that would be a scary prospect? Are they looking for a teacher? If so, what do they want to learn?

 

I'm sure you can think of more than I can, but off the top of my head, the constant overanalyzing, the need to stick to various "rules" they've learned from friends/media, making a huge deal out of sex, etc.

 

As for the why would women want a FWB relationship with them, I'm not sure why you think FWB cannot equal respect for feelings and hopes. I'm sure that's been addressed ad nauseum on this forum though.

 

As for sexual experience - uh, same reason you would want a man that's more sexually experienced? More pleasure?

Yeah, I think they probably just want sex. I think usually when younger guys are interested in older women they just want sex. That doesn't necessarily mean "any woman will do." You're probably very attractive. There's nothing that says that people can't be attracted to people who are older than them. But I don't think many guys are looking for a serious relationship with someone older than them. I know there's this thing with women that they sometimes like to marry men who are twice their age, but I don't think men have that instinct.

 

Also, I would imagine that the majority of guys on the Internet are just looking for sex.

From my experience, the guys are looking for two things.

Most of them do not really know why they contact you. They just want to email you and waste your time for no good reason. In other words, they do not want to meet you IRL. If you say them that you want to meet them, they will vanish right away.

IMO they have plenty of free time to email whoever responds to them that is coupled with high sexual drive. So, they are just enjoying wasting their own and your time.

The second group of the young guys is small. They are looking for any easy woman who lets them to f...k her. If you answer them that you are OK to f....k them, they might set a meeting to f...k you. They are not capable of any conversation and they are not willing to answer even basic safety questions about themselves. In other words, they want a woman who is fine to f....k anyone and who does not care to ask any question about her ONS's partner.

I do wonder if they think older women are easier. Do they think we lack sex or something and so would be desperate? Are less inhibited? None of these are true.

They think you're desperate. They figure that any woman your age would settle for any man whatsoever -- even them.

 

Where are these myths coming from and who propagates them? I get the feeling these guys have chased younger women, not had much success, and so widened the age range they are considering. It's not really very flattering, is it?

No, it's not. And I think you're exactly right -- if we met these men, we'd find out that they're men who can't get dates with women who are their own age or younger, so they are looking for pretty much anything with a vagina.

 

As to where these myths come from, I have no idea where they originated, but they are all through the popular culture. "Desperate Housewives" and "Cougar Town", anyone?

 

What are these 'idiotic notions' and what is the 'bull****' that younger women are putting these guys through?

Oh, you know, things like: taking women on dates, treating them with respect, bathing and dressing nice, talking to them on the telephone, not expecting them to respond to late night booty calls. All that kind of bull**** some women want.

 

Also, why do younger guys think women will want a FWB relationship with them? Don't they have the respect to know we are people with feelings and hopes of our own? Is it anything other than self-centred to want a FWB relationship with an older woman?

No, it's not.

 

Finally, why do they want a woman that is more sexually experienced? Surely that would be a scary prospect? Are they looking for a teacher? If so, what do they want to learn?

Thye don't. It's just a line they've heard will work on older women, because, as everyone knows, older women are all desperate and gullible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderowl

I do wonder if they think older women are easier. Do they think we lack sex or something and so would be desperate? Are less inhibited? None of these are true.

 

it's not always like that. my friend married a 10 year older woman for 5-6 happy years now. but on the internet, well i think u shouldn't waste your time.