Loose thoughts on "approaching girls"...

There have been recently some posts regarding "approaching girls" and on how dating is a numbers game etc. Here are some loose thoughts on that topic. Any comments are more than welcome.

I used to think that "approaching girls" is the ONLY way to meet a significant other and was terrified by the whole idea. I gave it some thinking and it just creeped me out. It's just so fake and random. It's like you pretend that you want to get to know someone just because you saw them in public. Why would you want to do that? Both parties know - initially you're attracted solely to their looks, thus you've reduced them to their physical appearance.

I think, a good way to meet someone is to interact with people on a semi-/regular basis. Like a running group for instance. This may not work for everyone since it depends on what type of girls you're looking for. I feel the most happy with a shy and sporty girl. In a running group there is a steady rotation of people - new people show up, some people leave etc. There is also a lot of regulars. It is a, not too small, but closed community of people with a common interest which is always a good ice-breaker. I can see how these girls interact with other people i.e. are they very outgoing or are they shy etc. The way they speak, the way they smile. In other words I can observe who they are as a PERSON, what their behavior is like and if I like it or not. Then if I want to get to know them better because I think I'd like them as a PERSON, there is plenty of stuff to talk about - races coming up, why do they run, do they do other sports and so on. Usually, during the run, people chat so it's easy to start talking to them. If I like the conversation, I ask for the phone number. I haven't been doing it for long (actually a month) but so far I got three phone numbers (out of three attempts). I won't pursue any of these girls since I'll be leaving - they all know it, but I don't think this has played any role.

I'm sure that someone will write - ONLY three numbers? That's nothing. But all these numbers are numbers of girls that I like and I'm interested in them as PEOPLE and the success rate is 100%. I'm planning on going out for coffee with them and I'm sure we won't run out of topics to talk about since I ALREADY know some things about them so I can build up on it plus I'm genuinely interested in them as PEOPLE and not some random 'hot girl'. I don't care what the public consensus on their attractiveness level is (well, they are nice and athletic...). I find them very attractive and I'm not denying that this played a part in drawing my attention (I'm a guy after all) but if their interaction with the rest of the group would be something that I don't like I'd never even attempt to go beyond a casual conversation. All of them are single, yet all have that certain something that makes you wonder why they're still single .

Yes you are right.

But...when you see a girl on street you find attractive, why not to try to know her better?

And basically dating is numbers game especially for inexperienced guys. You don't learn much when you go for girls only in your social circle. What if your prospects come out as a dud? Will you join another running club?

Your approach is absolutely fine and better however if the reason for it is your need to test the water first.....well, it is much better to get rid of fears of rejection by approaching strangers - jumping feaRLESSLY HEAD FIRST.

Warning. your fears of being perceived as sexually interested (only her looks in stranger approach) might make you a good friend not a lover.

"Lets just be friends" after your coffee should warn you there is something wrong with your approach.

I used to think that "approaching girls" is the ONLY way to meet a significant other and was terrified by the whole idea. I gave it some thinking and it just creeped me out. It's just so fake and random. It's like you pretend that you want to get to know someone just because you saw them in public. Why would you want to do that? Both parties know - initially you're attracted solely to their looks, thus you've reduced them to their physical appearance.

I'm not fond of it either. I don't like being approached by random people I don't know. Sure, it may be a little flattering, but I generally want to be left alone, especially if I'm running an errand and need to be somewhere. I've never gone out on a date with someone who tried to pick me up in public or at a bar and I've never given them my phone number or even my name. Every guy I've ever dated I had known for a while beforehand.

In other words I can observe who they are as a PERSON, what their behavior is like and if I like it or not. Then if I want to get to know them better because I think I'd like them as a PERSON, there is plenty of stuff to talk about - races coming up, why do they run, do they do other sports and so on. Usually, during the run, people chat so it's easy to start talking to them. If I like the conversation, I ask for the phone number. I haven't been doing it for long (actually a month) but so far I got three phone numbers (out of three attempts). I won't pursue any of these girls since I'll be leaving - they all know it, but I don't think this has played any role.

That's how I've met people. It's more comfortable that way to me, but others might see it differently.

Sure, some of what you wrote is true.

There is a very fine zone between being a complete stranger and being friend-zoned. The nice thing about the whole setting is that the first encounter sort of natural. The total of the conversation is something about 20-30 minutes so it's not much different than usually. It lets both parties realize - "Oh, she/he seems interesting, I'd like to get to know her/him better" without really revealing a lot. So in terms of being friend-zoned from the get-go it's rather safe...

It's more of a quality over quantity approach to dating.

I don't fear rejection - it's part of the deal. I don't fear being perceived sexually interested. But I also don't want to be perceived as a person who's looking only for this.

Geez... I want to date people and not 'hot chicks'.

I was thinking of posting this topic today as well. Lakeside has the same thoughts as me. I think approaching a stranger in public is tacky. How am I supposed to know I have anything in common or even like the person ?

All the people I've dated, I have already known beforehand, even if it was a only a few weeks.

I am single for long periods of time because I am so picky about who I date. But when I do find someone, its always turned into a LTR.

There have been recently some posts regarding "approaching girls" and on how dating is a numbers game etc. Here are some loose thoughts on that topic. Any comments are more than welcome.

 

I used to think that "approaching girls" is the ONLY way to meet a significant other and was terrified by the whole idea. I gave it some thinking and it just creeped me out. It's just so fake and random. It's like you pretend that you want to get to know someone just because you saw them in public. Why would you want to do that? Both parties know - initially you're attracted solely to their looks, thus you've reduced them to their physical appearance.

 

I think, a good way to meet someone is to interact with people on a semi-/regular basis. Like a running group for instance. This may not work for everyone since it depends on what type of girls you're looking for. I feel the most happy with a shy and sporty girl. In a running group there is a steady rotation of people - new people show up, some people leave etc. There is also a lot of regulars. It is a, not too small, but closed community of people with a common interest which is always a good ice-breaker. I can see how these girls interact with other people i.e. are they very outgoing or are they shy etc. The way they speak, the way they smile. In other words I can observe who they are as a PERSON, what their behavior is like and if I like it or not. Then if I want to get to know them better because I think I'd like them as a PERSON, there is plenty of stuff to talk about - races coming up, why do they run, do they do other sports and so on. Usually, during the run, people chat so it's easy to start talking to them. If I like the conversation, I ask for the phone number. I haven't been doing it for long (actually a month) but so far I got three phone numbers (out of three attempts). I won't pursue any of these girls since I'll be leaving - they all know it, but I don't think this has played any role.

 

I'm sure that someone will write - ONLY three numbers? That's nothing. But all these numbers are numbers of girls that I like and I'm interested in them as PEOPLE and the success rate is 100%. I'm planning on going out for coffee with them and I'm sure we won't run out of topics to talk about since I ALREADY know some things about them so I can build up on it plus I'm genuinely interested in them as PEOPLE and not some random 'hot girl'. I don't care what the public consensus on their attractiveness level is (well, they are nice and athletic...). I find them very attractive and I'm not denying that this played a part in drawing my attention (I'm a guy after all) but if their interaction with the rest of the group would be something that I don't like I'd never even attempt to go beyond a casual conversation. All of them are single, yet all have that certain something that makes you wonder why they're still single .

Bravo. I couldn't agree more. The concept you're describing is the phenomenon often referred to as "finding someone, when you're not even looking for someone."

Observation and mutual interest in an environment where people meet regularly and are being themselves are the conduit. It's the reason I did so well getting numbers in a school setting - the common denominator is rather close to the running club -- probably even better since endorphines are in the mix.

I believe what you believe, my friend; which is why I've taken up so many sports. I need to pick one where more women are involved though. Maybe ill look for a running group ;p.

I don't fear rejection - it's part of the deal. I don't fear being perceived sexually interested. But I also don't want to be perceived as a person who's looking only for this.

That is your biggest mistake. This mindset you don't want to have. People will think all possible BS anyway, believe me. Let them deal with that.

You are conflicted then. Sexually interested is not bad. One night stand interested is different story.

Basically you want to appear as relationship material, right? Big mistake. In order to spark an attraction you have to be Sexually interesting - a good mate not a good husband.

And when the attraction is set it can evolve to a relationship, because than she wants to keep you around.

Girls want relationship but with a man they are interested in sexually. Not other way around. And you can't trigger that interest walking on egg shells trying to appear husband material.

I'm just assuming here. I don't know what your real motivations or ideas are. So apologies if I'm mistaken.

Bravo. I couldn't agree more. The concept you're describing is the phenomenon often referred to as "finding someone, when you're not even looking for someone."

 

Observation and mutual interest in an environment where people meet regularly and are being themselves are the conduit. It's the reason I did so well getting numbers in a school setting - the common denominator is rather close to the running club -- probably even better since endorphines are in the mix.

 

I believe what you believe, my friend; which is why I've taken up so many sports. I need to pick one where more women are involved though. Maybe ill look for a running group ;p.

So basically you give up your life and hobbies to be closer to girls. Join yoga class then.

I don't know, man. It is almost stalker like

Lame.

One think I don't understand. Girls often complain that they don't meet the right guys. But all they do is being in places, guys don't go to....shopping, yoga and all these borderline gay shyt places

Observing girls in their natural habitat could show you if she is worth your effort BUT under one condition: You have to be hidden. Once an attractive hunter steps in their habitat and they see him, they start to pretend like crazy, anyway.

Geez... I want to date people and not 'hot chicks'.

That's what they (men) all say! Next thing you know, they're dating the 'hot chicks' (based solely on looks).

Why does the mass male population think it is okay to ask a woman out randomly while out in public? Because, apparently, this allows the man to play the field and cover as much ground as possible.

Realistically, sure you can join as many clubs/sports as you'd like to meet a woman, but eventually you'll hit a brick wall. What if she (The One for You) doesn't show up at these events? What then? You'll essentially, might have to, resort to picking up women at a bar or out in public.

Is that why women dress up to go to the grocery store, bar or bookstore? I don't know where society is headed, but people have this notion that it's mostly about looks then it's about character/personality.

Will you turn into a jerk anytime soon? Because it's obvious, most fed up men do surprisingly quickly these days. (/semi-rant).

That's what they (men) all say! Next thing you know, they're dating the 'hot chicks' (based solely on looks).

 

Why does the mass male population think it is okay to ask a woman out randomly while out in public? Because, apparently, this allows the man to play the field and cover as much ground as possible.

 

Realistically, sure you can join as many clubs/sports as you'd like to meet a woman, but eventually you'll hit a brick wall. What if she (The One for You) doesn't show up at these events? What then? You'll essentially, might have to, resort to picking up women at a bar or out in public.

 

Is that why women dress up to go to the grocery store, bar or bookstore? I don't know where society is headed, but people have this notion that it's mostly about looks then it's about character/personality.

 

Will you turn into a jerk anytime soon? Because it's obvious, most fed up men do surprisingly quickly these days. (/semi-rant).

A guy interest in your personality = friend. Believe me you don't want a bf interested in your brain.

If by being a jerk you mean, giving up on finding a mother to his children and just enjoying the ride. Not expecting any relationship quality until proven otherwise. Then yes he will eventually turn in to Jerk.

A guy interest in your personality = friend. Believe me you don't want a bf interested in your brain.

Why not? I mean, why don't I want a boyfriend that is interested in my brain?

Because, I do want one that is. Where do you get those ideas of yours? It's not true that a guy interested in my personality only sees me as a friend. I'd like to think some guys out there have depth. Shallowness is not attractive.

Why not? I mean, why don't I want a boyfriend that is interested in my brain?

 

Because, I do want one that is. Where do you get those ideas of yours? It's not true that a guy interested in my personality only sees me as a friend. I'd like to think some guys out there have depth. Shallowness is not attractive.

Yes guys will be interested in your personality when you are optimistic, fun to be around, easy going, down to earth, kind, caring and all that stuff. But if you are not physically attractive you will get the friend card.

There is nothing shallow about being attracted to physical appearance. And for guys it is important. That's how it is. It is important for healthy offspring.

What is shallow is when a guy pursues a relationship with a girl who is hot but lacks good personality.

I'm telling you for guys it is 7:3 ratio (looks:personality). 6:4 at least.

World is cruel place, heh

You should be happy about it. To improve looks is easier than to improve personality. And when you encounter your genetics as the ceiling for improvement...well, there is nothing you can do about it...why stress about it.

I think, a good way to meet someone is to interact with people on a semi-/regular basis.

I believe it is a good way to meet people, but it just never worked for me. The best replies I got, were "I have a bf.", "I am not here to meet people." or "You are a nice (sometimes great instead of nice ) guy who has a lot to offer, but I am not interested in you that way."

I didn't get a date (not even a single phone number) that way. So I had to rely on talking to strangers.

Originally Posted by DanielMadr

A guy interest in your personality = friend. Believe me you don't want a bf interested in your brain.

 

Why not? I mean, why don't I want a boyfriend that is interested in my brain?

This is what Ive said for a long time. I think there are a lot of women out there that DONT like a guy that pays TOO much attention to them. They like guys to be a little caveman-ish. Eat sex sleep, not too brainy, and not someone that remembers conversations from weeks agao, when the girl tries to manipulate this or that.

Believe me you don't want a bf interested in your brain.

Jeez, I guess I better dump mine, then, and leave my "natural habitat" and head out to a bar so some idiot loser who's cruising for p-ssy can pick me up and then ignore me. Please continue to tell us what we want. It's very enlightening.

Jeez, I guess I better dump mine, then, and leave my "natural habitat" and head out to a bar so some idiot loser who's cruising for p-ssy can pick me up and then ignore me. Please continue to tell us what we want. It's very enlightening.

Let me rephrase that>"When a guy is more interested in your brain than your body." You've met them. They like you but don't want to be your lover.

Where did I say to go to bars for the right guys? Is it the only place you can think of? You actually prove my point here that girls linger in the wrong places. I thought they just don't care. Now I see they don't know where to even look. You don't know where it is, he he

Where have you met your bf? Internet or shopping mall?