Broke NC, but I think it was right.

I broke NC last night and sent an email to my Ex. I know she will take time to reply, and I know that it opens me up for some extra grieving, but there were some things I had left unsaid that I felt I needed to say.

Also, my last conversation with her was (7 days ago) ended not on the best terms. Yes, I had been resolute in my asking for NC... but I hadn't really communicated to her in the best way possible.

And since my goal is reconciliation, I'll man up and accept the pain should this fail. I'm just not going to cocoon myself for the sole reason of "healing" when I am damn capable of healing AND talking honestly with my ex-girlfriend.

Let's be honest for a second. Some of us are being babies. We don't need anyone to fulfill our lives. We have all it takes to do this ourselves. Of course, it's a nice journey when we can share it with someone beautiful!

Here's the email I sent:

LOL I know you hate my emails. But idk, I think I'd rather write and be honest than not.

I know I pushed too hard. You broke up with me, I wanted to get you back, and you gave me some positive things to hold on to. But a lot of the times to me it felt like crumbs. And that you need to go and do your thing, but at the same time you wanted me to NOT do the same. That was bothersome.

I saw your profile on POF. I put one up, too. I'm not really ready to date, but whatever, if that's what needs to happen for me to move on, then that's what I will do. But really what I'd like is to mend the fences with you and see if we can start to relate to each other better.

Yeah, I want to be with you. But I realize that we are both at a point where it is SO important for us to better our own lives. And I've been taking HUGE steps to do that. I'm going to counselling, I'm working on art, I'm looking for part time work and I signed up to volunteer at the Boys Club. I'm filling my days with positivity as much as I can.

And I know you have important things you are working on, too. And I also know that you just want to be comfortable with anyone who you date and spend your time with. I know how I've failed to be that guy to you and I can think of several specific moments I wish I could take back.

So what I'm saying is, I'm here and willing to begin to talk to you again, if and when you are. I know we have baggage but I also know that we have something very special.

Don't feel obligated to respond to this right away. Just please realize that I respect your decision to have ended our relationship, and I understand and agree that it HAD to end... the way we were going was a cluster****. But please also understand that I think you're the woman of my dreams, and if we can get to a point where we are positively affecting each other's lives, that we are stable and functioning like two people who care for each other, that I want that opportunity.

I won't let you down. I'm working to be the man I should have been when I started out 12, 13 years ago. I'm changing my life 100% for the better, and I'm doing it for me. But it took YOU pointing it out for it to take real effect. I guess for that, I should say thank you!

Ok, I wrote enough haha... I love ya babe,

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I broke NC last night and sent an email to my Ex. I know she will take time to reply, and I know that it opens me up for some extra grieving, but there were some things I had left unsaid that I felt I needed to say.

 

Also, my last conversation with her was (7 days ago) ended not on the best terms. Yes, I had been resolute in my asking for NC... but I hadn't really communicated to her in the best way possible.

 

And since my goal is reconciliation, I'll man up and accept the pain should this fail. I'm just not going to cocoon myself for the sole reason of "healing" when I am damn capable of healing AND talking honestly with my ex-girlfriend.

 

Let's be honest for a second. Some of us are being babies. We don't need anyone to fulfill our lives. We have all it takes to do this ourselves. Of course, it's a nice journey when we can share it with someone beautiful!

 

Here's the email I sent:

 

LOL I know you hate my emails. But idk, I think I'd rather write and be honest than not.

 

I know I pushed too hard. You broke up with me, I wanted to get you back, and you gave me some positive things to hold on to. But a lot of the times to me it felt like crumbs. And that you need to go and do your thing, but at the same time you wanted me to NOT do the same. That was bothersome.

 

I saw your profile on POF. I put one up, too. I'm not really ready to date, but whatever, if that's what needs to happen for me to move on, then that's what I will do. But really what I'd like is to mend the fences with you and see if we can start to relate to each other better.

 

Yeah, I want to be with you. But I realize that we are both at a point where it is SO important for us to better our own lives. And I've been taking HUGE steps to do that. I'm going to counselling, I'm working on art, I'm looking for part time work and I signed up to volunteer at the Boys Club. I'm filling my days with positivity as much as I can.

 

And I know you have important things you are working on, too. And I also know that you just want to be comfortable with anyone who you date and spend your time with. I know how I've failed to be that guy to you and I can think of several specific moments I wish I could take back.

 

So what I'm saying is, I'm here and willing to begin to talk to you again, if and when you are. I know we have baggage but I also know that we have something very special.

 

Don't feel obligated to respond to this right away. Just please realize that I respect your decision to have ended our relationship, and I understand and agree that it HAD to end... the way we were going was a cluster****. But please also understand that I think you're the woman of my dreams, and if we can get to a point where we are positively affecting each other's lives, that we are stable and functioning like two people who care for each other, that I want that opportunity.

 

I won't let you down. I'm working to be the man I should have been when I started out 12, 13 years ago. I'm changing my life 100% for the better, and I'm doing it for me. But it took YOU pointing it out for it to take real effect. I guess for that, I should say thank you!

 

Ok, I wrote enough haha... I love ya babe,

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Please take my views as someone objective and on no-one's side, and I am not trying to be funny but....

Your letter is a complete f..k-up because

* You broke NC - big mistake

* You mention what you are doing - she doesn't give a ratz azz as she has not contacted you to find out

* You advise her to work on her weaker points - who do you think you are ? Her math teacher or psychiatrist or marriage councellor or something? or her parent? Whatever she does, whomever she sees is no longer your problem...

* You say you respect her decision - and???? so wot? She dumped you and you are feeling alone writing this letter to her and she's probably doing better than you because most likely she moved on!

* Especially the part after "But please also understand that ..." really sucks

* "I won't let you down. I'm working to be the man I should have been when I started out 12, 13 years ago. I'm changing my life 100% for the better, and I'm doing it for me. But it took YOU pointing it out for it to take real effect. I guess for that, I should say thank you!" --> you admit you were nothing before her and she made yourself discover the real you inside. How embarassing! I would happily kiss my own azz but never write such lines.

* In the letter, it is very obvious you are trying to be cool but no way. Have you read it again after you have written it? It is a letter of a looser(please do not take this wrong), who is shattered and broken to pieces after being dumped by girlfriend, played NC for a while but could not hold himself from contacting her again because he is weak towards her. He is still a child and needs to grow-up.... He is ready to change for who he is not just for the sake of being with a girl!

Mate, please stop contacting her! I do not care if you swear at me or hate me but hope my remarks help you wake-up from your dream! There is a great life out there waiting for you but she has no place in it! First you have to accept that! You can be perfectly happy single till you find the real person that special one for you - but it is not her! Move on, live life to the fullest!

If she asks about the letter, tell her you wrote it while you were drunk or I do not know, find a lie. Even lying in this case would be so morally right!

TC, keep me posted please

Idk, if you said before you wanted to get back together and she refused, you need to leave it at that. Also, you can't tell her you're going NC and then cntaft her 7 days later.

What's done is done and I've made every mistake in the book. Just don't contact her again unless she conacts you first. In the meantime, go live your life!!

Please take my views as someone objective and on no-one's side, and I am not trying to be funny but....

 

Your letter is a complete f..k-up because

 

* You broke NC - big mistake

* You mention what you are doing - she doesn't give a ratz azz as she has not contacted you to find out

* You advise her to work on her weaker points - who do you think you are ? Her math teacher or psychiatrist or marriage councellor or something? or her parent? Whatever she does, whomever she sees is no longer your problem...

* You say you respect her decision - and???? so wot? She dumped you and you are feeling alone writing this letter to her and she's probably doing better than you because most likely she moved on!

* Especially the part after "But please also understand that ..." really sucks

* "I won't let you down. I'm working to be the man I should have been when I started out 12, 13 years ago. I'm changing my life 100% for the better, and I'm doing it for me. But it took YOU pointing it out for it to take real effect. I guess for that, I should say thank you!" --> you admit you were nothing before her and she made yourself discover the real you inside. How embarassing! I would happily kiss my own azz but never write such lines.

* In the letter, it is very obvious you are trying to be cool but no way. Have you read it again after you have written it? It is a letter of a looser(please do not take this wrong), who is shattered and broken to pieces after being dumped by girlfriend, played NC for a while but could not hold himself from contacting her again because he is weak towards her. He is still a child and needs to grow-up.... He is ready to change for who he is not just for the sake of being with a girl!

 

Mate, please stop contacting her! I do not care if you swear at me or hate me but hope my remarks help you wake-up from your dream! There is a great life out there waiting for you but she has no place in it! First you have to accept that! You can be perfectly happy single till you find the real person that special one for you - but it is not her! Move on, live life to the fullest!

 

If she asks about the letter, tell her you wrote it while you were drunk or I do not know, find a lie. Even lying in this case would be so morally right!

 

TC, keep me posted please

I have to agree. I know you mean well in the letter but the best way to have someone miss you is to DISAPPEAR.

Point taken guys... I guess I should point out that we were still dating as of one week ago. Although we were "broken up", we were also "working on things".

It was me who asked for some space, and this was my only contact to her to clarify what I need from her.

Regardless of whether I'm a "Loser" or whatever, I feel better knowing I've said what I want to say and will leave it at that.

Maybe she doesn't care, but I doubt it. Either way, now I know the ball is in her court and I'll deal with the results.

Thanks again for the posts!

Also, if it was such a weak letter and all that, why do I feel SO MUCH BETTER having written it?

Maybe because I know she has a ton to work on as well, that having her now isn't going to make me feel any better in the long term.

I don't feel sorry for writing it. And if she's gone, yeah buddy, she's gone. Oh well. I'll cry a bit here and there and then I'll find someone better. Whoop de doo.

Whoop de doo.

That one I like mate!

Great, keep your spirits, we are here

Also, if it was such a weak letter and all that, why do I feel SO MUCH BETTER having written it?

If she doesn't respond to it or responds in a way that you don't like you're going to feel 1000 times worse, that's why.

BTW, you're not a loser at all. That's not the right term. You are just opening up too much right now and she has lost all "knowing how you feel" privledges. She knows how you feel.

A second chance cannot work unless both people admit ON THEIR OWN that they know what they need to do to make things work and live up to their part of the bargain. Otherwise, it's just a waste of time.

If she doesn't respond to it or responds in a way that you don't like you're going to feel 1000 times worse, that's why.

 

BTW, you're not a loser at all. That's not the right term. You are just opening up too much right now and she has lost all "knowing how you feel" privledges. She knows how you feel.

 

A second chance cannot work unless both people admit ON THEIR OWN that they know what they need to do to make things work and live up to their part of the bargain. Otherwise, it's just a waste of time.

I gotcha man. Thanks again...

I guess I just feel better because I stated things in a manner that leaves it open for her. To be quite honest, I don't want the relationship we HAD back AT ALL. I'd love to give it a go with her under healthier, happier terms, but if it isn't gonna happen then I'm prepared to let it go.

I feel better having been honest is all. If she doesn't want me, it's really and truly her loss...

I'm sorry to say this but that letter would have definitely pushed me away even further from my ex.

It make you sound pathetic, melodramatic, weak, and like you are hoping she'll take you back out of sympathy. The email very likely did more damage than good.

Oh and starting it off with LOL and ending it with haha makes it sound very insincere.

Thanks for the input, cake. Only time will tell, I suppose!

I guess I feel like I can really truly go NC now because I've said what I needed to say. Up until now, it's just been bad communication.

Oh well, if I fudged up, I'll live with it. I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. I still feel it was best to send the email. I probably could have changed the tone, but this was an honest email so I'm just gonna live with that.

Please take my views as someone objective and on no-one's side, and I am not trying to be funny but....

 

Your letter is a complete f..k-up because

 

* You broke NC - big mistake

* You mention what you are doing - she doesn't give a ratz azz as she has not contacted you to find out

* You advise her to work on her weaker points - who do you think you are ? Her math teacher or psychiatrist or marriage councellor or something? or her parent? Whatever she does, whomever she sees is no longer your problem...

* You say you respect her decision - and???? so wot? She dumped you and you are feeling alone writing this letter to her and she's probably doing better than you because most likely she moved on!

* Especially the part after "But please also understand that ..." really sucks

* "I won't let you down. I'm working to be the man I should have been when I started out 12, 13 years ago. I'm changing my life 100% for the better, and I'm doing it for me. But it took YOU pointing it out for it to take real effect. I guess for that, I should say thank you!" --> you admit you were nothing before her and she made yourself discover the real you inside. How embarassing! I would happily kiss my own azz but never write such lines.

* In the letter, it is very obvious you are trying to be cool but no way. Have you read it again after you have written it? It is a letter of a looser(please do not take this wrong), who is shattered and broken to pieces after being dumped by girlfriend, played NC for a while but could not hold himself from contacting her again because he is weak towards her. He is still a child and needs to grow-up.... He is ready to change for who he is not just for the sake of being with a girl!

 

Mate, please stop contacting her! I do not care if you swear at me or hate me but hope my remarks help you wake-up from your dream! There is a great life out there waiting for you but she has no place in it! First you have to accept that! You can be perfectly happy single till you find the real person that special one for you - but it is not her! Move on, live life to the fullest!

 

If she asks about the letter, tell her you wrote it while you were drunk or I do not know, find a lie. Even lying in this case would be so morally right!

 

TC, keep me posted please

I totally agree with this post..

Dude.....

The good news is that we have all been here at one time or another. You only send a letter like this once before you realize how damaging it is to your own pride. NC exists for a reason. It isn't "send a letter then go NC" -- you just disappear.

There's a million ways to say the wrong things but only thing can be said through dropping off the Earth.

Good luck.

Gah, you guys are probably right. But OH WELL, it's done.

Commence drop off Earth protocol.

Also, Rock-o, I know you're reading this. Pleeeeease sign up and make fun of me at every possible opportunity. I need your insights and humor to make me effin laugh at myself!

 

I guess I just feel better because I stated things in a manner that leaves it open for her. T

Heroin for the broken hearted is called hope..it offers a fleeting high to be followed by a harrowing hangover.

As Nancy Reagan advised, "JUST SAY NO."

GC-

Yeahhhh, true. But that's not the worst thing in the world. The worst is not feeling love, ever. So what, I'm in love with someone who isn't with me. That sucks, right?

You know what sucks more? Not loving anyone. That would really suck.

It's all good. Whatever happens will be for the best.

Actually taking a little break from romantic love is a good thing. I assume you have friends and family that you feel love for, don't you? You don't necessarly have to be in love to be happy. I always feel sorry for people who feel they need to always be in a relationship.

Yes, soon enough I'll be back to me. And yes, I have family and great friends to be around. I'll be fine.

I just think I screwed up in a couple ways, things that could have salvaged my relationship. But I can't change anything now, just go forward.

Eventually I'll just feel happy for her if she finds success and happiness. That's how I feel about my ex-wife. I'm glad she's well and it makes me smile that I had my time with her. I'm pretty sure I'll feel the same way about the current ex (although there were many more negatives with her as well) in time.

GC-

 

Yeahhhh, true. But that's not the worst thing in the world. The worst is not feeling love, ever. So what, I'm in love with someone who isn't with me. That sucks, right?

 

You know what sucks more? Not loving anyone. That would really suck.

 

It's all good. Whatever happens will be for the best.

I have to say your attitude is good.

I have to say your attitude is good.

Thanks. Isn't stopping me from choking back tears again right now. But I just had a moment, a realization that I'm grieving the loss of ME, more than the loss of HER.

I miss myself, man. I was pretty fu*kin Rad, y'know?

Point taken guys... I guess I should point out that we were still dating as of one week ago. Although we were "broken up", we were also "working on things".

 

It was me who asked for some space, and this was my only contact to her to clarify what I need from her.

 

Regardless of whether I'm a "Loser" or whatever, I feel better knowing I've said what I want to say and will leave it at that.

 

Maybe she doesn't care, but I doubt it. Either way, now I know the ball is in her court and I'll deal with the results.

 

Thanks again for the posts!

First quit being hard on yourself,and if you are like i am and cannot let go of a relationship that is long dead then seeing a trusted counselor is the best thing. You are not wqrong for loving and caring,it seems the ones who loves the most are the ones who gets shunted aside

gather your self respect and whatever pride you have left and leave this woman alone. there are and will be plenty of other women who would wait for your call and e-mails and who would want to be with you.

give yoruself a chance to find them instead of flogging dead horses like I did.

Thanks. Isn't stopping me from choking back tears again right now. But I just had a moment, a realization that I'm grieving the loss of ME, more than the loss of HER.

 

I miss myself, man. I was pretty fu*kin Rad, y'know?

You are right it suck to know that great person and have to say good by, but it just temporary. And it is important to feel it all to let it go.

First quit being hard on yourself,and if you are like i am and cannot let go of a relationship that is long dead then seeing a trusted counselor is the best thing. You are not wqrong for loving and caring,it seems the ones who loves the most are the ones who gets shunted aside

gather your self respect and whatever pride you have left and leave this woman alone. there are and will be plenty of other women who would wait for your call and e-mails and who would want to be with you.

give yoruself a chance to find them instead of flogging dead horses like I did.

Thanks selena. I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow AM. I also will not contact the ex again. I've truly said all I need to say at this point, anything more is now redundant.