Me of All People

While I agree with you for the most part. I've stayed off this thread because I struggle to say something useful. Not because I can't.... it's just I don't feel she want's to listen to anything beyond action validation.

 

So... ConfusedMom. You had an affair, but that was not your fault. It was all your Husbands fault, you can't take any blame for it. Nothing you have done will hurt your family, or your children. In fact, it will make their lives better! Plus, this whole experience will make you better too, because your a great person... and we should all hope to be as good as you someday.

 

Is that what you wanted to hear?

I'm sorry, but what was the point of that?? I mean really?

BNB, I already stated that. It is redundant. If you cannot find where it is then I can't help you. Done.

I haven't looked for it. No need to help me, I'm not the one upset by what other posters are saying. It is what it is.

Hey, I love Lucy Liu. And you have to admit, it's a far more attractive stereotype than the submissive, bound-foot, not-much-more-than-chattel stereotype.

 

And no, I don't want you to Kung Fu my ass, either.

hmmm...I know "ya'll" think we all look alike..but i am not Chinese.

hmmm...I know "ya'll" think we all look alike..but i am not Chinese.

are you from Bhutan?

Married for 15 years. Mother of 3. Just ended an affair with a man whom I knew many years ago. Been lurking out here, so I'll try to tell the story as clearly as possible.

This was a full affair, EA and PA. Connected online after many, many years of not being in touch and developed an immediate connection. Met for drinks the first night, hand holding and petting. Continued to meet for dinners throughout the end of last summer. Each time we were together the touching got more intense on both of our parts. One night, my husband was traveling and I had dinner with MM and brought him to my home. 2 of my children were in the house, sleeping. I thought I was in love and wanted to spend time with him not in public; feeling like I was hiding or sneaking around. One thing lead to another and we slept together in my house; not in my bed. My daughter didn't see that, but saw him in the house later and I had to convince her that noone was in the house.

We continued to see each other for the next several months. I tried from time to time to take breaks and not be involved with him, but we couldn't go more than a few days without contact. I broke it several times; and he always responded. Because of his work, it became harder for us to see each other later in the fall and early winter. We texted all day everyday, and it grew more and more sexual in content. Looking back, it was very exciting. I also shared with him details about my children and my daily life. He was very much ingrained in my daily life. He was great, very supportive. We told each other we loved one another, but I was always clear I wasn't leaving my husband.

My H and I have been to MC on multiple occassions in our life together, he's a great father and and good guy, but I feel like he doesn't listen to me or always meeting my emotional needs. My MM did. He really seemed to understand me.

Anyway, MM and I fought sometimes like couples do and I think he was ready to leave his w for me and I told him not too. I reminded him that I wasn't leaving my h. His wife found about the affair and he started going to MC and we were still in touch. I finally decided to end it with him about a month ago and thought it was over. Last Friday his wife called my husband at his work and told him about the EA part of the A, not the PA. My husband had suspected for sometime that there was something going on with me and MM; whom he knew had been in contact. Now everything is blowing up for me.

My husband made me delete all of my email accounts and is checking my phone. I haven't spoken to MM since I told him I couldn't do this any more, and he's respected me with NC. But I'm dying here. Feel guitly, my H is really upset and I feel like I'm all alone.

Why did his wife call my husband? Why couldn't he prevent that from happening? I know they're in MC because of the affair, but it just amazes me that she would bring this pain to my home. I don't know what is happening in their world but I wonder how MC is going if she called my husband so long after she found about us.

I'm struggling. I'm a good person, I thought and now I have this pain in my life.

CHROME BARRACUDA, where is that post that says this was her SECOND affair?

Not two concurrent affairs but I meant she lied about the depth of the first affair which her husband thought was just emotional.

Ok, my take..and I've been trying to avoid this site..damn it!!!

 

I think her affair was wrong and what she did unreal; however, I think this marriage had long been damaged. Seems like h's reaction to dday 2 was in line with his listening skills for years. I understand that he wasn't ready to believe her, but geez, he didn't even let her tell him what was on her mind. That leads me to believe that the PI was hired to build a divorce case and that he never intended to make this work. What none of us know is what was going on before the affair that contributed to their marital disconnect.

 

Chrome, I think you are very angry and you've been assigning non facts to this story. She cheated. Fact. She is or isn't remorseful. Hard to tell, she's using her own writing style. She seems legitimately scared to me and frankly, with good reason. I think the big thing here is that this marriage is over and my have been functionally over for some time. This isn't blaming him for her actions, but abuse comes in many forms and I was amazed that the h wouldn't listen to her when she was ready to tell him the details. The other thing is the PI may have already stumbled on to something.

 

Ok first off, he found out about the EA didnt kick her out then. now did he? no. fact. She lied about the PA of the affair and had the OM over his house. Fact. Tried to lie and delete the emails. Fact. I'm not angry. I'm angry that those kids had to have their family destroyed by a selfish mother who couldnt control herself. Imagine the poor daughter walking in with mommy's legs in the air and getting plowed by the mailman? not so nice is it? That's what I'm angry about, but dont try to flip it around on me.

And you know what maybe he was building his case but his wife didnt help rebuild trust after the first D-day. When he found out from the OM's wife now did she. She wasnt transparent, she wasnt honest and not truthful at all. If the marriage was dead, it was her that killed it. Bottom line it was her choice. I bet anything that maybe if she was honest and been transparent and started to come back to him and not be selfish and self absorbed maybe he wouldnt have quit on her. but remember deleting emails off the computer probably after the fact just showed him how much she deceived him.

It's all on her sholders...

Married for 15 years. Mother of 3. Just ended an affair with a man whom I knew many years ago. Been lurking out here, so I'll try to tell the story as clearly as possible.

 

This was a full affair, EA and PA. Connected online after many, many years of not being in touch and developed an immediate connection. Met for drinks the first night, hand holding and petting. Continued to meet for dinners throughout the end of last summer. Each time we were together the touching got more intense on both of our parts. One night, my husband was traveling and I had dinner with MM and brought him to my home. 2 of my children were in the house, sleeping. I thought I was in love and wanted to spend time with him not in public; feeling like I was hiding or sneaking around. One thing lead to another and we slept together in my house; not in my bed. My daughter didn't see that, but saw him in the house later and I had to convince her that noone was in the house.

 

We continued to see each other for the next several months. I tried from time to time to take breaks and not be involved with him, but we couldn't go more than a few days without contact. I broke it several times; and he always responded. Because of his work, it became harder for us to see each other later in the fall and early winter. We texted all day everyday, and it grew more and more sexual in content. Looking back, it was very exciting. I also shared with him details about my children and my daily life. He was very much ingrained in my daily life. He was great, very supportive. We told each other we loved one another, but I was always clear I wasn't leaving my husband.

 

My H and I have been to MC on multiple occassions in our life together, he's a great father and and good guy, but I feel like he doesn't listen to me or always meeting my emotional needs. My MM did. He really seemed to understand me.

 

Anyway, MM and I fought sometimes like couples do and I think he was ready to leave his w for me and I told him not too. I reminded him that I wasn't leaving my h. His wife found about the affair and he started going to MC and we were still in touch. I finally decided to end it with him about a month ago and thought it was over. Last Friday his wife called my husband at his work and told him about the EA part of the A, not the PA. My husband had suspected for sometime that there was something going on with me and MM; whom he knew had been in contact. Now everything is blowing up for me.

 

My husband made me delete all of my email accounts and is checking my phone. I haven't spoken to MM since I told him I couldn't do this any more, and he's respected me with NC. But I'm dying here. Feel guitly, my H is really upset and I feel like I'm all alone.

 

Why did his wife call my husband? Why couldn't he prevent that from happening? I know they're in MC because of the affair, but it just amazes me that she would bring this pain to my home. I don't know what is happening in their world but I wonder how MC is going if she called my husband so long after she found about us.

 

I'm struggling. I'm a good person, I thought and now I have this pain in my life.

 

Not two concurrent affairs but I meant she lied about the depth of the first affair which her husband thought was just emotional.

Nice try, Chrome :lmao:!!!! Not humble enough to admit you made a mistake? LOL!!!! ok...I will let it pass....

Nice try, Chrome :lmao:!!!! Not humble enough to admit you made a mistake? LOL!!!! ok...I will let it pass....

I'm man enough to admit a mistake.

I'm sorry...

See I'm humble but that's what a real man does. Own's up to mistakes he does. But hey other's cant say the same for themselves now can they?

what about outer-mongolia?

Imagine the poor daughter walking in with mommy's legs in the air and getting plowed by the mailman? not so nice is it?

This is a fabrication. OP never said that. You made that up in your fertile mind, just like you made the "second affair" up. You are lying, Chrome...What do you guys say about liars again?

I bet anything that maybe if she was honest and been transparent and started to come back to him and not be selfish and self absorbed maybe he wouldnt have quit on her. but remember deleting emails off the computer probably after the fact just showed him how much she deceived him.

You will lose. Her husband was NOT interested in what she had to say. Get your facts straight.1) She did not say it was only an EA, the OM's wife told the husband it was an EA. 2) Nowhere did she say she deleted her emails so her H won't see it...but, the her husband made her delete her email accounts.

It's all on her sholders...

Well, she made the wrong choice....she pays...

what about outer-mongolia?

how is the stir flied wice? jk

what about outer-mongolia?

LOL!!!! burning with revenge!!!! warmer!!!! :lmao:!!!! too funny!

how is the stir flied wice? jk

I get it..lol...very funny!!!!

I'm man enough to admit a mistake.

 

I'm sorry...

 

See I'm humble but that's what a real man does. Own's up to mistakes he does. But hey other's cant say the same for themselves now can they?

(((((Chrome Barracuda))))))) LOL...!!!! I forgive you! haha...

I was using that narrative for dramatic effect! it wasnt the mailman but she did bang the OM in her house and the daughter did see it!!!!!!

...that was a fact! that was no lie.

I was using that narrative for dramatic effect! it wasnt the mailman but she did bang the OM in her house and the daughter did see it!!!!!!

 

...that was a fact! that was no lie.

Ohhhhh i get it....artistic license!:rolleyes:!!!! LOL!

No the daughter did NOT see "IT"...she saw "HIM". Read the "narrative" again. PLEASE.

Ohhhhh i get it....artistic license!:rolleyes:!!!! LOL!

 

No the daughter did NOT see "IT"...she saw "HIM". Read the "narrative" again. PLEASE.

Really?

...Well anyway you slice it, it does not look good. I could have sworn she said the daughter saw the OM on her or something like that.

Really?

 

...Well anyway you slice it, it does not look good. I could have sworn she said the daughter saw the OM on her or something like that.

Thank your lucky stars you were not betting on anything with this......

aiyoh, chrome.......

hey confused---ok you have wrecked 4 lives possibly more, based on what we don't know about OMW and family-----You mishandled any possibility of rehabing the mge., by your trickle truth, so what you now need to do is start to prepare for the rest of your life. Your carefree enjoyable gay life of a good wife and mother is over, you by your greed have ruined it. OK lets HOPE YOU LEARNED A LESSON, you know you are headed for divorce, do what you must to prepare for what comes during and after the divorce. You will get more than likely, joint custody of your children, you will probably and UNFAIRLY get half of what came into the mge., and i say unfairly cuz you killed the mge, but you will still get half., so get yourself an atty., start monitoring your finances and lifestyle and prepare for your future whatever it is. Also IMHO you should stay away from all men till this is over and concentrate on being the best mother you can be.

LOL!!!! burning with revenge!!!! warmer!!!! :lmao:!!!! too funny!

Okay, I'm thinking "Buryat" here.

Okay, I'm thinking "Buryat" here.

Hint: look at her name prefix... hmmmm!!!!!

Anyway, Tami, you a gorgeous woman! Beautiful... and you shouldn't have taken your photo avatar down.

As for the OP- ConfusedMomnb, -- Chrome, she said that the daughter saw him in the house later, but didn't see anything sexual, when they 'slept together'... quote<<"One thing lead to another and we slept together in my house; not in my bed. My daughter didn't see that, but saw him in the house later">>

I hate that she gaslighted her child, and she really needs to apologize to her daughter and correct that!

Also, about the issue of deleted emails: Her H made her delete all her emails.... quote:<< "My husband made me delete all of my email accounts and is checking my phone. ">>Now I am thinking that he asked her to delete her emails so that the PI could get them back from the trash bin, and this is probably because the PI couldn't hack into her email account, or didn't know which email account she was using... seems like the H was really P'O'd!!!

Well, when you are betrayed you are either the victim and cry and feel hurt and are prone to depression, or you get Mad and get even.... understandable, even though not recommended, but taking action and revenge gives you your Power back, unlike crying and feeling miserable.

As for all you WS -- you think that you can smugly 'rely' on your faithful BS to remain loyal to you?! Just because you 'know' they have ethics and personal morals? That may be so, but it doesn't mean that they are not Capable of doing it, or that they don't feel sexual urges/desires for another person outside of your M, but rather -- they don't act on it! Don't challenge them.

He lied. Not that, she did not deserve to be lied on...

even if he did lie....yes, she did deserve it. she cheated on him:o

So we'll just say he lied. If lying to get the truth out of a cheater isn't something she deserves, just what DOES she deserve? And don't say a 2nd chance either.

I read the posts. Several MC's later with him knowing what his wife needs still no progress

What his WIFE needs?? She cheated...too freakin' bad what SHE needs right now. She deserved NOTHING from her until he got the truth. SHE was the one that cheated on him.

....does not that tell you anything?

Ya, tells me that you expect him to cowtow to her "needs" while he still doesn't have the complete truth from her. Seems a little off kilter to me.

Originally Posted by Chrome Barracuda

Imagine the poor daughter walking in with mommy's legs in the air and getting plowed by the mailman? not so nice is it?

This is a fabrication. OP never said that. You made that up in your fertile mind, just like you made the "second affair" up. You are lying, Chrome...What do you guys say about liars again?

He wasn't lying. He was making an example. He knows he wasn't a mailman.

He said "IMAGINE' the daughter walking in and witnessing her mom screwing someone.

Now, are you contending she didn't screw this guy in the family dwelling?

"One thing lead to another and we slept together in my house"

LOL!!!! burning with revenge!!!! warmer!!!! :lmao:!!!! too funny!

 

 

 

 

I get it..lol...very funny!!!!

Maybe she's from Thiland, or Mandarian. I dunno......

I'm sorry, but what was the point of that?? I mean really?

I'm telling OP what she wants to hear. Wasn't that how you suggested we be helpful to her?

I'm telling OP what she wants to hear. Wasn't that how you suggested we be helpful to her?

absolutely not... I said that the situation is constantly changing. She is the one that gives us the tools to help her by her updates, which I believe she has been honest with us when she does.. In no way am I trying to suggest we "hole her hand", but we CAN help her thru this mess thst, yes, she created (but weve been through that already)