dumpers feelings

1.i wake up every moring feeling sad she is not here no more

2.i get jealous when i think of her moving on or with someone else

3. get the feeling of not knowing if i did the right thing

4.just want to ring or text her

5.miss her a lot.

now this is someone i really care about but i endit things because i did not see a future. the other thing is if she was to ring me and i new she was still hurt over me i would feel better. as selfish as that sounds. i was with her for 3 1/2 years not sure if i ever was in love with but i did love her and care for her. question is are these feelings normal? and if so how long do they last? i hate waking up in the morning thinking all this.

1.i wake up every moring feeling sad she is not here no more

 

2.i get jealous when i think of her moving on or with someone else

 

3. get the feeling of not knowing if i did the right thing

 

4.just want to ring or text her

 

5.miss her a lot.

 

now this is someone i really care about but i endit things because i did not see a future. the other thing is if she was to ring me and i new she was still hurt over me i would feel better. as selfish as that sounds. i was with her for 3 1/2 years not sure if i ever was in love with but i did love her and care for her. question is are these feelings normal? and if so how long do they last? i hate waking up in the morning thinking all this.

The dumper has feelings too.

When I broke up with my ex, I was numb for a while...I felt absolutely nothing. And then suddenly a flood of emotions poured in. I never regretted the break up nor did I think I was in love with him...and there was no jealousy, BUT there was a lot of crying and guilt (guilt because I ended things in a bad way). I still think of him and hope he is well. I missed (and still miss) our friendship.

You may miss her because she is no longer yours... We begin to form attachments to people and suddenly yearn for them when we realize they are no longer ours. It'll take some time to get used to it, but don't allow these emotions to run wild in your head.

Do you want to get back with her? Do you think that perhaps you are in love with her now...? If that's the case, you need to figure out why these feelings are cropping up now.

i think your first point was right because she is not mine any more sounds right. these feelings make we want to ring her. but i had the chance to get back with her she asked me to go back and i said no. i would like to see her but only on my terms. a month or so ago i would talk to her on the phone but not see her and that seemed to be enough for me to keep me happy. is this strange to?

i think your first point was right because she is not mine any more sounds right. these feelings make we want to ring her. but i had the chance to get back with her she asked me to go back and i said no. i would like to see her but only on my terms. a month or so ago i would talk to her on the phone but not see her and that seemed to be enough for me to keep me happy. is this strange to?

If she wants something more than what you are willing to offer her at the moment, I'd say leave her alone. Let the girl move on and you do your thing.

There is no point in dragging her back into a relationship where she feels unwanted. You two have broken up because you had your reasons, perhaps you should leave well enough alone.

i no you are right. i would not bother her any more because she has been threw to much hurt. i was just wondering why i feel like this when she is slipping away from me? and when i had the chance to be with her i did not take it? it feels like i want her to want me. but when i find that she does i feel ok. that sounds horrible but its the way i feel i cant help it. i care about her and would not be in contact with her unless she rang me. i am just confused and graving answers

i no you are right. i would not bother her any more because she has been threw to much hurt. i was just wondering why i feel like this when she is slipping away from me? and when i had the chance to be with her i did not take it? it feels like i want her to want me. but when i find that she does i feel ok. that sounds horrible but its the way i feel i cant help it. i care about her and would not be in contact with her unless she rang me. i am just confused and graving answers

Whatever you do, don't contact her. If you care for her, leave her be!

You need to give yourself time to heal too...even if you ended the relationship . Your feelings of sudden emotion aren't abnormal - like I said, you want what you can't have.

Just maintain NC and remind yourself of the reasons why you weren't feeling' her in the first place. It'll get better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by route1

1.i wake up every moring feeling sad she is not here no more

2.i get jealous when i think of her moving on or with someone else

3. get the feeling of not knowing if i did the right thing

4.just want to ring or text her

5.miss her a lot.

now this is someone i really care about but i endit things because i did not see a future. the other thing is if she was to ring me and i new she was still hurt over me i would feel better. as selfish as that sounds. i was with her for 3 1/2 years not sure if i ever was in love with but i did love her and care for her. question is are these feelings normal? and if so how long do they last? i hate waking up in the morning thinking all this.

Jeez,you sound more like a dumpee to me.I suppose dumpers do have hurt feelings after a split,but the feelings you describe sound to me like you dumped this girl,but don't know why.

I mean,of course you will be sad that it didn't or wasn't going to work from your perspective.You'll surely miss her too.But why you'd want to ring her or text her or doubt your decision to end it with her??You don't sound like you ended things with your full conviction.All I can say is I hope you don't come to regret your decision.

I know it must be hard because you seem to care about her in a friendly way, but if you really care, leave her alone and be happy if she does find someone that is IN LOVE with her....sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself and that is normal.....you always want what you cannot have and alot of people do not want someone, but do not want them with another....total selfishness, let her move on and be happy.....or go get her and make her happy !

please explain to me what it means when you say you do not see a future with someone but you love and care for them?

No one is willing to fix relationships these days..

No one is willing to fix relationships these days..

Spoken like a some one that has been dumped.

I second that.

No one is willing to fix relationships these days..

your feelings might be normal, but i know they wouldn't be for me.

are you sure you were ready to break up? all i know is, every time i 'dumped' someone, i did feel a little bad hurting their feelings, and i might have missed the routine of having someone around all the time to do things with...but the biggest emotion i felt out of all that was pure relief; relief at it finally being over after much consideration, relief at getting the hard part over with, relief that i could move on, and relief that i didn't have to fake anything anymore.

maybe you didn't make the best decision? or maybe you just need some time to yourself to see how you feel and what ultimately right for you. either way, don't rush into something you're unsure of, but don't discount the fact that you might have made a mistake.

i no part of me just is so confused because we had finished 4 months back and i had the chance to get back with her and i said no. we met up and went out and that. and i felt nothing except that i cared for her. i do love her but am not IN LOVE with her. i am beginning to think there is something wrong with me now. things ended really really bad the first time i have so much guilt as well

i'm so curious about the whole "love but not in love" deal. i used to think i understood it, but lately i'm not so sure. i think that love has many stages and the feeling that we label to "being in love" comes and goes in waves in a relationship and it is this part of love that we most have to work on achieving.

think about it, when do you feel like you are "in love"? in the beginning of the relationship, in the best parts, and usually in these times we are willing to do anything and everything to make our partners happy. we do things together, we make sacrifices, we genuinely make an effort. after a while things become routine, we start to take each other for granted and then BAM! we think we have fallen out of love.

But honestly, if there is still a form of love there, if you really genuinely like the person and the things they do, why give up on bringing back that "in love feeling"? why are people always so willing to just chalk the relationship up to being broken and "not meant to be". just some thoughts, sorry no advice.

1.i wake up every moring feeling sad she is not here no more

 

2.i get jealous when i think of her moving on or with someone else

 

3. get the feeling of not knowing if i did the right thing

 

4.just want to ring or text her

 

5.miss her a lot.

 

now this is someone i really care about but i endit things because i did not see a future. the other thing is if she was to ring me and i new she was still hurt over me i would feel better. as selfish as that sounds. i was with her for 3 1/2 years not sure if i ever was in love with but i did love her and care for her. question is are these feelings normal? and if so how long do they last? i hate waking up in the morning thinking all this.

Cosign. I was the dumper. I broke up with my ex a month or so ago. I guess I wanted more than she was willing to offer at the moment. I was pretty bummed for a week or two, but I think back on it now and I know that it wasn't going to work. There were a lot of things that I was unhappy about with the relationship, but it took me not being with her to realize it.

Its hard when you are with someone for so long, then suddenly they aren't a part of your life anymore. I'd say this is like an adjustment period for you. Just need something (or someone) to fill the void of her not being in your life anymore. If you weren't sure you were in love with her, then you did the right thing. That doesn't mean that you don't care for her, but when you find the right person, there won't be any doubt to whether or not you are in love with them.

Hang in there.

i'm so curious about the whole "love but not in love" deal. i used to think i understood it, but lately i'm not so sure. i think that love has many stages and the feeling that we label to "being in love" comes and goes in waves in a relationship and it is this part of love that we most have to work on achieving.

 

think about it, when do you feel like you are "in love"? in the beginning of the relationship, in the best parts, and usually in these times we are willing to do anything and everything to make our partners happy. we do things together, we make sacrifices, we genuinely make an effort. after a while things become routine, we start to take each other for granted and then BAM! we think we have fallen out of love.

 

But honestly, if there is still a form of love there, if you really genuinely like the person and the things they do, why give up on bringing back that "in love feeling"? why are people always so willing to just chalk the relationship up to being broken and "not meant to be". just some thoughts, sorry no advice.

You bought up some really good points. I just broke up with my girl and when we was together we argued about this all the time. She was the one that often say she miss the butterflies in her stomach and everything seem to be routine BS. I see it differently that when you love someone you just simply love them. I think girls/women expect to much. Maybe I am wrong, any girl/women out there that can give their opinion?

i'm so curious about the whole "love but not in love" deal. i used to think i understood it, but lately i'm not so sure. i think that love has many stages and the feeling that we label to "being in love" comes and goes in waves in a relationship and it is this part of love that we most have to work on achieving.

 

think about it, when do you feel like you are "in love"? in the beginning of the relationship, in the best parts, and usually in these times we are willing to do anything and everything to make our partners happy. we do things together, we make sacrifices, we genuinely make an effort. after a while things become routine, we start to take each other for granted and then BAM! we think we have fallen out of love.

 

But honestly, if there is still a form of love there, if you really genuinely like the person and the things they do, why give up on bringing back that "in love feeling"? why are people always so willing to just chalk the relationship up to being broken and "not meant to be". just some thoughts, sorry no advice.

My thoughts exactly! Well said, rarely implemented.

Maybe I am wrong, any girl/women out there that can give their opinion?

haha. well...i am a woman.

TY thank you so much that is the info and advice i think i have been craving for. i am ate up with guilt at how things happened. and when i look back i get sad thinking of her crying. and how caring for her so much i was the one who caused it all to her. its been 2weeks NC now i sometimes think about it and it makes me feel like i am a bad person. but i am also finding it hard to get things back to the way it was before we met almost 4 years she was in my life. but very true if you REALLY love some one the way you should you will not doubt it. thanks much for that advice.