dating tips rant

I have been sticking to the books for as long as i can remember. Its always been my drive to succeed and i wont stop till i get my doctorate. However, even though it is hard to find to time to date and get out there and meet people, i have found that i still have a lot to learn about dating and relating.

I have been into one kind of thinking mode about dating. i thought that once i start seeing a guy i am interested in we would continue to see where it goes and then have a relationship. However, after dating guys that i have been really attracted to, i found that i didn't want to continue with them because they were either immature or just didn't have any direction. I am still hoping someday i meet the right guy and i am still young but from reading peoples postings i am learning so much and different scenarios in relationships.

Now if you have any tips on telling whether a guy has potential just by casual conversation please tell me. I am getting tired of wasting my time, i meet guys "date" them, and then they turn out to be horrible dates! UGH! What kind of casual questions can i ask to see whether he could has "POTENTIAL" instead of wasting my time on the date and getting ready and looking great just to waste hours of my limited time!!! I am a polite young woman so i just don't say i have an emergency and leave the date. Most of the time i just let it fizzle out, i dont like hurting peoples feelings i seriously feel bad. Also, tips on how to get it across to the guy that i dont want to see him. Thanks

Ask him what his sperm count is, history of mental illness and if he likes musicals, you'll get all the answers you need.

To end a date that you don't want to ever continue again give a smile, no hug, and a "thank you for the pleasant evening, it was nice to meet you, get home safe" does not provide much hope. Also, if you sense you don't like him or aren't sure, don't let him buy you dinner or pay for the date, that gives a signal too.

Maybe a handshake at the end too.

Maybe you shouldn't date? Maybe you should get to know someone as a friend and then see if a love interest develops.

You can tell a lot about people by the way they talk. Every once in a while, you will come across guys that speak very intelligently. These are the ones to jump on.

There's no shortcut, sorry. Dating is time consuming - there's no way around it. Relationships are also a bit of a crap shoot. If you really want to get to know someone, you need to spend time with them. Sadly, you can spend decades with someone and still find nasty surprises. If you don't have patience for it right now, take a break (I am) - It's supposed to be fun.

Dating is expensive for both of you!

It is wasting your time and possibly his time and money!

Ask beforehand about his passions. If he is passionate only about sports then you have your answer. If he has multiple passions then you could potentially see yourself in one of them

Take it from a guy, rejection is a gift from God! As a guy, it tells me to stop wasting my time and pursue another. I see no reason to play it safe when it comes to getting rejected.

The girl does not have the power to choose who she is attracted to any more than I have the power to choose who I am attracted to. It is possibly the only time in dating where things are completely fair. Use my statement if they act all needy and crushed, but they will also know it. If they disagree, ask them to go to the most unatractive woman in the place and to ask her for a date and a kiss. Then post their response on loveshack.

What I really, really hate is for a girl to be leading me on for 2-3 dates and then not tell me. In my mind, if she knew, she was just being a jerk! And I think girls know by the end of first date whether you are bf material, a one night stand or friend.

see my thread:

[sIZE=3]GF/BF loves U, or are U an asset?[/sIZE]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=126768

You’re looking at it all wrong. If you go on each date looking for Mr. right then you’ll probably be perpetually disappointed. You should look at it more as an adventure, for fun. The more people that you date and hangout with the easier it gets to read people. And IMO dating isn’t the best way to go about finding a suitable mate. Just hanging out is.

You can tell a lot about people by the way they talk. Every once in a while, you will come across guys that speak very intelligently. These are the ones to jump on.

I have been sticking to the books for as long as i can remember. Its always been my drive to succeed and i wont stop till i get my doctorate. However, even though it is hard to find to time to date and get out there and meet people, i have found that i still have a lot to learn about dating and relating.

 

I have been into one kind of thinking mode about dating. i thought that once i start seeing a guy i am interested in we would continue to see where it goes and then have a relationship. However, after dating guys that i have been really attracted to, i found that i didn't want to continue with them because they were either immature or just didn't have any direction. I am still hoping someday i meet the right guy and i am still young but from reading peoples postings i am learning so much and different scenarios in relationships.

 

Now if you have any tips on telling whether a guy has potential just by casual conversation please tell me. I am getting tired of wasting my time, i meet guys "date" them, and then they turn out to be horrible dates! UGH! What kind of casual questions can i ask to see whether he could has "POTENTIAL" instead of wasting my time on the date and getting ready and looking great just to waste hours of my limited time!!! I am a polite young woman so i just don't say i have an emergency and leave the date. Most of the time i just let it fizzle out, i dont like hurting peoples feelings i seriously feel bad. Also, tips on how to get it across to the guy that i dont want to see him. Thanks

There is no easy way. You need social skills and those you can develop by talking to people, learning to know them. even the most boring chat is an experience.

What do you mean by potential or direction? Could it mean it looks like they are waiting for you to lead? I made this mistake out of "chivalry". Giving girl all the power for her to feel comfortable, not pressured and safe eventhought Im not submissive in nature. I thought girls are fragile, rape - scared, divine beings. Silly me

If you dont want to see him, tell him so no hope is left: "Im sorry but I dont feel the chemistry, just dont. Have a nice life."

I agree with Halfarock. I've been swept off my feet by charming, intelligent, articulate con men more than once. I would say listen carefully to what they're saying, don't take too much flattery too seriously, notice if they are asking you questions about yourself and giving you time to answer, and watch how they are treating you from the get go--kindly and with generosity and care? Or are they more interested in what you can do for them?

What kind of man would you like to find? Me, for example, I don't like to beat around the bush. I would ask them straight, what they are looking for and let them know, that I am looking for a serious relationship. That just shows, that you don't want any games. It doesn't matter how attractive or fun they are, if we are not on the same page, when it comes to relationship, I don't want to continue seeing them. Everybody knows what they are looking for and what they are ready for, and if they tell you, believe them.

well i do have a lot of social skills

I do meet a lot of attractive guys for sure! My problem is getting to know what type of guy they are by casual conversation.

I tried hanging out with guys...ended up not doing good because I got to see the real them and then they keep wanting to hang out claiming to be friends but not acting like a friend!

"We should hang out and see where things go?" I like this but i dont think i quite understand it. don't people know what they want from the beginning?

Such as friends, friends with benefits, or a relationship?

Is it wrong to get to know know the guy over the course of a month first before you decide anything when not knowing anything of them except when you get to know them?

Another thing should i be cautious if a guy wants to be bf/gf after only being with me after 5 dates? Like twice a week sort of thing?

Sometimes i feel i waste my time because i date these guys over a period of time and realize that they are not it mainly cuz i have been finding LOSERS!!! I have to learn to separate the good from bad huh!

Right now i am going to patch of my heart from this guy who just led me to believe that he was going someone in life, until i found out otherwise. So it kind of sux cuz i like him as a person but the things he does such as drugs, cig, and parties are not for me. I have a career to work on and he just is going to stay doing this. He is 30 i am 22. So i hate how it feels right now but in the long run i know i am better off. So loser out the door right!

Thanks for the advise everyone. I will try to be friends with a guy first and i think if i can't be friends with him at least then it wouldnt work otherwise. Another thing is i will find out info first instead of just jumping into the "hanging out" like maybe i should do some research first, like ask someone who knows the guy and see what i can find...this way no major surprises, such as with this last guy he had a kid...but anyways. thanks.

I have found that some guys like to get into relationships fast and then have a gf and go from there! I don't get it. Why rush into a relationship, only to get dumped after he gets what he wants.obviously.

Question: If a guy never asks about your family or what your beliefs are after a month of seeing him, that should be an indicator of non-serious relationship and that hes not looking for something stable (even though he wanted me as his gf) I had a feeling that this guy wants to be with me cuz he has nothing going for him and yes he is very affectionate because he can't offer me anything. (i keep telling myself he does drugs, drinks, parties. but i have those feelings!!)

I know its a lot of questions but i am afraid of making a mistake about this guy even though those factors are there about him!

You’re looking at it all wrong. If you go on each date looking for Mr. right then you’ll probably be perpetually disappointed. You should look at it more as an adventure, for fun. The more people that you date and hangout with the easier it gets to read people. And IMO dating isn’t the best way to go about finding a suitable mate. Just hanging out is.

I totally agree. I have a very bad habit of starting off a date with very high expectations, which ultimately breeds huge disappointment. Recently I've tried to train myself to just treat dating as getting to know people and socializing, and have had much more fun as a result. Plus, because I'm not so intent on finding "The One," I'm not blinded and getting much better at reading people (still have room for improvment though!! ) and aren't nearly as disappointed or bummed when I do encounter huge red flags.

You can tell a lot about people by the way they talk. Every once in a while, you will come across guys that speak very intelligently. These are the ones to jump on.

Simply being articulate is hardly a reason to assume someone is relationship material.

Con artists are some of the best talkers. Plus there are plenty of people out there who have mastered the art of sounding intelligent, especially to the uninitiated, but are really just full of bull. It takes time to really learn much about someone.

Ted Bundy was one of the best talkers out there.