Still finding it hard after 4 months.

Well it's been 4 month since my GF broke things off and sent me packing back to my province and I'm still finding it hard most days. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about us and past memories often creep into my daily thoughts. I'm dreaming about her almost on a nightly basis which isn't helping. I guess you could say some of this I have brought onto myself as I havn't kept NC. Within the first month of breakup we talked on a regular basis on MSN but now we almost never talk on MSN primarily because she's never on and if she does come I say "hi" and usually get a hi back but then get told she has to go. Aout a month ago I phoned her at her work to get her address and when she was hanging up I let slip those 3 words "I love you". It wasn't until a week later on MSN she quickly asked me if I had ment that and I told her I did. She just said it hurt to hear that.

Anyways, we havn't talked at all since then and it feels like the knife that was in me during the first week of the breakup is still deep in my heart. How long does it take? And when will these dreams go subside?

I sent her a necklace for chirstmas/birthday (silver) which is why I needed her address. I know I crossed the line there.

its not going to be easy you have to start to let go and enforce serious nc........thats means deleting her from msn so you don't see when she is on after time if she has something to say she can see your online and start a conversation........I would seriously start nc its been 2 weeks for me its terrible still but alot better since no contact

good luck

If it's truly over and there is no hope for rekindling the relationship, it is wise to do as JHTLG says, and grasp the reality of No Contact.

Begin by taking back control of your life by educating yourself and by giving yourself the right tools to pull through this.

Below are some links created by LS posters who brought what they learned from their experiences to these boards and were willing to share them, including a couple of my own.

They were written by just everyday people who learned critical lessons about keeping relationships -and ending them, and who took the time to format them in few easy-to-read paragraphs. Some are embedded in the thread, itself, here and there.

All of them are from real people.

Take time to read them, they are well worth the effort.

Here they are:

NoFoolin's Guide For The Long Walk

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954

CaliGuy's Guide To Being A Balanced Man

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80848/

Alphamale's Guide To Keeping Women Around

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=467144&postcount=1

Pro-Active Healing From A Break-Up

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=695430&postcount=1

The Physiology Of Love Emotions

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=690284&postcount=1

Hope these help you.

(Smile)

-Rio

Sometimes you wish you never had to move on though you know? I wish things could be the same again and that I would wake up next to her again tomorrow. I read those things and it helps but it's so hard sometimes accepting that it has to be over and you must move on because you often think back on past memories or experiences you shared with that person and how they made you feel. You wish things could just go back the way they were or have that 1 last day with them and knowing you can't and never will... it hurts.

Most people can identify with the pain you are feeling, I am one who can, -but there will come a day when those thoughts will make you so sick you just want them gone from your mind and your life.

You will rise from your bed one day, determined -with everything in you- to rip the last painful shreds of them from your memory and drop-kick them as far out of your life and deep into hell as you can.

Trust me, -your day will come.

-Rio

But even when the day comes where you are sick of the constant thoughts, do you ever really stop wishing and wondering for that 1 last day and caring for that person?

It's been 4 months and I right now I don't think I ever want her out of my life totally. I feel like I would be lost if we broke off all contact and I just flushed her out of my mind. I know what was once is now lost and thinking about it only prolongs the hurt but it's those memories, the things she did, and wishing for 1 last day that stops me from moving on. I still really care about her even though I moved to another province and was told after some time to move back home. It's why I sent her that silver necklace for christmas/her birthday because I knew no other guy in her town would do that and I just wanted her to be happy.

For most people, there does come a time when the memory is just that: a memory.

It lessens in the weight it carries with you, it fades to the back of your mind and the pain of it subsides to dull ache.

It will one day, probably give you no pain, at all, when the memory, for whatever reason, emerges.

It all depends on how you deal with it now.

Reconcile everything you can, concerning the hurt you feel, and do it with your present and future well-being in focus.

Time is a factor in all this, -none of us who've been through it will deny that,- but also important, is the method of healing you choose and how determined you are to overcome the trauma.

If you stay near the wound, you wind up poking around in it, and it doesn't heal well.

If you run from it too soon, and don't give it the proper grieving time, and deny the 'burial' of the relationship, -you have this awful, unreconciled hurt that has potential to pop up later, in future relationships of all types, which will only give you problems.

When we say that time is a natural healer, we do not mean that a few days or months will cure a broken heart.

What we mean, is that, humans naturally have this recovery mechanism and, if they don't struggle against it too much- it will, with time, cause all the emotions to surface, and be dealt with, each, as they appear, one after the other.

Thus, the phases of recovery.

Hope this helps.

(Smile)

-Rio