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Does it ever work out?

The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 1st January 2018, 5:31 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by J1234 View Post

I also wanted to clear up the level of care my kids require. It's not 24/7 in a wheelchair type of care (which one shouldn't assume they are cognitively impaired to nonfunctionality either- be careful with those assumptions). They are teens and I fully hope they will live independently, at least at some level as adults. .
I didn't read anyone make assumptions. Only made assessments on the evidence provided by you.

I'd assume as the kids were growing up you and your husband both looked after them, in sickness and in health (although it seems you're making out he does little, which I'm sure is some sort of justification on your part for the affair).

None the less you meet a man on an affair site and you want to live happily ever after. If both of you truly had the courage of your convictions surely you wouldn't be sneaking around under the cover of deception. You assume that his wife really isn't' giving him sex, also that a man who uses sex websites practices safe sex.

Mainly you're leveraging that two inauthentic people once the dust has settled and the wreckage from the affair has been cleared, both parties divorced and moving forward can live happily ever after. Can it happen? Sure.

But what steps are you taking to make sure you're treating this with the seriousness it deserves. After all you want to run off with the first person you had sex with, again even if your husband did little he still contributed to the family.

Be authentic. Not just to yourself, but to the man who's life you're about to wreck in search of your happiness.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:48 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by J1234 View Post
but we are both solid 10's
LOL!!! Comedy gold girl!!
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Old 1st January 2018, 1:39 PM   #33
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Can't speak for a girl but a man in mid 50s, putting up with sexless marriage and looking to get laid on a hook up site is like 3.5 the most.
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Old 1st January 2018, 2:42 PM   #34
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I didn't come here to be bashed. If I thought I would just be attacked, I would have never posted in the first place. I was hoping to learn something new but it's clear to me there are a lot of bitter people here. I'm out.✌🏼
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Old 1st January 2018, 3:01 PM   #35
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I met my AP on a affair web site. I thought we were soul mates. I was wrong and moving forward with the A was one of the most devastating things I've ever done.

You sound unhappy. I used to think if I changed one thing that then i would become happy. It took until after a d-day and after my choices causing devastation to my H and myself to realize that the only person who is responsible for my happiness is me. I worked on myself and I am now so much more happy than I ever was in the A or before. I am very blessed.

I think PP have had some valid points. Look past the "bitterness" and listen to what is being said. My A is the worst choice I ever made. Now you can't go back and change that decision. But you can choose what kind of person you will be moving forward in 2018. Do you want to be someone who cheats and lies? Or do you want to live honestly and authentically? It is your choice. Good luck and happy new year.
~ What you allow, is what will continue. ~
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Old 1st January 2018, 3:34 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by J1234 View Post
I didn't come here to be bashed. If I thought I would just be attacked, I would have never posted in the first place. I was hoping to learn something new but it's clear to me there are a lot of bitter people here. I'm out.✌🏼
When people come here in the midst of an affair they truly believe and feel justified in the decision, they believe that everyone will see things as they do. But the truth is, the thought process is flawed and many here, having been there on one or multiple sides of the affair triangle. The saying "trying to con a con man" comes to mind.

Hearing things that you don't want to hear doesn't make it harsh or a case of bashing. As is the case of many WW that come here, in time you will come to realize this.

Instead of running away, stick around and read some of their journeys and they recorded them here.
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Old 1st January 2018, 4:04 PM   #37
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I am not going to bash you. You are human and it sounds like both unhappy and lonely, so you took action. In hindsight, I think you will one day discover that the action you took wasnít actually the best - particularly for you. I think you got caught up in the excitement and drama of the affair. Itís risque, sexy, and thrilling. But you were a desperately lonely woman. I am not sure if even you could determine whether or not it was the sexy thrill or the cure for loneliness that lured you.

The hard part is now you are here... on another cheating website asking strangers who are de facto experts (because in one way or another they have lived it) if it will work out. Obviously, if you had to ask, the chances were very slim. My personal opinion is that there is genuinely no real chance and I am not pulling my punches here deliberately. Sometimes, you do need to be cruel to be kind and I donít want to see you waste any more of your time or your heart on a bad situation.

Think logically for a few minutes. You met on a cheating website. As others have posted, MM tend to seek MW on those sites for different reasons than you sought out him. He was likely looking for someone who had as much to lose as he did so he could count on your discretion. Plus, men are motivated differently. You were
Looking for love; I suspect he was looking for sex (whether or not he admits it). And now, just a few months in, you are ready to let go of your old life and grasp this potentially new one with both hands. You have to see that your dissatisfaction with your marriage is likely different than his and you are ready for things he isnít.

But can your life work out better for you? Yes, I believe that can. It starts with cutting ties with MM and also getting into counseling. Then, decide if you want to separate. From there, the world - and all of the potential love in it - open back up to you.

Good luck.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:49 PM   #38
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I had an affair with a MM. I really thought we would be that 1% (I mean, our relationship is different than everyone else that had an affair or posted on LS). MM told me that he wanted to leave his W.

My marriage ended. I felt that if I was having an affair, then why was I married? Eight months after my marriage ended, MM left his wife.

I realized that the affair created a "bubble" for us. I never really knew him because of the affair. At the time the affair started, I was in my early 40's. MM was 15 years older than me. We were both self employed and the major breadwinners in our respective marriages.

We were in a relationship for about 5 years (after he left his wife). I was in the 1%! But, as I stated, I did not know him well. I thought he was perfect. Initially, he treated me very well. Eventually, he cheated on me (several times). He went into counseling and I met with his counselor. Nothing worked. He kept lying and cheating.

He eventually left me for another woman (who was married and closer to his age).

It has been over two years since that relationship ended. Hindsight is 20/20 and, in looking back, I wish I had never met him. I really lost my sense of self and my self-esteem took a huge beating. Having that relationship in my life caused me more harm than good.

In my opinion, you need to focus on yourself to found out why you are seeking fulfillment from MM. You do know that, at the end of the day, MM cannot make you happy - only you can do that for yourself.
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Old 5th January 2018, 10:57 PM   #39
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Not in my case. but ex MM and his wife did. she was the OW to his 1st wife. which i think is funny how she calls me names when she did the same, only think is shes still got the cheater
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