I'm about go take that leap into being the OW

[Islandwhitewave]

I can't give too much info.... My husband is Air Force and so is the MM. However, the mm is in an open marriage and it's all cool with his wife that's I'm the ow. My husband , well I've been honest from the beginning that I've been flirting with this man.

 

I'll try to start from the beginning. I'm sorry this is long.

 

We all got stationed here around the same time. The MM is my husbands superior. But only until next month. Then my husband sews on another stripe on. They're best friends. Were all best friends and really close. Our sons are best friends. Were like a family. I can simply tell my husband that MM is taking me to dinner and it's no big deal. We are all that close.

 

In the beginning, when I first met the man, I was so attracted to him, I avoided him. I really just didn't want to deal with him. I'm an introvert. They'd have squadron BBQs. I'd go off to to the corners because that me, but he'd zero on me and it made me so uncomfortable.

 

Again I'm sorry for the novel. I would fumble and get flustered around him. That's so not like me. I'm confident, aloof, quiet, and can just cut someone down to size with a few words... But with him the attraction was intense. I babbled like an idiot.

 

So, one day, he asked me to take on a Facebook charity project for him. I agreed. So we worked closely. The flirting got more intense.

 

I went through a severe a health crisis and he asked if I needed to talk, I said I did... It all came out then. We went to the ocean in his suburban , and I admitted everything. He admitted he's been chasing after me for months but I haven't noticed.

 

Here we are... 10 year marriage, my husband has helped me through cancer , 14 surgeries, watched as I went through cluster seizures and pissed myself... I mean we have our fair share of issues as well ...

 

Live lost my breasts to cancer, I'm scarred due to many surgeries... My husband has many times failed to remind me that I'm still a woman that needs to reminded that I need to feel desirable. I'm not making excuses. Anyway. Here I am.....

 

I'm on the cusp... I'm about to make that leap into being the OW.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Islandwhitewave

[whichwayisup]

Stop and think.

 

The damage it'll cause for your innocent children.

The damage it'll cause for your husband.

The damage it'll cause to MM's innocent children.

 

You say you all are like family? That's not true at all.

 

You've opened the door to this willingly.

 

You owe your husband, he's been loving and loyal to you, looking after you when you were sick. This is how you repay him? Don't have that affair, it's selfish and cruel to him.

 

Instead of turning to your husband, talking to him about how you feel, you've chosen to go outside of your marriage..or about to...Don't do it. Fix what you have with your husband, reconnect and do counseling.

 

If you feel you can't do the above (with your husband) then divorce him so he can start his life over with someone who won't cheat on him. Then you're free to be the OW to MM who is in an open marriage.

 

(Are you 100 percent sure his wife is aware he is with other women?)

[DKT3]

This may cost me some points, but only a fool would procede in your situation to being another mans booty call when you have such a devoted husband.

 

Here is the thing, your husband has taken on the role of caretaker, wage earner, and primary parent. You repay that by lusting after another man? A married man no less. For what? Some instant validation, or attention. What comes next? You run off together? I don't think so, not only would MM risk losing his wife but also his career and freedom since this is very much a crime for servicemen.

 

Again this is foolishness at its highest form.

[Decisiontomake]

If someone had told me to stop before I started to be an OW, I would shake their hand right now. Please do not go down that path. If you wish to be married to your H still, then work on that - talk to him about what you need - do not go searching for it elsewhere. You are about to go down a path that will 100% lead to angst.

[Islandwhitewave]

Stop and think.

 

The damage it'll cause for your innocent children.

The damage it'll cause for your husband.

The damage it'll cause to MM's innocent children.

 

You say you all are like family? That's not true at all.

 

You've opened the door to this willingly.

 

You owe your husband, he's been loving and loyal to you, looking after you when you were sick. This is how you repay him? Don't have that affair, it's selfish and cruel to him.

 

Instead of turning to your husband, talking to him about how you feel, you've chosen to go outside of your marriage..or about to...Don't do it. Fix what you have with your husband, reconnect and do counseling.

 

If you feel you can't do the above (with your husband) then divorce him so he can start his life over with someone who won't cheat on him. Then you're free to be the OW to MM who is in an open marriage.

 

(Are you 100 percent sure his wife is aware he is with other women?)

 

Yes I am. I've spoken with her. My dh and I won't divorce. Over this. He knows it'd be a death sentence for me medically. We may separate. But not divorce. I know him too well. Not that I'm saying I'm justifying anything.

 

MM and his wife are in an open marriage. She's seen our conversations. She's seen us get playful at their house. My husband is the only one that would be truly hurt in all this. And my children. And I'm struggling so hard. But I'm also angry. There's so many variables in our marriage that needs to be dealt with. You're right of course.

[Sofie2013]

Please don’t start this. I can promise you it won’t end well it never does. It’s only going to lead to pain, heartache and misery. It sound like you already stared EA with this man so you already crossed some lines. Build the strength to end this now before it’s too late. This man does not care about you he only wants you in bed. I was you and I stared an affair and lost everything trust me don’t not continue this relationship any longer it’s for the best.

 

Your husband sounds like a good guy find a way to find what you think is missing in your marriage with him. You both have been through so much together don’t throw that away. Give your husband, marriage a chance before you start something you will regret and you will.

 

Please do not start the affair.

[whatatangledweb]

This will not end well if your husband catches you in an affair with his superior and best friend. You will runin all the frienships, maybe both marriages and your MM'career. The military does not condone adultry .

 

I understand that you don't feel desired . Have you spoken with your husband about this? He has stood by your side during breast cancer and 14 surgeries, doesn't he deserve you to tell him what you feel? Many times what you think your spouse feels or thinks is incorrect. I would reach out for the man who has been there through thick or thin than an affair.

[Islandwhitewave]

Stop and think.

 

The damage it'll cause for your innocent children.

The damage it'll cause for your husband.

The damage it'll cause to MM's innocent children.

 

You say you all are like family? That's not true at all.

 

You've opened the door to this willingly.

 

You owe your husband, he's been loving and loyal to you, looking after you when you were sick. This is how you repay him? Don't have that affair, it's selfish and cruel to him.

 

Instead of turning to your husband, talking to him about how you feel, you've chosen to go outside of your marriage..or about to...Don't do it. Fix what you have with your husband, reconnect and do counseling.

 

If you feel you can't do the above (with your husband) then divorce him so he can start his life over with someone who won't cheat on him. Then you're free to be the OW to MM who is in an open marriage.

 

(Are you 100 percent sure his wife is aware he is with other women?)

 

This may cost me some points, but only a fool would procede in your situation to being another mans booty call when you have such a devoted husband.

 

Here is the thing, your husband has taken on the role of caretaker, wage earner, and primary parent. You repay that by lusting after another man? A married man no less. For what? Some instant validation, or attention. What comes next? You run off together? I don't think so, not only would MM risk losing his wife but also his career and freedom since this is very much a crime for servicemen.

 

Again this is foolishness at its highest form.

 

Sigh that's the sad part... There's no running off... I'd just be the side piece until we leave and get stationed somewhere else. There's no leaving spouses. Mm not leaving his, me not leaving mine.

[DKT3]

Sigh that's the sad part... There's no running off... I'd just be the side piece until we leave and get stationed somewhere else. There's no leaving spouses. Mm not leaving his, me not leaving mine.

 

This is what my wife thought, then I found out. Guess what, the decision to stay together was no longer hers to make. She was also very confident that even if I found out I wouldn't leave.

 

You have no idea how your husband would handle this.

 

But whatever works for you, enjoy yourself now, pay the price later its your life.

[anne1707]

Sigh that's the sad part... There's no running off... I'd just be the side piece until we leave and get stationed somewhere else. There's no leaving spouses. Mm not leaving his, me not leaving mine.

 

 

You and he may not leave. But his wife and your husband may well choose to leave.

 

 

Please stop and think about what you are doing. The fact that your families are so entwined will make this even worse when it all comes crashing down.

[Islandwhitewave]

Please don’t start this. I can promise you it won’t end well it never does. It’s only going to lead to pain, heartache and misery. It sound like you already stared EA with this man so you already crossed some lines. Build the strength to end this now before it’s too late. This man does not care about you he only wants you in bed. I was you and I stared an affair and lost everything trust me don’t not continue this relationship any longer it’s for the best.

 

Your husband sounds like a good guy find a way to find what you think is missing in your marriage with him. You both have been through so much together don’t throw that away. Give your husband, marriage a chance before you start something you will regret and you will.

 

Please do not start the affair.

 

I know, you're right. I'm acting like an idiot. An impulsive teenager. I avoided him when we first met, he kept zeroing on me, chasing me. We were constantly thrown together because he works with my husband and our sons are best friends. He's best friends with my husband.

 

I ignore calls and texts from him, then I cave. I'm honest for the most part about 90% of the conversations I have with him to my husband. Just not the intense sexual stuff. My husband does know we flirt and goof off. We goof off off like pinky and the brain. It's silly stuff like that. My dh thinks it's funny. He loves and trusts me. But that makes me feel like crap. I'm rambling.sorry.

[CarrieT]

Report the OM to *his* superior officer. That will put a stop to it immediately.

[beach]

Please read in the OW section each day for at least a month. Then decide if you choose to enter that world further.

 

There's so much pain that comes from the situation - physically I can't imagine why you'd want to subject yourself to that kind of emotional upheaval (even if you were a healthy woman).

 

Read - then decide what to do or not do.

[Islandwhitewave]

You and he may not leave. But his wife and your husband may well choose to leave.

 

 

Please stop and think about what you are doing. The fact that your families are so entwined will make this even worse when it all comes crashing down.

 

His wife is already aware of this. She won't leave. He wouldn't jump into this if he thought she would. Open marriage. I've had talks with her already. I ahave been thinking about this. It's why I'm here. A friend sent me here. I don't remember her name. But she gave me the forum name.

[Islandwhitewave]

Please read in the OW section each day for at least a month. Then decide if you choose to enter that world further.

 

There's so much pain that comes from the situation - physically I can't imagine why you'd want to subject yourself to that kind of emotional upheaval (even if you were a healthy woman).

 

Read - then decide what to do or not do.

 

Thank you for the tip. Where is that at??? I'm brand new here.

[beach]

Your husband TRUSTS YOU - YOU are about to ruin that! Once it's ruined you can NEVER get that blind trust back again, EVER.

[anne1707]

His wife is already aware of this. She won't leave. He wouldn't jump into this if he thought she would. Open marriage. I've had talks with her already. I ahave been thinking about this. It's why I'm here. A friend sent me here. I don't remember her name. But she gave me the forum name.

 

But your husband may leave. And what about your son when he finds out you are having an affair with his best friend's dad? What happens when the MM and your husband's superiors find out?

[beach]

Thank you for the tip. Where is that at??? I'm brand new here.

 

You are posting in that section now.

 

Go to that section and start reading other stories/threads to gain insight as to what you will expect.

[anne1707]

Thank you for the tip. Where is that at??? I'm brand new here.

 

 

Its the forum your thread is in now. But also read the Infidelity forum so you can only begin to comprehend the pain your husband will feel if you do this.

[whichwayisup]

Yes I am. I've spoken with her. My dh and I won't divorce. Over this. He knows it'd be a death sentence for me medically. We may separate. But not divorce. I know him too well. Not that I'm saying I'm justifying anything.

 

MM and his wife are in an open marriage. She's seen our conversations. She's seen us get playful at their house. My husband is the only one that would be truly hurt in all this. And my children. And I'm struggling so hard. But I'm also angry. There's so many variables in our marriage that needs to be dealt with. You're right of course.

 

How do you know your H won't divorce you? He may hate you for doing this, having an affair after all he's done for you! Ungrateful and not appreciative of what he's done. Whatever anger and issues you have in your marriage should be fixed, and none of this cheating will help, it'll make it worse.

 

Your H has every right to divorce you. He isn't obligated to you if you choose to have an affair. He has every right to walk away and let you fend for yourself, even if it's a death sentence for you.. Sorry that you have had cancer and been through that rough time, but what you're doing now is really awful. It's like you feel entitled to do as you please. Nothing in your marriage, problems etc can justify you having an affair. You are broken inside and for that, you need to fix you. Fix the problems in your marriage...

 

And yes, you should be thinking about your kids in all this too. How it's going to affect them.

[Islandwhitewave]

Report the OM to *his* superior officer. That will put a stop to it immediately.

 

No that's quite alright. I'd like to keep his career safe. Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

Sigh that's the sad part... There's no running off... I'd just be the side piece until we leave and get stationed somewhere else. There's no leaving spouses. Mm not leaving his, me not leaving mine.

 

So is what you're doing worth it?

 

How about finding some women friends, finding a hobby that can bring out your passion...Instead of having an affair.

[whichwayisup]

No that's quite alright. I'd like to keep his career safe. Thanks.

 

When someone else finds out, and they will (people gossip and do pay attention to stuff like this) it'll be out of your hands. People could lose their jobs and be shunned/shamed.

[Sofie2013]

I know, you're right. I'm acting like an idiot. An impulsive teenager. I avoided him when we first met, he kept zeroing on me, chasing me. We were constantly thrown together because he works with my husband and our sons are best friends. He's best friends with my husband.

 

I ignore calls and texts from him, then I cave. I'm honest for the most part about 90% of the conversations I have with him to my husband. Just not the intense sexual stuff. My husband does know we flirt and goof off. We goof off off like pinky and the brain. It's silly stuff like that. My dh thinks it's funny. He loves and trusts me. But that makes me feel like crap. I'm rambling.sorry.

 

 

 

Do you really want to be just a side piece? Someone who’s only good for a hour or so. This guy doesn’t care about you, your husband or your son it’s all about him. Think about you have a husband who loves you and has been there for you when you needed him the most. You have something most women would kill for don’t throw that way and don’t make the same mistakes I made. Please put a end to this now and find away fix your marriage because if you continues this you might not get that chance.

[beach]

No that's quite alright. I'd like to keep his career safe. Thanks.

 

You can't have both. You just can't.

 

Make a grown up decision and stay away from this predator.

 

He will use you - if YOU ALLOW IT.