bambiwboone Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Do they have any sad feelings or is it easy come easy go? I feel like i'm sitting in all this pain and he is just living it up, happy. He got his third chance with the wife so they are all in the honeymoon stage and i'm miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 He got his "third chance" with his wife just about says it all. What did you expect? Most scumbags that cheat on their wives are predators, they want varied sexual partners without having to be responsible for any consequence. They will never leave their wives, it would cost them too much. They are having makeup sex while blaming you for trying to break up their marriage. Guys like him are just too cheap to pay for it so instead they pray on women going through issues. Out the POS to the world, his face should be on every milk carton on the planet as someone to avoid. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 He got his "third chance" with his wife just about says it all. What did you expect? Most scumbags that cheat on their wives are predators, they want varied sexual partners without having to be responsible for any consequence. They will never leave their wives, it would cost them too much. They are having makeup sex while blaming you for trying to break up their marriage. Guys like him are just too cheap to pay for it so instead they pray on women going through issues. Out the POS to the world, his face should be on every milk carton on the planet as someone to avoid. That is not altogether true. If you know that the man is married then what does one expect?! It's not like the MM forced the OW into it. Both parties are as responsible as eachother. Maybe worth thinking more about the innocent parties involved (wives/husbands and children) and then thinking why he isn't with you. Perhaps it's because he has a commitment (yes, I know both of you probably should have been thinking about them more whilst in the A, but affair fog and all that) and they are somewhat more important than the relationship you had with eachother. However my sympathies do also lie in OW/OM who are involved in an A with someone who they do not realise are married (because they are lied to). Now that is pretty low behaviour. I just don't think the MM/MW can be vilified and blamed totally. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Oh, and in response to the original question, I think many MM/MW do miss their AP. I think it would be impossible not to if you have shared intimacies and emotions with them. I guess it depends on the dynamic of the relationship that took place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I think that it depends on the person, their intentions and what they wanted out of the A. In my case, unless my xOMM is the best actor in the world, I am pretty sure that he misses me and talking to me etc., especially from recent events. But our A wasn't based on sex or other physical things. We shared things with each other, and the end of something like that is always tough, unless you are a sociopath with no feelings. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Mine did, because it only took him a week to figure out how to make contact... aside from showing up at my house, which he KNOWS would be a dealbreaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLee Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Bambiwboone, I feel your pain right now. I'm Day2 of NC and it's a KILLER!! Like you, I wonder if he misses me and worse I've begun to second guess everything which sucks! I cannot believe the physical pain that I feel right now. I didn't have the ballz to delete contact info etc and go cold turkey, so yesterday he called me 2x and texted 2x- I was proud of the fact that I didn't respond. Smh. Hang in there, I'm sure that he misses you too, how could he not? It's sad. L Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I wish I could like Alexandria's post more than once! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Alexandra - what you say is so true. But in the early stages of nc it feels like death (and it is) and you don't think you will ever feel right again. And I am probably an abnormality because it took really a full 3 years to really detach and really begin to live in the moment. I wish it had been sooner - I feel like I wasted so much time. Now, I still miss him, but I'm not consumed by it. I have days where I have some sadness, but its certainly not as frequent. And honestly I truly believe he feels the same because I do know him well and that gives me a bit of comfort. And today I am off work, it's beautiful and I am heading to a local establishment on a lake to have lunch with my sister in law and have a fruity cocktail. Life is freaking good! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Yes....we miss the hell out of y'all.... TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I think they miss us if there was an emotional connection. But they have two things going for them: - greater ability to compartmentalize - ability to love two women at once (I sincerely believe this) therefore, its easier to just forget one and fully embrace the other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I think they miss us if there was an emotional connection. But they have two things going for them: - greater ability to compartmentalize - ability to love two women at once (I sincerely believe this) therefore, its easier to just forget one and fully embrace the other. I agree with you, however, I think that the ability to love multiple people applies to women as well. Myself being a MW, never stopped loving my husband, but I also fell in love with the xOMM (still am in some ways). I hate that I'm saying that, but it's the truth. However, my xOMM, in a lot of ways, exhibited more "clingy" behavior than I did. He even admitted to spending sleepless nights, and not being able to eat properly etc., especially in certain situations. Even when we went complete NC the last time, he seemed to handle it worse than me. So, idk.. I guess it all depends on the person and the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Honest answer, I do miss her....... No matter what, I'm sure she doesn't miss me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Surprises me too... I will blame it on this time of year.... we were full bore. I guess if Im not honest with myself, I can't continue to fix me..... I can say most of the time I do well.... as of late, it has not been an easy time of it...... Not that my M is not doing well.... the past has a way of creeping up at the most inopportune times. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
latergater Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Not 100% sure he misses me (haven't asked), but yes, I would say he does. I ended it though, so that's slightly different... He misses you .. I'm sure but not enough that he is willing to give up his wife and family for you. You are second choice and he chooses to give you up to remain in his marriage, with his wife. Yes, as stale and as "boring" as he probably claimed it was, that is what he is choosing over you. That is what my ex MM chose over ME and the "others that I found out about." Yes, he was juggling a whole slew of women. Nice huh? Even if YOU ended it, chances are, he probably has someone else willing to step in for you. So, he may be excited about his new prospect. Otherwise, I am SHOCKED he hasn't tried to get in touch with you. Men who can sleep in the same bed as their wife every night and can have affairs are emotionally limited, from what I can see. I was involved with a serial cheater and I think men and women who cheat will do so again and again, in most cases. I am not speaking about everyone. I am speaking about in most cases. I will never go back to this life again. NEVER. I will be smarter if and when the opportunity ever comes knocking on my door. I will NOT even date a guy who is separated now. I have lived and i have learned. If he/she cheated with you, he/she will cheat on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Sometimes they suffer more than you can imagine. More than you even. Putting a face on can hurt like crazy. Being with someone can leave you feeling more lonely than being alone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Honest answer, I do miss her....... No matter what, I'm sure she doesn't miss me Yeah, I'm fairly certain I am in that boat as well. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Hi latergator, thanks for your reply. A few things: xMM never said his marriage was 'stale and boring'. He is very happy at home with his family. He never promised to leave his wife and choose me, and I never expected it. We were friends that ended up crossing a line. I ended it because he wanted to remain friends with me, I considered that o still be an affair, and I didn't want that anymore. I made the decision he couldn't, because of his wife and kids. I couldn't be partly responsible for ruining their lives, it was too much. So I backed out. I find it unlikely, but if so, that's his decision. He hasn't contacted me because I asked him not to. I also said I wouldn't contact him. I don't see why that is so unusual. I don't see why a person can't have an affair and never have one again. I don't see why 2 people can't end something maturely and walk away. But, whatever. What happens in his life from here on out has nothing to do with me. I have nothing else to say to him, so I won't be reaching out. Him, I don't know - but I find it extremely unlikely. I wouldn't have called xMM 'emotionally limited'. He seemed quite emotional. Perhaps even more so than me. I won't be involved with a married man again either. I swear MC ... You have got to be the strongest, most self aware person I have ever "met". I wish I had your strength. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Do they have any sad feelings or is it easy come easy go? I feel like i'm sitting in all this pain and he is just living it up, happy. He got his third chance with the wife so they are all in the honeymoon stage and i'm miserable. Everyone thinks this in every breakup...and with the advent of social media, the dumper and dumpee often try outdo each other with a facade of living it up . It's slightly different in an A, in that, unlike single breakups, there isn't a whole other life or reconciliation going on, so it's easier for the brokenhearted person to imagine their now single ex is unhappy too. Whereas there are more questions about what was real/not with someone who had a compartmentalized life and is reconciling. I'm sure some MM miss the OW...for what that's worth. I think one who is genuinely sorry about the A and trying to move on, while he may miss the OW, will probably put more energy into reconciling and less on the missing. Don't pin your worth on whether the MM misses you or not. I know it probably feels better to at least think/know he does, to know you weren't completely disposable...but regardless, if he misses you or not, he is where he has chosen to be and his secret feelings about you won't help your situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Sometimes they suffer more than you can imagine. More than you even. Putting a face on can hurt like crazy. Being with someone can leave you feeling more lonely than being alone... Silly Girl...even when my H was around I still felt lonely after the A. But I was still in the fog I guess and not enjoying his company, too busy pining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Surprises me too... I will blame it on this time of year.... we were full bore. I guess if Im not honest with myself, I can't continue to fix me..... I can say most of the time I do well.... as of late, it has not been an easy time of it...... Not that my M is not doing well.... the past has a way of creeping up at the most inopportune times. Do you mean the past in relation to your M? Or just in general? You also are in the position of having to see her, so it's much worse. I think out of sight, out of mind is key. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Hopefully it's just a passing thought. Perhaps you aren't really missing her so much, but the possibilities that you thought existed with her? I think a lot of people who cheat, have unrealistic expectation of long term relationships and we think with someone new and different it will be that great love story, that we foolishly buy into? Maybe so, but you know, I went back to the front of the school to pick up my daughter as I banished myself before so I thought, who is she to keep me from doing what I used to do. And so I did, and up until the past couple of days I was doing good, but then rather than keep my back to her, I looked over at her and there she was just acting like she didn't know me, and it pissed me off. It's not that I was pining away, it just made me feel stupid for allowing it all to go down, for believing anything she ever said to me and for me to have bought even a quarter of what she was selling at the time....shame on me.... She asked me to never talk to her again, and so I haven't... she sent two messages and I didn't answer right away..and when I stupidly did, it was made to be like I had somehow been the initiator and the one in the wrong... so it all culminates into my idiocy .... I miss what we had at the time, but it is no more..... and I need to force myself to understand that and stop looking for some small sign of hope, even if it is for a moment.... two steps back....five more forward Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Do you mean the past in relation to your M? Or just in general? You also are in the position of having to see her, so it's much worse. I think out of sight, out of mind is key. The past in relation to the A...and you are right, I guess I have to banish myself once again so on with the 'normal' she gets to do and I have to hide to avoid all the unresolved issues that went along with this whole disaster of an A. Link to post Share on other sites
Wellington Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I thought my MM didn't care at all. I was thrown in NC for a month, just "poof" he was gone and I was crushed, confused, angry. Loe and behold, he came back, again (he has disappeared several times) saying how he thought of me every day, and missed me SO much, blah, blah, blah. If I truly "miss" someone, I pick up the damned phone and call them!! If he wanted to be with me, he would have found a way. Actions speak louder than words. So, do I think he misses me?! No. He can "say it" all he wants, but his actions have spoken very differently. This time around, Im not going back. Lets see if he misses me now that he knows I am REALLY gone!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Honest answer, I do miss her....... No matter what, I'm sure she doesn't miss me I bet she misses you more than you know... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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