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Am I wrong to fall in love with a married man?


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Old 17th May 2003, 4:32 PM   #1
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Unhappy Am I wrong to fall in love with a married man?

Any ladies out there has this experiences? Please share with me..
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Old 17th May 2003, 7:10 PM   #2
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With the information you have given I cannot tell if you are falling in love with a married man
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Old 17th May 2003, 8:01 PM   #3
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Yes, you are wrong. He's married, find someone else.
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Old 17th May 2003, 9:44 PM   #4
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It depends on what you want to accomplish. If you want to destroy lives, create chaos in families, become totally hurt in the end...and even create a homicide incident...knock yourself out.

If you want to keep your life straight and have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with someone, I urge you to go find a single, available man.

Wow, you should see some of the stuff on cable's Court TV (CTV). The majority of the stories on there are about people who end up murdering their spouses and others...with adultery and betrayal at the root of the motive.

You might also want to watch a syndicated program called "Cheaters" if it's on a station in your area. That one's a hoot as well. They actually follow the person doing the cheating and the betrayed spouse confronts the other two in front of the cameras. I just love that one!!!
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Old 17th May 2003, 10:42 PM   #5
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You know it's not right, or you wouldn't ask. Just remember that it is she who sleeps with him everynight (whether he'll admit it or not). It is she who is his beficiary, not you. It is she who can call herself "Mrs." while you call yourself "MisTress".

Also, stop and think about a guy who would cheat on a woman who he made vows to love and cherish til death they part. Is that really someone you'ld want to fall in love with? A man who cannot make a commitment and did not take those vows seriously? Think about it.
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Old 18th May 2003, 2:27 AM   #6
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Celin28: Married men means they are taken, unavailable, status changed, committed to a long-term marriage, loved someone deep enough to exchange the vows and declared to whole world they are married. I would like to know what makes you think beyond this clear line as a lady has also taken a liking to my husband and I wish to understand what makes ladies like you think that it is all right to fall in love and make advances to a married man? No offence please but an exchange of perspectives, thanks!
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Old 20th May 2003, 2:21 PM   #7
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Not sure about the being "in love with", but of course you *can* love him. You can and will love many people throughout your life, but if you want to act in both of your best interests you can't have a romantic relationship with him. That part of his life is already spoken for, and to intrude on that would be very destructive. You can and should love him enough to be kind to him and yourself. Love him enough to not be an obstacle to him having a good relationship with his wife.
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Old 20th May 2003, 5:34 PM   #8
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You can "all in love" with whoever you want; just don't act on it.
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Old 22nd May 2003, 3:38 PM   #9
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The married man

Most of the replies to the question of whether it's wrong for a woman to get involved with a married man were pretty hardline on the no side.

I have to agree with the perspective that any woman who gets involved with a married man will likely end up getting hurt but the suggestion from Tony that adulterers are headed for homicide and court is outrageously ludicrous.

I have been the married man involved in the affair and I think it's fair to say that when one makes vows one should adhere to them, however human nature, animalistic as it is will forever ensure that our bodies and hearts will choose not to hold true to our moral minded vows.

I wish we could vow away our urge to lust after others and in some cases to act on those urges but that just isn't the case, as history has proven time after time. Men who are loyal through 20-30 years of marriage, in most cases, just haven't had the opportunity to cheat or they are afraid.

Some men and I salute these, do love their wives too much to risk hurting them but I inisist that these are rare birds.
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Old 22nd May 2003, 3:56 PM   #10
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YOU WRITE: "...the suggestion from Tony that adulterers are headed for homicide and court is outrageously ludicrous."

Not ludicrous at all. I didn't mean to suggest that all or even a majority of them end up that way and I should have made that clear. But the majority of murder investigations featured on Court TV (CTV) have adulterous relationships as components.

You post is very informative and I am glad you fess up to your human limitations.

As for the homicide, it ain't over yet. Be careful!!!
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Old 22nd May 2003, 7:33 PM   #11
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Quote:
Am I wrong to fall in love with a married man?

Yes.
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Old 25th May 2003, 6:21 PM   #12
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To Everyone and Celine

I do believe it is wrong to "fall in love with a married man" HOWEVER..I think it more "wrong" not to stop yourself and try to figure out what is happening in your personal life that is motivating yourself to be drawn to that situation...Recent death of a relative, abandonment of somekind.....Most women find themselves in the dire situation of "being attracted or in love " with a married man as they are so afraid emotionally of true intimacy (usually..if there not psychotic) ..Just human beings and have not sought help for the same old trap that hundreds of thousands of people, men and women find themselves in everyday............Also, the fact that Celine came on here and at least "asked' shows that she is on the internet, seeking others for advice and has been motivated enough by her own "feelings" of guilt or some other feelings to question herself ..Hoepfully, we will not "attack" her because of our opwn situations and guide her to "self help" sites and the like so she can begin to understand this "dangerous" dynamic....8 years ago I was caught in the trap and after much "growing up" "counseling" and a tremndous amount of research...I cam to understand what was going on, how to protect myself from the self abuse and realize how as people we are all vulnerable and able to fall into bad situations...I would say this is exactly the same as an addiciton and almost should have a 12 step program...As far as homicide is concerned, I do believe that this is possible in these situations from time to time, because of the sheer intensity of the emotions on all sides..OF COURSE IT'S NOT RIGHT..But it happens and that just goes to show how ill all parties can become during this situation, including the innocent..therefore..It is compeletly wrong and will always be, as there is simply no good that comes from affairs that is true or loing lasting..and someone..if not all of the parties, will become damaged is some way and hurt in some degree or another..there is no other end..there is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS pain...if it is not stopped soon enough..Hoepfully before the process starts..If it does..getting out and or healing..is the only way to recovery..as well as forgiveness and the search for understanding..its the only road back to health I feel..

God Bless ...
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Old 29th June 2003, 11:45 PM   #13
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Unhappy In a similar situation

This is coming from someone who is in a similar situation as you are. People can say yes it's wrong to fall in love with a married man which it kinda is but they don't know how you are feeling. They may be easy for them to say it's wrong, leave him alone and get over him but it's not that easy when you are in a situation like this. My situation that I'm in right now is I liked this guy before he got married then a year and half later he got married. He knew that I liked him and he also liked me but we couldn't be together since he loved his fiance and didn't want to hurt her. To this very day I still see him around, think about him all the time and want to be with him but I can't since he's married. Since you didn't really didn't explain the whole situation just the question I can't give my opinion and advice but if I was you I wouldn't mess with him unless he's willing to divorce his wife and be with you.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 7:42 PM   #14
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Am I Wrong to Fall in Love With a Married Man

Celine,

I am where you are right now. I have been with a married man for what will be a year in March. I cannot say that you are wrong or right. In fact, I cannot even give you the answer you're looking for. The thing of it is, it is so easy for others to look at you and judge you by what they see. And "from the outside looking in" it's easy for them to see the bad and never the good.

I can tell you that it isn't isn't an easy thing to do-in fact it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I fell in love with him about half a year ago. Either one of us wanted it to happen-it wasn't supposed to happen. I was on college spring break and I thought it would just be a little fling, then it turned into a summer thing and now it will almost be a year. He says he going to leave his wife- and maybe its stupid of me to believe, but I honestly think he will. I have never asked him to leave her because it simply is not my right. So when he goes home to her at night I lie in bed and wonder if he's lying beside her and if I'm on his mind. I'm sure you wonder the very same things and feel the very same emptiness that I feel when he leaves me for the night. I know he cares about me-he really does. He wants to leave but is never that easy is it? He assures me his love is true and that one day he will leave. He told me one day that he wished he could have met me before he got married-how could I not wish the same? It the most logical thing to feel when you are falling in love. These are all second-hand feelings to him and this is the first time I have ever been in love.

The only advice I can give is to make sure that it is real-or if you even want something out of this relationship. I know that it is hard to be honest with yourself sometimes, but in the end it's the only thing thats real. I am so scared about how my whole situation is going to blow up in my face. My parents will not understand-infidelity is unacceptable in my family. His mom is going to hate me. It will never be easy for either one of us if we do decide on actually being together. The hardest thing will be in deciding if it's worth the price of my family. When your in love it's easy to think that everything will work out in the end. But that's a fairy tale and this is life. You have to consider all of these things. I lie in bed every night thinking about all of this. All I ever wanted was to be happy-it seems like a high price to pay.
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Old 24th February 2004, 10:44 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kat
You can "fall in love" with whoever you want; just don't act on it.
Exactly!
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