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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 8th January 2018, 5:17 PM   #46
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He's gone. I think the OP was looking for some magic bullet solution where he can shock her into reality with disclosure and threat of divorce. His last post about seeing an attorney and having papers ready seemed to me more of an attempt to get her back than to sever ties with her.
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Old 12th January 2018, 11:05 PM   #47
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I’m not gone. I just don’t respect the posters here that obviously have so much hate for their own situation they can’t think straight. I’m seeing a divorce attorney, but you all need to get a grip. Yes, I probably will divorce her. The kids are mine, I have no doubts there, and I want them. She needs to follow a very strict line to have any hope. I’m recording her conversations. I don’t expect this to end well, but am well prepared to cut ties and serve her with a divorce. She will regret it, but that’s not my problem anymore. She brought it on herself and will need to live with the consequences.

I know this is painful for all of you that have gone through it, but get a grip. Life will continue after divorce. I’m prepared for that.

Last edited by Tkelly; 12th January 2018 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:43 PM   #48
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Keep reading even if you see no reason to reply. Why? Think of this
Place as a diamond mine. 99% of what you see may be worthless to you. But every now and then you'll find a valuable diamond. And that makes the effort worthwhile.

The most succinct advice I saw online was: your goal is to get out of infidelity .
Whether that results in divorce or reconciliation is something you cannot immediately know. Dont make the mistake of deciding which will happen until you have become able to rationally think for yourself.

Keep us updated if you can. It is true that someone here will have been through
similar circumstances and may have pertinent advice.
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Old 13th January 2018, 7:36 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Tkelly View Post
Iím recording her conversations. I donít expect this to end well, but am well prepared to cut ties and serve her with a divorce.
What more is it you are looking for? You found nude selfies on her phone, which by your own admission were not sent to you. She cheated 2.5 years ago and you thought she ended contact with the AP, but you found out they were still in touch with each other. They met up but they only "touched"? Seriously you have all the information you need to make a decision right now, you don't need to keep playing detective. Most states are no fault divorce states so all this information you are seeking really doesn't matter. You are going to drive yourself crazy with all this investigating and the longer it goes on the worse it will get for you. You can't change who your wife is and make her conform to your values, making her walk a tight line is only going to make her hate you eventually. It really sucks but she doesn't value the marriage like you do and she probably never will. If she did, this would not have happened to you again. So I guess what I am trying to say is that if she didn't get it the first time, when you confronted her and went to counseling, etc., she probably never will.
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Old 13th January 2018, 7:48 PM   #50
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Just my two cents and I've never been through this...

I would make her submit to paternity/DNA tests and an STD test to underscore just how little credibility she now has. You are a father so you will get this. Unless there are ramifications to a person's behavior they won't change. Like it or not you taking the high road the first time around was essentially like a parent not disciplining a child for skipping school. You trying to be the bigger person and continue on with your wife basically allowed her continue on with this behavior.

Best of luck. Oh and I would definitely file. If only in the ramifications for her behavior sense. You can always withdraw the divorce petition.
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:43 AM   #51
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Iím not worried about paternity. My kids are mine, I have no doubt. They even have my features. So stop worrying about that. The wife will be served and she will need to make a choice. What is more important.? We will see.
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Old 14th January 2018, 1:17 AM   #52
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Iím not worried about paternity. My kids are mine, I have no doubt. They even have my features. So stop worrying about that. The wife will be served and she will need to make a choice. What is more important.? We will see.
I think you are kinda missing the point. You are dealing with a liar, you simply can't trust anything you can't put tangible proof on. Not kids (our minds can trick us there, trust me been there, I was not the father)

We see this alot here, someone hits on a sore subject and one jumps to transference. None of us are so upset with our situation that it leads us to offer advice to lead someone else astray. The things you are hearing are all things that are pretty common.

From what we can judge from your story, your wife is an unremorseful and convincing liar. As time goes on piece of mind will become hard to come by, your questions will dig deeper and deeper into the relationship. Things from the past will take a different meaning.
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Old 14th January 2018, 2:15 AM   #53
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Good luck.

Get strong and stay there.

You'll come out better no matter which way this goes.

Make no mistake. Cheaters lie a lot.

Most betrayed spouses want to believe because the truth is to hard to swallow.

The second time around was sexual as well.

They all follow basically the same script this Is very typical nothing special about it at all. But it is to you.
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Old 14th January 2018, 3:13 AM   #54
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I think this decision for your future needs to be up to you- not her.

She can't be trusted. Are you sure you want to leave that decision to her?
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:33 PM   #55
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If you're really going to divorce her, then none of this matters--not the paternity or the details of her sexual encounters. All of us would agree on that. And since she's a serial adulteress, the overwhelming advice you'll receive is to proceed with the divorce.

However, it sounds like you're still on the fence. You'll "probably" divorce her, but you might not. So we gave you some advice that seemed harsh, but was intended to help you reconcile if that's the route you chose.

Most of the advice in here was intended to ensure that she hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is the only place from which she'll actually start to be remorseful. Yes, the kids are yours I'd bet. But the DNA test reveals to her the depths of her depravity and consequences for her actions. Once she has to look in the mirror, she might make the decision to turn herself around, and resolve to become a good wife. Anything but rock bottom results in more limbo, which is what you've been in for a few years now.

Other tools towards this "rock bottom" goal are exposure (which you've already employed), exposure to the other spouse, to your wife's parents, etc. Another tool is a divorce filing. Not an empty threat of divorce--this is almost worthless--but a real legal filing that she must address.

Again, we understand that maybe your hidden ultimate goal will be reconciliation. So even if you don't want the divorce, you file just to show her real consequences to make her look in the mirror and at her future. The filing can be halted at any point.

Last edited by WilyWill; 14th January 2018 at 12:36 PM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:14 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Tkelly View Post
I’m not worried about paternity. My kids are mine, I have no doubt. They even have my features. So stop worrying about that. The wife will be served and she will need to make a choice. What is more important.? We will see.
Like WilyWill said above.
The paternity test in your case would be a reality check for your WW, to smack her into reality and see how much she has violated your trust, and how deep that goes. You do this to get her attention even if you know the twins are yours. The results may be immaterial but the action is not.

Last edited by Rubix Cubed; 16th January 2018 at 12:17 AM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:19 AM   #57
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Like WilyWill said above.
The paternity test in your case would be a reality check for your WW, to smack her into reality and see how much she has violated your trust, and how deep that goes. You do this to get her attention even if you know the twins are yours. The results may be immaterial but the action is not.
And the reaction she has may tell you more than you figure.
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:38 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tkelly View Post
Iím not worried about paternity. My kids are mine, I have no doubt. They even have my features. So stop worrying about that. The wife will be served and she will need to make a choice. What is more important.? We will see.
Oh come on. You gave her like what, four chances? This is the fifth? It's business as usual! You're going to be angry for a bit, you're going to be fuming. She'll tell you how sorry she is and it'll be right back again to where it was before.

You have given her so many chances, there is no way she or anyone could take this serious anymore. Even now you are talking about her having to put in work "or else". But that or else will never come, it hasn't come at any point prior. Everyone is aware you wont pull the trigger.
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Old 19th January 2018, 5:02 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by Tkelly View Post
I’m not worried about paternity. My kids are mine, I have no doubt. They even have my features. So stop worrying about that. The wife will be served and she will need to make a choice. What is more important.? We will see.
Clearly, paternity is NOT an issue for you so others should stop harping on it.

You have chosen the path that is best for you and I respect that. As you say, it will force her to face the reality of losing her marriage and the choice is on her to try to convince you to give her another chance. I couldn't agree more with what you are doing. Good luck.
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