Wife is about to make it physical.

[Vanhandle]

Hi, this is REALLY long so please bear with me:

 

 

I am 44 and my wife is 42. We’ve been together 17 years, married for 15 and have a 15 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl. We both have successful professions and live comfortably.

10 years ago my wife took a passionate interest in Salsa dancing and persuaded me to go along and learn the dance. I obliged but found that after about a year I wasn’t really into it and subsequently stopped going to classes. Meanwhile, she kept at it and gradually progressed to an advanced level. I on the other hand started to feel resentment because I noticed that she put so much effort and passion into Salsa and neglected the passion in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to the family and kids she is the most amazing mother one could wish for. This resentment lead me to gradually dislike salsa and anything to do with her dancing. She would go out dancing every Friday or Saturday. As the years went by I somehow learned to live with this and just accept that this is her passion. As part of her dancing activities she has gone to Cuba a number of times for vacation with her dance friends and sometimes with her girlfriends. These trips caused friction between us because I never liked the notion of her going to these locations alone, i.e. not with me. This too I learned to live with, because she always said that sometimes its good to be apart from each other for the good of the relationship and for her to have “me” time. Even with all my resentment and discomfort, I always trusted and had faith in her. We have a special bond and are truly soul mates.

 

In September 2010, the whole family went to visit my family overseas and the trip was great but very stressful for both us because our daughter was quite a handful. In December, two of my brothers came over for a 2 month visit. Their stay was wonderful but quite chaotic due to having two more people to feed, entertain and lodge on top of a full house of four people. Our 15th anniversary was coming up in April and we had booked a cruise in Hawaii. However, right after my brothers left, my wife started looking dejected, fatigued and stressed out. She kept saying that she is exhausted beyond words, feels “empty inside”, feels suicidal and wants to go away for a vacation to recover. I acknowledged that the past 5-6 months had been stressful, appreciated everything she did but I couldn’t understand why she would want to go away on her own (albeit with her girlfriend) barely less than a month before our cruise. She continually repeated how she felt and even went so far as to say that she’s even considering separation. I was really alarmed and realized that this was serious so I agreed to let her go for a 7 day vacation in Santiago, Cuba from March 6 to March 13.

 

Upon her return, I noticed that she was happy, glowing and looked amazing. As the days went by, I noticed that this glow was more than just being rejuvenated. Her demeanor resembled a person in love, over the moon. She seemed to not care about domestic stuff that normally would annoy her. She became indifferent to the children, especially the little one who can be quite the handful. She would disappear if any of the kids gave her hassle. She would be on the phone for hours with her travel girlfriend. She started to say that she had finally found the kind of friend she had always looked for. She stated that her friend made her look at life differently and showed her how to relax. A couple of days later while using our computer I checked the browse history and noticed inquiries on how to call Cuba. I asked her about this and she explained that she and her friend liked the place so much that they wanted to organize a group of people to go there. A day later I noticed more inquiries about calling Cuba and I asked her about it again. Her explanation this time was that she called because her friend was having problems using the calling card. A few days later I looked for some change in her purse (never an issue before) and I found a long distance calling card specific to Cuba. I asked her about this as well. She completely denied ever having such a card or ever calling Cuba (even though she previously gave a story about organizing a group and trying the card for her friend). “How can I call Cuba? I don’t speak Spanish” were her exact words. A few days later, she went out dancing and I was watching a movie. She comes in, asks if it’s a good movie and then proceeds to the computer with a USB stick in her hand. The computer desk is located right behind the sofa I am sitting on. While watching the movie I hear sound clips of guys singing Spanish songs. I turned to look at the screen and caught her watching a video that shows some guy singing while she is snugly tucked under his arm and intimately leaning into him. I ask “hey, what is that?” and she quickly shut it down and said its nothing, just some clips from the trip. I persist and say that I saw her in the arms of some guy. She vehemently denied this and claimed I’m imagining things. (Note: This video disappeared and was never shown again.).

 

Next day, I asked her how come she didn’t offer to show photos from the trip, which she normally used to without being prompted. Her body language conveyed reluctance and she grudgingly agreed. She explained she was reluctant because she knew I “would get the wrong impression and start imagining things.” When she finally did show them to me I noticed an undeniable pattern where she is consistently in the company of the guy from the video clip that disappeared. Apparently he is part of a duo that sings at the resort for the tourists. Some images were quite intimate. In each photo she was glowing like when we were first dating. I even took a look at our old dating photos and the glow was the same. She played it off as nothing but friendly embraces. When asked why all photos & videos were captured with her girlfriend’s camera, she claimed that her camera “only” had 20 photos and that they were basically the same. However, when I stumbled across the camera, it held close to 90 photos, 20 of which show the guy shirtless in different poses. When confronted, she said since he’s singers at the resort, they were just playfully posing for promotion purposes and that someone else was taking those photos. I did some digging in the computer and found a deleted video showing her in a Latin dance with the guy involving some intimate and inappropriate moves (simulated doggie style, fellatio, etc...). I confronted her and her explanation (with a sheepish smile) “I was very drunk and can’t remember doing that, but I’m not proud of myself”. Shortly after, she started to study Spanish intensively. I asked her why the sudden intensity and she said that she wants to understand the lyrics of Salsa songs, even though she’s been listening to Salsa music for the last 10 years. Next I she went to a sex workshop called “How to drive your lover wild with pleasure”. I only found out because I asked and she was NOT happy to discuss it. It felt as if I was talking to a stranger and not my wife. Keep in mind that we were always, always open about these things. In fact it was a turn on for both of us to discuss these things, so this coldness was strange and confirmed to me that she was prepping for something.

 

At this point, red flags/alarms were blazing and my gut was telling me that something was really messed up here. I panicked and started to ask her if something happened in Cuba that I should know about. Did she have something with this guy? Why is she so cold to me and pushing me away whenever I tried to hug her? She denied anything happened and that she would never do anything to hurt me. I still was not convinced because her body language and demeanor told a different story.

On our anniversary dinner, she asked that I let her go on multiple vacations a year. I said lets start with one or two and not push her luck. That evening after dinner we made love, but the strange thing is that she was so into it that the only time I remember her that passionate is when we were dating 17 yrs ago. It was as if she was making love to someone else. I appreciated the passion but kept a mental note of this incident. After much deliberation, I installed a key logger program on our computer. 2 days before we were to go on our anniversary cruise I checked the logger and got access to her email. I logged in and found a folder containing emails between her and the guy from Cuba. What I read made me fall from my chair. Turns out that my wife had been in touch with him from the day she had returned from Cuba. First email was about how she and her friend feel sad to be back and how they miss them, etc. Subsequent emails were about how she enjoyed talking to him on the phone and that she’ll call him on such and such day as agreed. Her emails always started with either “Hello My Prince”, “Hello My King”, or “Hello My Eagle” and they ended with either “Yours”, “Love” or “Your Princessa”. The things she said in the emails were things she never even said to me when we were passionately dating. Nothing gory, but quite intimate like “I did not have a right to take a piece of you but since it happened it is now safe with me. I left you something in return, be gentle with it too! You know I think about you a lot, you also come to into my dreams every night. I hope we will meet again one day, I only hope not too long so that we do not forget each other. I hate those days when we don’t talk. It feels so long, I miss you today more than ever!”

 

I felt the air I breathe sucked out of my lungs, a piercing knife in my heart and my head was spinning. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I would have a heart-attack. I was shaking uncontrollably. I had a feeling something was wrong but I was in utter shock and disbelief at the extent of what had been going on behind my back all this time. BUT what really, really cut me to the core was this email she sent to her girlfriend barely half an hour after we made love on our anniversary night: “I am going back for sure, doesn’t matter if its for better or worse! I am very serious now; I am ready for this relationship! I am thinking of going either July or August. I am going to look for a travel partner. If something happens to me one day, let him know I loved him!” I confronted her the next morning and started quoting stuff from the emails. In hindsight, I should not have mentioned the emails because all hell broke loose. She went ballistic that I dared to invade her privacy and wanted a divorce right then and there. She said that it was all an illusion, a fantasy and that nothing was real in what she wrote. From that moment she turned the tables on me and made me the guilty one for betraying her trust. (She has a dalliance with another man and I’m the guilty one, go figure!) Like an idiot I became weak and tried to figure out why she did it and that we should work on our marriage, etc…. She calmed down somewhat and then we went on the cruise.

 

During the trip I noticed she was day-dreaming almost every second and I confronted her again, asking if she was thinking about him. She denied it and said that I was ruining the recovery process. Later on she would ask me rhetorical questions like “in the beginning of a relationship; does a guy expect the girl to be sexually wild or modest? And if she’s wild what does the guy think of her?

My answer was that if the girl is really wild the guy will enjoy it immensely at that moment, but later will wonder whether she’s a long term kind of girl. She listened very intently and then sighed angrily “you men are weird”. The look and response looked liked it was based on reality. From that moment on she was sullen, looked irritated and hardly conversed with me for the next few hours. We had arguments but then we got back to normal.

 

Upon return from our cruise, I checked her email because on the ship she was always anxiously checking her emails. Well turns out she had sent him a message from the ship saying, I quote: “Miss you every second of my day!! I’ll call you when I get back. Write to me if you can. Love, [Ruby]” (underlined word is hers)

For the next few months she would be hot and cold towards me but overall distant and ALWAYS day-dreaming. I kept monitoring her emails and I noticed she had opened a secret email account and had sent the guy a message telling him to send future messages here because the other one is not working. Next I intercepted phone conversations between her and her girlfriend talking about how she thinks about him and wants to go there. How she pleasures herself while thinking about him. She planned to go back first week of July for her birthday, but unfortunately for her not many people like to travel to Cuba in July so she had a hard time finding travel partners. In subsequent conversations she sounded depressed and even wondered if “Fate is protecting me from making a mistake” (meaning she knows its wrong). Regardless, she was undeterred. I followed further correspondence where she was desperately contacting her dance girlfriends and trying to convince them to go to Havana with her. I even found inquiries she made for private home rentals. Finally about a month ago, one of her friends agreed to go with her.

 

Two weeks ago, she brought up the topic about going to Havana. I had prepared for this moment and calmly made it clear to her that after all that has happened (and still happening) I do not want her to go to Cuba. She said that the guy is from Santiago and that she is going to Havana, so what am I afraid of? Little did she know that a) I had heard her tell her friend that she’ll meet him in Havana. b) She claimed that she’s going with 4 other girls when in reality its only 1 girl, c) She added 5 extra nights after her friend leaves and basically will be alone for almost a week!!!

I learned my lesson from the first confrontation and did not mention that I know about all this, but I did question her during our discussion if she will be meeting him and if she is going to be alone at any point on this trip. She said no and no! I told her if she wants to prove that she can be trusted then she should cancel and go somewhere else. I even offered to pay the difference, just as long as she doesn’t go back to Cuba. She claimed that the girls (yeah right!) had already booked so she can’t cancel. She begged me to let her go, promised to quit Salsa, promised to not travel alone in the future, anything just so long as I agree to her going. This proved to me that she is DEFINITELY planning to meet up with him and I told her so. She went ahead and booked it anyway and said that I should trust her, and that I should be confident and not be paranoid. That she would not jeopardize our family and that she loves me dearly.

 

The past 4 months have been a living hell for me emotionally. I can’t work, eat or sleep and have lost 20 pounds. Her departure date is August 2nd (next week) and I am having hard time coping with the imagery of what they will be doing. I love her very much and my kids are the world to me. I do not want to destroy this family unit but I cannot live like this. Knowing that once she returns, I will be accusing her without proof, I hired a PI to go to the same hotel and document her every move. At least if it does explode then I’ll have the evidence. My conundrum is that I can’t do anything now coz I have no proof, but in order to have it I must sit tight (imagery again) and let her “do it” which is killing me. If she had done the deed the first time then I would be able to handle it (painfully) knowing it’s happened and we move on. But this gradual plotting, scheming, lying and deception is just evil. Can you imagine sitting and waiting knowing that your wife is about to do-the-deed with some guy while on vacation. It’s like a ticking time bomb and its unbearable!

 

I appreciate any perspective and advice as to what you think I should/could do. I realize that ultimately it is I who should decide but I need to hear from others who might have experienced this or something similar. Please no derogatory comments about my wife, even if she's doing this.

 

I apologize for the long post but I am pouring my soul here so I thank you from the bottom of my heart…or what’s left of it!

 

Peace

Edited July 27, 2011 by Vanhandle

[SoulStorm]

I can't believe how you let your wife manipulate and gaslight you.

You know the truth and you still are going to let her go and boff the OM???

She should not be going to Cuba..your wife is in a full blown affair. She has had sex with this man and is carryiing on an emotional affair right under your nose.

You need to grow some cajones and put an end to this.

Tell her you know about Cuba..you know who she is going to see and if she goes you will file for divorce.

Take charge of your relationship. She is having an affair and leading you around by the nose.

Telling you what you see is not what you see...come on.

You know exactly what you see.

You are not breaking up the family..she is.

Tell her if she wants to be with this man..so be it..but you will not be a cuckold and a doormat for her.

 

I would expose her to her family and let them know what she is doing.

I would tell her that she will quit salsa or I'm done

You have just as much right to make decisions about your marriage and what you will take and won't take.

 

You are letting your wife do these things..she is her own person, but she did make a vow to you for better or worse.

If she continues to disrespect you and have little regard for you

 

Then you don't need to be with her unless she commits back to the marriage.

[Tech_E]

You seriously can't be as niave as your post indicates? You do realize she has already had sex with this person right? Of course you must know that.

 

Tell her leave, sure go to him, but when she returns the locks will be changed and she'll be served with divorce papers.

 

Holy hell man grow a set and clip this ____'s wings. Do so FAST.

 

No derogatory comments about your wife? Really?

 

You asked for advice, there it is. Drop her like a bad habit and BURY her a$$ in a divorce court.

[Vanhandle]

Thanks for the replies. I am not as naive as you think. I know she didn't "boff" him because in conversations I taped she keeps telling her friend that she needs to go back because it never happened. As if it's unfinished business. Little consolation I know but at least she didn't go all the way. Keep in mind that I have children and I can't just up and leave or throw ultimatums. It will drive her to do it in spite. True I can tell her that it's over when she returns. Problem is I need proof or else she twist it and that it was my imagination. Thanks and keep them coming.

[SoulStorm]

Thanks for the replies. I am not as naive as you think. I know she didn't "boff" him because in conversations I taped she keeps telling her friend that she needs to go back because it never happened. As if it's unfinished business. Little consolation I know but at least she didn't go all the way. Keep in mind that I have children and I can't just up and leave or throw ultimatums. It will drive her to do it in spite. True I can tell her that it's over when she returns. Problem is I need proof or else she twist it and that it was my imagination. Thanks and keep them coming.

The children are not seeming to matter to your wife. Your wife is subconciously giving you an ultimatum. She wants to have OM too. You have to let her know that you are not willing to share her.

That's not an ultimatum. You are not giving her an ultimatum..you are telling her to keep her vows.

I know you can't just leave..but you are willing to let your wife have sex with the OM for proof?

 

You already have proof.

By the way..she must be one giant of a manipulator if she can make you believe you didn't see or hear what you saw and heard.

 

That kind of person is deceptive and they need ultimatums or they will constantly gaslight, blameshift and make you out to be crazy when it is them doing all the dirt.

 

No derogatory comments about your wife..but she is a piece of work.

Edited July 27, 2011 by SoulStorm

[Tech_E]

You can divorce my friend, children or no children. You cannot technically prevent her from going no. You CAN however make it 100000000000% clear that if she sets foot on that plane you are GONE. Your marriage is over.

 

What does proof matter? She is actively having an affair. Unless she stops this very second there is no marriage anyway. You CAN prevent this from occuring from making it clear that one foot on that planes means instant divorce.

 

You claim to know that she didn't nail the guy, but does that really matter? How in heavens name can you allow her to carry on this affair right under your nose? You cannot stop her from doing it, no, but you sure as hell can prevent her from doing it while you are her husband.

 

Time to stand up and deal with this.

[Darren Steez]

lol yeah she's only going to Havana and the guy is in Santiago

ok first off, you've installed all this sh*t and guess what? Your wife is lying to you to she's definitely going to meet him. Dude, she's obviously going to f*ck and you're letting her go? Why? Because you dont want to break up a happy home? What happy home? Right now you're almost getting a voyeuristic pleasure from all this snooping and it's sad, really sad. Your wife should not be going on a salsa f*ck trip, salsa f*ck trips are bad because generally the wife ends up getting banged by a hung stud while husband is at home writing on LS asking what should I do, I love my wife very much but she's banging someone else

 

Sorry guy, hard to feel sorry for you when you are so limp. You talk about your kids? fight for your kids, fight for your wife, put your f*cking foot down and say no, no trip, or just get a divorce and save everyone the heartache and let her go to Cuba and salsa all night on the guy's ....

[Bryanp]

No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Allowing her to go back to Havana to meet this man is mindlessly stupid. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting as you have been?

 

Her actions clearly indicate that she has no respect for you or your marriage whatsover. If you do not respect yourself then who will? How much more humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? Nobody and I repeat nobody respects a doormat. You are weak because you wish to be weak. Why would she respect you since you refuse to stand up to her. This is really really sad.

[StoneCold]

Dude how much proof do you need? Do you need to see her come back with someother guy's cum dripping out of her snatch and running down her leg? C'mon, with the information you got from your own sleuthing....shes BUSTED long time.

 

You file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity and use the emails as evidence...it'll be sufficeint.

 

Just admit that you are scared of the change that will come from leaving. Thats step number 1 and you cant run without taking the first step.

 

And christssakes how much did this PI run you? you gotta put him up in cuba, return ticket....all to get more ammunition on something you already know and have enough ammunition on.

 

If I were you I'd cancel the PI...you got enough...you just need to come to terms with the massive change if/when you leave.

 

Oh and your wife already made it physical a long time ago...sure there are always anomalies but really?.... woman doesnt "glow" like that without getting cock from that "special guy"(otherwise hes just a smooth guy with nice lyrics...not enough for a "glow")....nor would they be haunted to take mulitple trips a year costing thousands of dollars if they arent getting anaconda. Who does this? Beleive me...this guy is schtuuping her good and proper. Trust me thats how its done.....you make em laugh, feel special, feel beautiful; this is all merely ground work. You seal the deal with dick and not just any dick...good dick....a guy does that and the girl is putty (married women can be exceptionally susceptable to this). Seen it many times...done it myself (not with a married woman)...Thats what I suspect here

 

I dont mean to be harsh but dude wake up

Edited July 27, 2011 by StoneCold

[Memphis Raines]

I appreciate any perspective and advice as to what you think I should/could do.

 

you divorce her, thats what you do. do you really want a wife that would do this to you? do you really want a wife the wants to make plans to f*** another guy?

 

you know you will never trust her again, and you will definitely never forget.

 

and afterall, if she was serious about her marriage to you, anyone who is remorseful and had been caught would NOT go on a trip without their spouse after that. If I had cheated on a wife, I wouldn't even be able to ask to go on a vacation without her.

 

she is married, she doesn't want to act like she is married, so make it so that she is no longer married. and you move on to better women. I wouldn't wish your wife on my worst enemy.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Memphis Raines

[StoneCold]

LOL...the funny thing is she thinks she has something special and this guy is likely fleecing her... I know the "cuban" tactic.....agressive and forward yet mindful of boundaries, smoother than Skippy peanut butter. Its survival for them because they are all looking for a way out of there and they do that by getting into te heads, hearts and pussies of the women.

 

One buddy of mine who is Cuban and used to work on the resorts and got here by way of...you guessed it...a girl (she was single though) told me that that is what they do...and when they get here and get on their feet they either change drastically or they bounce. LMAO....

 

Wanna learn how to be a master seducer? take notes from the Cubans lol

 

If I were you I would make the ultimate goal divorce. I understand that it is a challenge dealing with making that leap and the chnages that come with the territory...the uncertainty with the kids well being is a toughie to swallow too.....what will people think, what will this cost me, where do I go, how suppotive will my family be, will the kids be ok, I dont know how to be single anymore......it goes on and on so I understand that this isnt something you just up and do. You have to do this on your own time; we just hope its sooner than later. But until you get there I would also just do my own thing..take back my happiness...if you meet someone...go for it....what are you holding a candle for? marriage is done....you dont owe her anything...may as well have some fun.

Edited July 27, 2011 by StoneCold

[NoIDidn't]

LOL...the funny thing is she thinks she has something special and this guy is likely fleecing her... I know the "cuban" tactic.....agressive and forward yet mindful of boundaries, smoother than Skippy peanut butter. Its survival for them because they are all looking for a way out of there and they do that by getting into te heads, hearts and pussies of the women.

 

One buddy of mine who is Cuban and used to work on the resorts and got here by way of...you guessed it...a girl (she was single though) told me that that is what they do...and when they get here and get on their feet they either change drastically or they bounce. LMAO....

 

Wanna learn how to be a master seducer? take notes from the Cubans lol

 

I have to agree with this. They do the same thing in other West Indian nations to tourists as well.

 

This woman got so caught up by some Lothario and she doesn't even know it yet. And by the time she figures it out, she won't have her family anymore.

[Memphis Raines]

Thanks for the replies. I am not as naive as you think. I know she didn't "boff" him because in conversations I taped she keeps telling her friend that she needs to go back because it never happened. As if it's unfinished business. Little consolation I know but at least she didn't go all the way. Keep in mind that I have children and I can't just up and leave or throw ultimatums. It will drive her to do it in spite.

 

then I guess you are just going to have to sit and take it. an ultimatum isn't going to drive her to do it out of spite. her WANTING to jump in bed with this guy is what will drive her to do it, not some ultimatum.

 

 

 

 

rue I can tell her that it's over when she returns. Problem is I need proof or else she twist it and that it was my imagination. Thanks and keep them coming.

 

and what would you do if you had this proof?

[StoneCold]

I have to agree with this. They do the same thing in other West Indian nations to tourists as well.

.

 

 

They do but the West Indian guys arent as good lol ..... not as smooth, far more crass. You can see them coming a mile away and this is likely because the West Indian countries are "free countries"...theres no fear. With the Cubans you dont see them coming because of the fear of Castro (who doesnt like it when Cubans cross the line with tourists and piss them off.)...nobody can ever see them coming or you may just "disappear" one day. So they come off as very good "hosts"....exceptionally charming and sweet (imperative ground work put in)...late that night behind closed doors the girl is getting Cuban cock like none other.

 

The West Indian guys only do well with a certain type of girl....night riders lol

[sillysmart]

You know your wife and you yourself said you know the look. Wow your marriage has slipped and the excitement or something is missing for her. She sounds spoiled. She is just a big brat who wants adventure and be rest assured she can come home to you. She just wants what she wants. She must have been feeling down before for some reason.

You were smart to follow your instincts. You tell this is not fun and games. That you know what her plans are you are a smart man and you know her. You know she wants someone else. It has gone on long enough. You absolutely tell her she cannot go. You also tell her she has already betrayed you and if she chooses not to go you may be open to working on whatever is wrong. But you cannot and will not have her going to Cuba to screw this guy.

You tell her you are sorry but you are her husband and she has fallen into lust with someone else and this is not love. Make an appt. with a lawyer and let her know that on the day she flies out that is when the appt. is and you will go thru with it. You must fight right now and do not hold back. You have nothing to be ashamed of this is your wife and in a way you are protecting her, yourself and your family.

If she goes something will die inside of you forever and probably the whole marriage anyway. She has already betrayed you enough. So you are in shock. She is a liar. Think of her as a sick puppy and give her the medicine she needs which is for you to be the man and take control and set a limit she is damn sure not to cross because she knows there will be pain. Forget freedom, trust etc she already blew that. She is acting like a stupid teenager. She needs to be woken up. Part of you will want to believe her lies or to find proof because you can't belive this is happening but it is so you have to act. This is fighting for her. Act discusted. Let her see in your eyes how discusting her behavior is. I hope this helps. I am a woman and I will admit there has been times even a slight attraction on my part comes up and my husband notices.

He is not jealous but rather he confronts, acknowledges in a strong but firm way that he is way ahead of me. This ends up turning me on because its like he really sees me. I knock it off right away. Sounds like you guys kind of did this before and it worked for you. But she is way out of control. Stick to your plans of no travel without you ever in the near future because of this event.

It is insane to let her go and have to sit there and wait for evidence of what you already know. This is all like a big high or addiction to her she is obviously not in a state to make a rational decision knowing all the consequences for her behavior. Let her throw a fit!

[StoneCold]

Thanks for the replies. I am not as naive as you think. I know she didn't "boff" him because in conversations I taped she keeps telling her friend that she needs to go back because it never happened. As if it's unfinished business. Little consolation I know but at least she didn't go all the way.

 

 

OK she didnt bang him...but would it make you feel better if she sucked his cock? Does it really make a difference?

 

Because something happened dude and you know it.....they werent just talking

[Dionysus]

So, after reading all of these comments about how naughty your wife has been, and how much of a weakling you are, what do you intend to do exactly?

 

Why don't you list down your realistic options for us? You need a gameplan.

[imagine]

Please polygraph this lady for the sake of your marriage.

[YellowShark]

I logged in and found a folder containing emails between her and the guy from Cuba. What I read made me fall from my chair.

 

So now you know.

 

Next I intercepted phone conversations between her and her girlfriend talking about how she thinks about him and wants to go there. How she pleasures herself while thinking about him.

 

Your wife has totally thrown you under a bus emotionally in her mind, and is in lala land with this guy now. [The passion and emotion that used to be reserved for you is now being directed at Cuban loverboy. So your relationship dies a slow death.]

 

Look what she wrote:

 

You know I think about you a lot, you also come to into my dreams every night. I hope we will meet again one day, I only hope not too long so that we do not forget each other. I hate those days when we don’t talk. It feels so long, I miss you today more than ever!”

 

I told her if she wants to prove that she can be trusted then she should cancel and go somewhere else. I even offered to pay the difference, just as long as she doesn’t go back to Cuba. She claimed that the girls (yeah right!) had already booked so she can’t cancel. She begged me to let her go, promised to quit Salsa, promised to not travel alone in the future, anything just so long as I agree to her going. This proved to me that she is DEFINITELY planning to meet up with him and I told her so. She went ahead and booked it anyway and said that I should trust her, and that I should be confident and not be paranoid. That she would not jeopardize our family and that she loves me dearly.

 

Your wife is lost in some sort of Hollywood Latin fantasy Vanhandle. She needs to wake the hell up and you need to man up. Let her know that this trip is a deal breaker. So she really needs to choose between one trip to Cuba or your marriage. Then, if she doesn't go, head to marriage counselling ASAP and try to figure out why she's lost total interest in you.

 

Good luck.

 

 

(ETA)

 

Plan B. If she does go to Cuba you must 180 her.

 

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Do not point out good points in marriage.

4. Do not follow her around the house.

5. Do not encourage talk about the future.

6. Do not ask for help from family members.

7. Do not ask for reassurances.

8. Do not buy gifts.

9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not say "I Love You".

11. Act as if you are moving on with your life.

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.

13. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, etc.

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.

15. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

16. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.

17. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.

19. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

20. Never lose your cool.

21. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.

22. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).

23. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.

24. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).

25. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.

26. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.

27. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.

28. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see.

29. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

30. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

Edited July 28, 2011 by YellowShark

[GTJ]

It has been a while since I posted and this is my opinion.

 

 

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck , then guess what.

 

Everyone tells you the samething.

 

Don't be a doormat!

 

1) She wont do what you want or consider your feelings.

2) When she goes hire a PI to follow her only untill she does the deed.

3) Then have him deliver a letter of separation and divorce on the spot.

4) Contact lawyer with your proof.

5) Contact her friends that know what she is doing and inform them what you are doing and your contact with a lawyer with names of all who knew.

6) Inform their husbands.

 

As long as you don't use names in your correspondence , they can't do anything.

 

7) Go dark to her and her friends.

8) Don't pick her up when she returns, and inform her of this.

9) Arrange for separate sleeping arrangments at home.

 

If You find out that this is all for nought from the PI then you have other problems.

 

If she is carrying on and if you can forgive you can act accordingly.

 

GTJ

[itmustbeme]

Dude. Let me get this straight. Your wife is going off to screw another guy and you know this and you are going to let her go? Go see a lawyer and talk to her and don't let her gaslight you anymore.

 

If checking an email is a reason to divorce then I would say going to Cuba to screw another man would be much higher on the list for reasons to divorce a spouse.

 

If it were my wife she would not be going or if she does I would serve her papers before she left. If you are going to let her go you may as well as invite this guy to your home to live and let him screw her in your home while you are at work so she can really enjoy life.

 

Don't put up with this crap. Make life very hard for this woman. She has no right to treat you like this. See a lawyer because you can do it now or do it later. If you let her go you are saying it is Ok.

 

If she can go do this and you are not going to stop it then don't come back crying about it. You have to make a stand. It is worth standing for is it not? A woman who can go screw other guys and get away with it will continue to do it for the rest of her life. Because why should she stop? She knows she can do it without any consequences.

[Vanhandle]

Update:

I confronted her today right after I got home from work. I said "cancel this trip now or we are divorced". She got mighty pissed and funny enough I didn't give a sh*t! I smiled and said its your choice baby. You want to save this marriage then you know what to do. She's giving dead cold silent treatment right now. SO I am keeping myself busy with the kids right now. will keep you posted.

 

For those of you who are throwing insults at me, that's ok, I can take it as well as give it. I am no pushover, just concerned fro my family. If that makes me a wimp then I guess I am a wimp.

 

@Sillysmart - thanks for your thoughtful response. you are right there are factors in our relationship that cannot be explained easily here on LS.

 

@Lil_Ch00b2 - Sir, if you have nothing to say then please don't say it. I am not a troll and did not come here to waste people's time. I came for advice, input, encouragement, whatever....but definitely not insults!

 

@Yellowshark & GTJ - I appreciate the advice and will take it into consideration.

 

@Dionysus - I did not expect this so I am at a loss as to what to do next, but I am definitely contacting a lawyer ASAP.

 

I feel kind of liberated after I gave her my ultimatum. Guess shoulda done that much earlier. Oh well, I know my marriage is dying and that she is in lala land thru midlife crisis, but f**k it, I'm done. We'll see how she reacts in the next 48 hrs.

[Try]

First she is already cheating on you by having an EA with the guy. Now she is going the next step and wants to make it physical. Do not let her go. The only chance that you have to save your marriage is to stop her from going. If she goes, then your marriage will be over anyways; you must act accordingly.

 

Tell her that you know enough to know why she is going and that you do not have to prove anything to her in order to act on that knowledge. Tell her that you will not tell her what you know or how you know it as doing so will only make it easier to for her to cover things up. Tell her that you will be seeing a lawyer ASAP and that D papers will be waiting for her when she returns. If you can, see the lawyer before she goes on the trip and let her know when you are seeing the lawyer. Tell her that no trip or friends should be more important to her than her marriage if the marriage is worth keeping. Also, tell her if she has any further contact with the other man, that you will also file for a divorce. Prior to having this conversation make immediate copies of her emails and other proof for your records.

 

This is your only real chance and the outcome is not certain.

[threebyfate]

Download every piece of proof onto a flash drive. Take your laptop and evidence to a recommended divorce lawyer. Discuss your PI plan with this lawyer. Proceed according to legal advice.

 

Anything else besides the above is noise. You can't stop her from doing anything but you can protect yourself and your family.

[SoulStorm]

Update:

I confronted her today right after I got home from work. I said "cancel this trip now or we are divorced". She got mighty pissed and funny enough I didn't give a sh*t! I smiled and said its your choice baby. You want to save this marriage then you know what to do. She's giving dead cold silent treatment right now. SO I am keeping myself busy with the kids right now. will keep you posted.

 

For those of you who are throwing insults at me, that's ok, I can take it as well as give it. I am no pushover, just concerned fro my family. If that makes me a wimp then I guess I am a wimp.

 

@Sillysmart - thanks for your thoughtful response. you are right there are factors in our relationship that cannot be explained easily here on LS.

 

@Lil_Ch00b2 - Sir, if you have nothing to say then please don't say it. I am not a troll and did not come here to waste people's time. I came for advice, input, encouragement, whatever....but definitely not insults!

 

@Yellowshark & GTJ - I appreciate the advice and will take it into consideration.

 

@Dionysus - I did not expect this so I am at a loss as to what to do next, but I am definitely contacting a lawyer ASAP.

 

I feel kind of liberated after I gave her my ultimatum. Guess shoulda done that much earlier. Oh well, I know my marriage is dying and that she is in lala land thru midlife crisis, but f**k it, I'm done. We'll see how she reacts in the next 48 hrs.

 

Bet she cancels the trip. She is just pouting now because you are taking away her crack pipe (OM).

 

I applaud you. Way to go!

 

Don't budge..she will be mad..your marriage can survive her anger..not her affair.