Wife affairs and current with co-worker

[Wesley2323]

Sorry this is kind of long so if you want to skip the previous affairs and read just the current one, scroll down to --->Current Affair<--- I would appreciate it if you have time to read it all though to get a good perspective of our problems and help me out with some advice.

 

I am 32, my wife is 29 and we have a 10/yo daughter and 8/yo son. We've been married 11 years. We got married when she was 18. I was in the Navy w/ 2 years left on my contract and we found out she was pregnant from a fling while I was on leave with her. We didn't know each other very well but both owned up to the responsibility of being parents and decided it was worth a shot trying our hand at marriage. I know that was a very bad beginning to a marriage but I wasn't going to turn my back on her or my child and just send checks in the mail. The marriage was a mutual agreement.

 

We lived together 1500 miles away from both our families for about a year and half and had lots of personal time to get to know each other better. Things were really working out for us and we fell in love. 8 mo. left on my contract I got orders to the Persian Gulf for 6 months. It really put a strain on us only knowing each other for little over a year and having once-a-day email contact and an occasional phone call. She was friends with my friend's wife near the base and they hung out during the time I was gone. About 2 months into my deployment her grandfather passed away so she flew back to our hometown. While she was staying with her mother, the emails from her became rare and often argumentative at times when they did come. There was also a 15-16 year old boy living there with his mother who was a roommate in the home.

 

She ended up sleeping with that boy several times over a course of 2 months staying there. She flew back to our apartment for the last 2 months in preparation for me coming home. In the last 2 months, her and my friend's wife spent time driving around and ended up meeting single sailors on the drive. While the other married gal kept it as friendship with these guys, my wife had an affair with one of them for a couple of weeks and he moved in. She ended up kicking him out after he became too dependent and moved on to yet a third guy (another sailor), she says in an effort to get the second guy to leave her alone.

 

About a month after I came home I found some evidence that a man had been living there (another man's underwear in my laundy, condom under the couch, etc.) I confronted her but she wouldn't confess it and later she said she wanted to move out and live my friend's wife whom was also having marriage problems. I screwed around with her friend while my wife was there in the other room in an act of vengeance. I did not have s*x with her but did everything else. This was a really bad move but at the time I felt if she wouldn't confess then I had every right to.

 

We ended up working it out and at the end of my contract I left the Navy to be with her and our daughter (I wanted to be a "lifer" in the Navy but gave it up to commit to family and marriage). We moved into her mother's house and a month later she finally confessed everything. I was both betrayed that she could do that yet understanding at the time that I was not there for her, but mostly angry that she could not confess for this long. We decided to work it out and move on.

 

A couple of months after that I was laid off from my new job. A couple of weeks after that my father passed away. At the same time she was pregnant again. Don't ask me why, but I looked up an old girlfriend that cheated on me, went to visit her and killed two birds with one stone there. I was going to sleep with her and then tell her to piss off but her boyfriend pulled up and it never fully happened (came close). I blatantly told my wife about it and then immediately realized how dumb I was for saying it to her while she was pregnant. I then lied to her and told her that I made it up and that I was under a lot of stress not thinking clearly. I eventually told her the truth about it a couple of years later.

 

After our son was born we were both loyal to each other but our marriage was pretty much going nowhere. We were always broke and bored. I got into video games, she got into television and we didn't spend much time together. I didn't do much around the house and became a pretty worthless husband while she became a mean and verbally abusive wife. We talked of divorce at times but eventually came together and realized we need a fresh start and work on our marriage.

 

We bought our first house in our 7th year of marriage and started over. The next year I came across some emails between her and an old guy friend of hers that she never talked about before. She never told me about him or the emails so I confronted her and told her I wanted a divorce if she was going to be secretive like that and that I couldn't go through any more affairs. She didn't want a divorce and we worked that all out (so I thought).

 

A few days after that, she got together with the boy she first cheated on me with. A phone call from me wondering where she was that night, stopped her from "going all the way" and she came home. She was claiming to be going out with girlfriends from work but was secretly hanging out with that guy friend from the email. A month later she tried to get one of her friends to date her coworker's brother (coworker being carl who was dating shauna and both worked with my wife, fake names here). To no avail, my wife ended up screwing around with the brother (john) instead on a "co-worker night out" but was too drunk to "go all the way". My wife became more distant from me over the months and said she wanted to spend more time with her co-worker friends.

 

About 4 months after that I confronted her with the email I found another email of hers confessing to a friend that she was a afraid that I was going to find out about her and the boy she was with again. (9th year of marriage) I confronted her and she admitted everything with the three guys, screwing around with the two and hanging out with the third. We tried marriage counseling but the counselor could only come up with.. because my father died I was too dependent on my wife for love to fill that void and being too dependent ultimately pushed her away and said my wife was too immature and needs to grow up. That could have been the case but she didn't have any answers to fix our problems other than for me to get over my father's death and for my wife to grow up.

 

We gave up on the counselor and we worked it out ourselves. Everything was peachy until... that boy she first cheated on me with hung himself. She felt it was her fault cause she teased him in a sense by going back to him temporarily and then leaving him again. I reccomended that she see a therapist to which she agreed and did so for a couple of months. After that our marriage seemed perfect. We loved each other, spent a lot of time together, we rarely argued. It was bliss and our marriage was better it ever had been.

 

--->Current Affair<---

 

Last November, my wife wrecked her car on the way to work. Since Carl (one of her co-workers previously mentioned) lived in our town, she got a ride to work from him since we didn't have car rental insurance. Carl was no longer dating Shauna and Shauna was no longer working with them. A few days later my wife told me he had been sobbing over the loss of Shauna in a sense on the car ride to work. In December she got another ride from him to work one day because it snowed and her new car did not get good traction at all in the snow. After work he made her go with him to the mall so he could Christmas shop before he would bring her home. In January this year, for almost a whole week, she was getting a ride from him because of the snow.

 

So in April his car broke down she gave him a ride on a Monday and took 40 minutes at his house before coming home and showed me a tool that she borrowed from him that I had been needing to use. I told her that day that she needs to merely drop him off and come home and not be in his house or it could lead to something bad. Tuesday that week she gave him another ride but came straight home. Wednesday she gave him another ride but didnt come straight home. I drove over to his house to see if she was there and sure enough she was hanging out inside.

 

I sat in my car outside waiting for her to leave so when she left she would see that I knew. She came home and after a long discussion she finally came out with it that they had been doing it at work since January and had been emailing each other at work since her car wreck. This was the first time they did it outside work.

 

She told me she loved me, that it was just a sexual desire that she acted out, and that she would end it to save our marriage. She said he was looking for another job already and would be leaving soon anyway. Meanwhile, I get laid off from work again (great timing) For the last month she pretty much became a nympho at home with me and was doing nice things to please me to make up for it all.

 

In the last week, all that ended and I sensed things were still going on between them and last night initiated marriage talk with her. I asked her if she felt that a separation would be a good idea for her to work out her problems to which she was eager accept only after I get called back to work. I asked her if anything was still going on between them to which she admitted she never really ended it other than telling him that I know about them.

 

Out of rage I made her drive me to within a block of his house and call him to make him come out and face me and own up to it. He punked out and played dumb pretending nothing happened. We came home, she again says he was just a bedpost scratch and there is no feelings for him. We discussed and agreed on about a dozen reasons why this guy is a dirtbag thats taking advantage of her while the whole time she felt she was taking advantage of him (shes married, hes not, so she never saw it that way, having everything to lose).

 

I told her a month ago when I found out about, it I told her that she needs to repent in a way, be it with God or with a therapist and wipe her slate clean so we could move on. She has done nothing to work on that and I fear she doesn't want to. She told me last night that she didn't want to lose me and didn't know why she was doing it. She again says shes going to end it. I told her I'm not believing it and that she needs to either quit her job or move out permanently since she doesn't have the willpower to quit the affair. She put on her evil badger face and said she would rather move out than quit her job because i'm laid off right now and we need the money and quitting work will only make it worse of us. She also said if I file for divorce she would make it hard on me and go out swinging in court. I'm thinking she just wants me to let it go so that she can have both if us for now.

 

I don't know what to do here. While she says she loves me and doesn't want to end our marriage, I fear that neither of them will find a new job and shes going to end up leaving me for him later on anyway. Shes now agreed to go to the therapist that she went to last time. Is she just doing this to buy some time to make her decision between me and the other guy? On one hand I want to kick her out and end it all and get on with my life but on the other hand we've been through a lot of problems and managed to work things out and she snarls at the thought of having to live with that guy (she cant stand his personality, just wants the s*x). What to believe? What to do?

[LakesideDream]

First thing you do is find a job... doing anything. In this economy that's going to be rough. You can't have any equality in your lives until you are working.

 

Second... well you know the answer to that. It's time that you got some space, and some time to think it out. The word "disengauge" comes to mind. Your marriage has been a sham for some time. Time to put it to rest.

 

Good Luck,

[Dexter Morgan]

Get your life in order, then start the proceedings of getting her out of your life. She slept with a 15 yo boy for crissakes! that and serial cheating.

 

Sorry but she is the very merriam-webster definition of a, well...what they define as "a venal or unscrupulous person".

[mark982]

this marriage is just to messed up to continue.you said at the beginning of your post that you'd give marriage a try cause you two got pregnant,well it sure as hell didn't work.move on, maybe see if the service will take you back.

[Wesley2323]

Thanks all for your words. She has made it clear she is a demon and cannot change. Its a bit late for me to go back to the Navy, so I'm just going to have to tough it out and hope work comes my way. This is really hard as she the only one I've ever loved.

[Chrome Barracuda]

WTF was you thinking being married to an irresponsible woman for so long?

 

Also you cheated too so the pot cannot call the kettle black. The best thing for you to do is divorce and be indifferent to her actions.

 

The thing that bugs me is that instead of doing the right thing you go out and have revenge affairs instead of focusing on your job and future. You shold have had the divorce when she stepped out the second time.

 

Go see a lawyer asap and get her out, start splitting accounts, closing credit cards, make things hard for her, and go see a lawyer about custody for your kid and a DNA test if possible. because this is madness.

[taylor]

Wesley,

 

Reading your post (the entire thing) made me feel sad for your children. I can't imagine what their world is like in such an unstable environment.

 

But your questions aren't in regard to your children, so, as far as your marriage is concerned:

 

I think your wife got married far too young. Some can handle the responsibility of husband and children by age 19, other's can't. People mature at different rates. Your wife was not mature enough to handle adult responsibiliities. And she still has alot of growing up to do.

 

Unfortunately she was still a child when she married. And she was a child having children.

 

Your wife is doing what many young single women do at her age...sow wild oats. It's a big world out there crawling with men and she wants to experience that. Nothing wrong with that if you are single. Unfortunately, she isn't.

 

Bottom line, Wesley, is your wife was not ready to get married and settle down when she got pregnant with your first child. She was just getting started, like many late teen/20 year-olds, to explore her sexuality.

 

Despite having a child...2 children....and a husband...your wife is not done...growing up...sowing her wild oats...exploring her sexuality...finding out who she is.

 

IMO, this marriage will never work. She married too young and for the wrong reason. If you try to force her to "grow up" she will only resent you and feel like you are holding her back. She will feel like you robbed her of her youth.

 

Truth be told though, your wife robbed herself of her youth, by not protecting herself against pregnancy at the age of 19.

 

The affairs that both of you have had proves that neither one of you is truly ready for the committment that marriage requires.

 

My advice is to divorce in the most amicable way possible. Set each other free. You both have alot of personal growing to do before you can do right by a marriage.

 

I know times are tough economically, but do try to find a job so that you can support your children. Their care should not be compromised because of the problems you and your wife have had. I would also suggest you seek a trusted friend or therapist to help see you thru this difficult time.

 

If you do have a dependency on your wife, you need to break it. A job and someone to lean on will help.

 

And in the future...no more flings without protection!

 

P.S. I lost my father and my job all at the same time, too. I know how traumatic that can be. Take time to grieve your loss. It's important.

[In Like Flynn]

We came home, she again says he was just a bedpost scratch and there is no feelings for him.

 

Just what kind of person are you married to??? This will never stop....you have to know this. First she got you to raise another man's child, but that didn't stop her from doing it again. SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!!! Is you 2nd child even yours? Have you had a DNA test done????? After awhile this becomes a self inflicted wound!!!

 

P.S. Now adays it never to get back into the military. They are throwing huge $$$ for bonus to sign or even resign troops!!!

 

 

RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[taylor]

We came home, she again says he was just a bedpost scratch and there is no feelings for him.

 

Just what kind of person are you married to??? This will never stop....you have to know this. First she got you to raise another man's child, but that didn't stop her from doing it again. SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!!! Is you 2nd child even yours? Have you had a DNA test done????? After awhile this becomes a self inflicted wound!!!

 

P.S. Now adays it never to get back into the military. They are throwing huge $$$ for bonus to sign or even resign troops!!!

 

 

RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

InLikeFlynn,

 

Wesley had a fling with her while home on leave. They didn't know each other well and were very young. They got pregnant and decided to marry. The first child is his. And he believes the second child is also his. No one said anyone was raising another man's child!

 

But, Wesley, I agree. You should get paternity tests to make sure both children are indeed yours.

 

And I think it would be a wise choice to return to the military..pick up where you left off. At one time, that was your dream.

[Owl]

I'd suggest similar advice to you...at this point, I'm not sure that there's ANY basis here for a viable marriage.

 

Both of you have cheated multiple times on each other.

 

Frankly...neither of you are "marriage material". Neither of you are "trustworthy" in a relationship.

 

There's nothing in your post to indicate that EITHER of you are likely to change anytime soon...and the only hope for your marriage would be if you BOTH changed.

 

I'd simply suggest that it's time to start looking at the best way to seperate and support your children going forward, at this point.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Thanks all for your words. She has made it clear she is a demon and cannot change. Its a bit late for me to go back to the Navy, so I'm just going to have to tough it out and hope work comes my way. This is really hard as she the only one I've ever loved.

 

Then go into the ARMY!!! They are taking 40 year old convicts right now.

 

You need to get yourself out of this toxic situation, and provide a stable place where your kids can grow up!

 

It's time to get divorced. Your focus should be 100% on stabilizing your life and providing something for you kids!

[scrunchy]

This whole story disgusts me. I'm sorry your marriage is on the rocks, but most marriages don't last so you have a lot of company.

You need this woman to at least discuss her desires before she contemplates them. There is a need there that is not being met... but that ship might have already sailed. I cannot see a healthy relationship last after all you both put eachother through.

In a marriage, you need to think of the other person and children before yourself. If you both cannot do that, your chance at a decent marriage is incredibly low.

Oh, and since there may be a divorce looming, it might be wise to at least rack up the mounting infidelity evidence. Since she seems like somewhat of a sex addict, I don't think it would be a good idea for her to raise those kids alone.

[maymom]

First off, the situation as a whole is a mess. As almost everyone has mentioned before the kids are the main concern. Their well being must always be considered first, and if that includes the both of you spending some time apart or divorcing so be it.

 

You do not want your kids growing up in an unhealthy environment that can eventually lead them to similar relationship problems in their future. More than likely this is where these problems rooted themselves in both you and your wife's lives, from your home lives as children. The children that are the product from your type of a relationship are the ones that suffer. Your children will only stay naive for so long if you stay together, but they will catch on eventually if they have not already. They could grow up to have severe emotional scaring and could even carry on to their future relationships the unfaithful traits that you and your wife have displayed. This is all they know and have seen displayed. You and your wife are role models for your children, and they are a product of their environment. With all the pain that you have suffered through do you really want your children to go through the same pain and anguish because you and your wife could not find a responsible, adult decision to agree on.

 

Stop avoiding the inevitable. How many years are you going to keep putting this off?

 

Have you ever fully trusted your wife since the first time she cheated on you? Has she trusted you since you were unfaithful?

 

Aren't you tired of always wondering where she is? What's she's doing? Who she's talking to?

 

A relationship without trust is no relationship. You both need to move on, you both were robbed of your youth. However, you both have two children which I'm sure you love more than the world. If for nothing else, make your decisions based on their well being and YOUR happiness. Because when you are happy your children will be happy.

 

There is hope for happiness again. There are many more people out there. You can love again. It will take time, patience, and healing.

 

Love is also pain, but not THIS much pain. This is not unconditional love. When the person YOU love does not consider you in their actions they do not consider you PERIOD.

 

You cannot make a person change. You can only change yourself. Make yourself a stronger person and move on.

 

 

If you do, which you should, follow through with a divorce/separation neither one of you should play the tug-of-war game with your children. Even though you both have cheated, it does not mean that either one of you are poor parents. Once again, the only ones that will suffer from that are the children. Plus it will only make the situation that much harder and you will resent each other even more and it will not be a clean, fair break.

 

Bottom line it doesn't matter who cheated on who and when, you both did it, and that does not make one person more deserving of the kids.

 

Best of Luck

[paige09]

Well my husband (Wesley) and I are giving 100% honesty to each other, at least I know I am. He showed me his post and urged me not to read the replies...well I read anyway.

A lot of the comments on here were eye opening to say the least. I have been taking the steps to finding a new job, enrolled us in MC and have been applying the NC rule as much as possible to the OM. We work together and sad to say I am part time his supervisor so that does make NC hard on those days when I have no choice but to interact.

Our children are the main concern for us and while I don't think they have been even indirectly affected at all with the mess I caused I guess nobody knows really until one of them speaks up. And for the record both children are my husband's so urge away for the DNA test but to be honest it is a waste of money.

I guess I don't know what I am asking for by replying to my husband's post but I guess I will find out...

[Mr. Lucky]

We work together and sad to say I am part time his supervisor so that does make NC hard on those days when I have no choice but to interact.

Then find another job. You're going to have to make a number of difficult choices if you really want to get your M on track...

 

Mr. Lucky

[paige09]

I am sending out my resumes for other jobs...so certainly working on it. With all the recent layoffs in the area I have quite a bit of competition though.

[lostsunsets]

Paige, you are a serial cheater. That means that you cheat over and over and over. You say your kids aren't effected? There father is walking around with a knife in his heart! You don't think that his underlying anger and despair effects your children? It absolutely effects them. His depression will be mirrored by the children. But then again, you would of course say that it doesn't effect your children. Why do you need to cheat? What is inside you that consciously allows you to stomp all over your husbands heart. Does he beat you? Verbally abuse you (except for when he finds out you're doing other guys). Oh hell, what's the use. Once a cheater always a cheater.

[Heavenmarriage]

Sorry this is kind of long so if you want to skip the previous affairs and read just the current one, scroll down to --->Current Affair<--- I would appreciate it if you have time to read it all though to get a good perspective of our problems and help me out with some advice.

 

I am 32, my wife is 29 and we have a 10/yo daughter and 8/yo son. We've been married 11 years. We got married when she was 18. I was in the Navy w/ 2 years left on my contract and we found out she was pregnant from a fling while I was on leave with her. We didn't know each other very well but both owned up to the responsibility of being parents and decided it was worth a shot trying our hand at marriage. I know that was a very bad beginning to a marriage but I wasn't going to turn my back on her or my child and just send checks in the mail. The marriage was a mutual agreement.

 

We lived together 1500 miles away from both our families for about a year and half and had lots of personal time to get to know each other better. Things were really working out for us and we fell in love. 8 mo. left on my contract I got orders to the Persian Gulf for 6 months. It really put a strain on us only knowing each other for little over a year and having once-a-day email contact and an occasional phone call. She was friends with my friend's wife near the base and they hung out during the time I was gone. About 2 months into my deployment her grandfather passed away so she flew back to our hometown. While she was staying with her mother, the emails from her became rare and often argumentative at times when they did come. There was also a 15-16 year old boy living there with his mother who was a roommate in the home.

 

She ended up sleeping with that boy several times over a course of 2 months staying there. She flew back to our apartment for the last 2 months in preparation for me coming home. In the last 2 months, her and my friend's wife spent time driving around and ended up meeting single sailors on the drive. While the other married gal kept it as friendship with these guys, my wife had an affair with one of them for a couple of weeks and he moved in. She ended up kicking him out after he became too dependent and moved on to yet a third guy (another sailor), she says in an effort to get the second guy to leave her alone.

 

About a month after I came home I found some evidence that a man had been living there (another man's underwear in my laundy, condom under the couch, etc.) I confronted her but she wouldn't confess it and later she said she wanted to move out and live my friend's wife whom was also having marriage problems. I screwed around with her friend while my wife was there in the other room in an act of vengeance. I did not have s*x with her but did everything else. This was a really bad move but at the time I felt if she wouldn't confess then I had every right to.

 

We ended up working it out and at the end of my contract I left the Navy to be with her and our daughter (I wanted to be a "lifer" in the Navy but gave it up to commit to family and marriage). We moved into her mother's house and a month later she finally confessed everything. I was both betrayed that she could do that yet understanding at the time that I was not there for her, but mostly angry that she could not confess for this long. We decided to work it out and move on.

 

A couple of months after that I was laid off from my new job. A couple of weeks after that my father passed away. At the same time she was pregnant again. Don't ask me why, but I looked up an old girlfriend that cheated on me, went to visit her and killed two birds with one stone there. I was going to sleep with her and then tell her to piss off but her boyfriend pulled up and it never fully happened (came close). I blatantly told my wife about it and then immediately realized how dumb I was for saying it to her while she was pregnant. I then lied to her and told her that I made it up and that I was under a lot of stress not thinking clearly. I eventually told her the truth about it a couple of years later.

 

After our son was born we were both loyal to each other but our marriage was pretty much going nowhere. We were always broke and bored. I got into video games, she got into television and we didn't spend much time together. I didn't do much around the house and became a pretty worthless husband while she became a mean and verbally abusive wife. We talked of divorce at times but eventually came together and realized we need a fresh start and work on our marriage.

 

We bought our first house in our 7th year of marriage and started over. The next year I came across some emails between her and an old guy friend of hers that she never talked about before. She never told me about him or the emails so I confronted her and told her I wanted a divorce if she was going to be secretive like that and that I couldn't go through any more affairs. She didn't want a divorce and we worked that all out (so I thought).

 

A few days after that, she got together with the boy she first cheated on me with. A phone call from me wondering where she was that night, stopped her from "going all the way" and she came home. She was claiming to be going out with girlfriends from work but was secretly hanging out with that guy friend from the email. A month later she tried to get one of her friends to date her coworker's brother (coworker being carl who was dating shauna and both worked with my wife, fake names here). To no avail, my wife ended up screwing around with the brother (john) instead on a "co-worker night out" but was too drunk to "go all the way". My wife became more distant from me over the months and said she wanted to spend more time with her co-worker friends.

 

About 4 months after that I confronted her with the email I found another email of hers confessing to a friend that she was a afraid that I was going to find out about her and the boy she was with again. (9th year of marriage) I confronted her and she admitted everything with the three guys, screwing around with the two and hanging out with the third. We tried marriage counseling but the counselor could only come up with.. because my father died I was too dependent on my wife for love to fill that void and being too dependent ultimately pushed her away and said my wife was too immature and needs to grow up. That could have been the case but she didn't have any answers to fix our problems other than for me to get over my father's death and for my wife to grow up.

 

We gave up on the counselor and we worked it out ourselves. Everything was peachy until... that boy she first cheated on me with hung himself. She felt it was her fault cause she teased him in a sense by going back to him temporarily and then leaving him again. I reccomended that she see a therapist to which she agreed and did so for a couple of months. After that our marriage seemed perfect. We loved each other, spent a lot of time together, we rarely argued. It was bliss and our marriage was better it ever had been.

 

--->Current Affair<---

 

Last November, my wife wrecked her car on the way to work. Since Carl (one of her co-workers previously mentioned) lived in our town, she got a ride to work from him since we didn't have car rental insurance. Carl was no longer dating Shauna and Shauna was no longer working with them. A few days later my wife told me he had been sobbing over the loss of Shauna in a sense on the car ride to work. In December she got another ride from him to work one day because it snowed and her new car did not get good traction at all in the snow. After work he made her go with him to the mall so he could Christmas shop before he would bring her home. In January this year, for almost a whole week, she was getting a ride from him because of the snow.

 

So in April his car broke down she gave him a ride on a Monday and took 40 minutes at his house before coming home and showed me a tool that she borrowed from him that I had been needing to use. I told her that day that she needs to merely drop him off and come home and not be in his house or it could lead to something bad. Tuesday that week she gave him another ride but came straight home. Wednesday she gave him another ride but didnt come straight home. I drove over to his house to see if she was there and sure enough she was hanging out inside.

 

I sat in my car outside waiting for her to leave so when she left she would see that I knew. She came home and after a long discussion she finally came out with it that they had been doing it at work since January and had been emailing each other at work since her car wreck. This was the first time they did it outside work.

 

She told me she loved me, that it was just a sexual desire that she acted out, and that she would end it to save our marriage. She said he was looking for another job already and would be leaving soon anyway. Meanwhile, I get laid off from work again (great timing) For the last month she pretty much became a nympho at home with me and was doing nice things to please me to make up for it all.

 

In the last week, all that ended and I sensed things were still going on between them and last night initiated marriage talk with her. I asked her if she felt that a separation would be a good idea for her to work out her problems to which she was eager accept only after I get called back to work. I asked her if anything was still going on between them to which she admitted she never really ended it other than telling him that I know about them.

 

Out of rage I made her drive me to within a block of his house and call him to make him come out and face me and own up to it. He punked out and played dumb pretending nothing happened. We came home, she again says he was just a bedpost scratch and there is no feelings for him. We discussed and agreed on about a dozen reasons why this guy is a dirtbag thats taking advantage of her while the whole time she felt she was taking advantage of him (shes married, hes not, so she never saw it that way, having everything to lose).

 

I told her a month ago when I found out about, it I told her that she needs to repent in a way, be it with God or with a therapist and wipe her slate clean so we could move on. She has done nothing to work on that and I fear she doesn't want to. She told me last night that she didn't want to lose me and didn't know why she was doing it. She again says shes going to end it. I told her I'm not believing it and that she needs to either quit her job or move out permanently since she doesn't have the willpower to quit the affair. She put on her evil badger face and said she would rather move out than quit her job because i'm laid off right now and we need the money and quitting work will only make it worse of us. She also said if I file for divorce she would make it hard on me and go out swinging in court. I'm thinking she just wants me to let it go so that she can have both if us for now.

 

I don't know what to do here. While she says she loves me and doesn't want to end our marriage, I fear that neither of them will find a new job and shes going to end up leaving me for him later on anyway. Shes now agreed to go to the therapist that she went to last time. Is she just doing this to buy some time to make her decision between me and the other guy? On one hand I want to kick her out and end it all and get on with my life but on the other hand we've been through a lot of problems and managed to work things out and she snarls at the thought of having to live with that guy (she cant stand his personality, just wants the s*x). What to believe? What to do?

 

 

 

Hi, this is Chris Davisson,

 

Yes, this is definitely a problem. My dad got into an affair and this is how they start... Him and my mom (Joel and Kathy Davisson) help people now who are having marriage troubles like this. If you go to http://tinyurl.com/marriagetrouble you will find help from them as a couple who came out successful after adultery.

 

God Bless

[Heavenmarriage]

Hi, everyone! Chris Davisson here,

 

Now, I am not married yet myself. But after watching my parents (Joel and Kathy Davisson) live over 10 years of heaven on earth marriage (total of 22+ years of marriage) and over 4 years of helping others come from hell on earth marriage to a restored, heaven on earth marriage, I have learned that divorce is almost never the answer - especially when kids are involved. It brings such heartache to both spouses and even more-so for the kids. Fighting and arguing is also never OK in a healthy marriage and for the growth spiritual and mental growth of kids.

 

For me as a son, (20, home from college) I am truly greatful that my parents got their marriage restored before it was too late. Now, everytime I see them, they are always doing something to express their love to one another. Whether it be physically, verbally or emotionally. They both love each other so much. Their love is expressed so much within the home and in public that people often ask them if they are a newly married couple. It is truly an amazing feeling for me as their son. I am able to watch and learn from them and know that is how a marriage should truly be like. Both people madly in love with one another and doing things for one another.

 

My parents (Joel and Kathy Davisson) have been helping couples who have extremely bad marriages for over 4 years and they do an incredible job. My parents went through 10 years of hell on earth marriage where my dad was the problem 100% in his verbal and spiritual abuse. Not to mention an affair. Now, they have lived over 10 years of heaven on earth marriage and they express it openly very much. Using their experience, they help others on the virge of divorce get back together and have a heaven on earth marriage. It is truly amazing.

 

God Bless!

 

Chris Davisson

[paige09]

Paige, you are a serial cheater. That means that you cheat over and over and over. You say your kids aren't effected? There father is walking around with a knife in his heart! You don't think that his underlying anger and despair effects your children? It absolutely effects them. His depression will be mirrored by the children. But then again, you would of course say that it doesn't effect your children. Why do you need to cheat? What is inside you that consciously allows you to stomp all over your husbands heart. Does he beat you? Verbally abuse you (except for when he finds out you're doing other guys). Oh hell, what's the use. Once a cheater always a cheater.

 

 

 

I was actually hoping for responses from people that have been through similar situations and came out of it all still married. I understand there will be a lot of people on here calling names and pointing fingers and yeah that's not something I am looking forward to but you reap what you sow.

[Heavenmarriage]

Paige, you are a serial cheater. That means that you cheat over and over and over. You say your kids aren't effected? There father is walking around with a knife in his heart! You don't think that his underlying anger and despair effects your children? It absolutely effects them. His depression will be mirrored by the children. But then again, you would of course say that it doesn't effect your children. Why do you need to cheat? What is inside you that consciously allows you to stomp all over your husbands heart. Does he beat you? Verbally abuse you (except for when he finds out you're doing other guys). Oh hell, what's the use. Once a cheater always a cheater.

 

 

This was not neccessary lostsunsets . To point fingers and call somebody names does not help the situation at all. This only promotes sadness and hopelessness. We need to post with the mindset that there is always hope that the marriage will be restored in Jesus name. There is hope for couples who have gone through emotional, physical and spiritual abuse. There is hope for couples who have gone through affairs. There is hope for every single situation out there. To demote somebody (especially one asking for help) does not help the situation at all.

 

My parents (Joel and Kathy Davisson) have gone through a lot in their earlier years. 10 years of hell on earth marriage and they came out successfully and now are helping others around the world how to have a heaven on earth marriage. They are now living 10+ years of heaven on earth marriage totalling to over 22+ years of marriage and they are more in love with one another than ever before. The same can be for Paige's marriage. It can.

[paige09]

This was not neccessary lostsunsets . To point fingers and call somebody names does not help the situation at all. This only promotes sadness and hopelessness. We need to post with the mindset that there is always hope that the marriage will be restored in Jesus name. There is hope for couples who have gone through emotional, physical and spiritual abuse. There is hope for couples who have gone through affairs. There is hope for every single situation out there. To demote somebody (especially one asking for help) does not help the situation at all.

 

Thank you for your kind words and I agree there is hope out there for every situation. Maybe I should quit posting anything on here because its too much of a temptation for other BS to keep from verbally bashing. Maybe my husband was right and I should quit reading replies. But I know I will be back and I will continue to look for those that have come out with a better marriage and I will continue to fight for my marriage and to hope for the best.

[Mr. Lucky]

But I know I will be back and I will continue to look for those that have come out with a better marriage and I will continue to fight for my marriage and to hope for the best.

Were I your H, I'd want to be clear on two things:

 

1) In your mind, what is it that made you stray in the first place?

 

2). How can he reasonably expect that it won't happen again?

 

While I applaud your strong words about the "fight for my marriage", I think that he'll judge you (and you him) based on your actions going forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jwi71]

This was not neccessary lostsunsets . To point fingers and call somebody names does not help the situation at all. This only promotes sadness and hopelessness. We need to post with the mindset that there is always hope that the marriage will be restored in Jesus name. There is hope for couples who have gone through emotional, physical and spiritual abuse. There is hope for couples who have gone through affairs. There is hope for every single situation out there. To demote somebody (especially one asking for help) does not help the situation at all.

 

My parents (Joel and Kathy Davisson) have gone through a lot in their earlier years. 10 years of hell on earth marriage and they came out successfully and now are helping others around the world how to have a heaven on earth marriage. They are now living 10+ years of heaven on earth marriage totalling to over 22+ years of marriage and they are more in love with one another than ever before. The same can be for Paige's marriage. It can.

 

Enough advertisements already...sheesh...consider buying a book on internet marketing to peddle your "product".

[jwi71]

Thank you for your kind words and I agree there is hope out there for every situation. Maybe I should quit posting anything on here because its too much of a temptation for other BS to keep from verbally bashing. Maybe my husband was right and I should quit reading replies. But I know I will be back and I will continue to look for those that have come out with a better marriage and I will continue to fight for my marriage and to hope for the best.

 

Hope will get you no where.

 

ACTIONS matter.

 

So you have decided against NC. Well, as a BS myself, this would prove intolerable. No way I would want my now stbxw having any contacting with the man she was having an A with. Simply put, EVERY contact continues the A. If you doubt this...come home late from work and then look at your BS. Get it? Its a real impediment to recovering your M.

 

Can you and your H survive if you resign? I mean just that...survive. Pay the bills and put some food the table. And if this means canceling cell phones, cable TV, hi speed internet and so on...so be it. Can you?

 

Coming to LS can be bittersweet. Many CAN be harsh in the delivery...but what of the message? I would suggest that you read ALL posts...otherwise all you do is read self-serving and reaffirming posts. No good there.

 

Maybe you can start by posting YOUR side of the story. Not for us...but for youself. For your H.

 

Infedliity is almost impossible to survive. The numbers are not good. And you NEED to place your M over ALL else...including financial comforts. You want to send a message to your family...quit.

 

ACTIONS...not WORDS. Not EXCUSES. No "buts".

 

ACTIONS.

 

What CAN you do?