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I made my husband cry.


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Old 3rd April 2019, 6:08 PM   #46
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Hey, just because she wants to stay married with him doesn't mean she has to do it on HIS terms! I think compromise means not letting your uncle come take over your house with no end in sight. Compromise to save the marriage would be her man finding a place for his uncle and getting all the other relatives who approve of this culturally to all help out. He's the one who sprang this surprise on her without warning, after all. It wasn't part of the bargain at all.
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Old 3rd April 2019, 11:12 PM   #47
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Hey, just because she wants to stay married with him doesn't mean she has to do it on HIS terms!
Of course she doesn't. She has the option of finding someone whose cultural background and values more closely align with her own. If she marries a "my family came over on the Mayflower" US citizen, I doubt uncle would be part of the package...

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Old 5th April 2019, 12:39 PM   #48
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Ugh, I feel for you. My mother in law lives with us. Although I like her, I sometimes wish she wasn't there, if you know what I mean. I don't think she is purposely trying to cause problems though, and I don't think your "uncle-in-law" is doing anything deliberate, either.

That said, your husband needs to understand that his uncle is taking advantage of him. He isn't his father, and if the uncle is able-bodied, he should have his own place. Maybe have a serious talk with your husband and develop a reasonable "move out" schedule. He can move nearby so your husband can spend time with him, while having his own place. Would he go for that?

ETA: I see your husband is from Costa Rica, so yes, this is a cultural issue. I'm also from a family-oriented culture, so I see where your husband is coming from. Can other relatives help with taking care of his uncle?

Last edited by fishlips; 5th April 2019 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 5th April 2019, 3:09 PM   #49
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I still think the best idea is all his relatives need to pitch money in to pay for him a room.
I like preraph's idea about all the relatives pitching in for the Uncle to rent a room or an apartment somewhere

But sometimes when it comes to families who come from other cultures it can be like leading a horse to water, trying and trying to make it drink, and...it doesn't

The family members would have to agree to this and facilitate it. Plus the husband would have to head this all up and given his lack of concern thus far, I'm not sure he would. It may or may not happen but it's a good idea none the less.

ETA: The Uncle might refuse to move somewhere else now that I think of it. I think he really wants to live with his nephew, he seems a little codependent. So even if all family members (including the husband) find and pay for an apartment for him, he may not agree to move in. He seems like a stubborn one and pretty entitled. Yet another obstacle to overcome.

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Old 5th April 2019, 8:35 PM   #50
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ETA: The Uncle might refuse to move somewhere else now that I think of it. I think he really wants to live with his nephew, he seems a little codependent. So even if all family members (including the husband) find and pay for an apartment for him, he may not agree to move in. He seems like a stubborn one and pretty entitled. Yet another obstacle to overcome.
I guess the uncle is not the only one who loves this arrangement I guess the husband too likes his uncle being around, they lived together for 10 years after all.
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